i couldn't count,
my head felt heavy.
my body is paralyzed,
and all i could see is you,
no one else,
but you.
as i felt my mouth opening,
all i could say was your name,
no one else's,
but yours.
i was drunk,
in love,
and
by love.

*******
for turning into murky water
with riptides keeping me in
when i know
crystal blue seas
run just below the surface
and they're calm
where i would willingly swim

s.s

Hey moon?
I am so sorry for you
I know you mean well
But I can't stand to look at you
You symbolize Lonelyness
You make me sad
Why do you have to be so sad?
You rise and fall
You wait for your fire love
And you can't face eachother
Why don't you give up ?
Hey moon ?
Can you teach me how to be as strong as you ?
Teach me how to be okay with being lonely
Teach me how to be Okay with never being with my fire love
Teach me how to be okay.
You make it look so easy moon.
Hey moon?
Does it get annoying when you have asteroids that keep hitting you ?
Does it get annoying when people try to understand you?
Moon, Can You Hear Me?
You are lonely but you shine bright
Are you really lonely?
I get it Moon.
Just because You can't see or be with your fire love
You know that with every orbit
You can rotate around the world
And show strength to people like me
Who try to talk to a Block of Rock from the atmosphere
You aren't lonely.
Ha ! I get it now moon
You've been fooling it
You Moon don't symbolize sadness
You show strength
So I thank you moon
For showing a person like me
With false hope
Something to look at every night
So hey moon?
Are you okay?
You may not get this question often
But I'm not of many
So I ask you this
If one day you can finally be with your fire love
Would you really be happy?
Like come on
You get the thing you want most
But does it make you happy that you don't have to fight anymore ?
Moon I just don't get it
Why do what you do
If you never get what you want?
So maybe it's more than just looking for love
Maybe it's looking for a friend
I have yet to believe that your lonely,
I still can't believe it
I refuse to
. Why you ask
Because you after all these years seem fine
I mean everyone can fake happiness
But you've done it for many years
Tell me how to do it.

i hate endings.
i'm not a lover of beginnings either,
but the story
the stuff in between?
it grabs me so hard, and shakes me by the
shoulders sometimes.

i'm thankful for our in between.
even if the ending is tearing me
to shreds.
even if the clumsiness of our beginning still
runs miles through my head

scene/after/scene/after/poem/after-
(YOU CAN RIP MY HEART OUT, I STILL LOVE YOU)


*i'll be that girl who always waits for the sequel- no matter how long it takes for it to come. i promised you always, i promised you...

I’m still trying to recover
From a guy who was my lover
In the seventies.
He was the best lover ever
Even though undercover
But built to please.

He knew the latest slang
Never missed a thing.
And boy could he quickly
Roll joints with alacrity.
He entertained me in my home
While he was out to roam.

He was a man of magic tricks
And his manner was so slick
Like the seventies.
He was teaching me by being
And seeing was believing
What he did with ease.

Looking right into my eyes,
The way he bared his soul,
I knew it was for real,
Was not like some fake roll.
He warmed my place with a smile
And then decided to stay a while.

He listened to everything I said
And that so got into my head
Because I was only accustomed
In past realities.
To being shined and ignored
By friends who seemed bored
In the seventies.

As wonderful as it was rare
I had no desire to share
His kind of rarity.
He was the first time I fell hard
And I wanted to play that card
All through the seventies.