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Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Spit on me,
Get me wet
One more time,
Now you go,
You go please,
Too much wasted
Nothing to leave,
I am nothing,
That you believe,
I just trust,
Heart on sleeve,
Dirt on knees,
Hands that bleed
Eyes that cry,
Take my suffering,
Let me die.
C. Tyler
Every line has 3 words...
3 is the magic number,
But they are words instead haha...
Sorry I'm odd
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
All my friends and family are social,
They have friends and know people.

Then there's me, happily isolated,
Just writing and reading,
Lost in some trance of some fairytale land,

Also me....
And my stuffed animals,
The real world I've long abandoned,
Heard but no one's understanding.
C. Tyler
I'm just OK I guess, I don't know.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Alone is all we ever are,
Solemn like that hanging star,
Alone is all we'll ever be,
Alone with you, Alone with me,
Alone is all we'll ever know,
For alone is now and wherever you go,
Alone is all it takes,
To break,
To fake,
To find,
To live,
To try,
To die,
Alone is all we'll ever be,
Just you, me,
Alone with our sanity.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I'm friendly
But I have a mean stigma about me.
I want to open myself up,
But the anecdotal fears haunt me.
I love,
But I'm never loved truly.
You see me,
You want me,
You fool me.
I'm to blame,
I'm clearly naive,
I'll show my wounds,
My heart on my sleeve.
I'm the guilty,
Of giving too much,
Draining my all into others,
Who don't give a ****.
Do I give up,
Or continue filling my flimsy cone shaped cup?
The thing about love is,
When you're giving it out,
There's always enough.
Jordon Rivir May 2017
All black wedding.
All white funereal.
Fornicating saint,
Love child of lust.
I bow, I bend over,
I accept my sins, I take it in,
I can feel life's rush.
Envelop my sins,
Let the cleanse begin,
Rinse me, drench me
Pull the from within.
Tell me my second chance
Doesn't have to end.
I'll meet you at the pearly gates my friend.
A saint to meet you,
Too meet you again.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
I'm a harlot, but I pray,
I'm a sinner, but a temple's where I stay.
I'm a *****, but the light finds me,
I'm a ****, but goddess see "Me",
I'm ***, but I'm not,
I'm brave, I'm on top,
My chains and bonds are all loosened up,
I'm sensitive, broken, ****** up,
But I won't ever quit,
I won't ever fail,
I won't ever give up,
It's me and me only,
I'm the vessel of my own trust.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
Everything is moving,
Everything is too fast.

Life is loosing momentum,
Life has become a drag.

How do I make the sounds slow down?
How can I silence a hunger so loud?

When my heart beat resonates like a drum.
When my ears are hot they start to erupt.

I can’t feel me,
I have lost me.

Who can hear me?
Who can help me?

Say I’m enough?
Say I’m strong?

Inside I feel weak.
Outside I don’t belong.

How to forget?
How to live another day?

Stay and fight?
Run and escape?

What will **** the memories?
What will numb the pain?

I am alone?
I am ok?

Is there another way?
Is this the end?

Can I end it?
Can I end it all today?

I fight,
I live another day?
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I can't see much else,
Beyond the skyline,
Skyscrapers askew,
Birds soaring high,
I wish I had their view,
Their view from my eyes.
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
We come in different varieties,
Flavors and portions.

Flowers in nature,
Growing beautifully,

None of us are too different,
None of us the same.

