Laying on the sofa
Reading webtoons.

Chewing on jelly beans
Dribbling my legs

Eyelids closing
Sighs escaping.

Thumbs drifting around
Laziness consuming me.

Bored. I knew this sleepover would be boring. But I just didn't want to be stuck in my house.

Listening to snorts
Of the little Chihuahua.

My friend sprawling on the bed
Me rustling on the sofa.

What an weird way to start of a morning.

Haha.

My right ring finger itches from that ant bite.

It was first a little speck of pain.
When I noticed it, it was a dot.

I squeezed it. And the dot was swarming with liquid.

It popped.

My eyes spotted blood.
I wiped it away.

But then that bite kept itching.

So I started squeezing it. And more blood came out.

It hurt. But I kept on doing it.

The bite will now grow big and painful.

Because I kept on squeezing it.

I was hurting myself.
I could've stopped.
But I didn't.

Why?

All this I'm doing...

Is hurting myself.

My fingers type the same topic over and over.

Because it hurts.

It hurts that I can't tell.
It hurts that I am weak and foolish.
It hurts that no one cares.

It hurts that I know it's wrong.
It hurts that I think it will go away
It hurts that what I'm doing I'm wrong.

But I keep on doing it.

I know that the more I love the more pain I will gain.
At the end, it will be me with sorrow.

I'm scared that she won't miss me.
I'm scared that she dislikes me.
I am foolish.

I am weak.

I am tired.

Of this.

Repeating the same trama.

Over and over.

I want to end this.

I an too tired.

There's something funny

Hilarious and weird.

I can smile, grin, laugh.

But I can't frown.

Well,

I suppose that's a good thing, right?

Haha.

Don't play with me like a doll you can throw away at any moment.

Don't think I'm a friend that you can betray that easily.

Don't you think I'm stupid.

Don't you think I'm stupid,

I love time
How it just ticks

Tick tock tick tock

Sometimes it seems so fast
And sometimes it seems too slow

But it goes the same speed ever day

Tick tock tick tock

I love time

It seems invincible

It seems everlasting

It is

Time

To my friends

I laugh a lot

I always smile

And grin

And grin some more.

I always joke around

And laugh at everything I see

I act

Happy.

Filled with joy

And all that

was to hide my sorrows. And to make them disappear.

It was a habit I couldn't stop.

When ever I said, "I'm going to act serious today."
When something bad happened to me I said, "I'll tell my friends. I'll cry." "I'll show them my inner."

But I always end up smiling and laughing. I just can't help but doing that. Not being serious.

Even when I tell a sad story or explain depression, I smile.


And maybe that was wrong.

Maybe I should've showed them my inner.

Maybe then my friends wouldn't know me as just a silly girl who laughs everyday.

Because friends,

I have what's called feelings too.

I have what's called dark past.

I have experienced death with family.

6 of them.

You might have never known.

The dark side of your friend.

That friend who giggled and laughed and smiled and leaned on you and always seemed happy.

I know what misery is!

I too have kept secrets from you all!

I......

I have feelings, okay?

I love to scroll down and like everything I see.

I don't have to read it

I just know it's good

16 followers

Not much

Not much at all!

Only 16

but that number is really special for me

It shows I'm special

16

16 followers

Can you believe that?

"Hey,"
"Do you trust me?"
"Do you?"

"Yes? Really? Thanks!"
"Alright, but you really have to trust me."
"Really."
"Now follow me."

"See that? Avoid it."
"See that? Obey it."
"See that? Love it with all your heart."
"See that? Please don't get near it."

"Hey!"
"You said you would trust me! You promised!"
"What are you doing? I told you not to do that!"
"Stop!"
"Why are you leaving me?"
"I thought you trusted me!"

"See... I told you..."
"I told you to avoid that."
"I told you to obey that."
"I told you to love it with all your heart."
"I told you not to get near that."

"Why would you betray me?"
"I thought you loved me..."
"See look what happened to you now.."
"Look how damaged you have gotten..."
"Look how miserable you look..."

"Don't worry. I still love you."
"No matter how much you hate me, how much you wash you mouth with lies and curses, how much you disobey me, how much you betray me, I'll love you."

