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NM Mar 11
Blood is thicker than water,
So I had no reason to cry over you any longer.
Simple and rather straightforward excerpt regarding how no matter how many fake friends (especially given this last year) had left, scammed, betrayed and hurt me or even how previous breakups have affected me, my family was always there in the end to help me recover and keep on trying once again.
🖤
I often struggle with being cynical and never seeking-fearing even- any outside relationship, friend or romantic, due to the fact of life that in the end, everyone always leaves or may hurt you-
But family, especially my mom, has always reminded me why it's always worth seeking and hoping for again and again and that absolutely no one is worth crying rivers over forever, especially if they never had for you. As well as knowing there are many others out there who are much more important and worthy to give your emotions and energy to, in my case, it is my family.
Take it as you will though. :)
Mar 11 · 456
Waiting...
NM Mar 11
They say life is short.
Then why does it also seem like the longest thing ever?
"Depression notes"
Also perhaps a small vent to let out this hopelessness I have had lately.

Hang in there everyone.
🖤
Nov 2020 · 731
Prosper
NM Nov 2020
When it seems like all hope may be lost,
Just remember that after the last fire burns out, the lands will blossom.
Unknown, old entry from years ago.
Make of it what you will.
Nov 2020 · 421
But...
NM Nov 2020
"...they looked so happy!"


Yes....
They all do.
Tw: Suicide
💔
I Just lost a truly close friend of mine who committed suicide, the unfortunate thing is I have lost so many closest to me throughout my life, whether intentional, accidental or simply never knowing why...
They all seem to go, and not too sound too miserable/odd here, but I am now too numb to know what to do anymore...whenever things like this happen.
I feel alone and empty.
And even though my friend is gone, I still blame myself for not doing more...

To those who have come to know the detriment of grief,
I share, feel, hear and empathize with your pain, and I am here for you.
It is something one can never heal from entirely-even though they say "time will."
May your own strength carry on forever to those like myself who-as this community has helped me, help to comfort many missing parts through the power of words alone.

I love you, stay strong.
💗
Nov 2020 · 367
Just a Warning-
NM Nov 2020
-That red flags, never turn green.
I had to learn it the painful way....
Nov 2020 · 131
Passing by
NM Nov 2020
Speak to people in a way that if they died the very next day, you'd be satisfied with the last thing you said.
💫
Nov 2020 · 323
Typo
NM Nov 2020
Him: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Nothing".
Him: "Please tell me..."
Me: "I am just afraid....you might leave. It haunts me and I cannot control it."
Him: "I promise I would never do that to you. I love you. "
Me: "...promise?"
Him: "Yes, I promise. "


Forgive me...
I spelled "Ex" wrong.
💔

An old entry in a journal I had years ago, figured I would post...
Simple and nothing special, rather basic honestly, but reflecting back, it hit something deep.
Sep 2020 · 266
Betrayal
NM Sep 2020
The worst part about betrayal, is that it never comes from an enemy.
...

Wasn't sure how else to word this better, it just came from a painful place.
Sep 2020 · 348
Ruin
NM Sep 2020
"I'd rather let drugs ruin me than any person!"

No.
Wake up.

A person only ruins one, drugs will ruin an entire family.
Keep fighting.
I'm trying.
.
.
Sep 2020 · 337
Evolve
NM Sep 2020
We didn't chose to admit that we were broken.

However, you can chose to admit if you are defeated.
For anyone out there who has suffered trauma of any magnitude.
Stay strong, courageous, growing and the remarkable person you are.
Your past does not control you, there is a reason it remains only in memory.
Keep fighting, I will always believe in you as you have me.
🖤


As you perceive the world, so it is.
Percieve it above your pain.
Keep the crown upon your head.
Sep 2020 · 405
Intimacy
NM Sep 2020
Sure, *** is nice...
But when you haven't been touched in so long, *** isn't what you miss the most.
The pain of distance.
I miss your warmth, being held, your voice and security.
</3
Aug 2020 · 347
Unfortunately,
NM Aug 2020
I'm an open book in a society that can't ******* read.
I give too much, love too much, say too much, do too much...
...
I hardly know if that's more a blessing, or a curse.

Also given I also have D.I.D, I try my best to help others understand, just to feel not so alienated in life...
But often I still feel silent.
Aug 2020 · 770
One Day
NM Aug 2020
One day,
The poor will have nothing left to eat but the rich.
✊🏻
Aug 2020 · 1.2k
Bulima
NM Aug 2020
It was a little too late until I realized it was never about what I was eating...

But what was eating at me.
5 years from today still recovered! I still struggle, especially now after a recent trauma...but I have been staying strong all I can.
And its those moments of awakening in which inspired this simple excerpt that really have impacted me the most.
🙏
Aug 2020 · 130
Opioid
NM Aug 2020
A pain killer,
Not a killer of pain.
A reminder to myself. I am and have been 5 years clean.
Trauma has found me, and it's hard not to relapse...but I'm still fighting.

