Sing me a tune, song bird
Drown out my thoughts, song bird
I don't want to hear, song bird
I don't want to think, song bird
If you were loud enough
I won't be able to hear myself
I won't be able to scare myself
I won't be able to hurt myself
Song bird, sing louder
Sing louder
Sing louder
Song bird, don't let them hear
They cannot hear, song bird
I can't let them hear song bird
Song bird, don't let them stop me
I do not want to be stopped

-c.s.

The walls I built
Inside my head
A reminder
Of all the things that made me mad

Lack of confidence
Lack of trust
To succeed
Those two things are a must

I will
Out grow my shell
And move to
A bigger hell

Almost Only Counts In
Horseshoes And
Hand Grenades

Imagine wanting to say something,
Having so much to say,
But nothing will come out.
You're trapped in your own mind.
It's as if you have stage fright,
And the whole world is a stage,
And you can't speak the lines
That you've rehearsed
Over and over, countless times.

Imagine people telling you
To stop being shy, to talk,
But they don't understand
How real this fear is.

What if you say the wrong things?
What if no one likes you?
Feeling as if they think you're weird,
That they don't want to talk to you.
And it's those fears that trap the words,
Trap all the things you have to say.
It's not easy, it's terrifying.
And no one seems to get it,
This is not just shyness,
This is not antisocial,
It's anxiety, it's a phobia.
And it hurts.

I dream of dead people
Of maltractated bodies from the movies
Of grandmother
Of horses with their guts cut open

They are never frightening
Never more or never less
The most terrifying in my dreams
Is the manager I work for

He is schizophrenic
Like my Brother
Has black hair
And piercing eyes
Like my Brother

Sometimes I wake up
Wanting to be dead
I'd rather be a good dream
With paper thin skin
And loving hands

Than a living nightmare
With black hair
And penetrating eyes

**So I search for death