My sober dreams freak me out.
(Is that a good enough reason?)
This is the only way I know how to escape the memories of things that never actually happened.
(Won't you help me out?)
My convictions leave me full of doubt.
I'm caught up in absurdities.
Awash in irony and drowning on beliefs.
Please throw me a life saving word that can define me.
Just spell it out -
before I lose myself.

clueless versus innocence
there really is no difference
one is polite and one is offensive
neither is based on resistance

do you want to remain nameless?
blameless, i guess is subjective
like a fire pit that remains flameless
our language is defective

Hell will be a waiting room
You’re sitting in an uncomfortable chair
With dingy magazines five months old
The couples on the covers have split
Someone has already torn out the coupons, filled in the quizzes and crosswords
Twelve letters across another word for your damnation?
The answer scrawled out in red ink
Anticipation
Waiting for the news that is never going to come
Waiting
That anticipation is worse than the diagnoses
You could have five months to live this afterlife
Five weeks
Five hours
You could drop undead in the middle of that waiting room
Where no one would do a ******* thing
Because God doesn’t dwell down here
Here the devil is king
And then it begins again
A different waiting room
The same dingy magazines
Except this one smells like a dentist’s office
You’ll just sit
Wait
The walls read
If you have been waiting more than fifteen minutes please notify the receptionist
Alert staff if you are experiencing flu-like symptoms
HAIL SATAN
Thank you for not smoking
No smoking
No talking
No texting tweeting or reading
Waiting
Just Waiting
In this ***** dusty hell of a room
Please take a seat
A nurse will call you to the back shortly

I hate the fact that you and I exist
But we don't
I hate feeling like a zebra
In this grey world
I hate feeling like Atlas
The weight of the world on my shoulders
My mild psychosis
Caused by my emotions
Driving everyone else crazy
Wishing I could end the world
With me in it
I hate seeing happiness
Something I feel I'm not worthy of
I hate feeling the wind
How it boasts of its freedom
I hate the mountains' pride
Higher than anything
I hate the sea
Describing its power
Its dignity
I hate how I'm arrogant
Due to lack of confidence
I hate how I'm wild
Due to lack of courage
I hate how I'm me
Due to how little i'm me.

Working this hellish job,
I come up for air, but I'm barely surfacing.
I can barely see through the fog.

I did not show up for the circus.
I did not answer the call.
I mean look at me; I'm a person.

I'm just trying to decide here.
I'm trying to make up my mind.
Should I even attempt resurfacing?

Or hold my head under water permanently?
Like an addict, I want to die.
I was not prepared for this circus.

I'm not going to pay for these.
Working this hellish job,
I look at the sky, "Have mercy on me."

Your employee rhetoric is not working on me.
I think it's curtain call.
How could I forget you were a serpent?

They said it was for a good purpose.
Can we please press pause?
Is this movie even worth it?

Is this microphone even working?!
Can you read these words at all?!!
All quiet on the western front...

I think somebody spiked the punch.
Like a candle, I want to die.
I mean look at me; I'm a person.

I need something I can touch.
Like a candle, I burn alive.
Like an addict, I burn alive.

Like an addict, I burn inside.
Like an addict, this IS urgent!
Like an addict, I burn high.

Who put me down for the circus?!
I wanted to sit on a log and watch
the ripples on the surface.

But I can barely see through the fog.
I mean look at me; I'm a person, and I
work a hellish job.

I am too close
to the ever-pressing silence
that dominates the mood of my life.
Eerie jackals pass me in the hall
hungry
for a taste.
Blank stares and quiet skies
interlude
with an electric hum.

Why do I cringe?  
at the thought of a
multitude of realities -

My jungle has no king.
Tender flesh exposed
most delicate in your countenance
I don't know your name
and there are too many of you
to begin with, so I can't end.

Impressions upon the mind
carved deep
with chisel and talon

Release me from this depth
too thick, like a humid morning
with an empty white sheet
staring back across the way.

That quiet sky speaks
no more as I wander
near the shore

Thunderous emptiness
rumble and control me

In the distance, an echo
returning from my silence.

*I am too close.

Indeed, I love her!
But can't muster enough nerve
I had rehearse those lines
But as if someone tied my tongue

Afraid of venom of pain
Afraid to be stung
Better to hide it this way
Regret is more painful at the end

She was so alluring
A beauty that could only be mine in a dream
She was every of my fantasies
But how can I charm her
Everything about me was so simple
While she was extra-ordinary

I must act now...

Then I lied...

I told her I am a prince
That I owned the stars
But I saw her shaking her head
She was nothing compared the sun
She was nothing compared to the blue sky
I lost my self control

I began grasping her
Kissing her torridly
Even though a lot of people witnessed what I was doing
Little do I care
I want her badly, crazily...

And then laughter
everywhere....

Indeed people saw me grasping and  kissing someone
Someone in their eyes...
Was only a tree...

written: July 4, 2014
mysterious aries

In a sea of gin you sailed,
To conquer a future you dreamt of
In a hallucinogen induced haze
You exhaled smoke with every breath,
Fogging the world over with your intoxicated ideas
Sentencing rebel thoughts to death
You figured you were in an epic,
The ones where the hero stood against the world alone
But only you were against you and it was tragic
That battle was lost when you sold your heart for a bottle of poison disguised as magic