hey! i don't mind the dodo! i don't have some neuroticism encompassing vitriol to continue: but sure as ****, you do. what happens when the white ladies die off? **** a monkey?! i accept my fate, like you accept your being bound to heavenly graces of continuum inexhausted with death being a lost concept of compensation... it only takes 2 generations to revise the piglet race... so... where's the competing element of nervosity? really? really?! existential blackmail?! is this how low it has to be grounded in? look at me, do i look like i actually give, a ****?! maybe you do, but this existential blackmail in the anglophone world of puritanical darwinism is not for more... i already find it hard raising jerking off in this world, let alone a pair of tadpoles... honest to god, it's already hard raising a pristine jerking off, let alone a pair of children.

i'm still trying to figure out this existential anglophone
blackmail... it's been bothering me for
ages... i simply can't fathom it...
i really can't stop seeing it as an existential blackmail...
that i somehow need to reproduce...
   that i'm somehow needed, my genes are speaking
to the darwinistic affection
of keeping "form"... can i just say that i don't
get it?! can i just cite that
darwinism has a negative impetus strategy for
invoking existentialism?
    can i just say that darwinism belongs on
the isles, and existentialism
belongs on the continent, and that the two never
are allowed to mingle?
no? so why do i feel blackmailed
into "needing" to reproduce?
besides the point, i never intended,
i was one of the one child state policy of china,
we were always the weirdos -
but the english have half a wits' worth
of understanding of existentialism,
they kept **** *******
darwinism, sorry, but they did...
an ex-girlfriend's father once asked
me: what are the famous poles?
i forgot to reply...
copernicus, marie curie,
          chopin?
   no, doesn't ring a bell in your
paddy sodden brain? **** me,
i'm always late when it comes to
insulting someone, it usually takes me
years upon years to reply an insult...
which makes everything a really bad joke.
but i hate how english existentialism
took off,
   just as bad as my late reaction to
an insult's worth of joke...
     existentialism & darwinism do not exactly
mingle...
        come on, you have to be kidding me...
when it comes to english existentialism
(covert darwinism): i am being blackmailed...
i am literally being blackmailed into
some form of apartheid...
some sort of quasi: apartheid...
no, i'm not equipping myself
with misnomer tactics -
         i'm being blackmailed to: "continue"
my "species"...
  last time i checked,
i couldn't give two ***** of concern
for *queen sheeba's prophecy
of the world being populated by
the copper skinned peoples...
i.e. cuprum populus...
                 somehow darwinism,
existentialism and populism and the general
of competition, have created a toxic affair
of: a complete lack of competing energisation;
sure! the jews will win their "prize"
of recanting their jewel prize of ten diadem
rules...
     among the choccies and the copper skins;
don't you think the jews look a bit
odd, a bit out of place, given that they're
so white, in the middle east?
         oh right, no i remember:
stating the obvious huh? is now considered
a hate speech;
so the fact that the jews returned to the middle
east: kinda bleached, is not, "a bit" weird?
can i have those magic mushrooms now?

[Intro: John Legend]
Let's play the blame game, I love you, more
Let's play the blame game for sure
Let's call out names, names, I hate you, more
Let's call out names, names, for sure
I'll call you ***** for short
As a last resort, and my first result
You call me ******* for long
At the end of it you know we both were wrong

[Hook: John Legend]
But I love to play the blame game, I love you more
Let's play the blame game for sure
Let's call her names, names, I hate you, more
Let's call her names, names, for sure

[Verse 1: Kanye West]
On a bathroom wall I wrote
"I'd rather argue with you than be with someone else"
I took a **** and dismiss it like "**** it"
And I went and found somebody else
**** arguing and harvesting the feelings
Yo, I'd rather be by my ******* self
Till about two a.m. and I call back
And I hang up and I start to blame myself
Somebody help...

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Kanye West]
You weren't perfect but you made life worth it
Stick around, some real feelings might surface
Been a long time since I spoke to you in a bathroom
Gripping you up, ******* and choking you
What the hell was I supposed to do?
I know you ain't getting this type of **** from that local dude
And if you are I hope you are having a good time
Cause I definitely be having mine
And you ain't finna see a mogul get emotional
Every time I hear bout other ****** is strokin' you
Lying, say I hit you, he sitting there consoling you
Running my name through the mud, who's provoking you?
You should be grateful a ***** like me ever noticed you
Now you noticeable and can't nobody get control of you
One a.m. and can't nobody get a hold of you
I'm calling your brother's phone like what was I supposed to do?
Even though I knew, he never told the truth
He was just gon' say whatever that you told him to
At a certain point I had to stop asking questions
Y'all got dirt on each other like mud wrestlers
I heard he bought some coke with my money
That ain't right girl
You getting blackmailed for that white girl
You always said Yeezy I ain't your right girl
You'll probably find one of them "I like art"-type girls
All of the lights, she-was-caught-in-the-hype girl
And I was satisfied being in love with the lie
Now who to blame, you to blame, me to blame
For the pain and it poured every time when it rained
Lets play the blame game

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Kanye West]
"Things used to be, now they not
Anything but us is who we are
Disguising ourselves as secret lovers
We've become public enemies
We walk away like strangers in the street
Gone for eternity
We erased one another
So far from where we came
With so much of everything, how do we leave with nothing?
Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E
Hatred and attitude tear us entirely" - Chloe Mitchell

[Hook x2: Kanye West]
I can't love you this much
No, I can't love you this much

[Verse 4: Kanye West]
And I know that you are somewhere doing your thing
And when the phone called it just ring and ring
You ain't pick up but your phone accidentally called me back
And I heard the whole thing
I heard the whole thing, the whole thing, the whole thing

["The Best Birthday": Chris Rock]
Ohh my God
Baby you done took this **** to another mother ******* level!
Now a neighborhood ***** like me
Ain't supposed to be gettin no ***** like this
*******, *******!
Who taught you how to get **** for a *****?
(Yeezy taught me)
You never used to talk *****, but now you ******* disgusting
My, my God, where'd you learn that?