"So it's alright.."
"I'm with you.."
"Don't cry.."
"I'll forgive you..."
"I'll give you another chance.."
"I'll love you forever..."

People..

How come there's this one person saying that repeats His love for you...

And you say you're not cared and loved?.....

Do you think you're unloved?

Follow me

I'm not a very good at explaining things.

But I do have amazing ideas I'd love to share.

But I'm not good at explaining.

Haha.

Differences in people doesn't judge if they are "good" or "bad."

There are only differences.

"Good" and "Bad" were just words that tricked you, held you from realizing that it was just, "Differences."

                                                                                            -happyhappyhappy
                                                                                                                  2/22/17

To all the artist in the world- good and bad.

What do you draw? Anime? Manga? Cartoon? Animation? Animals? Humans?

This is a letter to those of you who consider yourself as a terrible artist.
Not the ones who know computer designing with drawing tablets and copy paste art. Not the ones who are actually good.

To the ones who have been depressed by their art. The ones who thinks their art is terrifying.
The ones who have no hope for their art.

Listen up.

Those days.... when you peeked across the table to your friend's drawings and mumbled, "That's really good. I wish I could draw like that too." And depressed for you thought you were the worst drawer within your friends. When you moaned, "Will I ever draw like that? Could I possibly?" And while staring into the arts of others. Depressing and filled with jealousy, feeling like your art is getting worser and worser.


SHUT UP!

Those were lies of yourself.
Those thoughts that pulled you deeper into misery.
Those were all FAKE.

You think others are better than you.

But to be honest. (This is the important part, read carefully)

There is no good or bad in art. Better than or worse than.

There are no good and bad, but there is different styles and types of art.

"Good." "Bad." They were the words that tricked you. They were illusions.

There is only varieties of drawings in art.

Everybody is different. So is their art.

When people see the other styles of art, they mistake is as "Good."

You think that person's art is "better" than yours.

No.

It's just- different from yours.

So don't say your drawings are "bad." Don't.

Everyone's art is special. It might seem "bad" to others, but it's actually wonderful.

Because it's yours.

Yours only.

The one and only you.



Your style of art.

Most people complain that they are hideous.
Terrifyingly ugly.

They groan at the sight of their face and frown with displeasure.

"I want a straighter nose." "My eyes are ugly!" "I wish my lips were more smaller."

And they change it. Not a natural change, though. A change that occurs knifes and scissors and all sorts of tools.

I'm not saying I disagree with their choices. I don't want to be mean. Even I don't consider myself "pretty."

Look. At the mirror. Stop complaining to the beautiful face your parents gave you.

You might not see the beauty right at this moment

Because it's hidden

But there always a beautiful face in everyone.

Don't say you are ugly.

Because you just might not be at that moment.

You may be hiding it yourself. Embarrassed to show the beauty.

You might just not have realized

That wonderful beauty your body was hiding from you that whole entire time!

So don't say "ugly" "hideous" "terrible."

In my eyes... everyone looks the same..... the same kindness... the same beauty... in my eyes everyone looks beautiful...

And you are too.

A smile may be

Simple.

Not much.

Just everyday thing

Like brushing your teeth.

I mean, brushing your teeth isn't amazing- or- mentioned often-

Smile.

"An action someone does when is pleased or glad."

Lips stretch. Breath seeps through your teeth. Whites of your teeth beam. Your eyes brighten. Some dimples may form. And your heart relaxes.

It sometimes may be fake

To cover a horrible incident

Or to lie

But you can know it's a real smile.

Stare into their eyes.

You'll see that beautiful spark of joy.

What's the most beautiful thing on earth?

Mona Lisa? A speck of flower? Your beloved ones? The autumn sky? Rare diamond? Money?

No.....

It's your smile.....

And I love it....

54.

That may seem like nothing to you.

But...

Ah..

That was my math quiz score....



****-- Wait don't wanna curse.

Because I'm nice.

Though not in front of math.

AH! I HATE YOU MATH!!!!

Haha.

Stupid, dumb head me.
I keep on forgetting to like.
Like, the good poems.

The time has come now.
First haiku ever, thats weird.
Boring. So random.

She.
Her.
Whatever.
That girl.

Saw her.
Describe her?
"Adorable,"
"I want to tease her."

