I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know.
Don’t count on it— It’s decidedly so.

I should make the choice— we can never choose
Let’s flip a coin, heads they win, tails we loose.
—We lost— Let’s shake the ball for counsel
With out a doubt! —Or is it quite doubtful?

Yes or no, or maybe so, we will see.
Yes, I know, just let it go, we are free.
Are we wrong, or right, is it day or night, tell me.

Am I torn, divided, or split in two?
There’s a difference?— Oh if only I knew.
The voices in my head say they know what to do.

1/28/19

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know,
Do I dive in head first or take things slow?

We should try being friends first— her smile.
She laughs— a half of me sees an aisle
I’m too quick to jump— no, too slow to move
I’m too sick —Make a choice!— Will I ever choose.

Yes or no, or, yes and know? We’ll see,
Or maybe we never will, please, tell me.
Someone, anyone, will I be set free?

Am I divided, split, or torn in two?
Is there a difference? I wish I knew.
Oh, for crying out loud,what do I do?

1/17/19

This is a letter from my future self
To the past and present Me’s
When you’re stuck in the spaces in between,
May this letter set you free.

It’s hard to think of what to say
To my past and present self.
What are the things you need to hear
That would be of use or help.

Surely, whatever I end up choosing
Will be hard upon your ears.
I must address some insecurities
And attack your greatest fears.

Don’t be afraid to take the fast lane,
Though I know you like moving slow,
You see, sometimes, moving quickly
Is the fastest way in which to grow.

I know you like to test the waters
Before gradually wading in,
But life is short, so take the leap
Don’t be so afraid to swim.

Remember life is always worth living
For there are people who truly care.
And when you’re not in that place
Let those who still are know you’re there.

Regardless of your wealth or status
We are each and everyone the same;
Deserving of grace, respect, and kindness
Whether or not you know their name.

Life is an adventure full of memories,
Like scars— just stories waiting to be told.
Just because you open up to someone
Doesn’t mean you’re shouting it to the world.

So take a chance once in awhile,
Go over, talk to her, smile.
Don’t overthink, ask what if, or why.
You’ll never find out unless you try.

Laugh when life gets crazy,
Love her patiently,
Live life in the moment,
Sincerely, “Future Me”.

1/16/19

I’m drowning in two feet of water.
I’d be safe if only I could stand,
But my arms and legs are too tired.
This is not what I had planned.

My eyes are closed shut, blind from the salt.
The tide is rising, waves are crashing over me.
They beat me down and pull me in;
The sounds of silence call me to the sea.

Deeper they draw me, further I fall
Caught in the current, far from the shore.
My cries, like myself, are drowned by the sea,
I’m splashing, thrashing until I can do so no more.

Submerged below the cool surface
I’m weightless... I’m free...
I wait... floating there, fearless,
For the sweet darkness to wash over me...

But then a flitter of thought flashes forthwith,
An image —the spark of hope set within—
The future —a beauty with eyes like the sea—
I can’t let this end before it even begins.

My burning lungs remind me I’m still living
When all this time I thought I was dying.
My muscles ache, death but a breath away
I’ve no energy to fight and yet I start trying.

I muster what little strength that I can
And reach ‘til my hands and feet find the sand.
I open my eyes and push with all my might
To come face to face with the most magnificent sight.

Your eyes were gentle, deep as the sea,
You were the spark that set me free.
“Don’t be afraid,” you said, smile gleaming,
“Those were shadows of ghosts, of which you were dreaming.”

1/3/19

Stop.

Take a minute to think...
...Maybe get a drink.

Good...

Now then...
Try again.

12/19/18