(Yeezy taught me)
Look at you mother ******* **** *** naked...
With them mother ******* Jimmy Choos on
Who taught you how to put some Jimmy Choos on?
(Yeezy taught me)
Yo you took your ***** game up a whole 'nother level
This is some Cirque du Soleil ***** now! ****!
You done went all ***** on a *****, okay? And I, and I love it...
And I thank you, I thank you, my **** thanks you!
How did you learn, how... how did your ***** game come up?
(Yeezy taught me)
I was ******* parts of your ***** I'd never ****** before
I was in there like oh **** I never been here before
I've never even seen this part of ***** town before
It's like you got this **** re-upholstered or some ****
What the **** happened?
Who, who the **** got your ***** all re-upholstered?
(Yeezy re-upholstered my *****)
You know what, I got to thank Yeezy
And when I see that *****, I'm-a thank him. I'm-a buy his album
I'm-a download that ******* I'm-a shoot a bootlegger!
That's how good I feel about this *****
Oww, I still can't believe you got me this watch
This ******* is the exact ******* I wanted!
Even with the bezel! This is the ******* I wanted
I saw this ****, I saw it, Twista had this **** on in The Source
I remember, Twista had this ******* on in The Source
That's right, that's right! Yo yo babe, yo yo this is the best birthday ever!
Where you learn to treat a ***** like this?
(Yeezy taught me)
Yeezy taught you well, Yeezy taught you well

Dotun yawned noisily as he stretched. He walked sleepily to the bathroom, relieved himself and made some funny face to the mirror. He looked himself over, raised an eyebrow, checked the transformation in the mirror then tried the other eyebrow. He kept doing this till his phone rang and he went into the room to pick it.
"Guy, what's up? I'm fine. ...". He went mute for a while, listening to Fred talk and give him certain information on the other line. He paced the entire length of his room till the call ended. One hour later he was ready to leave the house, all fresh and clean. He drove out in his Range Rover and headed to work. He was often referred to as a chauvinistic, cocky man. The initials in his name Dotun P. Ajala had been turned from Phillip to Player. He had a history with women and was proud.  He was simply incontinent when it came to the opposite *** and the fact that they flock around him made matters worse. His upbringing had been a bit cool, born in penury, luck suddenly smiled on them when his parents won the American visa lottery and they had to leave. They didn't let go of the training and experiences life has taught them, hence he wasn't mollycoddled as a kid. Ego was another aspect of him that was tantamount to his habits with women. He simply hated being turned down. He entered into his office without paying any attention to anyone, it was habitual and they've all come to understand. However, nothing ever goes unnoticed.
While he did his work with an air of insouciance, he couldn't help but ponder on his conversation with Fred. In between, he'd stopped and laughed derisively. It was simply impossible. How could he be made to face such allegations? It was farcical.
Linda had been nothing but a one night stand who incidentally traded her virginity the first time he met her. As usual, he was ready to move on to the next one but she kept pulling some emotional strings and wouldn't let go. She had brought up different issues but he was undaunted. He stopped picking her calls and finally placed her in his past where her type belonged.
She'd gone to Fred freaked out and not willing to accept defeat. Most importantly she was pregnant and wasn't willing to do anything about it. Dotun scratched his head and wondered how he'd managed making it to the office acting cool. Fred had informed him that she said she was going to create a media noise and make sure his parents hear about it. That was way too much. He just couldn't take it, he was being blackmailed.
"****, **** ****" he cursed aloud and kicked his waste bin so hard it tumbled and made some crashing noise. A young lady rushed in on impulse to see if all was well but the look he shot her sent her in the same direction she'd emerged.
He'd never been cajoled, much less from a 21 year old girl who now became his biggest problem. She had him confused, she was naïve.
He picked up the phone and dialled some numbers, barked some orders and parked his stuffs. He was out of there before anyone could say jack. He went through lawyers and tried to see from the legal view what the case was going to look like. Linda seemed to have had everything strategized and he had a lot to lose in turn.
When the Ajalas got to know weeks later, they were so pleased they immediately agreed to let the engagement party for Dotun and Linda take place in their home and without further delay. Dotun didn't like that things were becoming formal but there was little he could do. Linda's growing baby bump was noticeable. Thus, they became couples. Linda was satisfied, her baby would grow knowing its father and she most importantly would not be a laughing stock. She cared less whether Dotun touched her or not, his baby was growing within her.
Dotun's status became the talk of town and ladies avoided him like he had a plague. The few who stayed around did at their own risk. He got tired of the person he used to be, Linda made his life hell. She had a routine for him. He had to get home before a certain time, failure to do so would result into some argument, then make her land in the hospital. It was like she did it on purpose. Each time she was at the hospital, it was for nothing serious. Then the bills come astronomically for ordinary bed rest. He gave up everything for her. She trounced him. Things remained like that for a long time till he met the woman who changed his cards.
Tokunbo had entered his life swiftly. He had stood transfixed at the supermarket where he went to get baby things. She was gorgeous and looked like a make-belief model. Everything about her was icy and she didn't try to correct that impression with first timers. She just didn't have the time, and knowing the effect she had on people it was balanced. He walked up to her with some prepared lines in his head but when she faced him nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn't take all of her beauty in.
"Do you need help with the diaper in your hands? You sure look like you could use one yourself" she said eyeing him all over.
He was taken back, no one had ever talked him down like that, let alone a woman. He  was furious but something about her struck him, her accent was funny and it thrilled him the more. By the time he could put on his player boy demeanour, she had turned her back on him. He wasn't ready to back down.
"I think you're a bit rude, I just wanted to let you know you are beautiful and this colour you have on suits you" he stated flatly.
"You walk up to some chic holding baby diaper and you still wanna psyche her? Why don't you try your luck elsewhere?"
The irritation registered on Tokunbo's face could be read easily. She dropped the shopping basket and left. Dotun was embarrassed but he made up his mind that not even the myriads of insults he got from miss-whatever-her-name-is would make him give up on her.
