You're a dork
I kind of hate you
But gosh, you're cute
I'd really like to date you
You never get the hint
Where are you when I'm alone?
Would it absolutely **** you
To once in a while check your phone?
Are you really that unaware
That my heart beats for you?
That every time I leave my house
I search the city streets for you?
How many different ways
Can I spell it out?
I l-o-v-e you
Without a doubt
You **** me off
More than anyone else around
But when I'm without you I'm lost
And when I'm with you I'm found
I hate that I love you
But it seems that I do
So maybe, just maybe
Could you love me too?

If you are tired of being on the bottom, don't drag others down. You'll still be on the bottom. Raise yourself up and join the others at the top. Misery may love company but company won't make you any less miserable.

I once rode the city bus in New Orleans
To rest my feet and see the town
A couple minutes in a young boy boarded
Took the seat across from me and sat down
"**** Love" was tattooed across his knuckles
Our eyes met and he looked at me knowing
And I just smiled and looked away
Abruptly, he asked where I was going
I told him I wanted to explore the city
He told me to steer clear of certain places
And told me which roads were safe
That some areas are dangerous for girls with pretty pale faces
We chatted for a while longer
And when we reached his stop he bid me farewell
I smiled and told him goodbye
Little did he know he gave me a grand story to tell
And I tell it frequently
My brief meeting with **** love boy
He gave me a memory to look on
When I need some joy
I'll always remember
People aren't always what they seem
And think of **** love boy
That I met in New Orleans

(Dont) miss me
(Run) cause I'm far away
(From) here to there
(This) love will follow
(Please) never forget
(Remember) my name
(Me) and my love for you
(Always) *remains the same

I'm a traveler.
I traveled to Italy.
I traveled to France.
I traveled to run away from you.
But you were there.
Every time.
You were in the waters of Venice.
And the in lights of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
You were in the roads of Germany.
And the winds in Spain.
You were in the sands of Egypt.
And in England, you called my name.  
No matter where I go.
On this planet of green and blue.
You're a part of me.
And no matter how far I travel,
I can't run from myself.
And I can't run from you.

There's a fine, fine, line between love and a waste of time,* That lyric never had meaning to me until I was drowning in a sea of hopeless, unrequited, I love you's. I always thought it was a silly lyric until it proved to be so true. I wish I was still blissfully unaware of how dreadfully fine a line it seems to be. And how much wasted time I spent listening to you say that you loved me.

I'm not sure how to put it into words
But counting all these sheep
That travel in many herds
Won't aid me in drifting off to sleep
Although my eyelids threaten to close
And the yawns never seem to cease
It seems every time I nearly doze
When I'm all cozy in a blanket of fleece
An image of you flashes in my mind
And jolts me wide awake
And I can't seem to unwind
So please, for my sake
Tell me, darling, that you love me
Or even simply that you care
Because I'm riddled with uncertainty
And it's truly unfair
That you lie sound asleep at night
Blissfully unaware in your bed
No worries or cares in sight
While I'm awake with you in my head.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to stumble upon my poetry some day.
I want you to know how much of this I write for you, and you alone.
I write out the words I can never seem to say.
And I don't have the courage to call you on the telephone.
I love you.
More than the night loves the stars.
I need you.
More than New York City needs subway cars.
I miss you.
More than the moon misses the sun.
I ache for you.
More than legs ache after they run.

I miss you more than usual lately. Everything reminds me of your smile. And your eyes. And your lips. And your voice. I want to bury my face in your neck and never move. But that place that was made for me is gone like the rest of you so now I settle for snuggling my pillow. But it's not warm like you were, and it doesn't smell like city life and expensive perfume.

I can feel you.
The absence of you.
I feel that hole you left.

You've become one of those memories that I can't remember whether or not I dreamed up, or it actually happened. I can feel my heart aching for you and my mind doubting itself. Were you ever even real? Were you just some beautiful nightmare I dreamed into reality? Will I ever dream of you again? Or will I one day see you on the street and be overwhelmed by the fact that you were as real as the love I felt for you?

I should've never looked in your eyes. I got lost in them and I still can't find my way out.

