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Aug 2020 · 179
Shortcomings
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
Everyone else,
Has theses “normal” kids,
They think they are special,
When mine really is,
You can’t compare or empathize,
For what I produced
From between my thighs,
Has haunted me since his diagnosis,
Believing I can help him,
But I’m foolish,
Every parent is going to need help,
I need to admit that,
I’m better than no one else.
Aug 2020 · 136
To All My Lost Dreams
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
I’ve simply lost sight,
The landing I can’t see,
I can’t find the person,
I used to want to be.
I woke up one day,
Nothing to believe,
I live comatose,
With nothing to dream.
I need help, but I’m ashamed of my failure. I can’t help my son, because I can’t help me. I don’t want him to drown with me, he deserves better than that.
Aug 2020 · 68
Sugarcoated Sh**
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
I’m out of touch,
Not in the loop,
Don’t like celebrities,
Don’t know “the scoop”.

I’m not cool,
I don’t follow trends,
I’d rather not gossip,
Don’t have any friends.

I’m not very popular,
There’s no place I fit,
If you get to know me,
I’m truly a *****.

I’m so lame,
I don’t know the music of the times,
I’d don’t like club or parties,
I don’t like waiting in lines.
  
I don’t like feeling different,
When I’m in a crowd,
Anxiety takes over me,
She’s talking so loud.

I’ll just bleed in
To the walls and decor,
I’ll lock myself away,
I’ll hide from it all.

I just don’t know how to be,
How to follow and still say I’m free,
Don’t look my way,
For ANY sympathy,
Everything is sugarcoated.
Everything but me.
Aug 2020 · 86
I’ll Take Flight
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
To all the days,
I’ve spent alone,
Trapped in my head,
Perched on my throne.

To all the noises,
Inside my head,
They shout all night,
They want me dead.

To all the doubts,
That rattle around,
They **** me up,
Until I drown.

To tomorrow,
We will see,
What you bring,
Who I’ll be.

Like a feather,
I flitter away,
To sun kissed daydreams,
To glossy eyed memories.
Under the weight of it all, I just wish I could fly away.
Aug 2020 · 91
Idle Ideal Idol
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
You ever have so much to say,
And no one to listen to you?
Have you ever felt your thoughts rushing,
Sprinting, exasperating draining *** I have?
Do you feel alone at home or out and about,
Not a friend nor lover no one or nothing to do?
Boredom can cause destruction,
Creation can **** boredom.

Talk to myself til a story brews
I like stories and I like to talk.

Walk by myself night or noon,
I prefer the moon to guide my walk.

Alone? so what have a 3 hour call,
My mom and I talk cartoons for an hour alone!

Go ahead and quote me,
How’s the old saying go?
Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,
That seems unfair to use idle,
To insult a person with a title of sloth,
And to quote the Bible too!

Everyone doesn’t have a craft,
Artist make for everyone,
A gift to every patron,
Art pleases the big and small, near and far, Z-A.
Whatever you’re going through, channel it into something beautiful. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you stop, or you’re not good, or no one cares, never stop ignoring that noise. For me...it’s me. I have to learn to coexist with a side of me that I hate. Time to make lemonade.
Aug 2020 · 94
To That Girl
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
I wanna hold’ ya hand,
Tell ya it won’t always feel this way,
I wanna tell ya tomorrow will be betta,
I wanna make ya believe in today.

All the promises will prevail,
All ya friends will come through,
That you’ll have a happy ending,
But my love it’s just not true.

So I’ll squeeze ya,
Hold  ya close,
Tell ya you’re important,
‘*** that’s what we need to hear most.

Lookin back I’d tell that girl,
“Everything is going to be ok”,
Lookin back at that girl,
Prayin she’d never become me.