He narrated his ordeal to Fred who had laughed hysterically. He asked him series of questions about this chic and he couldn't even answer. As far as he was concerned, chasing her was futile.
"Look Dotun, you are married. Why not let things stay that way? Running after some hot chic with your wife in that condition is just not right."
"But for the first time in my life I met someone who feels right for me. Someone I want to live with forever." Dotun defended himself, he was brow beaten at his own game. He'd had that kind of attitude towards girls in the past and to think that finally he got his match was too much to settle for.
Fred's raucous laughter annoyed him.
"Well, if you'd been more calm and cool headed, things might not have turned out this way." He chided.
"Or what do you have in mind? You want to search for this lady, propose to her or what? And considering her double edged tongue, you would be dead soon." Fred concluded.
Dotun's phone beeped, the look on his face gave him away. He answered not pleased.
"Linda. She wants me to buy her Suya, and in five minutes." Fred had another bout of laughter.
"You are hooked man, go home to your loving wife" he said patting him on the shoulder. If there was any word that would have described Linda, it sure wasn't 'Loving'. Dotun threw him an exasperated look and left.

Into life I emerged my fathers queen of his forest lands with his death suffered my Purepecha Tarazcan Mestizo gene mold
and my massive character
developed seared with scars;
first grand loss my father my land
Foe pierced my Teen
Mestizo cactus pear
by deceptive method
his ugly bitter tequila mix
second loss badboy with
a twist virgins his compulssion
the wise universe quickly RANSOMED my pain!
in Texan country songs and mariachi night parrandas
wedding promises galore
in Irish cream PA-dreams
entwined disavowed
drowned all this magic.
along came refuge an evil poisoning uzo on his dunkey
slandering Grecian mythology teaching his many medeas
executing premeditated cruel early death wasn't what I had in mind for restitution
leaping from foe to another one worse  and still I loved life repaying evil for my good
malicious slandering experts
stealing envious jealousy torturing my baby girls new born making pieces of me giving birth!
all this and more remained impune being dead calm in shock
All I ever saught in life was to love be loved cherished adored by one special human regadless of name nationality creed or social status and guess what!?
I found all the BEST all treasures all bank amidts all this saga.

Yes I was too battered to seize opportunity too rejected to say
" I love you- I am sorry,
I'll marry you." my beast!

twice husbands didn't call me wife first time I married only the ring I bought with my savings, tears and scars no husbands were they but foe covert enemy ****** sadist poisoner Greek
chicken **** Hen. in CA fed on******* agendas sold my baby girl coco to his infertile ex hell nurse bailing him out******* dues possing as Mother to my child invented a birth certificate 1983 then tried to ****** me each time I went to E R. smothering me during minor urgery 2009 in honor a covert life insurance criminals with a twist
many times they tried many times they failed I have more lives then a cat.
The Greek human trafficant
blackmailed by his medeas
for his ongoing crimes sadomised my baby girls I give this Greek geek ten traits of narcicistic personality more in his grave "haralobo"his kiriakis and many mistress
I escaped him inhell greece
I emerged seared with scars.
a fierce protective Mother
now a grandmother stern
but ever understanding
ever loving
I am not ranting
nor lamenting!

I survived where many other battered women died
seared with scars
I write.
O how many women do!
O how many Moms don't
survive covert enemies
with a twist.
~~~~~~~
By: Karjinbba
All rights reserved.

Women have rights,
Right to life and right to speech
Rights to love and be loved

Feelings and emotions running wild,
Right to vote and be voted for
Feelings of happiness running high

Not to be harassed or blackmailed,
Not to be abused and relegated
Women think too
Respect the girl child,
And tender her
Give her the right words
And build her ego

if a man can lead the world,
A woman can heal the world

Professor Marylyn-dolly©

I was celebrating as normal I'm not sure why besides oh yeah duh I'm the most awesome writer in the history of this site .
The bar was empty as usual the old crowd had been abducted by aliens and replaced by children whom seemed to believe I truly gave a **** that there five day relationship had just fallen apart yeah live on your own bust your *** to exist then tell me how ******* hard life is okay kiddies.

It came through the wire a message that read.
Dear Gonzo I just read your recent co write and wow was I impressed
It's so great to see established writers giving new writers like yourself a break.

It appears this juvenile hamster had smoked a little to many bath salts today for they had no clue as who my ego fed **** was how dare they.
Yes kids isn't it a shame when all the kick *** drugs were discovered by your grandparents ?

Look don't reinvent the wheel if it gets you ****** up stick with the **** that hopefully doesn't make you trip ***** and lock yourself in a closet with a butcher knife .
That's why I stick with the mild stuff like herion.

I was just about to write this writer wanna be a long and thoughtful response telling them in a mature way to go **** themselves when yet another message came in .

Hey Gonzo loved your co write I always wanted to co write with a true writer any chance you could ask Helen if she would write one with me ?

Dear lord man these kids were higher than Justin bieber's  over inflated ego yeah he's going to put out a new album yeah you been warned .
.
Another message came in in one after the other it was like I was driving a ******* ice cream truck on a hot summer day every bed wetter and ****** picker running down behind me with there snotty little dollars clutched in hand didn't these children know I hate kids .

Well all except for barley legal hot ***** with low self esteem cause I truly love helping misguided ****** yeah I know I'm such a thoughtful ******* aren't I?

I couldn't take it I slammed the laptop shut and turned up the jukebox as I poured myself a stiff drink .
At least here at the bar I could escape this insanity .
But the nightmare was far from over .

As I herd the squeal of airbrakes as a school bus came to a stop outside the bar ****** I was being invaded **** why hadn't I infested in those rabid coyotes Lilly Mae  had tried to sell me .

The little ***** hit the door like invaders across are unguarded boarders yeah do you know how many millions of those ******* Canadians slip through every day .
Yeah if only we had snipers then we never would had to listen to Nickleback.

They jumped on the pool table laughed played and really started to **** my buzz as they played there modern crap they called music .