Can you feel me thinking of you? Sometimes I think it's all I do. Do memories hurt you in the same way that they hurt me? Did you finally realize that freedom's not really free? If you saw me on the street would you look the other way? Or would you stop and talk... I'd be curious as to what you'd say. Would you ask me how I've been? Or would you be scared my patience had grown too thin? It hasn't, it should've long ago. But I still wait for you regardless of what I know. My hope won't die, and nor will my love for you, dear. So if we happen to cross paths, don't have any fear. I'll welcome you with open arms, as pathetic as that sounds. But darling, you're the only one that I still look for in this little town.

I think you're beautiful
And quite interesting, too
I'd be overjoyed to spend
Even a few moments with you
I think of you quite frequently
What it'd be like if I were yours
But we're so distant
I'm scared to open those doors

Tell me I'm stupid
Ugly, or that I don't matter
Tell me I'm worthless
That I'm getting fatter
But don't tell me
That I'm not trying hard enough
Because the **** I'm going through
Is pretty rough
And I'm doing my best
And giving it my all
And it's not my fault
You only notice when I fall

Rose tint my world
All in a different shade
Vibrant or subdued
I promise they'll never fade
Coral for the desire to be near to you
White for the youthfulness of your face
Red because my love is true
Pink to admire your grace
Lavender for being enchanting
Orange for my fascination
Yellow for joyous feelings
More pink for appreciation
Rose tint my world
And I'll paint you a masterpiece
With the hues of my emotions
I'll show how my love will never cease

Am I delirious
To think you'll ever come back?
It's been far too long
And I know that
You've long forgotten me now
But a part of me still hangs on
To the memory of you
And that makes it almost impossible
To forget you too

I still wait for it, you know.
That tiny sign that you still care.
You could merely say hello to me.
And I'd be happy beyond compare.
Please don't forget me.
I'm losing my faith in you.
I'm scared that I never meant anything.
Please don't let that be true.
I loved you, with everything I had.
You owned my heart for three whole years.
I gave you everything I could.
And all you gave me was an endless supply of tears.
Was I really that easy to forget?
You called me your angel.
I thought you'd never tell me a lie.
But now I see you weren't being truthful.
And this really is goodbye..

I'm not your girlfriend
I'm not your wife
I will never be your girlfriend
Not in this life
Your incessant flirting makes me cringe
You won't respect my wishes
Please go find another girl
The sea is full of fishes
Stop calling me your girlfriend
Don't put your wandering hands on my thigh
I don't even know you
And I'm definitely not willing to try
Quit calling me baby
That's not my name
I know what you're trying to get
And I don't play that game

So it's my birthday.
And all I want is to hear from you.
And to know that you're okay.
Maybe you hate me now.
Or forgot I ever existed.
But something about this day.
Has to remind you of me.
Right?

Hello.. I miss you
More than I ever could've imagined
Memories are flooding my brain
Is this part of the healing process?
Who knew it'd take six months to heal
I just don't understand
I have so many questions that you left unanswered
Did you forget about me?
Did I really mean so little to you?
Did I do something wrong?
Are you ignoring me on purpose?
Do you really not know how much you meant to me?
Mean to me...?

Anger doesn't begin to describe this
I'm beyond disappointed
Bewildered at your ability to hold an act for so long.
You lied and lied and lied
And lied some ******* more.
Well congratulations, you're the fake of the century.
And I'm ******* hurt.

Sweet nicotine princess
Darling you're divine
The way you sip so proudly
Your glass of red wine
Who will be your next victim
Will it be her and her golden hair
Or him and his blue eyes
The way he dances like Fred Astaire
Many catch your attention
But something seems amiss
This one's not so easily ignored  
Raven hair & green eyes you can't miss
And the feeling in your heart
That prompts you to change your ways
The feeling of undeniable love
From the moment you caught her gaze

Can't you see? Are you truly so blind?
The negativity that flows from your venomous lips only further poisons the world. Don't make anyone feel ashamed for loving something or someone. Whether you agree with it or not. Love is the cure, the answer, and the light in this world. Don't stamp out someone's light. Don't feed the darkness. Feed your light and let other's lights grow and watch the world become a bright and happy place.

You're the top
You're my summer breeze
You're my darling, if you please
And baby if I'm the bottom,
You're the top
You're my tap shoes
You cure my blues
And baby if I'm the bottom,
You're the top
You're romance
You put me in a trance
And baby if I'm the bottom,
You're the top

I've cried tears of sorrow
And tears of joy
And as these tears spill from my eyes
I can't help but to wonder
If they both elicit the same reaction
Is it because there's happiness in the sorrow
Or sadness in the smiles.

