Am I really this tired
Or am I uninspired?
Will I try harder?
Work myself into a haze
Just for you to criticize how I spend my days
I want my hands to be rough
Proof of my work
I want my hands to be soft
A woman's touch
But is that to much
I want to dance
But in this world you only get one chance
To be perfect
I'm tired of perfect
Stand up straight, perfect stance
I am not a faucet
Water perfect and straight
I am a river, loud and rough
And I think it's time i focus on my stuff
Because for me
Perfect will never be enough

Im melting across a page
Every word dramatic
As if presented on a stage
And i wish i could say it didn't hurt
Wish i could say it was painless 
Not at all hesitant 
That the ink didnt bleed
Every second a new scene
Now all i can muster
All i can scream
I thought we were supposed to be a team
I thought it was us against the world
And i know its my own fault
But still, i digress 
I am melting

And though my heart will go on forever more my body can not stay ,
I can’t  push it to go further,
it can't venture on anymore any further.
And while some will bow their heads in what the say in rembreant
but all they’ll remember is how she cried all the time.
She was such a bright girl how could she not make it,
and standing next to them is the person who thought they had faked it,
when she just couldn't take it,
and though she tried to replace it all
Push it down where no one could trace it
She couldn't
It stared her in the face
And locked her in place
In the empty streets she called her mind
At this point she knew she was running out of time
But all she could muster was “ I’m fine”
But look at her eyes. Such a nice shade of blue ,
  They look good on the girl who wanted to forget all she knew.
Then there's some who knew she turned to pills and felt no empathy,
just another druggy
She did it herself!
but the girl only had herself and no one else and the pills dulled the pain,
but it's hard to keep up when you feel you're going insane.
She stood out on the balcony one day and thought this was her chance to make the pain go away.  
She didn't know what to say
I mean it her last moment she thought
“I Should have something profound to exclaim”
So she looked straight into the sky
But no one could hear her
So it came out a whisper
all the kids hated her and despised, and they said she was better off dead
and though it hurt, she knew it was wrong
but this a democracy and majority rules
and she looked off to the sky only asking herself why
,but it was to late know she knew, all she could feel was this urge she grew
so she stepped up the banister , it couldn't last.
and with one step it was all gone so fast.
And now shifting eyes on her casket
Tears drippings
Though no one spoke
The silence talked and talked

And in the distance they heard the whisper of the wind
And a shudder down their spine
The wind uttered in their ears
Faint, a beg or cry
A plea
“Could you write a happy ending please”

“Can you write a happy ending please”

“Just a happy ending please”

Do you plead guilty
For the ****** of me?
Stupid mirror,
Where have you hid her!
Where is she
I'm tired of being
What everyone wanted to see
I want to see myself
I want to be myself
No one else
But the shadows
Have pinned me down
Who am I supposed to be?
Who should I be today?
What mask should I wear?
I understand it's not fair.
You’ll never be better then rest,
We will put you through every test
So smile wide
Filled with false pride.
Run and hide
Don't come back
Let it melt away,
You don't really have to stay.
Just for a brief moment
It all comes back,
Life is hard
But I'm not this warped reflection
Of dimension
It's been a devotion
But I gotta go stupid mirror
You know things you shouldn’t know
But their not right,
Excuse me but I will fight

you believe what you perceive
and perceive based on your beliefs

Come to the conclusion
This illusion
Was just delusions
Stop dressing these mannequins in your head
Forget the dark path they led
You
And make it the last time you cry
You cry?
From the sickening lie
You want to let them die
But darling,
Darling!
Memories were never alive

hello there
"stand back"
close your eyes
Just relax
we can make this quick and
painless
it'll be fast
its easier
to just hide
live behind a mask and resign
"thats true it it"
"but I want to live"
they will tear you apart
"and you'll just fade me away"
come close
"but at the end of the day"
don't go
it'll only be pain
"I'd rather let them tear me apart, then lose to myself"

theres
still
hope

to my light
my lover
a flower that has bloomed
nothing could ever be
as lovely as you
I'm afraid to say
what I'm going to do
you want me to hold on
to what
a crumbling edge?
I wanna flip the page
better yet re-write it
let all of this burn away
but I know
it can't be that way
so instead I will keep on marching
till my soles are red
and I can write these poems
with what they have bled
and say what really needs to be said
"I'm not as strong as you think I am"
but I promise

