"unavailability" poems
I feel so torn
I love them a lot
Except I feel like
I can't love them as freely as I want to
Because they remind me of an ex
I want so desperately to let go of
I want to move on with my life
And to love them entirely for them
Without the ripples of her
Skating across my perception
I feel trapped in my mind sometimes
Living through past memories
That only make me feel sadness now
And I wonder if that closure I seek
Can occur if I can forgive myself
For hurting her so much
How can I take responsibility and
Embrace my faults and mistakes
While also forgiving myself for them?
Forgive myself for hurting her?
Especially after realizing that
My emotional unavailability caused it
And I understand that I must remain compassionate
And I must accept the things I cannot change
It's just hard not to shame myself
When the blame fits so perfectly
In the palms of my hands
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 12:19 AM UTC
I am sorry for the:
Unsolicited **** pics
Request for nudes
Catcalling
Inappropriate or creepy comments
Failing to listen
Acting without asking
Emotional manipulation
Emotional unavailability
Approaching you to practice game
Shaming your sexuality
Meanwhile glorifying my own.
Laws governing your body
Calling you beautiful before
Brilliant
Speaking over/behind/beneath you
Lust in my eyes
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 1:57 PM UTC
MEMO
FROM: Mr Phil Indifrence, Strategy Chess Insurgency Corps.
Space Headquarters, Castleview Avenue, Dunstable XY10
TO: Ms Petal Dontrun, Crimson Chess Federation.
De la Wigan Headquarters, Wigan, United Kingdom, SM00
Dear Ms Dontrun,
Please accept my greetings. I write to clarify my stance on our
outstanding matters and hopefully to deter further speculation,
gossips, rumours, distortions, misinformation and sensationalism by the media.
As you are aware I contacted you on the day as arranged only to
be confronted with a response that was astoundingly unethical, un-
professional, rude, inconsiderate and totally uncalled-for. It was
so below expected standard that it raised doubt about your suit-
ability to be seen as a matured adult much less an intelligent being.
Still in the reverberations of this seismic occurrence I called again in
the hope it was a momentary loss of composure and yet again I was
subjected to a deluxe version of the first onslaught. To say I was
flabbergasted is putting things mildly, most especially as it was
totally unwarranted and underserved. It was obvious you lacked
any sense of decorum and had become an affront to common human decency and an embarrassment to your status.
In all fairness you did call some weeks later, but it had become
apparent that the ethos, protocol and cordiality that my Organi-
sation works within may not be relevant to your Organisation,
hence my unavailability to your contact.
I write to primarily reiterate that my position on this matter and
the present status quo is not based on some immature Ego play,
stubbornness, power-play or pride, rather it's in all truthfulness it's a belief in upholding standards in ethical considerations. I do not believe that bad manners, ill-considered behaviour, ill-judgement and a lack of sensitivity and good grace are matured and progressive trends to interact cooperatively within.
In conclusion, this is my stance on this matter and I hope it helps
your understanding. I believe a formal Apology from you and your
Organisation is appropriate in this regard and will instigate a
return to cordiality between our Organisation.
If you however feel this is unnecessary I will respect your decision
and the situation will remain unresolved.
I thank you for your attention.
Regards,
Phil Indifrence. C.E.O.
Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 5:18 PM UTC
milo and quantum physics
but yet there is no equation
for your emotional unavailability
y equaling the x factor of vulnerability
i’ve always hated the duality of
math
all the silent rules to remember
i just want to be loved the way that
i love
without so many computations
how do i know if silence + comfort equals
pleasure or complacency?
a limit on the questions i can ask in a day
i just want to know everything
do you like the way i **** on your *******
am i ever going to meet your family?
are you going to love me forever?
2 standard deviations of what you mean
when you say what you do
am i enough for you and i just don’t
know it yet?
basic math skills at a deficit
am i unable to put 2 and 2 together
are there limits to us
or do they not exist?