I don't like today's music
I think it's all the same
Everyone's being a follower
To have a shot at fame
I dress a little differently
Than most kids in my generation  
I like to look classy
I don't share the same grunge infatuation
I don't read Seventeen
Or Teen Vogue for that matter
Because honestly I don't care
What celebrity is getting fatter
I listen to show tunes
And practice my singing voice
Cause my mom taught me early on
That I have a choice
You can be whatever you want
And whoever you want, too
Don't let societies regulations
Try and define you
Be different, unique
Be your own work of art
Your decisions shouldn't be based on popularity
They should come from your heart.

Turning into an adult is somewhat reminiscent of the plague
I tried my best to stop the virus from spreading
I held onto my childhood like my life line
I desperately protected and nursed the flickering ember of youth in my soul
But even with such careful and tentative behavior
I found myself sipping on a dark roasted brew
Letting acidic bitterness of coffee burn my throat
And planning for college, my future
Planning out ways to achieve my goals
And making rational decisions like no child ever would
And as I stare at the purple hues that look like a dark watercolor painting under my eyes
I realize that I've caught the plague
This horrid plague of adulthood
I grew up too quickly
Far before any of my peers
And maybe it's because I fought it so hard that it took hold of me and infected me so mercilessly
But regardless of how or why it happened the way that it did, I am here now, exhausted and defeated, staring my fears in the face.

You tied me to the end of a red ribbon. You're happily pulling me along behind. I'm being pulled through the dirt and scraping and bruising myself on the ground. But when I cry, you don't even turn around. I have no scissors to cut myself free. So you run along, dragging me. I'm stuck to the end of your red ribbon. Don't forget that as you string me along. I'm a human with feelings and I'm bruised and battered and hurt. I've begged to be let free but it's like you can't even hear me. How long will you string me along?

You won't care until I'm dying

I have a hole in the crook of my arm where they drained me of my blood
They're wondering just what exactly is wrong with me

This may sound morbid
But I know that unless I'm dying
                             You won't care

So my body is killing itself
Because it's just as tired as I am of you not caring.

Found another victim but no one's gonna find Miss Jackson
Do you get a little thrill out of breaking hearts?
Using the pieces to create your sinful work of art.
Out the back door, *******, but I love her anyway.
Try to wrap the world around your finger with your magic
But your crown's falling and you look quite tragic
You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now*
You need someone to lift you back up
But ones who once loved you are now fed up
*Back away from the water, babe, you might drown

X

I have an unhealthy distaste for spring
All the feelings it seems to bring
Every year I feel the same again
I watch flowers bloom with disdain
Spring fever poisons the minds of others
But I hide from this disease under the covers
I long for winter and fall
Spring makes me feel so small
In the warmer months I grow old
Maybe that's why I yearn for the cold
Every year I bid winter adieu  
And wait for her to return anew
I wish I could follow her wherever she wanders
Maybe my spring times wouldn't be so somber

"Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today."

Live for the moment
Shoot for the stars
Dream it and do it
Let's take what's ours
Don't worry about tomorrow
For it's yet to come
Forget all your sorrow
Make life fun
You only have today
Don't waste it on strife
Forget what people say
And live your life

Could you at least stay goodbye? I can't seem to shake the feeling you're still here. And it'll be easier if you just drain me of this poisonous hope that courses through my veins for you. I know you're not coming back. I know you've left me without so much as a farewell. I know you're oblivious to the way you've made my life Hell. But ******, you must know somewhere in that brain of yours that you hurt me. I don't even want some pathetic apology. I want you to pierce my heart with the words I need to hear. Tell me you don't love me and tell me you don't care. Tell me that and **** the part of me that still holds on to loving you. It's been months. I've known you for years. I think I at least deserve a goodbye.

The past three birthdays I had, you celebrated with me. I woke on the day of my new year awaiting the "Happy Birthday" that came from you. And my 18th is rapidly approaching. The one I've been scared of all along. And you're not here to offer me comfort as you used to. And I feel betrayed.. And lost. And I wish you didn't have such a strong hold on my heart strings. Please, let me go.

