I am a hallowed out book
An ornate casing that should hold beauty between its walls
Instead, emptied of emotion
And often filled with drugs, *****, and unthinkable secrets

My pages are torn out
The words that should be used to express my thoughts have been desecrated
I will never be complete again
Where my story once was, now fragments of pages with sazerac stains are found

The few memories left wrapped around the flask when this whole mess began
Were soon torn off in desperation
And rolled into funnels to fuel late nights' bad decisions

Our opia
Was *****
On winter nights and
Beneath the summer sun
You looked at me
And fueled my addiction

Our love
Melancholy melody
Droned on
Through the seasons
A constant craving
Until finally I ran out of you

You left me
My addiction still raging full force
You left me
With no help through detox  
And that is why it killed me

I lay in the impression of your body
On the right side of the bed
The side pressed against the window
Always the window facing side was yours
Perhaps because you always felt the urge to escape
The need to be able to flee my presence at any given moment
Any flit of your mind
And any flicker of my imperfection

In the dark
Laying in the attic
The rain is slow and painful
There is one persistent dripping directly above me
Many more feel as though they are closing in on me
As if taunting my incompetent tear ducts
My eyes that refuse to cry

Tell me your secrets as you weave your fingers between my thighs
Teach me your history as your eyes knock down my mind
Tell my why while we both get high

Please let me into your world as you tell me I complete it
Please let me win you over as you coach me; tell me more as you tell me "more"
Let's close our eyes like we always do, this time opening our minds and allowing ourselves to see

I often ponder whether I'd rather have had you pretend to love me
Until the end of my short life
Or if I should be thankful
That I will not die believing your lies

I listened to your stories
Placed them deep within me
Wanting to keep your secrets safe
My heart's key I threw away

You're gone and
My love is locked

If anyone wants it back
They'll have to melt my skin
Sort through my veins
And dissect my heart

Al because you let me throw
The only copy of my key away

I realized you were a small town man;
That you'd be more satisfied with being a comfortable failure than having to work for success.
You'd rather become your parents
Unstable:
Mentally
Financially
Romantically,
And unimpactful on this Earth's humanity.

I was a world traveler.  
In need of constant
Change
Challenge
Risk
And movement.  
I need a constant toiling in my mind
A constant pressure to move
A constant reminder that my next step could change the world
A constant potential for improvement

I realized you were content with what you knew
And my passion for learning was unappeaseable by your stagnant mind

I remember the books you wouldn't read
The songs you wouldn't sing
The explorations on which you refused to accompany me
The worlds you wouldn't see

And I now know that meant you would never last next to me
It's not your fault you couldn't keep up
Or mine I couldn't slow down
We can blame each other
My lack of satisfaction
Your lack of motivation  
Psychology
Economics
Chemistry
Chance
God
Karma
Fate
All these reasons
But none are real
Truthfully, we were just not meant to be

With each other we were not free
With your annoyance at my distance and my anger at your dissonance
Far corners of the earth you were not meant to see

I know now that my craving for motion
My roller coaster emotion
Is too fast paced
For someone like you
And to drag you behind me would be a waste
As we are not amazed by the same things, we do not have the same taste

It is possible that I'll never find someone
That worships this world as I do
and craves these things next to me
But at least alone I won't hurt anyone with my motion