Gorgeous sun child!
My black never goes out of style.
Enough said! If this angers or upsets you, then something inside of you is truly damaged. We need every color to make a rainbow and every color deserves love a appreciation!
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I keep a bottle by my bed,
There's never a moment,
I don't need to escape my head.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Its amazing, how easy we give up.
Heart shattering, how fast we fall apart.
It's never a happy ending,
This tale of two hearts.
Do I continue, trying to please my heart?
Or must I live in a world, torn apart?
People are fickle, and frankly they know.
Don't judge me, I'm American,
But not the idol.
So maybe the next time you want to point my way,
No chasing, no haunting,
No preying, stalking, or sitting,
Just hopping up from the ***,
I guess we're done *******(around).
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
I went on a walk,
Because I waned to run,
Away from everything binding me,
Instead I found myself,
Blinded and inebriated by the sun,
So I followed the rays,
The glare in my eyes,
It said,”Stay still my precious child,”
For the sun is food for the soul,
Rejuvenating young and old,
It’s worth more to me than diamonds and gold.
I’m on my morning walk, and like a moth drawn to the light I started to walk towards the sun. It’s getting colder and shade and darkness are trying to reign. The sun is healing.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Everyone of you is me.
We all reach for that release.
The click of the keys,
The smell of loose leaf,
The drag of the pen.
Do you feel the hairs rising,
The goosebumps forming on your skin?
We are all one,
A never ending story,
Writing to draft further and further
Up, Up and away from reality,
Creative, fantastical,
Unique beings,
Yes, you are to me,
And everyone of you is me.
Writing takes me away. Sometimes I'm writing or typing I forget there's a world around me. There's no time, no hunger,no worries, my mind isn't fretting or over thinking. Better than ***, writing truly offers a full release like no other. I hope someone feels The same as me...writing is my oldest, truest friend.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Don't let go of the pen.
Don't let go of the idea.
Don't let go of the spark.
Don't lose sight of the point.
Don't lose sight of the moral.
Don't lose sight of the plot.
Don't slow down.
Don't quit.
Don't take ONE hiatus.
Don't let that block weigh down your wrist.
Don't just type, WRITE and
Don't forget.
Don't ignore this.
Don't procrastinate.
Don't wait.
Don't not write.
Do it before Its too late.
Jordon Rivir Sep 2019
Maybe one day I’ll be happy,  
Til then I will live life loud.
Each emotion is like a roar escaping my body.  Some as soft as a butterfly kiss,
Others ferocious and just as veracious.
Fortunately I can control it, but due to alienation and boredom,
I’m condemned to loathe my darkness,
It holds me, I hold it.
Happiness seeps through the darkness and illuminates my existence.  
Jordon Rivir Mar 2019
Somewhere there's a mother,
Who couldn't keep her head up.
Somewhere there's a child,
Who's mom gave up.
Somewhere there's a boy,
Who's heart has stopped beating.
A sister who cries,
Over her brother's leaving.
A mom who lost herself,
A father left grieving.
A world of turmoil,
No room, for hope or believing.
A world full of perpetual saddnes,
Where the cycle never ends.
A world so cruel,
To take your only friend.
Being a mom of a child with special needs, I often humble myself. I know my son's circumstances could be worse or even terminal. My heart and soul aches for the children we lose every year. They didn't ask to be here, they didn't ask to be made different, but they are. As human adults we all just find the humanity in is all to, never judge and understand the battle within each person you ever see/meet.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Crashing and burning,
Or building and learning...
I don't even know if we are on the same page.
If *** is the bookmark,
I cannot engage.
I'm a tease to please,
Not to be yanked around and deceived...
**** me,
Or **** me over,
Silly girl, go ahead and make the same mistakes...
He's sitting there laughing, waiting for your heart to break.
Help me, I'm cracking up!!!
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I broke my own heart,
And in a fit,
My assembly line threw up their hands,
And they all quit.
I need a custodian,
To come clean me up
Mop up my tears,
And sweep the dust.
Any repairman for hire,
I've broken my heart,
And the warranty has expired.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I bury myself in my poetry,
Or does this poetry bury me?
I review and edit and double check every line,
I dot every "i" and cross every "t".
I've lost the person, who knew how to speak,
I've found a new voice, in my poetry.
I build myself up for the most impossible things,
I get lost in the fear of the possibility of never being.
Never being seen,
Never being heard,
Shouting my poetry, to nothing but the birds.
I get lost in my poetry,
My poetry never lost me.
I'm perched high in the land of nevermore,
In my poet tree.
If you know what popular emo poet I referenced, give yourself a good pat on the back.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
"Hollywood" is a modern day "***** and Gomorrah".
You can believe in it all you like,
But ain't nothing good coming from a cesspool of money, appropriation, degradation, racism, oppression, etc...God the list goes on.
And it never ends, the mess is everywhere, TV, radio, social media, magazines...its all ******* tainted.
Stay above the dream, live the reality.
Hollywood is not America!
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
You ever have so much to say,
And no one to listen to you?
Have you ever felt your thoughts rushing,
Sprinting, exasperating draining *** I have?
Do you feel alone at home or out and about,
Not a friend nor lover no one or nothing to do?
Boredom can cause destruction,
Creation can **** boredom.