I'm going to stick to this edge
until theres nothing left to do
but fall right into your arms once more

my lovely blooming flower

They are performing on a tilted stage
Watch their eyes filled with rage
Smile as they draw their sword
They lose it all, they are no more
I refuse to wear your mask
And follow out your simple task
So I'm ending the scene
The play is over
The play is done
Now I say its time to run
Tell me who has really won?

I held out my hand
they took from it

I just wanted it to be held

you said somethings you wish you didn't say
but your apologies
don't take away our pain
not wanting to admit
that you were cruel
who would admit to being cruel?
so like a 6 year old trying to shift the blame
"Rage did it, Rage did it", you exclaim!
unfortunately our feelings aren't a game

throw me to the ground
I wont make a sound
this isn't by choice
it seems you've stolen my voice
you spit out regret
it sounds just like me
can't you see
who you're really hurting?
please
please
a silent plead
to stop
but your too far down
I'm left to watch you
miss every step
down these stares
don't you even care?
its to late
I watch it on loop
I look in the mirror
has rage stole your voice?

As we walk down this corridor
We are no more
just toys
Not allowed to make noise
Perfect and poise

But this dolls tattered gown
Left her with a frown
So she decided to search the play town
Just to find
The townsfolk
Have lost their mind

No one to fix her dress
She'd never be the best
Barbie would replace porcelain
With time the cracks in her skin
We're wearing her thin

Shush pretty thing
Don't speak
Just drift to sleep

wipe your teary eyes
theres no use crying
just keep smiling
do what your told
because this routine
is getting old
my heart I sold
as I watch this unfold

you loved me in spite of me
and now I can't breath
I wish I was high
to get rid of this low
I'm broken
don't you know
tear me apart
give me away
darling I really cannot stay
sorry

I'm sorry
in the masquerade
it was my heart that was played
time to make my not so grand exit
I'm just "Miss codependent"

Once a beautiful thing
Left to rot
the silver lining
Made of gold
Weighed and sold
To this unlucky soul
As this garden grows
So does the unknown
These roses are wilting
Will you cry
Enough tears to end the brought
Or will they suffer and drown
It's how we look
Not what we think
Dance a lonely waltz with me
Forget the decaying
as they walk around us
Such lovely things
As they scream
Pulling us down
we sleep in our graves
Never knowing what to think
As we walk
In this garden
Grass growing
Unkempt
Unfiltered
Emotion
look around
This white fence
Trapped
Its tense
What’s left
As these apples grow
Sin and ignorant bliss
Let's leave it all
There’s weeds in this garden
Keeping my feet in place
Take it away
Fill it with pesticides
it burns yours eyes
But don't you cry
This garden
Say goodbye
It's time these flowers die
These roses wilt
There's nothing we can do
Leave it behind
Leave their toxic
Thorns
To decay
That's the price they pay

I missed your voice
I  wanted to say,  I'm sorry
for everything
but its to late
you forgot our song
you've moved on
what did I except
you wobble on your stilts
wonder how that feels
but the question is
you learned to stop
so why can I not?

I'm way up high
looking at the sky
you say I shouldn't be here
"the suns beading down on you"
its too bright
but your wrong
the sun is shinning on you
why'll I make new
I am the sun
I'm bright
I just wanna
shine up your life

Its been so long
sang a sorrow song
ti'll tomorrow
start over
where'd we last left off?
forget it
lets make this new
lets laugh
do anything
angels voice
filled with poise
forget the noise
its just us here

