I am holding a gun for the very first time
I am standing straight with my head up high
They promised my mum that I will be back
But only now I know that it was a lie.

He lights up a flare and gives drugs to me
I inhale slowly in hopes to be free
My legs are bleeding, my feet’s are bloodshed
Unbearable pain starting to spread.

There is a night which I will never forget
I was running next to a person who I barely met
My skin, my clothes were soaked and wet
Running under cold raindrops and playing pretend

Pictures and images stood concrete in my eyes
Flashing back at me and making me cry
It took few seconds for this moment to freeze
I remembered my life and the smell of the breeze  
Slipping through fingers, death used its claws
I turned for a second to give him a hand
He extended it further, but  was shot in the gland.

I lost all my mates throughout the fight,
I lost my mentality and I lost my fright.

One second, one shot, life taken away
Constant desires to sit down and pray
Not for my life, but for my mother,
I will try my best to stay alive rather .
Pray not for myself, but for my dad
For them to go through it and not to go mad.

I am living no more, but I am surviving,
I sit down one day and I just start writing
I wrote every feeling, emotion I had
I asked for a flare, inhaled the drug.

Missing how she used to dance
I wish I had another chance
To smile back at her once more
Remember days we've had before?

Her silky top now lying cold
Her heart is ice in metal box
My memories will never fade
I could not speak so I just prayed.

your warm breath against
my skin
your fingers tracing my ******* roughly

one of your hands move
lower
intruding my space

this is not right
i do not want you here
i do not want you in my body

i say nothing
hoping you would read my mind
take a hint from my pleading eyes

my insides curl
as you take away my innocence

i am no longer myself
who i am...
is you

Humanity is our seed,
but we are not apples that are ripe.


                      We are the maggots inside...
crawling upon the others
                 to feed on the pains we secrete out....

I don't write to pretend i'm deep,
I just am

Heartbreak
Is not an overreaction
Is not a figment of imagination
of the ones who feel too much

Heartbreak
Is not simply a word
for the ones who have loss.
Is not simple at all.

Heartbreak
Is ripping
Is the tearing
of one's heart into miniscule pieces.

Heartbreak
Is the breath
that both catches in your throat
and completely leaves your body.

Heartbreak
Is the physical reaction
in which your heart stops beating
and your lungs stop working.

Heartbreak
Is when your smile stops working
but you use it to cover up the tears anyway.
*Is when you picture your life without them in your day.