I'll bask in the glory
Of the unknown
I'll love you so much
It'll break my bones
There's not much
I know for sure
But I surely want
To be with her

I am turning 18 years old
In one part of me lives a child
Full of wonder and hope
And in another lives a woman
Wise beyond her years
Neither of them fit my 18 year old body
If I am the woman
I am too mature
And too cold
And if I am the child
I am too naïve
And too trusting
I am turning 18 years old
And I'm lost in my own mind.

People like my face bare.
I don't know if it confirms that I'm human.
Or makes you realize I'm even farther from being
Human than you originally thought
They tell me I'm beautiful even without my
Armor made of mascara and lipstick
And I've been trained to accept compliments
Graciously and without defiance
So I do, but I know that my armor
Is still all you see
My skin that I cannot shed is still armor
That protects the most beautiful
And the most hideous part of me
So until you can look into my soul
And confirm I'm still as beautiful as you say
I'll never believe you when you tell me
Just how beautiful I am.

No one notices the minor mistakes and flaws that blink like neon lights in your self depreciating eyes.

No one notices if you've stumbled over your words.

No one notices that you couldn't do your eyebrows perfectly this morning.

No one notices that you spelled a word wrong in that text message.

No one notices the little blemish that you've spent hours googling how to get rid of.

No one notices that your hair isn't perfectly curled because you woke up late today.

No one notices your flaws because everyone is too busy trying to make sure you don't notice theirs.

You complain about Jared Leto's speech because he didn't "thank a trans person" and instead delivered a timed and beautiful and empowering speech for his mother and for anyone else out there who was listening. It was an all inclusive speech and made many cry. Yet you complain because he didn't mention a trans individual. And I wonder, what all of you that are complaining have done for the trans community? Because if you truly want to help them, you should know that Jared Leto saying 'Hey Thanks' won't make their lives any easier. Instead of complaining about the things that aren't happening, get out there and do them. Make a difference in their lives. And then you can complain about **** that doesn't matter.

Oh Joan Travoolty
What a swell name you have
Would be a shame if someone were to
Mispronounce it.

Can I stop the clock?
This is all happening too fast.
So much doubt
I'm not ready
Maybe I'll never be
Give me a few more years
I still remember becoming a teen
Adulthood seemed like forever away
But now it's hanging over my head
Like a menacing black cloud
Threatening to pour down on me any second
I've never been so scared
Of not having enough time
Why did I rush this?
Why was I such a fool?
Carelessly wishing my life away
One short year at a time
Now I've played all my cards
And I've nowhere left to hide
The time is upon me
I can feel it inside
My terrified heart
That beats in tandem
With the ticking of the clock
An internal reminder
Of impending disaster

Broadway, my darling
She welcomes me in
Hugs me close
Like a long lost friend
Tells me that
I belong here
I'll be strong here
Never an outcast
When you're part of
Her cast
Sing your life away
In a beautiful play
And you can always come home
To broadway.

One month left
Of being a child
One month left
Until you tell me no more time to play
One month left
No longer the dancing queen
One month left
Thrown out into the world
One month left
And I'm not just a little girl
One month left
I really should be happy
One month left
I dread the end
One month left
Maybe everyone will forget that
One month left
Is all I have
One month left
And I can go on pretending
Until I have
One month left
Again

I can't fake a smile anymore. 18 years and I'm just too tired. I can't keep ruining things with the way I am. I really tried. For a long time, I did. But it's too much now, so I'm letting go. Letting it all go. Because it's too much weight to bear anymore.

To being 18 and insecure
Every day fighting more and more
Love hurts worse every time
Losing myself in a poem's rhyme

Missing you always
Endless nights and tiresome days

Your voice echoes in my brain
Over and over, again and again
Useless feelings, my insecurities reign

Covering up my scars
And frequenting bars
Really it's not that great
E**ighteen is just ten years of misery, plus eight.

I want to trace your outline with my eyes
Burn the shape permanently into my mind
I'll listen to your little sighs
As we kiss and you begin to unwind

I crave my head cradled in your neck
To look up from that safe place
And stare into your eyes of golden flecks
I want our fingers to intertwine
And my scent to linger on your everything
I want to sleep close to you
And listen to our rhythmic breathing
I want the moon to be in my heart
And the stars to be in your eyes
Because we wish on stars to give us hope
And you're where my hope lies