Ode to a Poet(writer)
I know you,
All alone
4am is when you feel most at home.
I feel you,
Blank page, full pen,
I see you,
Looking at a page waiting for a tale to unfold,
Behold!
When it starts, it flows,
I am you,
Hiding away, writing my pain,
Escaping reality,
Day to day,
We are art,
In the way we move,
We are the dreamer's and believer's
Pad and pen in hand til our dreams come true.
C. Tyler

Water ripples, wind blows,
Water drips, leaf tip,
Water quenches, gratefully sip,
Water’s evolved, fish, irrigation, canals, and cruise ships.
Water water, water!
Wat-er, wha-ter, is what her
Eyes drip?
Moist damp wet water,
She cleans the land feeds the soil
Water water water!
The water is in turmoil!
Homes, families, organisms unknown,
Water is home.
Dolphins and turtles,
Plastic bags and six pack strands,
Beautiful creatures,
Water martyrs.
No more are the shores pure.
The water is at war.
“We should do more”
We’ve done enough.

I don't just bite the bullet,
I swallow the bullet,
Brain first, skull crushing,
Inject that bullet,
I don't think one minute, cause in one second or less
That bullet,
Can make you, you're worst or best,
Don't detest that bullet.
Reject that bullet,
Sneeze, bleed or purge that bullet.
A bullet to the chest, heart, and temple,
Destroy your temple, as it crashes down,
Fallout, debris, carnage fill the air,
It could all be so simple,
Take that bullet,
Breathe it in,
Believe in it,
And live outside, from within.

I'm so accustomed to this sad heart of mine,
If it were whole, I may die.
The fear alone being full then drained,
I'm a prisoner to love,
Gold fashion, locks and chains.
I'll never speak of love.
Love has no face or name.
I'll never believe in love,
It will just cheat me again.
I'll never be in love,
Love is a losing game.
C. Tyler

I don't ask why,
Only when,
When will your kiss grace me?
When will you be mine again?
When will I be swept away in your wind?

It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.

C.T. Wordz

I tried not to love you,
Since the day first day we met,
I try not to love you,
I try, but forget.
I can't figure out,
If we will or if we won't.
I try not to love you,
I try to forget you,
I try to hate you,
But I know I don't.

Everyone else,
Has theses “normal” kids,
They think they are special,
When mine really is,
You can’t compare or empathize,
For what I produced
From between my thighs,
Has haunted me since his diagnosis,
Believing I can help him,
But I’m foolish,
Every parent is going to need help,
I need to admit that,
I’m better than no one else.

I went on a walk,
Because I waned to run,
Away from everything binding me,
Instead I found myself,
Blinded and inebriated by the sun,
So I followed the rays,
The glare in my eyes,
It said,”Stay still my precious child,”
For the sun is food for the soul,
Rejuvenating young and old,
It’s worth more to me than diamonds and gold.

We all move to the beat of a different drum,
My feet have give way,
As I start to run.
My wings expand,
As I take flight.
Cheers to a better reality,
Let the old me rest.
She will be gone after tonight.

I'm friendly
But I have a mean stigma about me.
I want to open myself up,
But the anecdotal fears haunt me.
I love,
But I'm never loved truly.
You see me,
You want me,
You fool me.
I'm to blame,
I'm clearly naive,
I'll show my wounds,
My heart on my sleeve.
I'm the guilty,
Of giving too much,
Draining my all into others,
Who don't give a ****.
Do I give up,
Or continue filling my flimsy cone shaped cup?
The thing about love is,
When you're giving it out,
There's always enough.
-Wordz

Back broken, knees weak,
Catatonic and traumatized,
Cannot speak.
Life’s misfortunes keeping you down,
Stand on your head,
Turn that frown around.

I'm a harlot, but I pray,
I'm a sinner, but a temple's where I stay.
I'm a *****, but the light finds me,
I'm a ****, but goddess see "Me",
I'm ***, but I'm not,
I'm brave, I'm on top,
My chains and bonds are all loosened up,
I'm sensitive, broken, ****** up,
But I won't ever quit,
I won't ever fail,
I won't ever give up,
It's me and me only,
I'm the vessel of my own trust.
C. Tyler

It’s hard to feel great,
When you know you should.
Broken by wishes, wants, and dreams,
You can have them all,
You know you could.
Pushing forward to the goal,
All the things you pine for are yours,
Soon you’ll reign victorious,
I knew you would.

