when I close my eyes
I find simplistic nirvana
in remembering
the way his face shapes
as if it was molded with an effort
so meaningful that the artist
wanted to share it with the world

and to think that I was once
his version of a world that
needed a masterpiece added
to its gallery
-DDF

“I’m tired,”
but
her eyes fell to her
feet and her weariness
was not found scrambling
across the floor

“I’m not hungry,”
but
her stomach screamed
at the mere idea of
a tangible item perching
within it

“I just don’t feel good,”
but
her mind was jumbled
into a trainwreck
while the survivors
continuously terminated
themselves instead of
living with the guilt
of breathing

“I’m fine,”
but
the streetlight in her
eyes has long winked
out
sending the whole block
into lonely midnight

and
she'll let her body become a
grave site for the lost memories
of happiness that
used to perch along her veins

-DDF

i lie here, your deep breathing
tickling tiny wisps of my hair

the cracked ceiling tiles have
never looked so interesting

somehow, your warm body cocooned itself
around mine last night
and i can't bring myself to untangle
your limbs from mine

you're a box labeled: “FRAGILE.
HANDLE WITH CARE.”

and one thought flutters forward:
“oh, honey,
how no one handled you with care.”

my fingers trace “fragile” on your exposed skin,
as i count -one,two- the cracks
in the ceiling.
-DDF

I’m told that I am too young
to feel the world…

Yet,
I feel every year weighing
down my bones
forcing every archaeologist to second guess
the being they have extricated
from the Earth’s
most intimate parts

every month holding
my head under salt water
screaming in my face:
“Swim!”

every week scratching
at my skin
digging nails deep into
the flesh of my body

every day
kicking my ribs inwards
pleading for them to stab
deep into the things
they have worked
so hard to protect inside of me

every hour asking for me
to give up, give it all up

every minute digging into
my being, my existence
asking for the happiness
I have so long
perfected

every second wonders
why I am
so strong

But the clock has
yet to invert the life
it so painstakingly made
but has realized
the omission in
-DDF

stardust builds a home
for its particles in almost
everything
but i think more than
a few particles found you

it's uncanny the way
you mimic a star’s behavior

you shine your brightest
right before i lose you

though i want
nothing more than
to help
you're far away

distant from the others
who only admire stars
but never enough to
become one like you

and i can't help but
wonder who tore you
from your throne and
tethered your helpless
soul to a place
that could never be home
-DDF

I pleaded and prayed so hard for you to stay.
But God must not have heard me,
Because you were gone.
A wisp of a memory,
A pile of clothes in the corner.
All I had left were your scents;
Floating around in every room of mine.
"Don't leave."
I knew those words by heart now.
I could remember your eyes when you
Said, "goodbye."
The worst words.
The words that tore me apart.
I never wanted to give my heart
away; But you came along,
Without permission, and snatched it.
I can't even remember your words,
Besides that one "goodbye."
I mean, all I ever wanted was a *******
Life with you. -DDF

(This is how i let go)
the best feeling in the
human body is when
your lungs push out
laughter that has long
been blocked by ruthless
words thrown around as if
they were nothing more than
raindrops when they were actually
grenades
and your smile is finally genuine
and crinkles your eyes,
the same eyes that spent too many hours
swollen from constant pain

but the absolute best feeling
in the
human body is when
your mind loosens it's
grip on the crazy notion
that you needed him to survive,
you needed him almost as if
you were an addict.

but rehab has made an angel out of
you and your body yet.
and how happy i am and will
continue to be now that you
have dropped the needle
you once used to inject him
into your veins.

(Help was never as far as we thought,
was it?)
-DDF

I will lie awake every night
imagining each one of your
muscles dancing under
your moonlit skin

just longing to run my
fingertips over each bone
pushing against your shell

because in your slumber
the innocence you've so long
hid
finds an escape route and
plants itself upon your
porcelain face

and I want to be the one
to greet it with the softness
of rose-petaled lips
-DDF

happiness was a
concept we both had yet
to understand
and our rebellious
minds grasped
each other for a hope
to reach it

I remember just
you
everyday reaching
for my fingers
digging deep into
my psyche
asking for attention
and
I remember thinking:
this
this is love

But love was
another word for lust
back then
and we’ve yet
to kiss again

-DDF

I don't understand.
Why are you screaming?
I don't understand.
When did these broken bottles get here?
I don't understand.
Why are you hurting me?
I don't understand.
Bruises ring your eyes.
I don't understand.
When did my little boy turn
into such a horrid man?
I don't understand.
Why did you put the gun
to your head?
I don't understand.
Why you left me, in the
Form of a traveling bullet.
I don't understand.
Why you had to leave your
Mommy?
I don't understand.

Laughing With Satan

You wore the sun as if it were nothing but a necklace.

Is that why you could no longer sleep?

I could smell your stale dreams hanging off of your skin.

An unwanted aroma for any woman.

It was stars captured in a jar,
the smell of their rotting corpses.

They died with your regret drowning everyone of their breaths.

You couldn’t dream,
So you made them do it for you.

Lighter and lighter the dreams became,
until you could no longer see their bright flame.

But it wasn’t seeing dreams that bothered you, was it?

No, it was the thought of not seeing him inside of your
head anymore. -DDF

I watch you,
A life that couldn’t be more beautiful.
My hand on yours;
You’ll never leave, I’m sure.
When you’re not looking,
I stare at your beauty;
Something I’ve sealed in a jar,
I can pick the days I want,
And lift it from a shelf.
I’ll stare at it, and admire you.


I could go a day without
your beauty,
I loved you for more
than that. But, my love
won’t ever bring you back.
I just need
you with me, I need
your voice in my ears.
The day you said goodbye, I threw the jar
Away, Shattered like my world.
Your beauty leaked onto the carpet,
And before I could scrub it away,
It soaked and stayed.