It was like being ***** by a ****** clown and the rest of his fifty buddies that could fit in one car I swear those  *******  can pack a car better than any Mexican I've ever known and for my fellow Latino friends out there I truly meant no disrespect please don't stab me or bounce up and down on my skull with your low rider  .


Hey Gonzo the leader of this dwarf cult spoke up we want a co write with you.
Um like hell I will Frodo just take your sawed off *** and return back to the shire  okay.

**** that stupid lord of the rings joke dork don't you know harry potter is the in thing *******.
The little man had said a mouthful there and being he was a Harry Potter fan I could tell he was probably used to having his mouth full of assorted things like his nerd friends magic staff .

Look sparky or ******* or whatever the hell you name is note to anyone if you don't have *******  I probably wont care what your name is .

I truly hate kids okay and there's nothing in this world that would make me ever write anything with you so just carry your *** cause I'm sure you are missing out on some kickass time to sulk in your room that is more furnished than my entire house and post your bleeding heart sonnet all over your ex girlfriends face book wall alright.


Okay the little hamster replied .
You know Gonzo I'm real sorry you feel that way cause I was going to overlook the fact that you offered me and my friends ***** and tried to get my underage sister to flash her ******* .

It's a real shame I hate to see such a talented co writer go to waste sitting in prison but you don't want to co write with us so I fully understand .

I couldn't believe this little **** was going to blackmail me it almost brought a tear to my eye how demented he truly was .
Reminds me of myself at that age when I blackmailed my sitter into showing me her ******* ahh the preciouses memories .    

I weighed my options co write masterworks of true demented genius or play basketball with guys who had been in so long that they let me win cause I was a hot ***** .

Hmm I had to ponder that one cause I never was very good at basketball duh I'm white and slightly bad humored with racist jokes that if do offend get over yourself it's called a ******* joke okay.


Okay sparky you got yourself a cowriter but can I ask one thing first?
Sure Gonzo shoot.
Well being that I was going to be falsely accused of seeing your sisters ******* maybe I could actually see them?


I don't have a sister you perve I just said that to trap you into co writing for us and finish this stupid *** write cause it's drinking time and I got places to be people.


Until next time hamsters stay crazy Gonzo.

You, you out there somewhere the universe, we met so beautifully on new year’s eve ,me and my friends were dancing ,you were standing lonely in the corner like a little boy just waiting for invitation, your taller than most guys and your smile lit my night on fireworks, I didn’t hope for anything, nothing at all, and with 20 seconds of insane courage, dragged my friend to the spot where you were standing, and over the loud music, and condescending adults and holding a basket of hope close to my heart asked, with my best smile in my red sweater, “wanna come and dance” a moment of boldness for a girl who has always been shy and reserved, you smiled that thousand watt bulb smile and came with us, danced next to me, hesitating, not knowing much steps, a little shy, I liked you.

The DJ was ****, and kept playing songs that I didn’t like,and my friends kept pushing me towards you, you seemed like sun that night and I kept orbiting around you, we taught you a few steps and I smiled at you and kept assuring you that you were doing fine, we quit dancing for a while and went our separate ways, after the countdown , I went up to you wished you a happy new year, I wasn’t hoping for anything, but you held you your hand out and your eyes shined brighter than pole star, and my heart stood a little taller.

I drink gallons of chicken soup bowl after bowl, trying to hold off tears, and wishing I had a typewriter, as the noise of typewriter keys sound so angry like the beats of my heart.

After a little while, a little while after dinner my friend pushed me out of comfort zone, blackmailed, forced me to go talk to you, and I thought what the heck, what do I have to lose, David is miles away, not knowing how much I miss him.

So I went up, ”hey, um I didn’t catch your name earlier “and there it went ,a start to the most amazing 2 hours, and we got talking and talking, and I held my heart on my sleeve, broke my shell, stepping into this danger zone of actually liking you, you told me about the university you go to, and your love for Christmas and how sports is your life, I told you how much I hated the people of my school and how December Is my favorite month and how my hand eye coordination is as bad as your dancing.

We laughed and laughed, and you offered me your Chocó-chip ice-cream, which you so dearly love, and I refused, told you ‘I’ll go get myself some later” we beamed talking about our addiction to chocolate, you asked for my phone number and since we lived so nearby  ,I suggested that we should hang out sometime and you excitedly said definitely and let’s eat dimsums, and  I don’t think I remember being this happy in a long time, my friends hogged around me and kept asking what happened, I looked at you ,little embarrassed , and you laughed understanding, then shrugging it off, later  when it got a little awkward as all the adults were staring as us, I left and went up to my friends who were in a middle of photo session.

I couldn’t say bye to you, I never got to know when you left.

Speak Power to Truth, but watch out for Lie Poem
3/01/2014

Sometimes we are afraid to speak Truth to Power.
Have you ever heard that phrase uttered
by some token card pushing sack of potatoes?

I want to know :
Who are these Truth and Power characters?
Why are we afraid to speak with them?

Fear not, I'll break it down,

I met Truth in 8th grade,
watched friends steal candy from a store,
then they shouted, "Wynn go take some more."
Egging on persistent - I couldn't ignore.
I snuck the snack in to my pocket,
pretended I dropped it.
left enough change on the counter
to pay for my friends and more,
high hived my friend Truth as I walked out the door.

I met Power high up in a tower
of offices.
That's right, Power is a bureaucrat who stamps a time clock.
Every single weekday,
as a weak single,
like you and me, maybe.
Power worked for my university
signed my paychecks,
and didn't like me at all.
Power threw a power trip, extorted, blackmailed me and all,
I got was secret meetings behind closed doors,
Power threw me out
said Wynn we don't need you anymore.

I met Truth a 2nd time when I fell in love
and had Truth tell me, Wynn admit it,
this isn't the stranger you've been dreaming of.
But I didn't follow Truth's advice,
Instead I listened to Lie,
and continued to suffer
until emotionally I wanted to die.

Lie, is another character you will tend to get involved with.