This is pretty simple, but it came to mind and still does whenever I feel the temptation rise.
Jul 2020 · 415
Ignorance
NM Jul 2020
It is not free speech if your words keep people imprisoned.
So tired of 2020 already...
Jun 2020 · 309
🖤
NM Jun 2020
Heal.
So you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wound.
🖤
May 2020 · 254
Not one more
NM May 2020
I understand that I may never understand,
However, I will still stand.
.
#blacklivesmatter
.
This is not to be said in ignorance towards many topics, but in the matter of empathy and being an advocate regarding many areas, some of them being equality/humanitarianism, the LGBTQ community, mental health awareness, etc.
🖤
May 2020 · 238
You. If no one else.
NM May 2020
Speak up not only for those who came before you and were denied a voice, but for those who will come after you and be proud that you used yours.
#blacklivesmatter
✊🏻
No justice, no peace.
As someone who feels and is moved so deeply, I stand with every single one of you, even though my health is declining.
As a humanitarian and strong advocate, in times like this, your power inspires me and keeps me empowered.
Thank you, and stay safe.
May 2020 · 1.3k
COVID-19
NM May 2020
"I went viral in 2020."

But there was no fame that I had gained.
Inspired off of a quote I saw that said "I went viral in 2020".
In the day and age now of memes,  I know it was made for laughs,
but it left me more contemplative than I suppose, and I figured I would put the reality into it, having lost two friends of mine to this.
.
.
Stay safe, you are in my prayers.
May 2020 · 223
Unbecoming
NM May 2020
I never confessed I had a problem,
I swore I had control,
"Addiction is not in my cells",
Until sobriety scared me more,
Than these pink pills themselves.
Relapsed since February.
I was recently sexually assaulted and faced many damages to my body that I cannot cope with and see as my new reality.
I often was too consumed to realize that now, going sober, that despite the illogical rationality that those pills were the only things that did not hurt, abuse, leave, or scare me., they were doing just that.
"They made me happy, gave me a new better world, energy and made me not have to see, hear and wake up and feel what I carried everyday."

But I would rather be human, than pretending to be one anymore.
I am tired, and as I write this these voices are killing me,
but it beats these ******* being my only company.
Jan 2020 · 155
Sacrifice
NM Jan 2020
And at the beginning of the day, I still have to remind myself that it is not worth going broke to give someone a taste of fortune.
2020, the year I learn to put myself first and say "no."
For almost all of my life, I have always been a very giving person and I have never once regretted that. Though, I have felt the pain of being constantly used.
I always had this belief (and still fight it) that if I did not keep a routine of always giving people gifts, they would leave or be angry with me. Stupid, I know, but it's a struggle not always going to a store and thinking of THEM first and not yourself.
Sadly, in many cases, at the end of the day I was left with nothing and given my earnings to someone else.
Not that I don't love giving gifts, but its a bad habit I have and wanted to write about as a reminder to start thinking of myself for once because...maybe i deserve what I give to everyone else.
Sep 2019 · 518
War
NM Sep 2019
War
Loving you was like going to war;
I never came back the same.
.
.
.
Not to be too "EdGy" here, but still in the process of healing and overcoming having left a severely abusive relationship.
Sep 2019 · 1.1k
It hurts...
NM Sep 2019
I sat with my anger long enough,
Until it told me it's real name was grief.
.
.
.
Aug 2019 · 350
:)
NM Aug 2019
:)
You will find many different kinds of people throughout your life,
Try not to find yourself in any.
You are you.
They are they.
Aug 2019 · 793
Promiscuity
NM Aug 2019
All that money, and yet, still so cheap.
Based upon deep pain and resentment I have had forever regarding being cheated on and compared to *******/cam models.
.
.
Sad how loyalty is nothing but a casual game now and people only want/look for "temporary bliss"...but to each their own I suppose.
Jul 2019 · 829
Kindness
NM Jul 2019
Loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weakness.
Stay kind.
Jul 2019 · 347
Summer
NM Jul 2019
It is so hot out,
Yet,
I feel so cold.
</3
Jul 2019 · 404
Dolor
NM Jul 2019
<3
.
.
You are gone.
And I will miss you for as long as I told you I would love you.
.
.
</3
One of "those nights" in which I feared.
When you feel everything all at once as if it were the first time.
Jun 2019 · 328
Best Friend
NM Jun 2019
And the truth is,
Dogs are a little more human -than most humans.
Why I love dogs so much. <3
Something random, casual and lighthearted.
Inspired off the quote:
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
Jun 2019 · 114
Convenient
NM Jun 2019
You only want me when I leave.
And that is no reason to stay.
Past experience in toxic relationships.
Also with those who I call "ghosters" who only ever see it worth to talk to you when it's convenient for them and only ever are temporary people.
Jun 2019 · 295
leniency
NM Jun 2019
I am not the person I want to be yet.
But...
I am trying not to be too ******* the one I am now.
I have never been the person to give love to myself or put myself first.
Nor has it ever been me to love myself at all as much as I do the rest of the world.
Slowly, I am learning...
If not, co-existing into the home that is a body.
Jun 2019 · 138
1:05 AM
NM Jun 2019
Time, please be patient with us;
We do not heal as fast as you fly.
Random insomnia notes
Jun 2019 · 281
Some days
NM Jun 2019
Some days,
I do nothing but remember to breathe;
And some days,
That is enough.
...
Trying to hold on.
Jun 2019 · 2.0k
Healing
NM Jun 2019
If you don't heal what hurt you,

