we finally met
somehow I knew
nothing will ever be the same
my world has been divided
between before you
and after you

I have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

holding on to it so tight
that my reality is slowly fading
what drives me now
is what I see behind closed eyes

Titles do not impress me
what you do for a living
your bank balance or your car
the number of likes
or your amount of followers
these are lies that you regurgitate
to yourself that you've made it
self-approval for mediocrity

my question to you?
what does your heart ache for?

the more you focus on your dreams
the more the nine-to-five
only living for the weekend
paying bills
occasional holiday *******
becomes a sad existence on repeat

is this it?
each time i ask myself this crucial question
the lyrics from a song
the artist and title unknown to me
keeps ringing in my head
"there's gotta be more to life
than chasing this temporary high"

sadly I judge others
that doesn't see the world like I do
that fills their dreams with excuses
but I cannot be angry with them
since my life as it is now
is not what I wish it to be

as the bible say
"let he who is without sin
cast the first stone"

I have my head in the clouds
and my feet cemented to the ground
every part of my being
wants to throw caution to the wind
but whispers of doubt
painstakingly reminds me
I have studied so long
worked so hard
for this career
that is slowly
******* the life out of me

like a dying patient
hooked up on ventilation machines
who's heart is slowly giving up
each time I silently scream
do not resuscitate
i sadly ignore my own plea
and the shock of my responsibilities
brings me back... to this reality

and yet
I still have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

unbeknownst to this world
outsider looking in
absorbing, peculiarly
the arrogance surrounding me

oblivious to most
and easily ignored
for my skill is in books
and not in the well known

surrounded by immense talent
and the jealous meek
men that has learnt to walk
without having any feet

yet the stench of inequality
leaves a bitter taste
so easy to differentiate
the humble from the pack

more I pity the minions
wanting to be known
strip the fame and popularity
focus on them bare

will you still like the person
you've mounted in the air?

I walk across a barren field
air so cold it burns my lungs
while the earth cuts my feet
despite the pain I carry on

Finding my way
to where we once laid
during happier times

It feels so empty now

You are missing from me
and I from you
so here I will wait

Come find me, be quick
at the place only we know
before I drown on dry land

i am not your kind of perfect
i am strange and difficult
and somewhat terrifying to love

have some patience
just wait and endure
don't stray, strengthen your pursuit

you will find beauty
seek further
beyond the walls, for my waiting heart

albeit old scars may be evident
together the heartbreak of yesterday
will be buried beneath the ash of our pain

if after all this
when you finally see all of me
and love me still

i vow for the rest of our days
to throw caution to the wind
and stay true, to only you

i close my eyes
welcoming the darkness
drowning in hurt unbearable

bound and motionless
waiting for time to slow
and swallow me

here i lie covered
rooted in misery and despair
as a corpse waiting for burial

pleading silently for words
to will my spirits to lift
and set my sad soul free

i finally find my way through
after each fall i eventually rise  
gracefully learning to cope

i am the book my son reads
and i often wonder what he sees
empty pages filled with the mundane
or a colourful piece of art

does he see my fearlessness
and my backbone made of steel
perhaps the circles under my eyes
betrays me

will he understand that life
is filled with moments that startle you
to heed the call of the world
and every adventure that beckons

i often stare at my reflection and wonder
am i, what he would want aspire to
fervently grasp opportunities and believe
to not settle for mediocrity

each time i boubt myself
i silently promise him
every part of me will strive
to better the next chapter he reads