I was 11 but you touched me like I was 22
Now I'm 22
and I finally realize how wrong that was of you

You were my best friend's dad
And you had been drinking
I tried using that as an excuse but what was I thinking

I keep telling myself it was nothing
But trailing your fingers along my waist and down to my **** is evidently something

I repressed it for years but it finally came to the surface
Our brains hide these things from us on purpose

I'll take my experience and let it go
Because nothing would hurt more than being belittled by the people that I know.

a concept
an illusion
a scam
a false reality
a conspiracy

these years keep flying by
a minute is gone in the blink of an eye

the music falls in
to my ears
like the leaves falling off of
trees
in autumn
so slowly
and elegantly
this music
is everything that i live for
it's what needs to happen
so that i can continue to blossom
into spring

sometimes when i am in public
i get spacey
and observe everyone
and their actions

these people around me
i'm not like them
or maybe they're not like me

they seem so careless and
i seem so uptight

then i just try to relax
my shoulders
because they are all the way up to
my ears

letting this anxiety get the best of me is one of my biggest fears

it is that feeling that
everything is as it should be,
not far from perfect.
when you're in the car
with the windows down
and that song you love turned up.
it is that moment that true happiness is nearly tangible,
dripping from your fingers
like honey.
and you're there.
just as you are.
just as you should be.

you are your roaring heart beat
with your nervous hands
and your blurry eyes
your tears swelling like waves

you are all of your lonely and
wonderful feelings
you are your bad days and your better days

and you should celebrate the very simple fact
that you are nothing but your divine, authentic self

i know i have all the words inside of me that i could form into such beautiful art
but getting them out of my head and onto a piece of paper is the hardest ******* part

i had never signed a sympathy card for the death a 5 year old
but now i have
and what was i supposed to write?
there is really nothing to say
other than "i'm sorry that it has to be this way"