You'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.
</3
Jun 2019 · 481
Lone Wolf
NM Jun 2019
People run in packs because they don't feel safe alone.

I run alone because I don't feel safe in packs.
Thought to reshare. (:
Jun 2019 · 1.1k
"You are beautiful."
NM Jun 2019
Confidence says: "Thank you!"

Arrogance says: "I know I am."
Learn the difference.
.
.
.
Stay humble. :)
Jun 2019 · 222
Cigarettes
NM Jun 2019
Don't let people treat you like a cigarette, who only use you when they're bored and step on you when they're done.
May 2019 · 241
Awake
NM May 2019
Real eyes,
Realize.
Not sure what this is. Lol
May 2019 · 65
Loss
NM May 2019
I have always been so afraid of losing people that it took me a long time to understand that I am somebody who can be lost too.
12:30 AM
May 2019 · 233
Recovery
NM May 2019
May the pains that you carry, be as heavy as the crown that will be placed upon your head.
Recovery is always worth it.
Successes, big or small, will always be crowned in the end.
Never give up.

If you have a hard time believing you can do it, I will believe all of it for you. <3
You aren't alone, your strengths have given me my own. :)
May 2019 · 793
Floral
NM May 2019
Some people are flowers, meant to be loved from afar.

They shouldn't be plucked, just to die between your fingers.
(Personal vent)
May 2019 · 173
Answers
NM May 2019
Prayers are answered by the universe,
not through grand revelations,
but tiny little moments.
At least for me anyways.
May 2019 · 258
Grandmother
NM May 2019
Why, how, what?
Are the things I asked,
As my tears,
Fell against the cold, clear glass.

I don't want to hear it,
Make it go away,
They're lying grandmother,
This news can't possibly be true,
Believe me, I prayed.

Now here we are,
"I promise I will be fine!"
Little do you know Grandmother,
Your battles are now mine.
We found out my grandmother's cancer has just come back again and she has just started treatment and it's killing me having to see her go through it.
3-4 Years ago when she first had it, I wasn't made aware what was going on so I wasn't as present and didn't understand fully...
Now that I do, it is one of the most painful things I am going through.
I can't eat, sleep, think, focus and I am doing EVERYTHING that I can for her. Anything to be both a caregiver and a support as her granddaughter.
Yet, deep down I can't cope. It's an agony I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I am angry at everyone, yet at the same time I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to bother anyone. I feel terrible.
I don't know what to do...
But against all the dark thoughts I am fighting, she is the main reason I am staying strong.
I have been told that I am as much of her best "medicine" as she is for me, and that very idea alone, is what is keeping me here.

Other than that, I am lost.
May 2019 · 212
Riptide
NM May 2019
I'm wrestling with a thousand voices inside.
The stillness of water that I so deeply loved,
has become a riptide.
</3
May 2019 · 172
Alien
NM May 2019
I feel like an invader in my skin,
Show me,
Help me,
To own it once again.
Been more and dissociative lately,
I hate the feeling of being able to look into a mirror, and not see yourself,
Or never feel at home inside your own skin.
Apr 2019 · 247
PTSD
NM Apr 2019
Pain
That
Sends
Despair
Those moments in the middle of the night that come rushing back, warping reality...
Those will be my downfall.
Apr 2019 · 175
Hell
NM Apr 2019
I may not know your demons,
But if you need someone to walk beside you through Hell,
I am here.
I am always here for anyone. <3
Apr 2019 · 209
Lesson
NM Apr 2019
The truth is, you learn a little more about yourself every-time someone says goodbye.
</3
Mar 2019 · 387
Let it out
NM Mar 2019
Do not ever worry about dumping the entire ocean on us, we have all drowned in it before.
To anyone who needs a reminder that you are never alone and your silence doesn't have to be the end.
Many of us care and many will listen, for me I always will.
Also inspired by the quote ""Spill your emotions, or be prepared to drown in them."
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