your knife is glinting : recently polished
& i can see my eye reflected in the metal

2 men,
that's it.
2 men
have known me,
inside, they fit.

Doped out
of my mind;
it's hard to recall.
Bits and pieces,
flashes of memory.
I was a living rag doll.

Barely breathing,
he takes me from behind.
Pulls my hair,
and says,
"I'm gonna make you mine!"

I think it happened
three times,
but who really knows?
When your brain's
as high as mine goes.

I can't call it ****,
I was a willing participant.
Numb to the bones,
so with it I went.

When it all fell apart;
my secrets exposed,
he wrote me something
that was no longer prose.

His words were razor blades,
slicing the skin with ease.
I kept myself in my own prison;
over, my heart began to freeze.

"A willing **** victim",
is what he called me.
Sick to my stomach
for allowing him in,
I lay my head on the pillow
to cry for a 5 year old sin.

I've watched him beat you
day after day
I've heard you cry yourself to sleep
night after night
I've heard his false words
he doesn't love.

You defend yourself to no avail
alcohol's too much
He's really confused ***,
he is lost.

I've seen it all babe,
it's not over
there's nothing I can do
I am only
plastic wrapped in silk
only for you.

I've seen the blood you let
stain your wrists
I've felt the chill in the air
when he's around
but I've been there too,
it'll be okay.

I'd stop it myself
but I'm merely a doll
propped up on a shelf.

He came into my life
when I was just a little girl
I was happy and young
And then he changed my world

One night I was in bed
And he came to say goodnight
except he took a little longer
before he turned out the light

He really hurt me that night
And I didn't know what to do
I thought it happened to most
well every little boy and girl

I lay in bed that night
Hurting inside and out
tears streaming down my face
I tried hard not to shout out

I put that tragic night
to the back of my head
playing games at school
there was nothing to be said

A year had passed along
and then it happened again
My mum was out at work
it was him and me again

I was sat next to him
just watching the TV
when he pulled me close to him
and again molested me

I thought it only happened once
When I had done something bad
but now I knew I was wrong
I felt alone and sad

And 8 years on I got
the courage to tell someone
the police got involved and stuff
I was hated by my mum

she kicked me out that day
and stuck right by his side
saying I was attention seeking
and that it was all lies

so in the end it got too much
and I told the police I lied
everything went back to normal
I swear I wish I'd died

everything was going well
until he sent me those texts
saying he would **** himself
it was all my fault instead

so I went back to the police
and told them it all again
he's moved out for now
its investigating time again

but my mum still hates me
and thinks its all a lie
I feel so alone right now
I wish I would just die

I've told a couple of friends
but its hard for them you see
to put up with something as stupid
as a teenager like me

all I do is mope and cry
because no-one understands
what I feel inside each day
please someone take my hand

I cut myself sometimes
When the pain gets too much
I hate him for what he did
and where he used to touch

I often think I'll run away
or step into the road
my future seems so black and dim
I'm only 17 years old

And if the case is dropped
he will come back home again
and I'll be back to where I began
In a world of sadness and pain

I hope someone hears my cry
and says they understand
I just don't know what to do anymore
I'm scared and on my own

So you see I'm stuck forever
I just want to scream and shout
But there's something you have to know
That for me, there's no way out

Do you remember
when the dragon saved the princess
from that awful knight
because I can remember it clearer than most

the knight, a greedy *******
who's foul lips
wrapped around a glass bottle
who's foul lips
sought the bottle
and nothing more

and remember when he hit the princess that first time
remember when he grabbed her hair
remember when he shoved her down
put away the scars
the scratches
the bruises
treated it as
'oh, he's just showing his love'

and remember
remember that one night
when she finally called his bluff
she said 'no, you don't love me'
remember when he hit her with the bottle
the knight, what a **** bag
but after that,
came the dragon
with his tattoos and heavy beard
on his motorcycle
and beat the knight away
****** him to hell
or at least prison
and a lot of angry inmates

and the princess and the dragon
set away
to have a nice little life together
with the night safely locked and gone
in a far away tower.

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

Why Mom?
Can I just ask, why?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You say you love me but this is not love.
This is not love.
Love is not hitting me in the face.
Love is not hitting me anywhere.
Love is not yelling.
Love is not cruel words you say to me.
Love is not physical or emotional abuse.
Love is not alcohol.
Love is not drinking by yourself in your room.
Love is not drinking with people who use you.
Love is not putting alcohol above all.
Love is not putting alcohol before me.
Love is not supposed to create hate.
Love is not abuse.
Why, Mom?
I'm begging you to stop.
I'm on my hands and feet begging.
Please, Mom.
Stop drinking.

What is a man?
Does he make women cry?
Does he brag about it?
Does he cheat on the one that he claims that he loves?
Does he make her feel like crap?
Does he have to put down others to boost himself?

No

He only loves one woman
He owns up to his mistakes
He is humble
He has goals
He stands up for what is right
He is what other men want to be

During every stage of life
I am a failure
Stupid,stuttering child
Always messing up
Probably never going to succeed
Pointless to try anymore
Over life as it is
In a dark place
Never anybody's first choice
Totally incompetent
Miserable
Exiting stage left
Nobody cares
Time to quit.

Morbid hallways swathed in death,
smeared with blood soaked discontent,
wrought with cacophonic lament;
this is my asylum.

Eyeless gazes pierce the veil
that separates my mind from Hell.
Though, thin's the shroud that shan't prevail;
this is my asylum.

Lipless, toothless, ear to ear;
these wretched grins sinewed with fear.
Putrefaction rots their sneers;
this is my asylum.

This is where the dead don't die;
this hellion mire's where they abide
with fleshless hands stretched toward the sky;
this is my asylum.

Asphyxiation, let me breathe,
lest I join these mortuous fiends.
Purge my soul; I shall bequeath
myself to my asylum.