The ugliest moments are your strongest beauty.
The most beautiful moment can tell a thousand words.
The ugliest moments can bring pain and sorrow.
That pain and sorrow cant be covered up with lies
but only through telling your story.
A picture is worth a thousand words?
Well look into my eyes and see a whole novel of worth.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

I'm restless.
Things are calling me away.
My hair is being pulled by the stars again.
The gods above are calling my name.
The demons within are beggin to win.
The pain is pulling at my heart
And tearing it apart.
My screams are silenced by the pounding of my blood.
The darkness seems to creep.
The light seems to fade.
This weight I carry grows heavier.
Tears that fall are invisable.
The smile I wear is only fake.
There's only so much one girl can take.

Fill the loneliness with drinks
Hide the pain with fake smiles
**** those tears back up
Push the depression away
It’s only temporary
It’s only right now.

Never let society know how anixious you truly are,
what a wreck your soul is
or what you’re truly thinking,
they’ll only tear you down more.

Just stand up
act as if you’re ok
& pray that you actually will be. 🙏🏼

Suicide notes

Clothes have outgrown me many times over,
but this sadness never does.
One size.
fits all.
There should have been an obituary for cancer,  not you.
Wishing these slits within my skin could have been
replaced by a reality check from you, “You chose to exist.”

My name causes a sigh to escape from lips,
that do not feel like they belong to me,
the girl,
whose words always had to be special.

The schematics of hospitals like a birthmark in my brain,
born into sadness, a gut feeling as a child.
Never trusting time
due to what it delivers.

Death, being the only thing I desired.
But you, 
who I love,
endlessly-
robbed by it.
Whose ebb for life glowed so feverishly.
Stopped comparing depression to lace,
restricted the belief that suicide is poetic,
seeing things as they were.
More often than not, applauded for feeling emotions deeply.
Every second that dies, the shift of my heart quakes.

This world is not tender.

II. Sad.
I have known the flowers I wanted at my own premature funeral,
knowing how many bouquets honored you that day.

split open my veins like a dimension
reminiscent of days where I anticipated deathbeds.


My family wondered,
can we make it through another day?
Death scares me for what it has taken,
yet, I’m not afraid to die-
it’s all I deserve.
So I await the day pain erupts
from my throat,
acknowledging the days a soul
lived inside of my body-
footprints that walked,
belonging to me.

But I learned so well.
How to suffer with a smile,
dreading the beating of my heart
how unfair—
I don’t want to take these deep breaths
You deserved,while I masquerade as a member of the undead
Never outgrowing the desire to rot with the phantoms residing under my bed.


III. Jokes played by the universe.
punchlines delivered,
how could anyone to stand to be in the same room as myself?
How could anyone look over skyscrapers and sunsets,
and not be infatuated with concrete consuming them?
How I shared a sigh of relief during the thought-
of knowing people would thrive without me,
or the power of a belly laugh,
resembling a laugh track audience
drowning out 3 AM suicidal thoughts.

I love you so much.
Im sorry it doesn't always show.
Im sorry I can't always express it.
Believe me when I tell you,
Your touch means more to me,
Then you will ever know.