Haunted by the memories,
That girl I used to be,
Tortured by reality,
That warped my identity.
I’m to young, to feel this *bleeping* old.
Aug 2020 · 834
The Water
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
Water ripples, wind blows,
Water drips, leaf tip,
Water quenches, gratefully sip,
Water’s evolved, fish, irrigation, canals, and cruise ships.
Water water, water!
Wat-er, wha-ter, is what her
Eyes drip?
Moist damp wet water,
She cleans the land feeds the soil
Water water water!
The water is in turmoil!
Homes, families, organisms unknown,
Water is home.
Dolphins and turtles,
Plastic bags and six pack strands,
Beautiful creatures,
Water martyrs.
No more are the shores pure.
The water is at war.
“We should do more”
We’ve done enough.
Aug 2020 · 922
I Fly Solo
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
I want to be pretty,
I want to be thin,
I wish I was popular,
With all the friends.

Who am I kidding,
I must be joking,
I can name all the continents,
I’d gladly identify all the oceans.

I’m not saying
I’d never say it
I can’t say
The cool kids aren’t smart.

I’m just not interested,
I don’t like crowds,
I can’t follow instructions,
I’m not too proud.

To say the least,
To say to the most,
I’m proud to be strange,
To odd to quote.

You’ll never see another me,
Nope you’ll never meet another,
If there is someone like me,
Send them my way,
This lonely bird has no flock,
Not a single feather.
Best friends are great, if you have a great one, love them, hold them, and cherish them. Happy birthday Denise, I’ll forever love you and hold the time we shared deep in my heart.
Aug 2020 · 192
Be Ok
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
Everything is moving,
Everything is too fast.

Life is loosing momentum,
Life has become a drag.

How do I make the sounds slow down?
How can I silence a hunger so loud?

When my heart beat resonates like a drum.
When my ears are hot they start to erupt.

I can’t feel me,
I have lost me.

Who can hear me?
Who can help me?

Say I’m enough?
Say I’m strong?

Inside I feel weak.
Outside I don’t belong.

How to forget?
How to live another day?

Stay and fight?
Run and escape?

What will **** the memories?
What will numb the pain?

I am alone?
I am ok?

Is there another way?
Is this the end?

Can I end it?
Can I end it all today?

I fight,
I live another day?
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
We come in different varieties,
Flavors and portions.

Flowers in nature,
Growing beautifully,
Free,
Wild!

None of us are too different,
None of us the same.

Gorgeous sun child!
My black never goes out of style.
Enough said! If this angers or upsets you, then something inside of you is truly damaged. We need every color to make a rainbow and every color deserves love a appreciation!
Aug 2020 · 59
Life: Just Go with it
Jordon Rivir Aug 2020
The end of the world as we know it
We know it as the end of the world
“Life” was once the simplest
Now it’s tossed and whirled.

Bitter sweet fruitless attempts
Climbing this mountain,
So when life offers a “hand
I don’t doubt for one second,
It’s just to push me down
Landing belly up again.