Im trapped in a world
completely fake
but hey, its a pretty place
with oceans fars the eye can see
but there to many people drowning
screaming, frowning
I guess not all of us can swim
or there being pulled down from sin
want as much as you can take
I only wish this world was really fake
six feet below the ground
its our fate
wish this was fake
but hey lets have a happy
unhappy playdate
sit on the beach
building our castles
just for the ocean to knock it down
I guess the sharks
wear the crown

I'm supposed to
make you smile
dance
and sing
thats all I will ever be
and yes, it hurts
but I wont ruin the fun
everybody have fun!
make jokes
laugh and sing
your happiness, I'll bring
my tears
you will never see
and I apologize
if you ever see frown
but I'm the oldest one in town
and yet
you all wear the crowns
the mouth behind the task
will never ever make a sound
are you proud?
I hope I made you happy

You want unfiltered emotion
Painful devotion
Kick when I'm on the ground
I'm not allowed to make a sound
You loves possessive
Aggressive
I sacrifice
My humanity
To love you
Undeserving royalty

I wear mask
in this masked town
covered in darkness
ask anyone around
this is no means a dead town
ask around
look in our eyes
you'll see the fear
of what you said you despised
its all one big happy lie
and our tears
fall from your sky
you can't hear us
but were all asking
"why?"
"why?'
"why"

Do I need you to survive?
yes!
Is that a lie?
no!
Put your love to the test
Can you survive longer than the rest?
Oh its such a mess!
But, hey!
maybe it'll be all
ok
maybe you really deserve to
stay

hey doll,
wanna play?

"thats all you had to say"

stuck in my head
I cant tell if you
love me
or want me dead
doesn't matter, your in my head
your loves so sweet
but your oh so mean
blood on my hands
looking at me
like you don't know who I am
way to drunk to stand
now I'm crashing
but I know I'll land
right back in your hands

Its a new day
step out of my shadows
my curtains made of tears
stepping into the light might bring fear
but I can feel the warmth
a new start
but this may be the hardest part

Sit on the ground
watch the parade march around
go through the whole town
no one notices
that jugglers are choking
and the little kids are smoking
the balloons are deflating
everything escalating
and its so frustrating
but the pills are sedating

I’m hooked on emotion
A midnight devotion
I’ll laugh and weep
and cry myself to sleep
Have a good time
A life filled with emotional crime
Honey ,I don’t owe you dime

I looking for your eyes
swimming in the tears you cry
everyday
I never know what to say
because I love you
its hard to know
that you don't love you
how could you not  love you?
now your drowning in your tears
its my worst fear

Welcome!
one and all!
to this midnight brawl
ready your weapons
lets enter the mind
oh you're trying to sleep?
let me remind you of pain till you weep
late night
stare at the ceiling
assault on my mind
oh how I try

You smile
Who are you?
I am you
why are crying?
admit were both dying
your hiding it
theres no use trying
to deny it

Your late
take a seat
with all the hate
take your place
you have history project
look back
what are the bad things they did
that they failed to hid
what happened to all the sins
stand up for a pledge
that leads you off a ledge
there ain't no hall pass
with life

look at this chart
look at the design
its a chart
it has statistics so it must be true
unfortunately
this charts all about you
10 percent of
"I'm not good enough"
40 percent of
"I've had enough"
50 percent of
you calling your own bluff
100 percent
self loathing
all the scientist
have there eyes on you

why would I give you my heart?
ha!
you'll have fun tearing it apart!

I know its wrong
I don't want to do it
break the end of a pencil
nice and sharp
looks like i'm back at the end
where to start?

take my eyes
force down everything you see
force everything that isn't me
all around
theres to much sound
when your quite
just add to the production
of this factory
polluting my lungs
in every song sung
i've been hung
suffocating
breathings all right

I'm tired of pain
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of my excuse
"at least I'm trying"
because to be honest
I think I'm lying
I gave up
long ago
trying to convince you that it isn't so
but you know the truth
I'm trying to convince myself
because there no one else

Nothing works
Nothing changes
Just the same blank, dead faces
Same tears
Yet more fear
Watch them laugh
Watch them cry
Stuck in a circle
They won’t pry
Let go
hear a simple

“no”