I come to you crying, but you don't respond.
You look at me strangely, like I've gone mad.
You ask me what's wrong, and I tell you, "He's gone."
But your answer is always, "It isn't that bad."
"He's just a boy" you say, "A waste of your time."
But then why is he always clouding up my mind?!
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
of the way it feels when he holds my hand?
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
about us leaving to Neverland?
A place where there are no distractions,
Nothing pulling him away.
Nothing making him busy or unable,
to share with me, a wonderful day.
A wonderful day filled with hugging and laughter.
With jokes, and some kisses, and more kisses after.
A day filled with love, and nothing but fun,
Though that doesn't really happen, in the real world of glum.
The real world of school, and homework, and time.
Where there's no moments spent on just loving your life.
Your life filled with people, and nature and love,
Though all we think of is money, and work, and up above.
Making sure we've got good jobs, so our little ones can live.
But where is our life? The ones that we give.

Just let me ******* kiss you.
Please.
Just once.
Just so I can savour the taste of your lips, for one moment.
Just so I can feel what I've longed to feel from you.
For one moment.
So I can wrap my arms around your neck and run my fingers through your hair.
For maybe more than a moment.
But let me show you the way I want to love you.
Just for one moment.

I'm just writing to write.
In the mood to write.
Words keep coming into my head but I make no sense of them.
Sentences pop into my mind but they mean nothing.
They're just words.
Why does it matter how many I say?
Why does it matter how many I don't say?
I don't want to be loud anymore.
I don't want to be giggle-y.
I don't want to always have a smile on my face.
I don't want to pretend that everything is okay.
I don't want to put on a fake happy persona.
I want people to see me as a real person.
Not a person with a childlike laugh.
Not an insanely happy or peppy person.
I just want to be seen as me.
A girl who has real emotions.
A girl who CAN handle it when you tell her things.
I'm not immature.
I'm not under-developed.
I'm not a genius.
I'm not simpleminded.
I'm just in-the-middle.
I'm in between, like every one of you.
I know, I'm rambling.
But is that okay?
There are so many words bottled up in me and some of them are so irrelevant.
But I want to say them.
I want to express myself but I can't.
I want to be me but if I am me, no one will understand.
"Why aren't you happy like your usual self?"
"Why aren't you giggling when I light-heartedly mock your laugh?"
"Why aren't you smiling?"
But then.. Maybe there will be that one person who realizes that..
I'm not always how I portray myself to be.
I'm just a confused little girl.

the ******* lightning bolt at the top of this screen reminds me of you;
it is shaped like the one that at one point permanently resided on the skin of my wrist.
i used to worship you like you were actually the god of thunder and i sincerely thought that you would light up my storms with the most brilliant of light shows.
shortly after it came to my knowledge that lightning eventually has to hit something and cause clouds of smoke to obscure my pure rain.
i never forgave you for not controlling yourself.
you begged and begged for me to let you back into my grasp because lightning doesn't survive that well alone,
but i was too obsessed with how this newly found sunshine of mine managed to give me the most beautiful of light shows i have ever seen without ruining me the way you do.