I can stop myself from texting him
That's a start
But if I don't want to think about him
Well...
That's a whole lot harder
But I can't listen to love songs
Or sad love songs
Or sad songs
Or angry songs
Or Ed Sheeran because he loves his music
Or the song Riptide by Vance Joy because he loves that song too
This music reminds me too much of him
I can't use the word lovely
Because that was my favorite word he used to call me
And he knew it, so he used it all the time
I can't even wear dresses and skirts anymore because he always liked girls wearing dresses and skirts
I can't read John Green because he actually liked his writing style
And I can't read ANY quotes from Neil Gaiman because he loved his writing
He of course, had to be a writer and a poet so it's hard to read love poetry without his name creeping into mind
I hate how I can't even finish the novel I was writing because I included some events based off of some of my favorite moments between us
I can't look at pictures of England because he really wanted to live in England one day
I can't look his exgirlfriend who he still cares for who goes to my school in the eye because just like he always did I will always compare myself to her and I can never measure up to even close to what she is
I can't text the words "haha" because he used that instead of lol all the time
I can't even talk about him to someone without feeling pathetic
He just wrecked everything
He ruined my favorite outfits, music, music artists, writing, books, countries, and even my novels that I had ideas I was just so excited for.
I just can't get him out of my mind
And the truth is
I don't like him anymore
I really don't
but I do miss him
and I admit that
I don't want to
but honestly, I do
So it is just easier... to forget
Although with all the things that lead me back to him
It's proving not to be easier
and I kind of don't want to forget
because he was the closest I ever came
To really liking a guy
Who liked me back
and just like the tense he used when he said goodbye to me
I say liked
*not like.

I sit here in misery
"My hands shake"
I scream at a reflection
Me, Me, Me
Will I be that which I need to be.

(chorus)
I need crimson flushed over me
I need crimson within me
I need to see the misery
I need too see cold eyes in front of me.

I cry at the moments of misery
She is the mistress of needed lust
Will she not answer my prayers
I will never wash it away from me.

(chorus)
I need crimson flushed over me
I need crimson within me,
I need to see the misery
I need too see cold eyes in front of me.

Will I ever bleed enough crimson,
There is beauty in the bleeding  
To  feed her greed,
Will she be satisfied as I am in misery.
I have left crimson cold on the ground
Will I ever see her my **crimson queen.

What scares me the most?
The moment you let go.

Loghain, I am confused
You have proclaimed yourself to be
The worlds greatest living artist
With both pen and brush!
Nay, nay in your own words
The greatest artist who has ever lived
Who then am I to disagree
For I am but a simple mediocre man
With humility in my soul
And therefore must bow before your wisdom
And yet
Hours spent scouring the internet
Studying the great artists and poets
And I can find no reference to your name
Among the artistic greats
Of this modern world
Perhaps you are the artistic angel of god
And he in his infinite wisdom has decided
Not to release your great artistic prowess
Upon we the subservient illiterate masses
As a sub par human I bow
Yes I bow before the greatness that is you
You who deserve the accolades poured upon you
Loghain oh superior being
Long may you rain