To slick to hold
It’s not meant for us to understand
Hold on and let go
Catch “life” while you can.
There are people who never had to hold still. People who don’t hear what a single original thought in a day. People who need to be enveloped in a reality created just for them. “Now,” is important because a lot of people are getting to know themselves...or not. Every moment in life can be precious, even the sh** times. If you’re fortunate to be alive, every day is a party and every small-big interaction is a present. How we react is what matters
Nov 2019 · 104
Love in Life or Death
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
The rose will die,
The thorns will ***** you,
A kiss from a rose
Love is
Nov 2019 · 232
Should, Could, Would
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
It’s hard to feel great,
When you know you should.
Broken by wishes, wants, and dreams,
You can have them all,
You know you could.
Pushing forward to the goal,
All the things you pine for are yours,
Soon you’ll reign victorious,
I knew you would.
Despite all obstacles, just keep going. Things are not gonna be easy, and if they are, you should be suspicious and prepared for the inevitable. Take the good with the bad and reverse. Life is just that, a plethora of challenges to **** out the weak from the strong. Sometimes the strongest people were once weak and broken, but with each challenge accepted we gain strength.
Nov 2019 · 88
Writers’ Demon
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
Pen, paper,
I lose control,
Something bigger,
It takes hold,
Dare I,
Sit and wait,
Am I,
To simply negotiate,
These words,
Words I own,
Won’t form,
Nothing to say,
Try again,
Pen in hand,
Page blank,
You mock me,
Provoking me,
What’s at stake,
My sanity,
For goodness sakes!
I was asked,”Do I ever have moments where you’re inspired to write a poem from nowhere?”
In response I said,”I think inspiration is something that can come from nothing, or nothing that can stem from something;something as simple as staring into the sun.”
I said yes and no, personally my best work(in my opinion/eyes) is drawn from inspiration, and sometimes I’m inspired “out of nowhere”.
Nov 2019 · 306
On the Flipside
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
Back broken, knees weak,
Catatonic and traumatized,
Cannot speak.
Life’s misfortunes keeping you down,
Stand on your head,
Turn that frown around.
Smile why don’t you, if not for you, than smile for me. I love the phrase turn that frown upside down. It’s so silly and cliche, but it’s one of those cheesy phrases that will never go away. Just imagine a person is told to turn that frown upside down, and instead they just do a headstand/handstand. I’ll get what I can take
Nov 2019 · 307
Captivated by the Sun
Jordon Rivir Nov 2019
I went on a walk,
Because I waned to run,
Away from everything binding me,
Instead I found myself,
Blinded and inebriated by the sun,
So I followed the rays,
The glare in my eyes,
It said,”Stay still my precious child,”
For the sun is food for the soul,
Rejuvenating young and old,
It’s worth more to me than diamonds and gold.
I’m on my morning walk, and like a moth drawn to the light I started to walk towards the sun. It’s getting colder and shade and darkness are trying to reign. The sun is healing.
Oct 2019 · 155
Unchained
Jordon Rivir Oct 2019
Was I born broken?
Was I whole,
Years of trauma,
Breaking me,
Crushing me,
Creating this hole?
This void,
This shallow empty pool,
Of blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be,
Now houses locks and chains.
That weigh me down,
They seal my eyes,
From seeing what I used to be,
Destroying who I am,
They conspire.
They recreate who I wanna be.
Will I?
Shall I,
Let them break me.
I can’t!
Can I,
Break free?
How do I live beyond misery,
The company I don’t wanna keep,
The person I don’t wanna be?
How do I let go of the reigns,
That control the strings,
Connected to the chains,
Housed within the blood and veins,
Where my heart used to be?
Is there a void, to void this void,
How do I unlock it without the key,
Am I just digging a deeper hole,
To escape this reality?
If I go deeper,
Will I be free?
Sep 2019 · 123
Happier
Jordon Rivir Sep 2019
Maybe one day I’ll be happy,  
Til then I will live life loud.
Each emotion is like a roar escaping my body.  Some as soft as a butterfly kiss,
Others ferocious and just as veracious.
Fortunately I can control it, but due to alienation and boredom,
I’m condemned to loathe my darkness,
It holds me, I hold it.
ALAS!  
Happiness seeps through the darkness and illuminates my existence.  
I
Am
Happier.
May 2019 · 101
MOVE
Jordon Rivir May 2019
Your feet will never outrun your heart,
Even with a head start.
You can make a home inside your head,
Making mistakes your bed.
You can triumph or fail,
Arrest or prevail.
You can shout at the moon,
Until it becomes the sun.
But you gotta move,
This is your life to run!
Apr 2019 · 159
Sitting In Silence With You
Jordon Rivir Apr 2019
Silence is serenity.
I feel safe in silence.
I’ve always felt safe,
In silence with you.
Apr 2019 · 187
Ode to Tyler
Jordon Rivir Apr 2019
My son can not communicate,
Like you or me.
Like nature he vibes without one word,
Like the wind spreading the trees’ seeds.
My son can communicate,
Like the earth and the sun,
The clouds and the sky,
Or the moon and the stars,
I can’t hear a word he’s saying,
Unless I listen with my heart.
Mar 2019 · 119
Waiting for Words
Jordon Rivir Mar 2019
WoRdS lOaDiNg....
A blank drawn,
Spaced in, boxed in tight,
Nothing, blank, pen, paper,
Blink, blink
Rubbing my eyes,
Batting them vigorously,
God why can't think!?
Spaced out, zoned out,
Without one doubt,
I've writer's block.
F*@#!
Mar 2019 · 118
Hard Pill
Jordon Rivir Mar 2019
Somewhere there's a mother,
Who couldn't keep her head up.
Somewhere there's a child,
Who's mom gave up.
Somewhere there's a boy,
Who's heart has stopped beating.
A sister who cries,
Over her brother's leaving.
A mom who lost herself,
A father left grieving.