Long black hair.
Dances.
Thick glasses.
Still pretty if she wears them or not.

Talks.
Fast.
I wonder how she talks so fast like that.

Her face.
Round.
Cute.
Love her lips. How the lower lip sticks out.

Maybe I can tell her this. Maybe she will read this.
And maybe...
Just maybe...

She'll accept me.

Maybe.

My confession.

Haha.

"Add a poem."

It said.

But I don't know what to write.

What kind of poems are there? Love poem? Rhyming? Haikeu? Free style?

I have decided,

This is the poem of "I don't know what to write poem."

Pretty neat, huh?

Haha.

She talks a lot, if not all the time.
She laughs to the point of annoyance,
but I don't entirely mind.

My throat aches from constant laughing
and release of my joy
but that's who she is.

She thinks of herself as an "asexual,"
but life wouldn't be the same without her.
She still has a place in my heart.

You have so much wisdom and potential,
you're fun to be around,
and we surely have a bond.

I tell you, "I love you,"
I demand, "Can I get a hug?"
You growl and push me off, but,

I remembered.

You love me.

And I am your friend.

Once apon a time

There was a girl

And I loved her.

It was my first love.

First time feeling how it feels to love someone.

You want to hug them

Can't stay away from them

And when you think about them you smile

But my parents say it's wrong

And I know it is

But it's reeeaally hard not to love her

Not wanting to hug her

Trying to stay away from her

And to not smile when I think of her

I don't care how she thinks of this

I don't care if she thinks I'm an annoying ugly idiot goofball

But I love her soooo much

It's really hard not to

Because I do


Love

Her....

Im gonna say it today

Im gonna tell her tonight

Im gonna confess it right now

Now

And hoping this poem reaches her

"I love you. For real."

My friend.

Made me cry

Today

Not because she was rude

Or mean

I didn't cry because I was angry or sad

I honestly don't know why I cried.

But reading that poem she wrote about forced out those drops of water drip out of my eyes.

"Wow,"

I think

"I thought she hated me"

Haha

I got my poem on the front page.

Can't believe my eyes.

Haha.

Oh no, put that down right now.

Yes, that blood -stained knife you're holding.

Yeah you. I'm talking to you.

Put it down and feel guilty about the things you've done.

Smoking? Littering? ******? Stealing? Murdering? Kidnapping?

Is it that hard!

Making this world a better place

How come when I know that it'll just hurt, I keep on laughing?

How come when I know it will be only a painful memory for me, but keep on smiling?

How come when I know that you will never love me back, I keep on loving you?

Why do I keep on smearing that fake grin on my face, when I know it's not real?

Goofy me and my goofy acts.

Sad. Despair. Pain. Misery. Tears. Cries. Scars. Anger. Broken.

But I keep on laughing.

Haha.

You are going somewhere.
Moving somewhere.
Somewhere where I cannot go.

So I know I'll have to stop this nonsense.

So I know I'll have to stop loving you.

Because if I keep on loving you,
it's going to be me who's going to suffer the pain.

If I love you too much I'll miss you too much.

So I know I'll have to stop this nonsense.

But you know

It's really hard to stop

Loving you.

I know that loving you will only hurt me

But I keep on loving you

More and more

Your smile

Has melted my heart

Your smile

Just one smile

Makes me happy then never before

2017.

A new year.

A new hope.

A new chance for you

NEW.

My love to you is a drug

I try to stop it,

But I keep on thriving for it.

Is that good or bad?

Why.

Is is impossible to happen
Or is the world just too cruel

Do warnings slides by
Is my hope far too high

For this damaged world
To rewind

And if we can live the way we were
Be not blind

Terrorism. Drugs. Brutal wars- and lies sweet as honey
******, ****, kidnap, robbery, and greedy thrives for money.
Pollution to our precious Earth that was given to us. And evil roaming.

Why.

I must be pure. I don't understand the evil in human hearts and hands splattered with blood.

I've always wanted a place of pure and good. Is it just that hard? To not pick the fruit out of Garden of Eve?

Respect. Obey. I guess we, the humans, were terrible at that.
A one simple command. But we can't obey it.

But it's not our fault. We were built like that.

Still.... I just wish the world was a happy place...

