Em Quinn

Jan 2018

alexa

goodbye

she wore her sadness like a cape,
                                                            her audacity like a veil.

she knew that in his eyes,
                                                            she'd never be his grail.

so she spun her crown of misery
                                                            and disassembled her throne,

and went in search of herself
                                                            for her new heart is her home.

and to this day she's never looked behind;
                                                            he is simply a part of her past.

because now she knows when things are wrong,
                                                            they are never built to last.

#honey #it #wasnt #your #fault

Jan 2018

ChikuShanae

What He Said

Your word feed my depression causing its voice to be louder,
Making sure everything you said takes my happiness and happily devour.
I’m worthless, waste of space and ill mount to nothing,
Is only the few things you said that felt like a knife on my skin cutting.
The amount of times you said those things to me,
I started to think why me.
I was never happy being your easy target,
I’m not stupid lazy nor am I *******.
Tears have been wasted on your words.

I couldn’t tell anyone,
Why?
Because they will tell me,
He’s only making fun.
Don’t take him on.

I no longer going to allow you to feed my depression,
Staying away from you has been the best decision.
That also meant leaving certain people behind,
Since they want to be blind.
I finally see the people I used to hang around from a different lens,
I now know what kind of people to not call my friends.

#verbal #abuse #alone #distant #hate #mental #illness

Jan 2018

zoie marie lynn

my therapist says i have ADHD

i told my therapist about you,
while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body.
i showed her the places we had been,
and all the things we had seen.
i told her what lies underneath that pretty
                                              pretty
skin of yours,
and i told her how i knew.
i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard,
i told her about the   first     night
and the      second
and the   fourth
and that time in the closet.
i told her everything,
i really just wanted to   get
                                                  you
                                      out
of my brain,
it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain.
because you've  moved   on  so why can't i?
i told my therapist about you,
but i still can't tell you
                                           goodbye.
i know i'm  s t u p i d,
for holding on this l
                               o
                                n
                                 g,
i know it's useless,
for wishing you weren't                              gone.
but my words carry on like a heartbeat
s     l      o      w
steady
                          fast
u   s   e   d
  n    t   a   y
i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and
i told my therapist about you.

i think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something that great will never ever happen twice

****
i was in so much pain when i wrote this, my lover had just left with two years of my life and i felt so so so alone. i chewed through therapists constantly, they left me behind because i was too broken to fix. i hated them all. but there was this one, this one singular human being that listened to me. she didn't flinch, she didn't look at me like i was a broken puppy left for death. she just listened. i was all over the place, but i managed to lay out my entire mind for her to dissect. and she did. she helped me so so much, and i could never repay her enough for how she has helped me. when i got home, i wrote the basics of this. it was like 12:30 when i wrote it and i couldn't sleep the next night so i decided to make this look exactly how i felt when i wrote it the night before. how my lover made me feel for so long. so i did. i was crying mountains, i was hyperventilating, i threw my phone through the wall. i put all my anger, blood, tears in each letter, each space. i put it all in there and then posted it a couple weeks later. i didn't show anyone. i just put it out there, hoping my lover would see it. but it didn't even matter cause when i woke up, the whole world saw it instead. thank you. i love you all.

#you #her #me #therapy #pain #love #gone #poetry #poets #poem

Jan 2018

woelita

Little Deaths

****. I’ve come undone in your arms. under your sweet breath. my back arches and i submit to each one of my little deaths. my thighs hold little worlds in them and you were born a voyageur, a vagabond. Feed to me my little deaths; these forbidden ecstasies. each one finding its way back into you, into you. and out again. This is where it ends, isn’t it?

#*** #desire #you #always

Em Quinn Jan 2018

sometimes.

sometimes,
i smile at the mirror,
to remind myself that i can.
because i've forgotten what it feels like.

sometimes,
i spend hours repeating the same phrase in my head,
just to make sure it sounds right.
"hi... could i please have the-"
it never does.

sometimes,
i stare at the crimson lines on my wrists,
and try to convince myself that they're beautiful.
no one else thinks that though,
so why should i?

sometimes,
i check my pulse,
because i need to know that life is temporary.
i need to know that one day it'll be over.

sometimes,
i stare at my reflection,
but i don't recognize the girl looking back at me.
why is she so broken?
she follows me like a ghost.

sometimes,
the time passes so slow,
that a minute feels like a day,
and i wonder if it'll ever end.
will it ever end?

sometimes,
i wake up with tear stains on my pillow,
blood soaked sheets.
i don't remember though.
regret is not an easy feeling to deal with.

sometimes,
i watch mouths move in front of me,
but the screams in my head take up too much space.
so i hear nothing.
"can you repeat that please?"
"sorry."

sometimes,
my hands are raw and tired, scratched away to nothingness.
"how'd you get that burn?'
all i can say is that it was an accident.
was it?

sometimes...
sometimes a lot of things.
sometimes i wish i wasn't here.
sometimes my body doesn't feel like mine.
sometimes i want to cut the pain out of my body.
is that possible?
sometimes.

hi so I haven't been on here in quite a while and i just rediscovered it so here i am once again! this is about my struggles with mental health, and it means a lot to me to be honest. i still struggle every day, but i'm trying my best and i think that's what matters.

#mentalhealth #ocd #anxiety #depression #borderline #selfharm #loveyourself #positivity #psychology #love

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