I lost myself once
I fell for music
I succumb to the beats
as they stripped my layers
one by one

I lost myself once
I fell for my curiosity
as it lead me down paths
I never knew were paved

I lost myself once
I fell for the handsome boy
with a rotten core
as it deceived my naive being

I lost myself once
I fell for my selfishness
that uncovered deep embedded cravings
and that was fine

I lost myself once
I fell for myself
which lead me down the road
of self discovery
and to my surprise was not as ugly

I lost myself once
I fell for the night
with all its seductive mystery
forgetting how silly felt so lovely

I lost myself once
I fell for him and her
I fell for mornings and nights

I lost myself once
and met great people
whose heart was as beautiful as their faces
I shook hands with those
whose love glowed in their aura
and whose understanding was as discrete as mine

I lost myself once
and sat next to those
who showed the same fear
I had, when it came to breaking the barriers
that guarded their hearts so carefully

I lost myself once
and realized I was found
in
every
word
I
wrote

when did you lose yourself
fully?
Trust me its
a wild trip
full of
ambiguity

You exorcized
my being
by leaving me harshly
through every tear
that left my eye lid

I felt it escape my physical form
from my toes through my nose
the shaking and the wailing
it was worth it

I was exorcized
I was relieved
from the demons
infecting my brain
I was lightened
from the ******* burden
that pulled me down
hell was no longer a fear

I was beyond that
I was in limbo
with a demon in my head
a virus of no antidote
spoiling my insides

I was exorcized
I felt at ease
and yes
it was
when
I cried

It rained
everyone was drunk
on the idea of cuddling
and love

Especially when it gets cold
the merciless wind
surprises your skin
all alone
with no one to hold

It rained
and every one was drunk
on coupling
but I
I got trashed
with the rain
all alone
walking on the sidewalk
gulping every strand of rain
falling for the cold
creating a relationship
by myself
with
every
drop
that touched my skin

I got intoxicated
with the freeing feeling
of freedom

I wrote on damp paper
with shaking cold hands
"Thank you"

and watched as every droplet
traced its path
down my piercing locks

Dripping peach juice down our chins,
chasing each other in the fiery sunset.

Veins popping out of your arms
begging something I couldn't quite make out....

You would draw me.
Charcoal.
My body blown up on the big screen,
my curves soft like the smoke you were blowing out of your mouth.

The ***** videos,
followed by the sweet ones,
the ones with the sun in my hair,
our laughter electric as we fell down the rabbit hole.

The spray paint we dropped on the roof
as we ran from the sirens in the distance.

Electric, electric, you are my electricity.
No one can catch us if we float on air.

You said
"will you be my girl, will you be bad for me?"
And I slid down the slide, my legs scraping the mulch.
"For you babe. And you only."

The curve of your spine against my arm.
The freckles on your back,
the fine hairs on your neck pressing into my lips.
The warmth.
The light coming through the blinds,
your face illuminated.

You throwing up under the streetlights,
windows fogged, sleepy eyes saying:
cmon love lets just make it home.
Everything is gonna be okay, the police are gone..
Cut your losses, let's make it home.

Christmas trees in bay windows,
we watched them jingle.

I would leave love letters under your pillow,
in your car, whisper them to you as you drove.

Magic.
You're a magic man.

And in your boxes- your hidden treasures..
I would stare at them until you set me under another spell..

Your dark hair wrapped up in my fingers..
Another sunset.

Asleep in the back of your jeep,
in the middle of the woods,
river water burning my throat.
Listening to you *****-
always vomiting,
always kissing.

Peach juice dripping.