Each day in a mirror Lie reviews your clothes,
whispers in your ear you should starve,
need to become beautiful,
to lose weight,
and change french fries for grapes.
Lie wears a funny suit and shows up at your door,
will try to sell you **** on silver platters,
as if you needed anymore,

Power came again to me,
at a protest in the mall,
said freeze, put your hands in the air,
don't move, stay where you are.
Power wields handcuffs,
forged from metal, emotions, or money.
Power is tall and attractive.
Can be so friendly, sweet like honey.
Power is secretly a business partner of everyone in your life.
Power will be there for those who afford to buy its might.

Lie is the friend who your parents say you should kick out of your house,
but instead you awkwardly end up inviting to dinner.
Lie timed their visit strategically.
To dine at your table for free.
(Lie doesn't identify with gender pronouns by the way).

So speak Power to Truth, but watch out for Lie,
because Truth needs Power most,
and Lie will try to hide,
not caring for reasons why.

-to be human is to sin

you tell me that good people are everywhere
but where are all these good people
when the facts are screaming
"emergency, emergency"
"alert, alert"
when the facts say
that almost every ******* this planet
has at least once in her life
been touched in a way she didn't consent to
the facts say that most ****** predators
are known to the children
fathers;
fathers have ***** their daughters
while mothers cry silently
because the world does not want to hear
the stories under the blanket
the guilt and the shame
the pain.
the pain.

you say there are good people
show me
show me
that boy who gives to charity
his hand rode up my skirt last week
that girl who prays five times a day
she watched as her boyfriend called me a *****

my five year old cousin knows what it's like to be penetrated

i lost my virginity before i got my period

my best friend doesn't want to be touched because she sees her ******'s face in every man

i was blackmailed by a boy who said he wanted to marry me

my mom;
my mom and i have bonded over
what it feels like
to have
a man inside you
who doesn't
doesn't
belong there

what kind of god wants an empty heaven?
because the kind of people on this earth
the filthy **** who carved their names between my thighs
there are too many
there are too many
men who have done
women who have watched
silent observers
silent thieves
murderers
no one says anything
then they pray to god
but their sins
their sins are on my skin
see me
see me as i burn
see me as i burn
because if these repenters
who have lived their lives
hurting others
who say their grace
then stuff their ***** in my face
if these repenters
are who i will find in heaven
then i do not want to go
i do not want to go
to a heaven with them
i do not want to go
to a paradise
that looks a whole lot like hell

but if god
chooses to not forgive these repenters
then heaven will be empty
because we are sinners
we are all sinners
we ask for forgiveness
then do it again

i have lied
i have cheated
i have wished ill upon another

tell me; am i good person?
was he a good person?
when he ***** me then apologized
when he ***** me then prayed
when he ***** me then cried
and said he made a mistake

when he ***** me
said sorry
and did it again.

if he makes it to heaven
i'll take the other train
if he does not
then none of us will
because our devils are too clean
and our angels too *****

i'm not quite sure if i'm looking for repentance or for revenge
i have done wrong and i have been wronged
is there a place for me in heaven?

what kind of god wants an empty heaven?
what kind of god wants a heaven full of sinners?

where is the god that will love me?

where is the god that will forgive me?

Don't cross the street until the light is green.
Hold hands at the crosswalks & parking lot.
Keep poison out of reach of children.
Don't cuss or swear.
Don't smoke or drink.
Don't speed above the speed limit.
Don't lend out cash.
Don't get conned.
Don't drink alcohol & drive.
Don't do drugs.
Don't sell *** for money.
Don't take bribes.
Don't get blackmailed.
Don't play with fire.
Don't use explosives or firearms.
Don't vandalize.
Don't be a ******, stripper, ****, drug dealer, bank robber, killer, ******, carjacker, kidnapper, or shoplifter.
Wear your seat belt.
Check your motor oil & fluids.
Drive on a full tank of gas.
Clean your windshield.
Flush the toilet.
Brush your teeth & hair.
Never use electrical things near water.
Never lie.
Never hire an attorney for anything.
Never sign a stripper contract.
Don't dance naked for money.
Use mouthwash.

PART ONE:
Shifting through the night
Year after year
Carrying the bodies as they
Grin ear to ear
Dancing in the moonlight
The fire in my mind
Ready to burn out as I strive
To keep my sanity alive.

A shovel is the tool I've
Been blackmailed into use
A beating of the skull, I've
Taken the abuse
I'm just a broken hero, I've
Always been able to see
There's no one out there
Truly suitable for me.

But one night, as the stars
Hung themselves from the sky
A woman, I saw in the yard
Tears cold in her eyes
She was wearing a bright white dress
And was rich, the eye could see
So it was no wonder why I took
Such interest in thee.

I stepped gingerly toward her
As her droplets shined bright
And asked why she was weeping
On such a lovely night.
She replied that she was in love
With someone rather bright
But he was poor and unstable
And loving him was a fight.

I asked who this poor man was
For I knew everyone in town
She said she has seen him
In the cemetery, wandering round
His eyes were dark, as was his hair
His nails ***** and clothes brown
As I realized who she described
I told her to turn around.

She looked at me with steel blue eyes
Shining with moon and tears
And I pushed her down unto the ground
And gently bit her ear.
I wiped away her eyes and
Washed her dress clean.
With the tears of my joy
Of which I'd never before seen.

I helped her up from the dirt
And we found we were in love
And that we'd be together
Until the sky fell from above
The graves played us a song
And the spirits smiled down
And they whispered to each other
Their heads whipping round.

We parted ways until today
And I'm off to find her with my rose
We said at ten we'd meet again
And still, she hasn't shown.
I wandered a while after
Back to my graveyard home
When a black coffin rested on the ground
Surrounded by crying crows.

I went to investigate
And see the empty grave
When to my surprise, before my eyes
In the grave, my darling lay
I jumped down to see her
And hold her one more time
When I felt a jolt ...
A bullet in her spine.

For hours I have cried
And felt my heart disappear
For my darling, besides all others
Did not grin ear to ear.