With no war

With no despair

With no cries

With no ******

With no wailing of mother

With no homeless

With no pollution

With no divorce

With no evil...

Hey. Don't judge. It's just my hope for the world.

Hello!
Who ever is reading this- I have something very important to say!

You're amazing. I may not know you, but you're cool.

You're beautiful.

You're smart.

You're awesome.

You're kind.

Do you know why I'm saying this to you, even though I don't know you?

Because I know that everyone(including you) is a fantastic person.

You may not be one at this right moment, but you are.

I love you.

Today I was shocked by your words.

Today started of pretty well. You saw me, you noticed me. I saw you, I smiled at you.

I thought.

But when my friend told me you used to like another person, I felt anger.

The person you liked. I'll call her "B."

I never liked B. She was nice, rude, back and forth.

But you used to like her? Yes, I've seen her hang around you, and felt the tingle of jealousy, but, the fact that you used to like her doesn't make sense.

I like you. And I don't think you like me. You think we're just friends. But I think my feelings are way farther than that.

I know it's stupid. I'm not suppose to hate B. But the fact that you liked her makes my anger rise, and I hear from my head- "****."

I'm very confused,

But I love you.

I know I'm not allowed to.

I know I'm not allowed to love you.
But I did.

I know wasn't suppose to love you.
But I did.

I know it was against rules.
But I did.

But I love you so much
My heart aches on every second I'm not with you.

I love you. I know I love you. I want to hug you, pat your hair, say "I love you" and confess my feelings.
But I know I'm not allowed to love you.

These feeling clod up my heart. My heart hurts. When I see you I just can't seem to see you directly in the eyes. Because I'm scared that all love you too much, too much, but I'm not allowed to. And when I know I'm not allowed to.

But I still love you.

The swift of your hair, the scent of your body, the touch of your hands.

Every time you touch me, I know it's a touch, but I can't help but dreaming of your pink lips.

How tragic. A person. Who is not allowed to love another person. Loved that person.

I can't let go of my love for you.
They say to think of you as a normal friend. But I can't help but grin at you and allow my heart to beat when I see you.

I must confess it one day. One day.

I know you're leaving me. So I'll say it on that day. That day you're leaving.

"I love you."

You push me away, scold at my acts. Tell me I'm a ****. Idiot, stupid,
I might as just well grin at you. Beam my mischievous face at you.
But you still call me idiot.

Heh, sorry, I know you hate me. Really mad at me.
But, eh! No worries. I won't do any harm.

I lean to your face. You scowl, "Stay away. Don't even imagine, boy."
Ha! I won't kiss you once or such? I'll kiss you twice and thrice, don't care if that's not a word!

I'll follow you around(like a stalker, you tell me), smile, hoot, and do what ever I want. And still you must be really annoyed. Ha, girl.

But I'd kiss you and hug you and pat you a 'good job.' Even if you say "don't" "no" "no touchy" and give me that ugly look of yours, I won't stop bothering you. Even if you're sick and tired. Why?

Because I'm gonna be a bad boy today. But not just a 'bad boy,' a 'good bad boy' because I'm gonna fish for you're love tonight.

Heh. I love you.

And really, I'd do anything to taste that love you give back at me.

My heart rolls towards you
as if it was born with a fate to.
It stumbles through grief and pain- just to reach for you.

"Why?" I ask it. Puzzled by it's acts. "Why suffocate you're own body, for her?"
It replies with a weak smile, "I was born with a fate to."
"I was born with a fate to roll to her. Like how birds stick to trees and clouds stick to the sky. I was meant to stick to her. I was meant only for her."

Then my heart goes back on it's journey. Crawling and mourning for you. Only for you.

It pulls me over, like a friend helping a date. It does everything it takes to get my mind to you. And yours to mine.

Why you?
Because..

I was meant to be rolled to you.....

only....


"For every person there is a pair."

Hey! They say. Got a problem?
Hey! You say. Got a problem?

Hey! Are you gonna get attention.
Hey yay! Why ignore the inside tension

K! K! Okay, this is pretty smooth
I mean you, not me, please explain the truth

Wow? Wow? Wow! Above ground
***** ***** ringing boom beat holy sound

Then WOAAAAAHHHH

From the man running in the streets, "Hi."
From the kind bus driver, "Hi."
From the lady who walks her dog everyday, "Hi."

