Inspired off of a quote I saw that said "I went viral in 2020".
In the day and age now of memes,  I know it was made for laughs,
but it left me more contemplative than I suppose, and I figured I would put the reality into it, having lost two friends of mine to this.
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Stay safe, you are in my prayers.

Relapsed since February.
I was recently sexually assaulted and faced many damages to my body that I cannot cope with and see as my new reality.
I often was too consumed to realize that now, going sober, that despite the illogical rationality that those pills were the only things that did not hurt, abuse, leave, or scare me., they were doing just that.
"They made me happy, gave me a new better world, energy and made me not have to see, hear and wake up and feel what I carried everyday."

But I would rather be human, than pretending to be one anymore.
I am tired, and as I write this these voices are killing me,
but it beats these ******* being my only company.

2020, the year I learn to put myself first and say "no."
For almost all of my life, I have always been a very giving person and I have never once regretted that. Though, I have felt the pain of being constantly used.
I always had this belief (and still fight it) that if I did not keep a routine of always giving people gifts, they would leave or be angry with me. Stupid, I know, but it's a struggle not always going to a store and thinking of THEM first and not yourself.
Sadly, in many cases, at the end of the day I was left with nothing and given my earnings to someone else.
Not that I don't love giving gifts, but its a bad habit I have and wanted to write about as a reminder to start thinking of myself for once because...maybe i deserve what I give to everyone else.

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Not to be too "EdGy" here, but still in the process of healing and overcoming having left a severely abusive relationship.

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