My father taught to live by the rule 'do not speak unless spoken to'. But do not mistake my silence for a yes. Just because I never said stop did not mean i wanted you on top. I was frozen like the lake I wanted to drown in, stuck in a crashing airplane with no oxygen.

My father taught me that rapists lure in the dark, so do not go outside after sundown he said. But I always walk in the dark where no shadows are to be seen. There are no rapists where I walk, only at the places where I stay the night.

Go practice saying no in mirror in case you will ever meet a ****** or you can never look at yourself without seeing the handprints of your ****** all over your body. The ****** will leave internal scars and stain your eyes but nonetheless make you want to die.

I am the problem,
that why I need to go,

Silence,
is the loudest,
shout for help,
can't you listen?

Alone in a crowded room,
at some point I have to realize,
that some people can only stay in your heart,
but not in your life,

it feels like everyone else's life is moving on,
but its as if am stuck in the hole i can't climb out of,
as the world judges me by the decisions I have made,
not remembering the options I had to chose from,

and I hate getting flashbacks,
from the past I don't want to remember,
but the past comes back as they tap my shoulders,
and force me to look back,

I never ment to depend on anyone this much,
but I need you more then the earth needs the sun,
I just want to feel that i'm important to someone.
I don't really know where I stand in others lives.

one minute i'm their everything but then i'm nothing special,
I think this is why i get so upset,
i would never do these things that people do,
to hurt me, to hurt them,

and the thoughts get me lost inside,
I will be that person everyone replaces after a while,
I didn't change for you or for me,
I guess you just never really knew me,

because you never cared enough to find out,
or cared enough to know what i'm going through,
everything happens for a reason,
but can I know the reason?

i'm just another nothing,
nothing special,
nothing worth their time,
nothing worth a soul in the world.

I tried to hurt myself today,
to see if I could still feel,
but the pain is lost,
and nothing left is real,

I remember everything,
no relief from old ideals
just got to try to cry it away,
and still nothing feels quite real,

No bullets nor ballots,
could really fix my inner friend,
they hide away,
left unfound in the end,

Take it all away,
my blood and guts of dirt,
I can't feel a thing,
I can't make it hurt,