I was special,
Rare like a diamond.
Now the luster has gone,
I feel like riches, to dirt,
To dust, to done,
So leave me, I'm lonely,
I can love me lonely.
So leave me, I'm lonely,
I can love me lonely.
C. Tyler

Oh I've never loved another,
The way I love this little fella,
He drives me up a wall,
And makes me smile
Like a sun bright and yellow.
Do you ponder,
My secret lover,
Well its not too serious,
It's just I just need this brother,
Head's hard as a rock,
Heart light as a feather,
And with him,
I feel his love forever,
My son Tyler Jones,
Shines bright in any weather.
C. Tyler

I can pretend,
Like I'm ok,
I can hold back my tears,
Just to get through the day.

I can put on a facade,
Like I'm alright,
Just to lose another battle,
As I succumb to the night.

I can imagine,
I'm doing just fine,
Nothing ever changed,
Like a key to a lock,
You were always mine,
You would always stay.

I'm not gonna pretend,
I'm not ok,
I'll shed the facade,
I'm not alright,
It's not my imagination,
I'm not just fine.

I want to cry all night,
I want to cry all day,
Lost in the safety of memories,
Locked into this pain.

There is no way to hide the shame,
Of a fatherless Dame.

You lie in your hospital bed,
Dying, withering, wasting away.

A decade has passed, you call for me,
But still,
NOTHING,
Is what I say.

I'm pretending to be ok,
Locked away,
Safely,
Isolated insanity.
C. Tyler

Alone is all we ever are,
Solemn like that hanging star,
Alone is all we'll ever be,
Alone with you, Alone with me,
Alone is all we'll ever know,
For alone is now and wherever you go,
Alone is all it takes,
To break,
To fake,
To find,
To live,
To try,
To die,
Alone is all we'll ever be,
Just you, me,
Alone with our sanity.
C. Tyler

Its amazing, how easy we give up.
Heart shattering, how fast we fall apart.
It's never a happy ending,
This tale of two hearts.
Do I continue, trying to please my heart?
Or must I live in a world, torn apart?
People are fickle, and frankly they know.
Don't judge me, I'm American,
But not the idol.
So maybe the next time you want to point my way,
DON'T!
No chasing, no haunting,
No preying, stalking, or sitting,
Just hopping up from the ***,
I guess we're done *******(around).
C. Tyler

"Hollywood" is a modern day "***** and Gomorrah".
You can believe in it all you like,
But ain't nothing good coming from a cesspool of money, appropriation, degradation, racism, oppression, etc...God the list goes on.
And it never ends, the mess is everywhere, TV, radio, social media, magazines...its all ******* tainted.
Stay above the dream, live the reality.
Hollywood is not America!

We are,
All of us,
Alone,
We stand,
We fall,
Isolated loneliness,
Mission your heart,
Target acquired,
Send in the love squad,
Surrender,
Speak up,
For now,
Or never
Forever,
And ever
Be quiet,
Hold your tongue,
Just breath,
Believe,
Our wings are sore
Won't stop us,
We still soar,
Don't suffer away,
From me another day
Just drown in me,
Die in our eternity.
Learning to love you,
Learning to love me,
Loving to learn
How to love,
Making love from nothing,
That's something,
Let's make enough love for everyone,
Because love is free.
C.Tyler

My black is beautiful,
My coffee and your cream.
You put your spoon in my cup,
Stirred me up,
Now we have a little you and me.
And he, like me, loves and
Adores you.
My black is beautiful,
Our black made something so beautiful.
My black sun child,
You're misunderstood,
Never forget, my black is beautiful.

We are,
All of us,
Alone,
We stand,
We fall,
Isolated loneliness,
Mission your heart,
Target acquired,
Send in the love squad,
Surrender,
Speak up,
For now,
Or never
Forever,
And ever
Be quiet,
Hold your tongue,
Just breath,
Believe,
Our wings are sore
Won't stop us,
We still soar,
Don't suffer away,
From me another day
Just drown in me,
Die in our eternity.
Learning to love you,
Learning to love me,
Loving to learn
How to love,
Making love from nothing,
That's something,
Let's make enough love for everyone,
Because love is free.
C.Tyler

Everyone of you is me.
We all reach for that release.
The click of the keys,
The smell of loose leaf,
The drag of the pen.
Do you feel the hairs rising,
The goosebumps forming on your skin?
We are all one,
A never ending story,
Writing to draft further and further
Up, Up and away from reality,
Creative, fantastical,
Unique beings,
Yes, you are to me,
And everyone of you is me.

All my friends and family are social,
They have friends and know people.

