I will stay quiet.
I will say no more.
Just there where you left me
Im still here, didnt go.
You breath in, breath out,
My breath is still held,
From that very moment,
Where I was left.
Sun wakes up, falls asleep,
Do you think it misses the moon?
The moment when they meet I will move on,
The moment Sun sees the Moon I will speak, I will respond.
I stay still, keep quiet,
The words are taken away from my lips,
From the moment you left,
The moment your promises were no longer kept.
I stay still, mouth is shut,
Words are taken by the Moon,
It keeps them to speak with the Sun,
When they speak, listen,
They have eternity to talk over,
Spring comes autumn goes,
Decades pass near me,
I still stay still, can you see me?
At the same place same last breath you let me take, before you left.
Day by day, night by night,
I am still there, remaining quiet.
Like waterfall the words remain unspoken kept in a well.
I will remain quiet, till we speak again, from the moment where I didnt breath out.
Wait few hundred years more, till every Star will shine the last words
Till every leaf will whisper you
Every bird will tweet,
Just wait a millennium more,
I will still be there, where you left me.
With broken promises, confused and abandoned, I will remain quiet till the day we speak, the day you will bring me to life again.
Till then. I will stay quiet I will say no more.

Writers do not write

to live, they write in the hope --


of learning to die.

Laying in my bed curled up
Acid in my throat because I didn’t eat
Clenching my fists around my blankets because I can’t sleep

Are you thinking of me?
Laying in a tent, uncomfortably,
Snuggling close to your fluffy white dog or your younger brother to stay warm.

Are you missing me?
No. Not the way I’m missing you
You’re not thinking of me the way I’m thinking of you
And though it means the world to me that a beautiful soul like yours is friends with a storm cloud like me, it shatters my heart into thousands of sharp, jagged pieces that you’re
~ just ~
my friend.

“I’m sorry but I need to know, is it mutual? It’s alright if it’s a no, I can handle it, I just want you...to be honest”
A pause...
Then the raindrop falls.
“Right now, it’s a no”

Ripples.
Right now.
Right now.
Right now.
No.
No.
No.
STOP.
I care about you so much, I know I need to let you go, so you would never read this, and I would never show anyone this.
It’s all swirling around in my chest, faster and faster until it explodes, word ***** and tears.
I love you.

I didn’t tell you I loved you, only that I had feelings for you.
Why bother? It would’ve made things more painful for me, more bitter for you.

But I can’t show you this.
I don’t want you to change.
I don’t want you to change the way you speak to me, to change your mind when you’re about to type a heart emoji,
to stop yourself after just saying “goodnight” and leave out the “baby”

This is my undoing, not yours, and I want you to keep letting me be your anchor, your shoulder, your shield, my open arms waiting to catch you when you tumble from your flight.
I can’t keep loving you, I can’t stop loving you.
I want to stop feeling at all.

There is art
In your heart
Painting pictures
When I lay
My head down on your chest

There are songs in your eyes
Singing lullabies
When you hover
Pin me down
With your stare

There is a poem
On the tip
Of your tongue
I taste it
When I kiss you

You are tortured
Stereotyped
My jaded lover
I hear it
When you won't talk

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't