you told me that it would be the way i wanted it,
if i told you what i feel,
and i told you what i feel,
but it's not the way i want it.
to hear my words of admiration is a privilege you did not deserve,
it's too late to swallow them back down,
so i guess you'll win this one last time,
sugar lies.

eating myself to the point of being sick, just to do it again the next day
having the emotions bottle up to the point of explosions all over my body
staying up until 3 am and crying in the shower
looking at other's profile's and comparing myself to those with stuff i will never be able to have
having your "best" be considered another's failure
locking yourself in the washroom stall, because the anxiety and fear of being alone overwhelms you
needing to get high once a week to be able to feel normal again
to have days where getting out of bed isn't even an option
you just don't know what it feels like

I just want...
To look in the mirror
And not be disgusted

I just want...
To use my voice
Without telling a lie

I just want...
To wake up each morning
And not regret it

I just want...
To sleep at night
Without the nightmares

I just want...
To be able to think
And not want to cry

I just want...
To smile again
Without being fake

I just want...
To look at my wrist
And not see blood

I just want...
To live
For once in my life

*Is that too much to ask?

i wonder if the only thing worth missing about me are memories?

"I just don't fit in,"

​I'm better off dead

"It's just a scratch,"

It hurt and it bled

"I'm just a little tired,"

I'm trying not to cry

"I'm fine, I promise,"

*I just want to die.

I know a lot
More than you'd think
It's because I listen
And remember
And you speak freely
Not caring if I hear

Because no one ever notices
The shadow of a girl
At the back of the classroom

When I first began
I was a human

I learned to fit in
And became a reflection

I started to fall
Now I'm a shadow

I see the ground coming up fast
Soon I'll be just *nothing