dystopia, where are your welcome bells?
utopia—must have missed the exit.
oh *****, I’ll gladly breathe your scent
if you’ll calm this paranoid cursive.

drag me from this bush
and introduce me to a forest
to claim my own.

skipped the chalk
of enlightenment,
and landed on a crack
and sprained my ankle.

head beating like a popcorn machine,
membrane popping in the sun,
sweat pours through ****** doors,
drenches my senses in gasoline
while a mosquito strikes the match.

pupils flawed by nails clawed,
bloodied sockets gouged
to forget to remember
and to remember to forget,

to stop thinking about life
after it’s all over,
and when that will be,
just let it be,
you and me?
relieved free?
maybe …

… and maybe flesh will sizzle to the bone,
maybe I’ll scream and moan,
and pound my fists into my skull.

hamburger raw,
soon to unthaw
in the flames
driving sanity
insane.

posture with the shakes,
productively stressed and
destructively depressed,
I just want to shed my clothes
and drain my lungs into the moon,
like a wolf without reason,
without a single concern
except for me and the moon;

the moon and I.

to her with tea bag eyes
and wrists like scarlet fever,
gently undue your bruising ties
and unthaw your years of winter

--  --  --  --  --  --  --  --  --  --
she breathed the where
and exhaled the won't be,
if only you'd been with her there,
to slow the feverish sea
--
up, to the nearest fall
down, in the mountain mist
she falls from nothing at all
just as she had wished
--
the moments leading to a place
took shape and color like music,
and with all the grace it takes
to purposefully lose it
--  --  --  --  --  --  --  --  --  --

to her with shaking hands
and a mind like a burning temple,
remember your wish is your command,
and to always hold yourself gentle

My Love
All those years we were lovers
and bestfriends.
Well in my mind we were soulmates.
Now I see my love really never meant anything.
All those 'I love you' you were lieing through you teeth.
Your so cruel to let me believe you loved me.
Now I see my love never really meant anything.
How can you take my love and play those wicked games.
I gave you all my love you were my everything.
Now I see my love never really meant anything.
I hope you unthaw that ice cold heart emotional blockages shaping your reality.
Now I see my love never really meant anything.
One day you will think of me you will miss me and I will be long gone in love with someone new and happy.

Balloons and glitter in the air
sparkly dresses and countdowns
I don't know how I survived
I said after all these years
you would think the cold air would feel less harsh on my skin
but this time it lingers
letting itself in
and I'm so scared of what's to come
I guess all I can do is try and stay warm regardless of the red of my cheeks
and the trembling of my hands
and five years
goes by so fast
and so, so slowly
when you're waiting for your chest to unthaw
waiting for the summer to come
and the year to be new

on a cold brisk day
following the agonization of my mind
you asked me something quite unforgettable
what brings you joy during your dark days?
i believe my answer was
you see its a mixed assortment of
    any flavor of adventure
    plane rides to tropical cities
    road trips to unacknowledged towns
    blasting classic 80’s jukebox tunes
    tears for fears / queen / violent femmes
    dancing in parking lots with my friends
    quaint and unknown coffee shops
    driving past state line after state line
    autumn blazes lighting up the view
    a warm cup of vanilla chamomile tea
    cozying up near a fire
    to unthaw my frosted nose
    my family’s classic movie marathons
    popcorn popping in the background
    while we soak in the glory of
    star wars / james bond /
    mission impossible
    oh the list goes on and on
    you know that
all these beautiful distractions
remind me of the grateful mind
you should possess
for the small blessings
everywhere
step out of the chaos of your mind
appreciate everyday ordinariness
affix yourself in the glory
of the little things in life
i overcame my dark days
in the light of the plainness
of everyday life
plainness shines so brightly
can you see it?

The Currents attack like an octopuses claw
The dead dark musky scales unthaw.

I need to express myself
For my mental health
Not to melt
But I don’t make art
Because it’s torn apart
Like a bleeding heart
Eaten by seething sharks

In a match of the friendless
Versus the defenseless
It’s the pretentious
Who condescend us

They hit all
The pitfalls
With wit small
But sit tall
Behind thick walls
Of vitriol

They see examining art
As a way to prove they’re smart
By blindly rejecting what others like
And enjoying the obscure
As if being different makes them right
Which is obviously absurd

On a plane where opinion
Is treated as fact
They claim dominion
Over the artistic track
By shooting black flak
Until I angrily react
And flies I attract

You might take the angle
I think everyone is painful
I’m not saying there aren’t angels
But there are definitely demons
With no explainable definite reasons
Why they call some artists heathens
Based on the nonsense they believe in

Pretension and ignorance
Have a large difference
But both are carnivorous
Most of their comments
Aren’t very honest
Nor are they modest
They just burn the hottest

Their judgment stuck
On calling everything putrid
The best filmmakers ****
The best musicians are stupid
They can hardly be called lucid
Trying to be the negative Confucius

Their hate reaping
Gatekeeping
Breaks peeking
Artists seeking
One day reaching
Public preaching

I start to withdraw
Once they’re near
My heart won’t unthaw
Frozen in fear
The crowd is suggestible and fickle
So one negative trickle
Causes an avalanche of icicles
Knocking me off life’s bicycle

They discourage people from putting themselves out there
As they turn culture into a doubt fair
Only producing shout air
To reroute stares
Away from emotional expression
And toward themselves
With their rhetorical aggression
They put us in hell

From winter came the heat
Scorching  ravenous hotness from winter's relentless feat
We shed our clothes and wet our skin
Missing summers cooling friend
So hot, so hot, we dared not stop
Only towards our Rivers spot
And there we saw, our saving calm
The Rivers edge where lost, now found.
And then we saw a man in red, with matching cross above his head..
A box that too
Had red Cross strew
Unthaw he said, but in River your dead.
Delerius hypo thermal , hypo what? He said? The ground was hot but green it not.
White all round in every spot.
He grabbed me hard ,. He grabbed me tight
And into air we took our flight.
To a bird of steel and wings spun round
So high , so high, far from the ground.
Then blackness set in , my breathing thin.
I dreamed a dream by Rivers edge.
And jumped into
the river blue.