Talk to myself til a story brews
I like stories and I like to talk.

Walk by myself night or noon,
I prefer the moon to guide my walk.

Alone? so what have a 3 hour call,
My mom and I talk cartoons for an hour alone!

Go ahead and quote me,
How’s the old saying go?
Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,
That seems unfair to use idle,
To insult a person with a title of sloth,
And to quote the Bible too!

Everyone doesn’t have a craft,
Artist make for everyone,
A gift to every patron,
Art pleases the big and small, near and far, Z-A.
Whatever you’re going through, channel it into something beautiful. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you stop, or you’re not good, or no one cares, never stop ignoring that noise. For’s me. I have to learn to coexist with a side of me that I hate. Time to make lemonade.
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I've always known,
I'm no heir to no throne,
I've finally concluded,
I'm better left alone,
If alone is all we are,
I'll soar in solitude,
I'll go too far,
I'll remain purdah,
And seclude my all,
I'll open my eyes,
Then I will fly,
A roaming heart,
A solemn star.
Being alone is wonderful, but finding sanctuary in solitude is true bliss.
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
I want to be pretty,
I want to be thin,
I wish I was popular,
With all the friends.

Who am I kidding,
I must be joking,
I can name all the continents,
I’d gladly identify all the oceans.

I’m not saying
I’d never say it
I can’t say
The cool kids aren’t smart.

I’m just not interested,
I don’t like crowds,
I can’t follow instructions,
I’m not too proud.

To say the least,
To say to the most,
I’m proud to be strange,
To odd to quote.

You’ll never see another me,
Nope you’ll never meet another,
If there is someone like me,
Send them my way,
This lonely bird has no flock,
Not a single feather.
Best friends are great, if you have a great one, love them, hold them, and cherish them. Happy birthday Denise, I’ll forever love you and hold the time we shared deep in my heart.
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
To all the days,
I’ve spent alone,
Trapped in my head,
Perched on my throne.

To all the noises,
Inside my head,
They shout all night,
They want me dead.

To all the doubts,
That rattle around,
They **** me up,
Until I drown.

To tomorrow,
We will see,
What you bring,
Who I’ll be.

Like a feather,
I flitter away,
To sun kissed daydreams,
To glossy eyed memories.
Under the weight of it all, I just wish I could fly away.
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I tried not to love you,
Since the day first day we met,
I try not to love you,
I try, but forget.
I can't figure out,
If we will or if we won't.
I try not to love you,
I try to forget you,
I try to hate you,
But I know I don't.
I'm a hopeless romantic, pining a lover in my head
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
The end of the world as we know it
We know it as the end of the world
“Life” was once the simplest
Now it’s tossed and whirled.

Bitter sweet fruitless attempts
Climbing this mountain,
So when life offers a “hand
I don’t doubt for one second,
It’s just to push me down
Landing belly up again.

To slick to hold
It’s not meant for us to understand
Hold on and let go
Catch “life” while you can.
There are people who never had to hold still. People who don’t hear what a single original thought in a day. People who need to be enveloped in a reality created just for them. “Now,” is important because a lot of people are getting to know themselves...or not. Every moment in life can be precious, even the sh** times. If you’re fortunate to be alive, every day is a party and every small-big interaction is a present. How we react is what matters
Jordon Rivir Aug 2017
In the midst of life's lecture.
I began to daydream,
I looked out the window and gazed off into eternity.

I dropped my head,
I began to dream,
Life whispered, "be quiet" in my sleep.

I shut my mouth, and tried to wake,
Life kissed me,
And said "You need a break."

So I ran, real far,
Into a fork, the sign read,
"Life or death, the decisions yours"
I ran to "death", to end this nightmarish, dream,
Life grabbed me and said," Life is free, with death comes a cost, if you leave before your time, your life is forever lost.