A world of turmoil,
No room, for hope or believing.
A world full of perpetual saddnes,
Where the cycle never ends.
A world so cruel,
To take your only friend.
Being a mom of a child with special needs, I often humble myself. I know my son's circumstances could be worse or even terminal. My heart and soul aches for the children we lose every year. They didn't ask to be here, they didn't ask to be made different, but they are. As human adults we all just find the humanity in is all to, never judge and understand the battle within each person you ever see/meet.
Feb 2019 · 182
Sheep or No Sleep
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I've been losing sleep,
Lately I've pondered, where are the sheep?
Not to count,
Solely for the  company they will keep,
No longer alone,
As I drift off and sleep deep.
Feb 2019 · 167
What Love Does to Us
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I wanna fight you,
I wanna protect you,
I wanna build you up,
I wanna perfect you,
Wanna ride,
Won't run and hide,
Wanna stand by your side
Won't neglect you,
Perpetuate you,
Integrate you,
Imitate the things you crave,
Lie down and be your equal,
For you I'll be a fool,
My heart and soul are cruel,
For you they burn until I don't know what to do,
My heart and soul are ice,
You melt me, warm me up, for a price.
Admission is admitting
The love you we in,
Or secede from this love treaty,
We'll both lose in the end.
Feb 2019 · 363
I Tried and Failed
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I tried not to love you,
Since the day first day we met,
I try not to love you,
I try, but forget.
I can't figure out,
If we will or if we won't.
I try not to love you,
I try to forget you,
I try to hate you,
But I know I don't.
I'm a hopeless romantic, pining a lover in my head
Feb 2019 · 89
My Puzzle Piece
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
How can I say I love you?
Do you understand?
Can you feel what I feel?
How can I feel your love?
Do you know what's real?
There's a spectrum and sliding doors and too many turning tables.
I talk to you the best I can,
I talk to you when I'm able,
Many a day my spirits were broke,
My heart was hurt,
Body crumpled and beaten and left in the dirt,
Still I love you even though I know your a selfish little brat,
I love harder and I love wiser now,
I have you to thank for that.
As simple as this is but as complex as it gets,
Parenting is a lot more intense when  you throw autism in the mix.
Venting...don't talk about this much, it's just life for me.
Painful and beautiful and worth living.
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I've always known,
I'm no heir to no throne,
I've finally concluded,
I'm better left alone,
If alone is all we are,
I'll soar in solitude,
I'll go too far,
I'll remain purdah,
And seclude my all,
I'll open my eyes,
Then I will fly,
A roaming heart,
A solemn star.
Being alone is wonderful, but finding sanctuary in solitude is true bliss.
Feb 2019 · 118
Bottle of the Bottom
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
I keep a bottle by my bed,
There's never a moment,
I don't need to escape my head.
Feb 2019 · 104
Never Ever
Jordon Rivir Feb 2019
Make me feel like every love song written ever.
On repeat forever and ever.
Letting the melody of you and me take over.
Never letting go, ever.
Jan 2019 · 179
Bird's Eyes
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I can't see much else,
Beyond the skyline,
Skyscrapers askew,
Birds soaring high,
I wish I had their view,
Their view from my eyes.
Jan 2019 · 252
No Flight
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
The birds come to my window,
They take my bread,
I wish they would take me,
Take me away instead.
Jan 2019 · 145
Sky View
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Outside my window,
My view, I see beauty,
The skyline kisses the city,
So pretty.
Jan 2019 · 204
Catharsis
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Everyone of you is me.
We all reach for that release.
The click of the keys,
The smell of loose leaf,
The drag of the pen.
Do you feel the hairs rising,
The goosebumps forming on your skin?
We are all one,
A never ending story,
Writing to draft further and further
Up, Up and away from reality,
Creative, fantastical,
Unique beings,
Yes, you are to me,
And everyone of you is me.
Writing takes me away. Sometimes I'm writing or typing I forget there's a world around me. There's no time, no hunger,no worries, my mind isn't fretting or over thinking. Better than ***, writing truly offers a full release like no other. I hope someone feels The same as me...writing is my oldest, truest friend.
Jan 2019 · 150
Salvation
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Dancing shadows of you,
Cloud my memory,
Silhouettes of a sad somber day,
Flood my heart,
I drown.
I'm free.
Jan 2019 · 100
Don'ts and Do of Writing
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Don't let go of the pen.
Don't let go of the idea.
Don't let go of the spark.
Don't lose sight of the point.
Don't lose sight of the moral.
Don't lose sight of the plot.
Don't slow down.
Don't quit.
Don't take ONE hiatus.
Don't let that block weigh down your wrist.
Don't just type, WRITE and
Don't forget.
Don't ignore this.
Don't procrastinate.
Don't wait.
Don't not write.
Do it before Its too late.
Jan 2019 · 99
Sanctuary
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I can never wait,
To at last be home.
I find it's most peaceful,
When I'm all alone.
I'm blessed to have my very own
My sanctuary,
For you I've longed.
Home is life. I'm safest and happiest at home.
Jan 2019 · 472
Love's Wind
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I don't ask why,
Only when,
When will your kiss grace me?
When will you be mine again?
When will I be swept away in your wind?
Jan 2019 · 81
Waves
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
My life is like waves,
My heart is like thunder,
My brain floats above me
It keeps me from going under.