My depression turned to blind fury
And my mind broke into a roar
I swore that whoever guilt bore
Would rot away in my graveyard floor.

PART TWO:
Blurs are appearing in my brain
Blurs are obscuring all my pain
Blurs in the sky are throwing rain
These blurs in my head drive me insane.

Blurs of red splatter on my blade
Blurs stare at me and then turn away
Blurs of white are my guide to day
Blurs in my eyes turn wet and fade.

Blurs in my muscles make me feel weak
Blurs in my chest trickle and leak
Blurs in my care forbid me to speak
Blurs on my clothes stay there for weeks.

Blurs on the doors lead me to you
Blurs through the window tell me it's true
Blurs on my babe's face, black and blue
Blurs in my sanity tell me to **** you.

PART THREE:
Black, gray and red
A combination that's foretold
Many depressing endings
Where a man grows lone and cold.
I ran and I fled
And I tried to hide the body
But I suppose it was inevitable
That they would eventually find me.

I hid under the bed
They busted down my door
And didn't even bother to
Search the whiskey-stained floor
But now I've been found
And deprived of all the sounds
That kept me alive and breathing
That kept me around.

My baby died in bloodshed
For money of many sorts
For poor men with rich lovers
Is love that ends too short
Day by day I try to
**** myself in many ways
Just so I can die
And see some better days.

Red is a boring color
When it's the only one you see
For after all these days of trying
Anger won't leave me
Finally, I've got it!
It's been there the whole time
An asylum patient has to die
A penalty worthy of the crime.

Night by night I plan
And hide the paper in my skull
I'll bury her beside me
I'll fill that empty hole
Beating my own head
With my fists in a padded cell
I've been planning the day
That we overlook this Hell.

The final blood is spilled
They grab my knife and gun
There's no where else to go
There's no where to run
I've been sedated and I've waited
To meet my love again
And in minutes I'll be hung
When the clock strikes ten.

The noose waits for my feet
To collapse and hang beneath me
And I wait for the priest
To put me out of my ******* misery
He sets down the bible,
"Have you last words to say?"
"...Bury me next to Lydia
So I can see her every day."

my finger tips bleed for you

pouring out confessions

blackmailed by my betraying heart

sscraping your leftovers closer,

hoping you can see through the

bright lights and encryptions

that the vicious remains of our love

still circles like a vulture

and I, so desperate to be tasted

offer to you in this mangled mess of loveliness

my soul scratched in wretched gliphs for an endless time

in a language that could only be deciphered by your cruel love.

Inspector Fox felt emotionally blackmailed
his eyes blurred the first time in his life
the man cried pitifully to have the suspicion dispelled
there was motive for him to have killed his wife.

I picked her up almost from the street
you can call it love at first sight
whose fragrance in heart I always carried
showed me the way her love’s light.

If you ask if she was always faithful to me
she was and not a moment she left my side
laid herself bare and so happy were we
years passed like an endless joy ride.

Never ever, never once, I have to say
she set her eyes on any other man
happy as she was in my love all the way
as I was in my loveliest woman.

She loved not me but only my money
so would the tongues roll in mischief
how they envied that I was so lucky
our devotion to each other was beyond belief.

Behind me she slept with other men
I had to bear with many such gossip
two love doves we were crazily insane
our love was true and fathomless deep.

It hurt me Mr. Fox and I couldn’t take it anymore
those ******* spreading canards about her
so I started to love her more than before
and now must have killed her some jilted lover.

The inspector noted each word in his book
thanked him and got up to go
to give the note a good look
at home in his table lamp’s glow.

He read it once and then again and again
each line in isolation and with the rest
till he pieced together only the first lines
arrived at the confession cleverly crafted!

Somethings, do just happen?
But not an affair.
Many are planned, manipulated and calculated to occur.
Many just toss get caught into the air.

The chase, the conquest is important more than anything.

As away, there are excuses to come.
More so from the women.
And a few from the man.

Some blame it on *****.
Some chalk it up to being fools.

So certain things happen that's out of our control.
But not an affair.

Excuses that seem to given.
If just as stupid than many saints they are going to heaven.
When they are masters of pretend.

Oh, it was a good job.
Oh, they blackmailed me.
When in truth, you showed complete interest.

Yes, many things happen.
Except, not an affair.
We know things we want to act upon.
Over looking the danger.
Less concern about the harm.

You started out with hawk eyes
  born with incredible winds at your back, your feathers smelled like a pine forest soaring just inches away from a never depleted lake.

You started out invincible
anything possible was allowed to climb stairways hidden in your mind's eye.

  You started forth wandering in the great expanse of imagination, a new heart tucked away inside with an invisible leader who reeked of enchantment and endless wonders.

Before horror struck us dead and the fall of Atlantis we were connected to the power of something rich and real, a radio station with endless channels.

Before the fall,
You played in everything unlimited, drew innocence
  on a luminous feather and let it drift careless on clean winds that knew how to speak crisp
  between rough walls of mountain sides living three inches apart from each other.

Before the scrape of hate entered like a voice thundering from all directions sending so many mad leaves swirling in confusion leading us astray.

I want to speak to the men who do not trust other men because of the violence planted deep down in their soil.

I want to put my hand in the silent dirt of your wound and wash your eyes with waters of remembrance.

I want you to strike me with every black whip vengeance you felt on your back, every betrayal burning off wings from your once invincible hawk that we both know flew uninhibited skies in your priceless heart and I want you to remember that feeling before they threw you in that black room of hurt and I want you to close your eyes and picture someone who you trust  to stand with you in that black room and exit it together.

You are free to kick open the door, spit on every wall of doubt that blocked your mind with anything that said "You are bad, you are nothing."

I want you to go through every cell that got slammed into your fingers and every cross that crucified your child.

I want you to stand up with your hero and say what you need to say to every voice that blackmailed you and robbed you of every luminous feather.