When I came to,
Life bore no more words,
So I laid down my woes,
And left you unheard.
I was never really listening,
So I never really learned.
I'm still young,
Life, it's still "My turn"
C. Tyler
Life is only what YOU make it! Be the best, most positive version of you possible, and love yourself.
Its never too late to start living, there's always a better way than giving up. I love you.
(Suicide Hotline)
Jordon Rivir Aug 2017
I can pretend,
Like I'm ok,
I can hold back my tears,
Just to get through the day.

I can put on a facade,
Like I'm alright,
Just to lose another battle,
As I succumb to the night.

I can imagine,
I'm doing just fine,
Nothing ever changed,
Like a key to a lock,
You were always mine,
You would always stay.

I'm not gonna pretend,
I'm not ok,
I'll shed the facade,
I'm not alright,
It's not my imagination,
I'm not just fine.

I want to cry all night,
I want to cry all day,
Lost in the safety of memories,
Locked into this pain.

There is no way to hide the shame,
Of a fatherless Dame.

You lie in your hospital bed,
Dying, withering, wasting away.

A decade has passed, you call for me,
But still,
Is what I say.

I'm pretending to be ok,
Locked away,
Isolated insanity.
C. Tyler
My estranged father had 2 strokes and may have lung cancer, now he wants to see my sister and I after a decade or so. I learned this news 7/22/17, I have yet to call the hospital. I'm not an angry, hateful, harsh person who holds grudges, but I just don't know what to say...what can I say...."I hope those drugs were worth it"...this is why I haven't called yet clearly.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Lipstick stained cheeks,
"Tag, you're it",
Chasing you around our apartment,
You got into some ****-!
"Come here, let's play"
We can go out or stay in,
But it's hot these days.
You don't talk, you can't say,
What you want
How you wanna play.
But no matter how hard,
No matter how tough,
I love you Tyler
Very, very much.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Oh I've never loved another,
The way I love this little fella,
He drives me up a wall,
And makes me smile
Like a sun bright and yellow.
Do you ponder,
My secret lover,
Well its not too serious,
It's just I just need this brother,
Head's hard as a rock,
Heart light as a feather,
And with him,
I feel his love forever,
My son Tyler Jones,
Shines bright in any weather.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Heart for sale,
I don't want it,
Its expired,
Time to toss it,
Properly dispose every bit,
Shove it in the garbage disposal,
And crank that ****
It's not needed,
Please vacate the premises,
It's not worth it,
Strips me naked,
It's detrimental,
Destructive and doubtful,
Thinking with my heart,
Only makes me an *******.
Heart for sale,
"Used" but can be refurbished,
Heart for sale,
Hurry up and buy,
I don't want this ****.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
The rose will die,
The thorns will ***** you,
A kiss from a rose
Love is
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
I was special,
Rare like a diamond.
Now the luster has gone,
I feel like riches, to dirt,
To dust, to done,
So leave me, I'm lonely,
I can love me lonely.
So leave me, I'm lonely,
I can love me lonely.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I don't ask why,
Only when,
When will your kiss grace me?
When will you be mine again?
When will I be swept away in your wind?
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
(A Love Story)

Bad boy
Perfect girl
Meant to meet
Colliding worlds.

Losing control
Souls too old
Love too real
From what I know.

You pulled me in
You threw your reel
But we were far too young
To know how it supposed to feel.

We part for now
Never goodbye
Secretly knowing
Our love would never die.

Time went by
Our time is forever
The force of two
Creates a bond so strong
We finally see
We need each other.

Souls and energies combine
Absorbing the other
2 is now 1
It's only begun.

