I behave like a baby many hours of the day
Please believe I don't decide to be this way
Someday ill learn to stifle my tears
The sogginess blurring my eyes will clear
When fleeing fears
Run straight into a wall
Instead of arms so I end up on the concrete and crawl
And there I ponder the cause of our confrontations
Looking for obstacle blocking negotiation
Both our lungs breathing in identical air
Clouds of smoke stop from witnessing what's really there
And I am blinded I am afraid to admit
I am lost with clenched jaw refuse to submit
But little by little realize I'm in the wrong
Too stubborn to surrender I stagger along
Eventually begin losing hope of finding our way back
You grab the reins and somehow steer us on the right track
Sometimes touch your surface and my fingers melt through skin
Can't tell if a nightmare or a dream we're living in
I would give any belongings for us to have a fresh start
Careless and free
No wounds on your heart
In blue hues created I tread water so deep
Listen for answers but hear no peep
Earth on axis keeps spinning around
Days passing quickly I lie on the ground
I'm afraid to move too fast so I end up standing still
I feel the person you desire wears shoes I cannot fill
Your warmth a blessing that I truly don't deserve
Putting sun in my sky but what purpose do I serve?
Your magnificence reminder of everything I'm not
So busy drowning in sorrows can't consider the good I've got
Can't imagine a world without watching your smile
Yet I take it for granted by acting hostile
I long to unfold like a paper plane
Flatten creases so I can translate contents of your brain
If I could press a button I'd erase all your concern
A blank slate is impossible so trust I must gradually earn
So I'll write words on pages until you finally agree
You are the only one with the privilege of having me
It is my wish you open your door
Disarm your defenses protecting your core
I know in absence the nights can seem long
Will never break because connection is strong
You take up a large portion of my head
Sometimes don't call just thinking about you instead
Thanks for existing and even more for being there
There are moments I weep over statements said but I never doubt you care
You are simply trying to share wisdom with advice
How you express cannot always be positive and nice
But daily impact you have on my routine
Bigger than you are aware of
Though results are rarely seen
You are refuge from the storm when it rains too severely to stand
Shelter to protect my safety though why I will never understand
Our souls balance like yin-and-yang
I am shade
You are white light
Struggles threaten us
You pull me close and I'm sure everything will be alright

I want to hold you close
Like we are supposed to be
Keep you cozy and protected
Help you realize and see
The truth you try hard to deny
All my life I've had no doubt
I am half
In your presence
Whole
Partial without

Either I am untruthful or you are insane
Dishonest is something I'm not
Morals to you are invisible
During battles hard-fought
You remain blind to true character
After many months have gone by
Won't give the benefit of doubt
Yet don't have a good reason why
I'm feeling undervalued
Even more than that overlooked
You are impossible reasoning with
Against all sense I remain hooked
I believe you should bestow better treatment
Than accusations
Condescending words
Always finding justification
The way you view world is absurd
You'll start argument over something made-up
Afterwards realize you were wrong
Attempting to understand the thoughts in your head
Have trouble following along
It's like you expect to have your mind read
Before emitting one sound
I need you to spell-out the answers
We chase each other round and round
How can person who leaves me breathless
Be the same who causes me to suffocate?
Smothering in expectations
Buried under hefty weight
Your touch warms darkness of my sky
Also occasionally burns my skin
Since the day you entered life
Actions have made head spin
One minute everything is fine
Suddenly eyes turn cold
Picturing past simplicity
No pressure to fit a mold
I recall taste of potential
Back at the start
Saw orchards sprouting in the distance
Hope a priceless work-of-art
In harbour of security I wade
Waves gradually drag body down
Very same waters keeping me safe
Belong to sea in which I drown
You know exact places to poke
Press button turning me bright red
An expert contortionist
Twisting and rearranging sentences said
I wish I could plan visit
To inside of your brain
Take peek at the sacred sanctuary
To which access never will be gained
The longer we carry on in this manner
A suspended state of fear
More claustrophobic I become
Zero room to wiggle out of here
I mourn passing of your trust
Ponder if ever actually alive
Or if earlier before we met
Had stored in your archive
I suppose in both our natures
Are tall walls built to defend
Just manifested differently
History of trauma refusing to mend
And now threaten to end us?
If you do will be your loss
How dare you treat like garbage
A broken toy to toss
I desperately yearn to run
So you catch me in your embrace
What if you stare as I vanish
Like smoke without trace?
When ordering me to be quiet
Stings sharper than a bee
If uninterested in contents of my skull
Explain why bother staying with me
I look to the heavens for a shooting star
Outer space is empty tonight
I hold onto you through the blackness
Not letting go until we see morning light

I am human after all
Tempted each day
I am foolishly blinded by love
Sliver by sliver resolve fades away
I am immobilized by agony
Weight grows hard to bear
Tip over so I can be free
Off edge to fall somewhere
Toppling head over heels in a haze
Comparable to Jack and Jill
Chain snapping as moment occurs
Crashing at bottom of this hill
I am the statue everyone sees
Poised awaiting instruction
Off-track I tumbled through the trees
Cracked by calamitous destruction
Start healing wounds all over skin
Created from own poor decisions
Gravity not willing to let me advance
Rolling accumulated incisions
Back and forth I wander
Earth tilts beneath my feet
Dizzily confused I can't figure out how
To steady myself preventing defeat
It's impossible getting where goals are
Wobbly with each step I take
Top of the mountain seems so far
Luckily legs do not ache
It seems this journey will not ever end
The wind
Ocean
Temperature
Ground
Rattling bones that comprise my skeleton
Rampant running around
It's not fair punishment by any means
Served my time in this location
Already processed surrounding scenes
Fists balled due to brain's frustration
Downward I cast exhausted eyes
Driven by instinct to carry on
I am accepting of demise
All hope is gone