From the wind that flies in the sky, "Hi."
And the greets of the rising sun, "Hi."
The shouts of the next door dog, "Hi."
To all the way across the world, "Hi."
Dances of the wither trees, "Hi."
Smiles stretching across my friend's face, "Hi."

From the deep inside from my heart, I say to you, yes you, "Hi."

I was always happy. Cool, calm.
Tried to keep positive.
But things aren't turning out that way these days.

It seems stupid. For me to be feeling this way.
It's not like me. There's something. It keeps on bubbling up in my mind.
Yes, I'm still happy. Or act like it.

I feel left out. Like a extra. And suddenly words don't seem what they really mean to say. Left out. Left out. My brains rings with confusion.
"It's a part of life." They say.

Sure! I believe them. I'm just. Struggling. The world seems darker, and friends seem more evil than I thought. Is it only me?

"They. Her. She. Them." All my friends. No "we, us." Let me just say. One is loved. One is talked about. One is liked. One is popular. And this one... isn't. Then again, "It's a part of life."

I like my friends. They don't like me back. They don't call my name. They don't notice me. They don't want to be partners with me.

I am the only one who reaches. I think they are fantastic friends. And I wonder what they think of me. One leans on other. They smile and pat. I lean on one. They don't enjoy. Joke like. But no.

Am I different? I hope one of my friends can read this and see my inner. Is it just me? My cries shout out on my fingers as I type. Am I not the same! Am I separated! Do I not fit!

It feels stupid. These thoughts. Crawling to me at night, seeping into my thoughts. I feel like a extra. A one that doesn't matter if is gone.

But these thoughts. Don't worry. Just. I guess "It's a Part of Life."

Worst comes. Pain strikes. Mourns ring.  Depression drowns hope to the depths of the sea. Almost.
They say there's no chance for me to rewind. That there is no such thing as "end of the road." Yeah. I know. It's true. But do I have to rewind? I know there's something across the plain. I don't let go of the grip to hope. Because I know. After pain, pain, pain. Misery, misery, misery. There is always "good," waiting for you at the end of the road.

To people who think there life is terrible.,

Did your pet die? Did you break up? Did you have a fight with your parents?
Is that why you want to die? Do you think your life is that bad? There are people who have worse problems than that. So don't think your life is bad. There is worse. Be greatful that you are living a great life.

And to people who have worse problems than others,

Did your parents die? Did your house burnt down? Are you about to die right now? Did you get a terrible disease? Is your coutry about to extint?

Believe me there is worse. Be greatful who you are and what you go through. There is worse out there.

So be greatful. Be happy.

My name is Happy
I'm happy
Nothing seems to depress me
But I always wonder
Why others are depressed.

For me, life is easy.
I have a religion, family, school, home, friends.
But I don't know why others have depression.
Is it because I have never experienced misery?
Because I never have lost any of my parents?
Because my parents aren't divorced?
Because I have a regular life?
Because my life is perfect?
Because I have no deep inside sad secrets like adoption?

I really feel bad now. I feel to selfish. Some people's lives are terrible, horrible, a nightmare. and I am selfish.

It's snowing outside
The weather's pretty cold.
I'd like to go outside
Say "yay" loud and bold

The sky is pink and purple
Orange, white, and maple
Clouds smearing the sky.

I smile as I stare outside and enjoy the sundown
And my parent's voice drifting into my ears

Happy
Happy
Happy

I know you'll do it.
Leave a like.

"Love."
It tastes sweet in my mouth.
"Hate."
It tastes slimy. Waxy. Slithering.
Like gum. You can't seem to have just one word stuck in your mouth.
So... you spit it out.
"Hate." Someone lets you try it. It doesn't taste good.
So... you spit it out.
"Stupid." Tastes like bile- almost vinegar. Awful.
So... you spit it out.
But you really spit it out not because it tastes bad. But because it feels good.
Like gum. And you get tired of chewing it, so you spit it. And your mouth feels fresh. Clean.
But not words.
You spit it out to hurt someone.
You spit it to describe someone. Not in a good way.
You spit it out to enjoy.
Words.... let's be careful with them...