My psyche is tired,
My soul is so old,
My body feels younger,
I've lost myself a million times,
But still I wonder...

My pen is my sword,
My stories my Knight,
I've long wrote this tale,
Before I could write.

I've been here once,
I'll be hear again,
I'll never get bored,
I'll never end.
C. Tyler
Just....Life *sigh*
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Your smile so pretty
You've hoodwinked me yet again
We're never over.
A Haiku, from me to you ❤
Jan 2019 · 89
Untitled
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
You called me an angel,
Then ripped off my wings,
Love is a beautiful, bitter,
Funny thing.
Not understanding a thing that you say,
Not hearing me cause your pride's in the way.
Fairytale, myths, and lies you string.
You snag and tug
The stitches of me,
Releasing my wrath
Depleting my pain.
I'm tired of loving and losing this game.

It's a shame,
We met failure,
Before we began.
C. Tyler
Jan 2019 · 92
Partir
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
When I arrived,
You were gone,
Not a word,
I was torn,
My heart shattered,
The pieces awash,
My eyes storm.
Jan 2019 · 294
An Ode to Companionship
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I'm friendly
But I have a mean stigma about me.
I want to open myself up,
But the anecdotal fears haunt me.
I love,
But I'm never loved truly.
You see me,
You want me,
You fool me.
I'm to blame,
I'm clearly naive,
I'll show my wounds,
My heart on my sleeve.
I'm the guilty,
Of giving too much,
Draining my all into others,
Who don't give a ****.
Do I give up,
Or continue filling my flimsy cone shaped cup?
The thing about love is,
When you're giving it out,
There's always enough.
-Wordz
Jan 2019 · 82
LovEvolution
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
(A Love Story)

Bad boy
Perfect girl
Meant to meet
Colliding worlds.

Losing control
Souls too old
Love too real
From what I know.