You can scream, cuss, burn off the demon's skin with every kind of fire they threw at you with.

You may do whatever it is you need to do to whoever it is that needs to suffer.

There are no limits now.
You are free to let that child roar out dragons that were buried in the dungeons of suppression and let them burn it down.

You can say whatever you want.
Be free to dismantle their prison by whatever means necessary.

Now I want you to go back in time before any black whispers skated across your inexhaustible lake and I want you to pick up every luminous feather they plucked from your wings and
I want you to find that champion hawk who flies in your heart and place them back in the right spot.

I want you to climb the
highest tree top of your dreams
with that beautiful hawk on your shoulder and sit there for a moment and remember how free you once were before anything dark was allowed to taint your life.

I want you to drink in the air of pine.
I want you to erase the cubicle of your work prison telling you to write reports or to type in data.

I want you to sit there and remember the peace of your soul, allow the magic of Sun hitting water fill you with Power and everlasting beauty and love.

Now I want you to take your hawk and say whatever comes to mind. You are free now.

Now I want you to dive from that tree top and forgive them all, even yourself for anything that may be eating through your ribs.

Remember how to fly.
Remember.  Remember.
Remember your true self the way you were before anything else.

Let it all go.
Feel how light you are now.
Light enough to slip into a hawk.
Fly on. Fly. Fly. Fly.

Drink it all in.

The rush of summer blue.
The clear lake of possibility.
The clouds of timeless canvas.
Rise higher if you want.

You are free.

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have cried over your farewell message
I wouldn't have thought of regret
I wouldn't have thought of the days without you as a waste

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have thought of giving you forgiveness
Or seeing you again face to face
Nor talking to you casually as if nothing happened

If I loved you a little less
It wouldn't have been painful seeing you talk to him
I wouldn't have smiled as if I felt nothing
I wouldn't have felt glee when you turn your phone's mode to airplane

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have felt anxious as the end gets nearer
I wouldn't have felt the urge to hug you closer
I wouldn't have asked that little favor

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have stared at your lips
And asked for that one final kiss
I wouldn't have felt my love was being reciprocated

If I loved you a little less
That night wouldn't be flashing back repeatedly
I would've slept well entirely
I wouldn't have wished you with me

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have chose you over her
Her, with the love, future and security that she offers
I wouldn't have the guts to hurt other people

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have stomached being a third party
I wouldn't have accepted you after what you've done to me
I would have cared what others think about me

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have agreed to this kind of setup
Like on a death row queue, I voluntarily line up
Except that this is a slow torturous death with a heads up

If I loved you a little less
I would've forced you my beliefs
I would've blackmailed you emotionally
And tied you up just to be with me

If only I have loved you a little less
Just a little less
But I only love you a little,
More and more each day

If only I have loved you a little less
But my love for you was beyond everything
Beyond time, pain, risks, judgment and common sense
Even beyond death, I think

If only I have loved myself a little less
I wouldn't have decided to fight a handicapped game
I wouldn't have swallowed all the hatred and curses thrown at my name
I wouldn't have been able to love you all the same

Curse my stubborn heart for not knowing how to love a little less
It only knows of love that is always at its peak
With only one choice between all or nothing
And it always chooses all, if it's you, right from the very beginning

I used to be trapped.
I used to be watched
Like a bug under a microscope.
I used to be judged.
And blackmailed.
Alone, there was no way I could cope.
This was a war for love,
However wrong,
However crushed.
But it was an ant against a flood.
I cried so hard,
So long.
All because of my own flesh-and-blood.

And finally, a ray of golden sunlight
Broke through the clouds,
The rain,
And kissed the untamed waters
That surrounded my home.
Your warmth made the water evaporate -
But she wasn't gone.
Instead, she rose up to join you,
There, in the sky.
As soft white cloud beneath your golden eye.
Yet however far she was from me,
There was a closeness that would last forever.

There are days in which
You weren't feeling so hot.
She was there,
But she was distraught.
That little cloud,
She cried and cried.
Once again, the flood swirled around me.
She needed you,
But you really couldn't be there.
That little ant on the ground -
She understood.
So I asked her to come back down to Earth,
Flood my life again,
But this time,
I would ride the waves.
And I would look up
And I would see you
Still shining, beaming down at your true love.

You came back,
And lit her up again.
Once again she evaporated -
But she wasn't gone.
She was with you -
Where she should be.
But if times got tough,
She would be with me.

Thank you, my golden sun,
For kindling that bond
Between the ant and the flood.

You took what was rightfully mine
forcing words into my mouth
pulling at these limbs like I was a puppet
turning me into something not human
making me believe I was utterly worthless

I became the problem as the blame fell on me
all our misfortunes and failures were my fault
I was the monster hiding under children’s beds
howling into the dead of night

You restricted my growth
forcing me to kneel at your feet
there I begged for your forgiveness time and time again
filled with guilt and shame
watching the broken mess we had become
wondering where it all went wrong
how we wandered so far off this path
getting lost in the bitterness and anger
our hearts turned cold
veins filled with each-others poison

Fighting fire with fire
striking a match and standing by as everything we had burnt
this thing that we created was not the product of love
but of hate and resentment

We turned green eyed in this feeding frenzy
hungering for one another’s flesh
viciously tearing down these walls
infiltrating each-others vulnerable minds

You had my slowly beating heart in your hand
but instead of nurturing it
you blackmailed me
forcing this mind to become tethered to your own

Whenever I looked over my shoulder
I saw you
those cold eyes scrutinising every single action
and interaction
filtering the words that came out of my mouth

I could feel your nails digging into my flesh
as you forced yourself on me
your warm breath still lingers here
I have tried running
but these chains prevent me from ever getting far
a truth I cannot escape and
a past that refuses
to let me go

The scars you left behind are a permanent reminder
of all that transpired here
the sins we committed hand in hand
ensuring each-others demise

You broke me and I am still trying
to pick up the pieces
rummaging through the rubble
trying to find something beautiful again
a piece of this canvas left blank

Your shadow will always
linger at the corners of my mind
but I have found a new strength within
a resilience emerging from the broken
and heaven forbid
you try
and
take that from me

This story
is
still
meant
to
be
told

“ And so they went to war......coercive game” to wage new form of disruptive non-violent protest against the powerful, but undemocratic cliques by targeting individuals who belong to these circles, but stay under radar of democratic process. I don’t think the object of the attack matters – it’s the method of the attack what matters. Instead of exposing something they go undercover and “fix” situation as they see it fit their agenda whatever it might be. Since everything in their game is secret they are themselves the definition of word “undemocratic.”  

