Spins
The office chair aligns itself with the overhead fan
In sync they orbit my body
Holding still as I turn indefinitely
It's nauseating and satisfying

Like a vase of ashes
I am full
Dense but dead

You're pulling at my Earth
With your bicycle tire mind
My ground is vibrating
While you drag my beach towel like a magic carpet
Spin my thoughts like a washing machine
The way your mother used to throw your body in the swimming pool
Only you wept with glee, unlike me

We write it and we destroy it
Do with it what we see fit
Tear it up
Burn it, hide it below dead js in a cup
Like our souls
Like the cigarette burn holes
In our shirts and our arms
Our sleeping bags
Awoken to forever-under-our-eyes bags

I wonder if he heard the bullet
                 if he heard the gun crack
                 if he knew his breath was his last
                 if he thought about his future
                          thought about his past
                 if he thought at all
                                  or if it was too fast
I wonder if he heard the bullet

Did love dizzy his mind?
Did he think about his girl-
How she would feel when his body she'd find?
Did he think about his friends-
Who he would leave behind?
Did he think about himself
                 Trying to survive?

I wonder if he felt the pavement catch him
                 if he was still alive
I wonder when his heart stopped beating:
   was it in the backseat of a car?
   where they left his body?
   Did they drag him far?

I wonder what he was thinking;
I hope that he was not.

His fiancé flew to a corpse, not a wedding venue.
His mother to a coroner, not a graduation.
His brother accepted his diploma, not knowing what had happened.
I hope that he never realized these things.

new age jungles and city species
running through the curious dark
you say “Now IS the time to be alive.”
and stay out late
to watch the sunrise
from suicidal heights
see the bright lights
see the city sights
read your last rites
got
high insights
stay awake to watch the sun rise
to watch your mind fall down
to watch your ultimate demise

bustling brains become a barren tundra
and city thoughts die
and bodies still move with the beat
while thoughts experience defeat
you’re not complete
gotta cheat
gotta eat
but you gotta retreat
but you gotta take a seat
now it’s bittersweet
step back, gotta let go
gotta move on
skip the free throw

On Friday Morning I told you that I knew
as I walked through the door
blue

On Friday Morning I was not worth it
as I walked through the door
hit

On Friday Morning the night came back in pieces
as I walked through the door
releases

I had told you that I loved you
as I blackout danced
woo

A lie
A goodbye