You pulled me in
You threw your reel
But we were far too young
To know how it supposed to feel.

We part for now
Never goodbye
Secretly knowing
Our love would never die.

Time went by
Our time is forever
The force of two
Creates a bond so strong
We finally see
We need each other.

Souls and energies combine
Absorbing the other
2 is now 1
It's only begun.

Losing yourself in someone
Never wanting to lose that one
A painful ordeal but
If it's true and if it's at strong
Fight through sadness
Fight for love
Life's too short
To loose the right one.
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I broke my own heart,
And in a fit,
My assembly line threw up their hands,
And they all quit.
I need a custodian,
To come clean me up
Mop up my tears,
And sweep the dust.
Any repairman for hire,
I've broken my heart,
And the warranty has expired.
Jan 2019 · 92
High in My Poet Tree
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
I bury myself in my poetry,
Or does this poetry bury me?
I review and edit and double check every line,
I dot every "i" and cross every "t".
I've lost the person, who knew how to speak,
I've found a new voice, in my poetry.
I build myself up for the most impossible things,
I get lost in the fear of the possibility of never being.
Never being seen,
Never being heard,
Shouting my poetry, to nothing but the birds.
I get lost in my poetry,
My poetry never lost me.
I'm perched high in the land of nevermore,
In my poet tree.
If you know what popular emo poet I referenced, give yourself a good pat on the back.
Jan 2019 · 86
Please
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
Please don't love me,
I can't reciprocate,
I've no heart left,
Please don't resuscitate.

Please don't love me,
I can't feel a thing,
My heart is stone,
My tears are acid they burn and sting.

Please don't love me
I can't comprehend,
The line between stranger,
The line beyond friends.

Please don't love me,
It hurts to feel so good,
Knowing you'll leave me,
Knowing you should.

Please don't love me,
Please do not try,
Please don't give me your shoulder,
Please let me cry,
Please just forget me,
You're so good at that,
Please don't love me,
Please don't give me my love back,
I'll never lose my love,
As long as I know the last place I left it at.
Love is eternal and everlasting. It burns with intensity. It burns to the core in me.
Jan 2019 · 443
No Longer, Never Mine
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.

C.T. Wordz
I fell in love with the fire of my soul, and still he wants me not. A tragic love story that stretches through lifetimes and universes...I know him but he will never love me the way I've died for him.
Jan 2019 · 67
Ode to A Broken Beauty
Jordon Rivir Jan 2019
All I want is for people to stop staring,
As if they can see beyond the beauty,
And feel my despair.
I'm not to be kept like a trophy,
High on a shelf,
Forgotten up on my pedestal,
Forgotten even by myself.
So don't dress me up and feed me lies,  
I'll swell like a Christmas sow.
Don't prep me for marriage or paint your fantasy,
Of taking me, way on horse drawn carriage.
I'm not for you to brag about,
I'm not a toy on the lot.
I speak and spell out my truth.
I know the goods are damaged,
But I'm worth the shot.
Aug 2017 · 70
Life's Lost Lesson
Jordon Rivir Aug 2017
In the midst of life's lecture.
I began to daydream,
I looked out the window and gazed off into eternity.

I dropped my head,
I began to dream,
Life whispered, "be quiet" in my sleep.

I shut my mouth, and tried to wake,
Life kissed me,
And said "You need a break."

So I ran, real far,
Into a fork, the sign read,
"Life or death, the decisions yours"
I ran to "death", to end this nightmarish, dream,
Life grabbed me and said," Life is free, with death comes a cost, if you leave before your time, your life is forever lost.

When I came to,
Life bore no more words,
So I laid down my woes,
And left you unheard.
I was never really listening,
So I never really learned.
I'm still young,
Life, it's still "My turn"
C. Tyler
Life is only what YOU make it! Be the best, most positive version of you possible, and love yourself.
Its never too late to start living, there's always a better way than giving up. I love you.
1-800-273-8255
(Suicide Hotline)
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