If I was greedy by working, paying Taxes and not a burden to the state
Why not simply call me out and expose the reason for your accusation
Why a ruthless covert war, why spread lies and disinformation and
misinformation
They could not do that
These are Thieves and Criminals
out to silence and discredit and hide their criminality
They is no guilt on my part, I called out thieves and scumbag crooks
By now
I should have had a breakdown
I should have left the Country scared out of my wits
I should have committed suicide or been incarcerated in jail
least they wanted to soften me up, turn me into a witless dummy
a confused withering fool pushed from pillar to post, begging acceptance.
NO
I am not intimidated by Thieves and their Mobsters
I am not softened up and I will keep unflinchingly to my truths
Fools, how can memories of my poor wife that you broke
blackmailed and made her leave depress me when I know the truth
Was happy she went as it was most painful watching her suffer
You know I could have gone looking to bring her back
I did not because I felt good knowing she's out of it
THEN
you tried creating unrequited Love that I saw from miles away
I didn't take the bait, yet you drone on like imbeciles that you are
anything to drain, depress, demoralize, break, torture or torment
I laugh at you gumption-less sickos cause its now obvious
no matter Criminals are really stupid, imbecilic, asinine fools
Its really true that nobody in their right minds ever wants to be
a criminal. You are semi-illiterates, worthless paranoid, fearful, twisted, psychotic cowards and Narcissists
AND
those are the well known tools you project on to your victims
thinking because they are not hardened Criminals like you
they will break and crumble
To be hounded and followed is your worst nightmare
To an innocent man, its a pack of fools wasting their time
I haven't done anything criminal, why should I care
You hide underground, you need secrecy and anonymity
I have NOTHING TO HIDE, EXPOSE ME AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE
YOU ARE SCUMS AND CRIMINALS, THIEVES, BURGLARS, THE DREGS OF SOCIETY...the shame is yours NOT mine

White thieves and Mobsters in London putting the bite on a blackman who they stole from and who stood up to them!

YOU DON'T SCARE ME CHEAP DISGRACEFUL SCUMS
YOU DO NOT SCARE ME ONE TINY BIT......
Do your worst, scumbags.......

By; Cedric McClester

They had seven years to prepare
To abolish Obamacare
So there’s enough blame to share
Cos’ in the end how did they fare?
And ya know they went for broke
But their efforts went up in smoke
Now they’re the **** of the joke
For tryin’ to take it away from folk

At the cost of the average man’s health
They were tryin’ to increase the wealth
Of insurance companies by stealth
And the rich if nothing else
So let Obamacare be hailed
Cos’ they plotted planned and failed
Though the Freedom Caucus is assailed
The president shouldn’t be bailed

They put together their A team
And tried everything it would seem
From a whisper to a scream
A Twitter attack to a meme
See it hadn’t been scored or scaled
So in the end God Almighty prevailed
When no one could be blackmailed
Ultimately the whole thing failed

In their districts constituents arose
And some elected officials froze
Cos’ come election time everyone knows
It’s the recalcitrant one who goes
So the president could say what he wanted
But the membership remained undaunted
None of ‘em wanted to be haunted
By a vote that wouldn’t be vaunted










Cedric McClester, Copyright © 2017.  All rights reserved.

He's beautiful
A lot of my friends disagreed
Said why **** a guy who isn't ****
But I don't see him that way
I guess you could say "love makes you blind"
Though I'm not in love, and I can see just fine
But I miss him
Obviously
Or else I wouldn't be in my room right now crying about leaving
But I made a choice
A decision
That no matter what happens I wasn't happy with him
I'm gonna look back and remeber the hard times too
I  will remeber the times the left me
And the times he broke me
When he toyed with my sanity
Just to watch me squirm
Blackmailed that he would tell my family
If I didn't stay with him longer
Our relationship was complicated
But he did call me pretty
Or beautiful
I was his little ray of sunshine
And his diamond in the rough
He sang to me on the good days
And hugged me when I was having a bad one
He invited me out with his friends
When none of his other girls could come
He cared for me
More than most people do
And I needed that
I wanted that
And your crazy if you call that a abuse
maybe I couldn't see it
Maybe I still can't see it
But I made a choice
A decision
That no matter what happens I wasn't happy with him
I will get over it
And find somone new
Just maybe they will love me
As much as he use to

Let me see, do a man make a woman be his mistress?
Or is it in her interest in being one?
To get her physical thrills.
While knowing she doesn't have him , except for a moment or two.

Is the role she playing for her rent, car notes and bills being paid?
So her perspectives of morals means not a single thing.
Yes, it takes two to play that game.

And best believe money controls everything.

Let me understand this?
Simply because he made a request.
Intimidated her into connecting constantly with him in bed.

Unless she were blackmailed, did he place a weapon to her head?

Only when exposed is when the real story's told?
Than instantly it falls upon him.
But in some folks eyes, it falls upon her too.

She profit from the thrill of lust as did he.
So only one person's deserves our sympathy.
Guess who?

for the longest part of my life
my mother said she would be "better off dead"
for the longest part of my life
i had to hear, "if you dont do what i say i might as well be dead"
for the longest part of my life
i heard "you will miss me when I'm dead"
for the longest part of my life
i was blackmailed, emotionally.

One cannot make a person want to live.
One cannot make a person except what they have done.
One cannot take the blame, if you are only a little child.