Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
I buried my cat tonight as my children slept.
I'll tell them in the morning,
hope their sadness doesn't carry into Christmas.
About ten years ago I burried his brother.
Not quite next to each other,
but close enough to count
for something I guess.
Cruel job collecting what was his, throwing them out,
cleaning where I found him.
Trying to stay calm.
Tonight I write because I can't afford a shrink.
Maybe that's why I always write.
So long ****
 Dec 2017 3purplepebbles
Mims
It's on days like this where

I listen to music more then I talk to people
Have headphones
And a lack of conversation at the dinner table

I wonder if I cut out my tongue
And boarded up my mouth
where would the poetry come from?

Would my brain be a constant flicker of words and rhythms
Would I attempt to scream every night
Inaudibly
Where would the poems go?
Would they bleed out of my ears and my nose
Would they make one with my tears
And if they did would I be in a state of constant crying
And bleeding
And dying

But my biggest fear

Is what if the words left completely
What if they no longer poured over me
Baptized me
In a world of hope

Of myself that I have not yet
But know will one day accept

Would you be cleansed
Of me

rivers of hope would flow down your cheeks

How
Would I show love
Without my words?

And when she told me
That she did not agree
Would my body just stay numb
Holding back words-
I mean tears
While she talked about us sinners

On the days I want to take a vow of silence I remember keeping my heartbeat steady as I looked her in the eye and said
It is not our job for judgment
When you preach hate where are you leading them?

Because God is love
And love is love

She would remain unchanged
She would never know the percentage of lgbt+ youth at risk for suicide
Or those who have already tried
Or whose parents have disowned them

So I preach

I preach love and acceptance

Because God is love
And love is love
And my love is my

words

So no
I will not be silent
Because I refuse my niece and nephews to live with a mother so hateful
to grow into a world that is unchanged
Because of people like me

Who once believed silence

*was even an option
I will never know love
But I knew you
 Nov 2017 3purplepebbles
Mims
Because eventually
We will retire our broken hearts to the back yard
Where they will bark
And hack and curse at people walking by
We will mean to tame them but never get around to it
So it stays tied to the back of our psyche
Begging
And biting at anyone that comes near
We will grow scared and tired of the growling
Our scratches will heal after we stop revisiting it every night
It will fade from our minds
Still leashed to a thousand-
finished pieces
You will begin to romanticize it
Cry with it
Sympathize with it
But slowly push it away
Like a friend who's too far gone
When you find it will never be gone from your memory you start to feed it hoping to change it
But it will always bite you back
Something you cannot save
Something that you neglected
Something you tried to ignore
And prayed it would just disapear
Was found dead
To begin with

Our hearts are not protected
No muzzles for the broken
No pounds for the lost
We are attempting to cage
Fire

We cannot win cheating battles
You cannot ignore the aching feeling

You cannot wish that it was gone

When you invited it
.
I've always wanted to try and fix things but no one can get you
Your walls are to high to see over and to hard to break through
You give enough to stay interesting because you love attention but not enough so people can get you
You have you feelings on a lock, you give the first two combinations away like they're nothing,
The last is your prize possession

You're like a gift that never gets opened, people get excited to see you but never get to see whats inside.
I've always been to scared to approach you and to scared to let go
I was never sure if you felt the same
I got tired of playing that game, so I stopped.

Tell us what we want to hear
If you don't know it, think because its something you fear
Don't lie, because I've heard it before

When you first told me you loved me
I heard music, musicians sang and danced in my head, I loved it
Not only because it was beautiful but because it made it so crowded
The deep dark thoughts became less tragic, it felt like magic
I became attached
Like a leech on skin and peanut butter smoothly slicked on jelly
I loved the get away

Those 3 words were the car outside the bank I was about to rob
They were the cape I used to fly away
And they were my escape from this hellish thing we call reality
but nothing last forever

After awhile you stopped telling me you loved me
You drove away from the bank, tore the cape into pieces, and brought me back!

You closed up
built walls, added extra layers and checked twice for flaws
You locked up your feelings and all I've ever wanted to say since is, Thank you.

Those magical words still linger in my head like warm air on a hot summer day
So thank you, for teaching me how to love others and myself
Thank you for being there for me and being someone I felt like I could always go to
And thank you for making me happy, because lets be honest, it's almost as rare as diamonds

You might not know this but I hope you the best
I just wish you believed in yourself just as much as I still do
I hope you go to college in Hawaii, have a small wedding and find someone who makes you feel special because you deserve water falls of happiness.

You probably think I hate you, so this all must sound a bit weird
but I don't, never have and probably never will
If anything I still love you, platonicly
I get I'm still young and people say I can't know what love is
But I know that I still think of you
I still cry every time I listen to our song
I still wonder what I could have done differently, and I clearly still write poems about you
So if thats not love then Ill just keep wondering what is

Honesty, you'll probably never hear this
Ill probably just delete this
Due to my fear lf this
But if I don't and you do, please understand that this next part is hard for me to say

Im sorry it's taken me this long to finally realize that apologizing isnt weak
I want you to know that I'm sorry for everything I put you through
I just wish that I knew it earlier, so I wouldn't have had to stay up till 3, on a school night, writing this poem to say Thank you and Im sorry.
This is a poem that I wrote months ago, I wrote it for this years slam at my highschool and I'm kinda insacure about it, so who knows if Ill actually perform it or not!! Anyways I hope you enjoy it. (Sorry if there's any spelling mistakes or anything like that, It's late so ill go over it later)
 Nov 2017 3purplepebbles
Mims
Did you know
I have tiger stripes?
I'm actually a jungle cat
Waiting to pounce
Did you know
The lines around my hips have deepened
And so have the crinkles around my eyes when I smile
I have bruises up and down my legs
From my bedroom carpet
And wooden floors everytime I have fallen

On Que
I ask if I can go in front of you
and I flick across the floor
The same way I did inside my living room
But one misplaced toe
One thigh not turned out
And I find myself on the ground
I have done this
Over and over
I haven't fallen for so long
Muscle
I've built over years had kept me off the ground
And then it all came crashing down
Did you know?
No
Because you do not know me
You do not know the blood sweat and tears
You can not pick me apart
I am a work of art
But I was made by a 13 year old at three in the morning solely for self expression
I pick myself up and ask to go again
Because I know I can do better
Because I hold myself to an impossible standard above all others
I push myself
And my body betrays me
So I do it over and over as soon as I get home
Did you know
I stopped counting the stretch marks

Don't  worry about my legs looking 'bulky' as long as they support me
The day I found out i can only rely on myself
I did not cry
I built muscle
I gained tiger stripes.
Ballet is the only thing that is concrete for me.  So it is what I invest myself in, instead of people. It is the only form of self expression that has always meant the most to me, the day I quit therapy, I started ballet religiously. It is the only thing that is constant.
 Nov 2017 3purplepebbles
Mims
It snowed last night
But it didn't storm

Frost kisses my windows
And a light dusting has my walnut trees transformed

I have no desire to do anything but lay under my covers
Where its warm

read the book that has my fingers stiff from late night air

Or stay in a comfortable state
Of half asleep and half awake
Wondering how to tell dreams from reality
Real life from fantasy

I can't be bothered to be bothered
Because it snowed last night
And that makes me really happy
I am a player,
I am said to be Steve,
But that is not who I have to be,
I can be a legendary builder,
I can be a heroic knight,
I can free the world of evil creatures,
I am whoever I want to be.

I might build,
I might fight,
I might survive,
But I will always be me,
I choose my destiny,
I am powerful,
Yet I am weak,
I am many things,
*But I am me.
Next page