For every response left unread.
For every thought trapped in my head.
For the way you make me feel.
Decrypt if it's fake or if it's real.

It's hard to explain a feeling you don't quite know yourself.

Understanding your own mind can be tricky sometimes.

We don't quite know each other yet, despite that fact.

I still feel comfortable to talk to you.

 it feels like we have already had a wonderful first date, a romantic second, and our third wasn't the best but we are both don't care because we are spending it together.

 It makes me nervous, not knowing if you imagine the same thing.

That's why I panic when I talk to you, not knowing if the thing I just said was good enough.

so I say something new before you can type back, and believing that isn't good enough so I repeat the cycle.

Becoming stuck in a whirlpool of my own anxiety and overthinking, just because I don't want to miss my chance at that bad third date.

I don't want to miss the chance to stare at you, on a night not going as planned, but still being able to smile when I look at you.

I'm sorry I'm not good at talking, but I promise you would enjoy my rambling and awkwardness if you gave it a shot.

don't ******* text your friends while
you're ******* driving and now
i'm this close to throwing your phone
out the window and into the highway so
put your phone down because
i'm trying to talk to you
and right now i'm trying to ******* say
that you shouldn't ******* text your friends
when you're behind the wheel
because you can crash and **** someone
and you're important to me
and i don't ******* want you or me to die
and if you're important to me then
i'm willing to spend my ******* time on you
and when i spend my time on someone
i'm pretty much just spending my ******* money
and you already know that most of the time
i don't have any ******* money and if i did
i would be spending that money on sunshine
and time to try and make us happier so
if you don't like what i have to offer
then i'm telling you to say ******* to my offer
and to stop being a coward and
to tell me how you really feel or
just get the hell out of here because
if you're wasting my money already
i refuse to let you waste my ******* time because
i've already spent years wasted on you
but you won't ******* love me back
the way i ******* love you and
instead every single time when
i want to leave you just have to pull me back
because you think that it's a great
decision to drag me along to
all of your ******* adventures with
all of your ******* friends and
all of your ******* boyfriends only
to ******* tell me that i never
really stood a chance with you
and that you just want us to be friends
but clearly you don't even understand how
to ******* be friends with someone
because if you ******* did you would be
talking to me in the car right now
and not texting your friends and
flirting with me nonstop and
i wouldn't have to be ******* remind you
how ******* dangerous it is
to text and drive.

I don't care,
About the other messages;
Popping up,
At the top of my screen.

I just want to stay here,
And wait;
For your next message,
To come in.

I wait up till 12 at night
Just to see if you'll reply.
I remember every text
All the secrets that we told.
I feel so scared to open up,
Do you feel scared too
Or is this just you?
Am I another text in the night?
Are these just pixels, not feelings?
We send and received,
There's a time stamp on our moments.

Please will you stay up with me at 12 at night
And say goodnight

We text through the night when you should be asleep
We text through the day when I should be writing

And I hold this close, you're special to me
This attachment that's forming

I'm frightened
I don't want to be naive

This time around, I am scared to let my guard down
We'll exchange letters like two kids in a playground

My mouth creates a smile and my body feels warm
All I want from you is your trust and to be enjoyed

Maybe we could share a kiss, maybe we could share our bodies
This is exactly where I don't want my thoughts to go

Can I relish in the fun and in the cuteness we exude
Without getting in too deep, without becoming the fool?

it rains outside, the grey sky provides
a comfort here at home, the linen wraps around
my skin. i find solace in this melancholy
the tiredness controls every move i make

the rats are asleep in their cage
the warmth my body feels whenever we text
a conversation to last an eternity
and the distance feels like nothing

the light is too bright
can you dim the dimmer?
boygenius is on the stereo
a bluetooth speaker
via spotify premium — student account
my brain feels like a butterfly house
humid and stuffy and filled with insects
we moved on from tinder
to talking over text
you are so cute
the butterflies move
to my gut, heart's a flutter
my foot in my mouth

The way we love each other despite ourselves and the universe is insatiable. You’re the feast to my starving poetry, and I’m scrambling after you trying to unscramble all the pieces you let trail behind; I’ve spiraled into puzzling over every detail of your face and the imprints on your heart and the things you’re never really saying but silently radiating

The way we love each other with our whole arms and our whole hearts beating up against one other, magnetism pulling our bodies together all close and warm until our skin is melding and there is no more feeling or air, only lightness and the white behind your eyes

And even then, it isn’t enough—

that can’t get enough of you feeling, so tragic and profound, how it makes you move
different, that sudden onset
of warmth (and how that cool can pull you down so low)

analyzing you as if you aren’t equally a mess as I am, and you’re so deeply beautiful to me, even if the universe can’t see it yet


And yet but despite ourselves, and the universe