Hey Mom,
I'm sorry for not being
your happy little boy.
I'm sorry I couldn't grow up
to be happy like you wanted me to be.
You were perfect.
I love you.

Hey Dad,
I know I avoided you these past few years.
I don't regret it.
I hope to see you again though.
Only in hell.
I hate you.

Hey friends,
I know you tried so hard for me.
I'm sorry I was pointless.
I never really had a chance.
I was always the ****-up I am.
You know this.
I'm sorry.

Hey Dear,
I'm sorry for all the guilt I've caused.
I'm sorry for always being your little problem, the one you could never get rid of.
I always wanted to see you happy.
All I did was cause the opposite.
I wish I was someone else.
Forgive me.

All my little notes I leave.
I still hope no one will miss me

How dare you utter
those most vicious words
as if you mean them at all

How dare you tell me
that you dont think of her
when thats who you chose

You collect people
like an ant collects food
yet tell me you dont like to share

sharing. you share yourself until your broken
broken
broken
broken
i
cannot
fix you

it hurts when you love me
it hurts when you dont

i'm the girl who tares herself apart
because she tries to find something she's missing

i'm the girl who is scared of her own mind
because i don't know how to control it

i'm the girl who used to cry herself to sleep
because i didn't know how to be "good enough"

i'm the girl who has a secret that will change everything

i'm the girl who gets stronger every fall

i'm the girl who makes jokes about things i really don't think are funny

i'm the girl who doesn't know what love feels like
but can give it to whoever needs it

i'm the girl who's more than an age

i'm more then what you think of me

Your spine curves like a saxophone,
I intend to play our symphonies
on the pearls that decorate your skin,
That trumpet in your throat sings
loud and full of life,
Please share it with me tonight,
The metronome across your chest
is a warm reminder of who I have
been looking for,
We do not even notice the broken
strings we share in our necks,
looked past tongue tied apologies
in the midmorning outros,
lay with me here tonight,
as if we were a chorus,
in just the right tune

I have a happy expression
Surrounded by unhappy faces.
Which were caused by me during my many destructive stages.

I ask myself
"How can they still care when I simply have no love to give?"
All this sudden realized guilt
Makes me not wanna live.

So mom, dad, sister, and friends,
Lets bring out the truth
and no longer pretend.

Just tell it to me straight,
Speak those aching words,
Say your lives would be better
If I wasn't in your world.

Because you can deny it all you want,
But your eyes speak the truth.
Telling me you wish i was never born would certainly not be rude.

For I am the storm that has rained on your parade,
Don't worry, my death by nature will come soon,
Maybe any day.

So I'm sorry for what I've said and done,
But I know that means absolutely nothing.
Though I would do anything,
To hit that reset button.

No, I'm not fine.
Please stop asking.

No, I'm not lying.
Please stop crying.

No, I am caring.
Please stop judging.

Yes, I do still cut.
Please stop searching for them.

Yes, I do still try to hide the pain.
Please stop thinking I'm weak.

Yes, I am still breathing.
Please stop reminding me.

I still do many things I shouldn't.
I'm sorry.
Please leave, everyone is better
without me.

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

I fit together
Like sticks
And stones
With childs elmer glue

Like a macaroni smiley face
With the edges all wonky

And you say my "curves" are beautiful
But i say my "angles" are awkward
Too sharp
My hips
Too prominent

You can see my collar bone
For miles
My ribs are
All too
There

My skin has become transparent
My veins
An ugly blue
My freckles
Out of place
I just dont know what
To do

Im a scarecrow
Of human peices
Individually
Good
But sow me together
I dont quite fit

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

I hate you
I despise you
We've been in this war
For some time now
Guns loaded
Hand on trigger
Aim precise
Only there is something holding me back
Something that won't let me pull that trigger
Maybe it's the fact I don't hate you
Or perhaps the fact that this is all a deception
A mare allusion in my mind
Because I've yet to say how I feel outloud
But when I do
That is when the bullet with soar