I'm okay.
I only tried to confess my love to you.
But you have someone else.
It's okay.
It's whatever.
Kicking you out of my room was the best way to tell you that your reaction was wrong.
I only want you to say it back.

I'm in love with you.

As I look at short films based on love and happiness a feeling of pure want flows deeply into my chest and spreads through my whole body.

To look at someone in their eyes and not give into my instinct of looking away is foreign.

I miss the comfort of love.
I miss the smile love creates.

I miss the me that had someone to fight for, someone to defend.
Someone to jump off a bridge for.

when your in love the air is different,
gravity changes,
priorities change,
love...

I miss the person i was when i was in love.
A non broken smile
A filled heart

I've been alone for quite some time now
the only time i truly miss it all is when i see love in peoples eyes
its crazy to me how when someone is truly in love you can actually see it in their eyes...
i guess thats how powerful it all is

I believe to have forced myself to forget how amazing it is to be in love

i feel so dull now
i feel so filled with everything that has to do with absolutely nothing without love we cease to have any purpose.
i want to love
a genuine pure honest and crazy love
i remember what that feels like and its the best feelings i have ever felt. i want it.

Butterflies
relentless butterflies
Flowing through my veins and making me weak to my knees
Shortness of breath
Tingling
Invincibility
like if nothing else in the world matters at that specific moment when you are looking into her eyes
her oh so beautiful memorizing eyes
Surrender
Submission
Forfeit to all the walls your monsters and your past have built in you for so long
The end of the superficial world you live on the outside and the reemerging of the everything you are on the inside
The universe within you that you work so hard to hide from others coming to light and making home in the visible world

Being in love does all this to you

Oh how i long for that greater power to infect my blood stream, unfreeze my heart, brake everything the monsters have built, and bring the real me to light so that the whole world can see that I'm still there

One day
I can't wait for that day

He has a hold over me
and he shouldn’t.
I have a new boyfriend
and he may not always treat me right
but he’s there.
He has been someone that’s been with me for 9 months
and he says he loves me
but I don’t think I can ever love him
when I believe my heart still belongs to someone else.
I don’t know where my someone else stands
when he thinks of me.
The words “I love you” has passed his lips,
but it has been months since he told me that
and I think that feeling has been extinguished
and it kills me to think that it has.
See I never told him
and I feel like I should have
now I believe it to be too late
as he is trying to move on
and I have three words left unspoken
“I love you”
and I don’t know if that is an accurate word
but when I see him I want to be around him
when I hug him my heart beats faster
and when I think of him moving on
my chest aches.
He recently said that even though we’re hurting each other now
we can make each other happy
and I don’t know what that means or what he’s saying
when he is losing feeling for me.
And maybe right now we’re not meant to be together
and in the future it’s possible
but I don’t see him keeping me in his heart or on his mind
when he has created a “thing”
(whatever that’s supposed to mean)
with one of his best friends younger sister.
And if I ever show up dead
it is safe to assume that he has moved on without me
and heart break syndrome caught up
and my heart that seems to beat for him stopped
and never started again.

I was told I'm the problem with society.
That the baby in my stomach was a mistake
and that I should be ashamed.
People cast their eyes away
...or they stare.
The judgment on their faces
and the whispers in their voices
cut my heart to pieces,
But none of their looks
or words
can make me love this baby any less.

I know that I'm young,
but it is part of me
just like it would be if I were older.
They say age is just a number
only when it comes to certain relationships though,
because if you're 17 and pregnant
age becomes important
and people become judgmental.

I was told I'm the problem with society.
That the baby in my stomach was a mistake
and that I should be ashamed.
But I'm not
and yes this baby was unplanned,
but that doesn't mean it is a mistake.
This baby is my happy accident
and my  life will change,
but I do not and will not regret
my beautiful,
happy,
accident.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't stay.
The house we built together
strong in the beginning was blown away
with so much wear and tear that it could no longer stand.

The foundation cracked in December.
The fights didn't stop,
days and weeks they'd go on,
but you fixed it with an "I'm sorry" and a hug.

In January the pipes burst.
The tears in my eyes were a constant thing
you didn't see them and just kissed me with a smile.
The house flooded.

By February the walls began to rot and the ceilings were caving in.
You tried to repair what you broke,
and were so oblivious you thought you did,
but they're wrong when they say duck tape can fix everything.

March you stood outside the door in the light.
You tried to lock me in the house with no escape.
"You don't tear down a house, because of a busted lightbulb,"
but the walls were falling and the ceiling was slowly becoming the floor.

I couldn't stay in a house waiting to **** me.
You locked me in as tight as you could,
but the windows were weak and I broke out.
And as much as you hated to see it,
I lit the match and watched that crumbling house burn to the ground.

So I'm sorry your heart is now broken
and burned down with that crippled house.
I'm thinking of myself now
and I'm sorry to say that my happiness
is more important than you being in my life.

2 years ago I wrote a poem about Cat Woman
2 years from then it still hurts to think about.
You see,
2 seconds
turned to 2 minutes
turned to 2 hours
turned to 2 days
turned to 2 months
and now it’s turned to 2 years.
They say it gets better
when you lose a loved one.
They say you can get over it.
How is that true though,
when on her birthday I can’t help but cry?
When on the anniversary I work with tears in my eyes
avoiding looks from my coworkers
just to keep my pain hidden inside?
Even just days like my birthday I think of her.
2 years will turn into 4 years
to 6 to 8 to 10 years and things will never change.
I listened to my grandmothers breathing
Cat Woman playing on the tv in the background
her breathing slowing.
On days like today I think of her
and I sit here
and I write this poem with tears in my eyes.
and it hurts so much when she’s on my mind.
I miss her everyday
and while there are days it is easier
There are also days where it’s difficult just to get out of my bed
get up without crying and hold myself together.
It still hurts to think about
Cat Woman from 2 years ago.