Losing yourself in someone
Never wanting to lose that one
A painful ordeal but
If it's true and if it's at strong
Fight through sadness
Fight for love
Life's too short
To loose the right one.
Jordon Rivir May 2017
Every knock, every call,
When I think I see you passing by,
Every guy, short or tall.
I thought I saw you the other night.
When I woke, from my dreams,
You never left this life,
Then I wept, when I woke
I had to tell you Goodbye.
Jordon Rivir May 2019
Your feet will never outrun your heart,
Even with a head start.
You can make a home inside your head,
Making mistakes your bed.
You can triumph or fail,
Arrest or prevail.
You can shout at the moon,
Until it becomes the sun.
But you gotta move,
This is your life to run!
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
How can I say I love you?
Do you understand?
Can you feel what I feel?
How can I feel your love?
Do you know what's real?
There's a spectrum and sliding doors and too many turning tables.
I talk to you the best I can,
I talk to you when I'm able,
Many a day my spirits were broke,
My heart was hurt,
Body crumpled and beaten and left in the dirt,
Still I love you even though I know your a selfish little brat,
I love harder and I love wiser now,
I have you to thank for that.
As simple as this is but as complex as it gets,
Parenting is a lot more intense when  you throw autism in the mix.
Venting...don't talk about this much, it's just life for me.
Painful and beautiful and worth living.
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
Make me feel like every love song written ever.
On repeat forever and ever.
Letting the melody of you and me take over.
Never letting go, ever.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
I'm so accustomed to this sad heart of mine,
If it were whole, I may die.
The fear alone being full then drained,
I'm a prisoner to love,
Gold fashion, locks and chains.
I'll never speak of love.
Love has no face or name.
I'll never believe in love,
It will just cheat me again.
I'll never be in love,
Love is a losing game.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
The birds come to my window,
They take my bread,
I wish they would take me,
Take me away instead.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.

C.T. Wordz
I fell in love with the fire of my soul, and still he wants me not. A tragic love story that stretches through lifetimes and universes...I know him but he will never love me the way I've died for him.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
All I want is for people to stop staring,
As if they can see beyond the beauty,
And feel my despair.
I'm not to be kept like a trophy,
High on a shelf,
Forgotten up on my pedestal,
Forgotten even by myself.
So don't dress me up and feed me lies,  
I'll swell like a Christmas sow.
Don't prep me for marriage or paint your fantasy,
Of taking me, way on horse drawn carriage.
I'm not for you to brag about,
I'm not a toy on the lot.
I speak and spell out my truth.
I know the goods are damaged,
But I'm worth the shot.
Jordon Rivir Jul 2017
Ode to a Poet(writer)
I know you,
All alone
4am is when you feel most at home.
I feel you,
Blank page, full pen,
I see you,
Looking at a page waiting for a tale to unfold,
When it starts, it flows,
I am you,
Hiding away, writing my pain,
Escaping reality,
Day to day,
We are art,
In the way we move,
We are the dreamer's and believer's
Pad and pen in hand til our dreams come true.
C. Tyler
Jordon Rivir May 2017
My black is beautiful,
My coffee and your cream.
You put your spoon in my cup,
Stirred me up,
Now we have a little you and me.
And he, like me, loves and
Adores you.
My black is beautiful,
Our black made something so beautiful.
My black sun child,
You're misunderstood,
Never forget, my black is beautiful.
Jordon Rivir Apr 2019
My son can not communicate,
Like you or me.
Like nature he vibes without one word,
Like the wind spreading the trees’ seeds.
My son can communicate,
Like the earth and the sun,
The clouds and the sky,
Or the moon and the stars,
I can’t hear a word he’s saying,
Unless I listen with my heart.
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
Back broken, knees weak,
Catatonic and traumatized,
Cannot speak.
Life’s misfortunes keeping you down,
Stand on your head,
Turn that frown around.
Smile why don’t you, if not for you, than smile for me. I love the phrase turn that frown upside down. It’s so silly and cliche, but it’s one of those cheesy phrases that will never go away. Just imagine a person is told to turn that frown upside down, and instead they just do a headstand/handstand. I’ll get what I can take
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
When I arrived,
You were gone,
Not a word,
I was torn,
My heart shattered,
The pieces awash,
My eyes storm.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Please don't love me,
I can't reciprocate,
I've no heart left,
Please don't resuscitate.

Please don't love me,
I can't feel a thing,
My heart is stone,
My tears are acid they burn and sting.

Please don't love me
I can't comprehend,
The line between stranger,
The line beyond friends.

Please don't love me,
It hurts to feel so good,
Knowing you'll leave me,
Knowing you should.

Please don't love me,
Please do not try,
Please don't give me your shoulder,
Please let me cry,
Please just forget me,
You're so good at that,
Please don't love me,
Please don't give me my love back,
I'll never lose my love,
As long as I know the last place I left it at.
Love is eternal and everlasting. It burns with intensity. It burns to the core in me.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Dancing shadows of you,
Cloud my memory,
Silhouettes of a sad somber day,
Flood my heart,
I drown.
I'm free.
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