Then there's me, happily isolated,
Just writing and reading,
Lost in some trance of some fairytale land,

Also me....
And my stuffed animals,
The real world I've long abandoned,
Heard but no one's understanding.
C. Tyler

Lipstick stained cheeks,
"Tag, you're it",
Chasing you around our apartment,
You got into some ****-!
"Come here, let's play"
We can go out or stay in,
But it's hot these days.
You don't talk, you can't say,
What you want
How you wanna play.
But no matter how hard,
No matter how tough,
I love you Tyler
Very, very much.
C. Tyler

Unamused
Uninterested
Unbothered
Undone...
Was I ever whole?
I'm so used to this hole.
Drain me more,
Empty my cup,
Slit my throat and drink up.
I'll die here, or there,
I died along time ago,
Everywhere.
C. Tyler

Every knock, every call,
When I think I see you passing by,
Every guy, short or tall.
I thought I saw you the other night.
When I woke, from my dreams,
You never left this life,
Then I wept, when I woke
I had to tell you Goodbye.

I've been losing sleep,
Lately I've pondered, where are the sheep?
Not to count,
Solely for the  company they will keep,
No longer alone,
As I drift off and sleep deep.

I wanna fight you,
I wanna protect you,
I wanna build you up,
I wanna perfect you,
Wanna ride,
Won't run and hide,
Wanna stand by your side
Won't neglect you,
Perpetuate you,
Integrate you,
Imitate the things you crave,
Lie down and be your equal,
For you I'll be a fool,
My heart and soul are cruel,
For you they burn until I don't know what to do,
My heart and soul are ice,
You melt me, warm me up, for a price.
Admission is admitting
The love you we in,
Or secede from this love treaty,
We'll both lose in the end.

My son can not communicate,
Like you or me.
Like nature he vibes without one word,
Like the wind spreading the trees’ seeds.
My son can communicate,
Like the earth and the sun,
The clouds and the sky,
Or the moon and the stars,
I can’t hear a word he’s saying,
Unless I listen with my heart.

Crashing and burning,
Or building and learning...
I don't even know if we are on the same page.
If *** is the bookmark,
I cannot engage.
I'm a tease to please,
Not to be yanked around and deceived...
**** me,
Or **** me over,
Silly girl, go ahead and make the same mistakes...
He's sitting there laughing, waiting for your heart to break.
Help me, I'm cracking up!!!
C. Tyler

Was I born broken?
Was I whole,
Years of trauma,
Breaking me,
Crushing me,
Creating this hole?
This void,
This shallow empty pool,
Of blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be,
Now houses locks and chains.
That weigh me down,
They seal my eyes,
From seeing what I used to be,
Destroying who I am,
They conspire.
They recreate who I wanna be.
Will I?
Shall I,
Let them break me.
I can’t!
Can I,
Break free?
How do I live beyond misery,
The company I don’t wanna keep,
The person I don’t wanna be?
How do I let go of the reigns,
That control the strings,
Connected to the chains,
Housed within the blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be?
Is there a void, to void this void,
How do I unlock it without the key,
Am I just digging a deeper hole,
To escape this reality?
If I go deeper,
Will I be free?

Heart for sale,
I don't want it,
Its expired,
Time to toss it,
Properly dispose every bit,
Shove it in the garbage disposal,
And crank that ****
It's not needed,
Please vacate the premises,
It's not worth it,
Strips me naked,
It's detrimental,
Destructive and doubtful,
Thinking with my heart,
Only makes me an *******.
Heart for sale,
"Used" but can be refurbished,
Heart for sale,
Hurry up and buy,
I don't want this ****.
C. Tyler

Silence is serenity.
I feel safe in silence.
I’ve always felt safe,
In silence with you.

You are my muse, you are my pain.
Let me use you before you're gone again.
Will you love me,
When love isn't enough?
Will you forgive me,
When times get tough? How can I reach you, when we get disconnected?
Love's greatest lover,
Is finally being tested.
C.Tyler

Dancing shadows of you,
Cloud my memory,
Silhouettes of a sad somber day,
Flood my heart,
I drown.
I'm free.

All black wedding.
All white funereal.
Fornicating saint,
Love child of lust.
I bow, I bend over,
I accept my sins, I take it in,
I can feel life's rush.
Envelop my sins,
Let the cleanse begin,
Rinse me, drench me
Pull the from within.
Tell me my second chance
Doesn't have to end.
I'll meet you at the pearly gates my friend.
A saint to meet you,
Too meet you again.

Spit on me,
Get me wet
One more time,
Now you go,
You go please,
Too much wasted
Nothing to leave,
I am nothing,
That you believe,
I just trust,
Heart on sleeve,
Dirt on knees,
Hands that bleed
Eyes that cry,
Take my suffering,
Let me die.
C. Tyler

Your smile so pretty
You've hoodwinked me yet again
We're never over.