Apr 18, 2019
Apr 18, 2019 at 12:21 AM UTC
i'm verdant
in the summertime
my emotional
unavailability
coated in a certain
warmness
my milk and honey
body in
full bloom
peel open
your dominican
republican
arms
that
flourish inside
me and make
each yellow
breath
feel like new
life
Jul 2, 2017
Jul 2, 2017 at 12:21 AM UTC
i have been caged up for so long that i no longer feel the rust itch upon my skin,
how the harsh sun melts my fellow mate bones.
Every now and then there's a meal.
A meal so fantastic for cover up that even i believe it.
4,203 meals yet none of it tastes as delicious as meal of denial.
Hard to come by,
get past and stroll upon so i eat it.
Day by day till starvation meets my face
as every meal was just anger,
desperation,
ignorance,
emotional unavailability,
selfishness
as meal is not made of food.
It was never made of food.
“Everybody paints me the villain!” He cries.
There's no paint left over to cry in canvas.
“Nobody understand me!” he pleads and goes away
It's been 627 days since his death,
He reeks.
Sep 20, 2025
Sep 20, 2025 at 7:23 AM UTC
The eyes are the window to the soul
Showing the emotions you can not explain, but still know.
Trying to decipher what it is that you see in those eyes
You could pretend not to care but those emotions are not just small lies.
The look was not expected but the tragedy was.
This was not what nature does
Matted fur and broken bones
Is their owner waiting for them to come home?
Lying on the side of the road all day
While the heat turned up and the sun slaved away
Open mouth, and god the eyes
The car must've come as a surprise. . .
Did they stop for even a second?
Was there any remorse? Did they even regret it?!
Did they look in their eyes . . . like I did.
Even hours after life was ripped from their body
The eyes were not empty and dead, but full of fright, aware of the unavailability to flee.
As if the soul was trapped, in shock and denial of the sudden tragedy.
Did I see the stars in their eyes?
The kind where you look up and question What, Why, When and Who you are?
Where you have your mid-life crisis in your teens.
Those eyes.
That soul.
I could feel the pain they felt, and the tragedy that they saw
But could not stop out of shock,
Were they expected to just put up a paw?
How is that not against the law.
Don't tell me that it's fair
Don't tell me that it's "just an animal"
You! look into it's eyes full of anguish and despair.
You! stare into the soul that is not yet aware.
You! see it's broken huddled mass of fur and bones and emotions unknown
And then try to tell me that it's fair.
Someone loved it, someone cared for it
How long with they be waiting for their buddy to come home?
How long before they lose all hope, not knowing who to phone.
You go tell them "it's just an animal"
Listen to what they have to say, then tell me you feel null.
You look into the owners eyes
And stare into their soul
And you will find the same despair you found in the eyes of that "just an animal"
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 6:37 PM UTC
Check-MateProtocols
MEMO
FROM: Mr Phil Indifrence, Strategy Chess Insurgency Corps.
Space Headquarters, Castleview Avenue, Dunstable XY10
TO: Ms Petal Dontrun, Crimson Chess Federation.
De la Wigan Headquarters, Wigan, United Kingdom, SM00
Dear Ms Dontrun,
Please accept my greetings. I write to clarify my stance on our
outstanding matters and hopefully to deter further speculation,
gossips, rumors, distortions, misinformation and sensationalism by the media.
As you are aware I contacted you on the day as arranged only to
be confronted with a response that was astoundingly unethical, un-
professional, rude, inconsiderate and totally uncalled-for. It was
so below expected standard that it raised doubt about your suit-
ability to be seen as a matured adult much less an intelligent being.
Still in the reverberations of this seismic occurrence I called again in
the hope it was a momentary loss of composure and yet again I was
subjected to a deluxe version of the first onslaught. To say I was
flabbergasted is putting things mildly, most especially as it was
totally unwarranted and underserved. It was obvious you lacked
any sense of decorum and had become an affront to common human decency and an embarrassment to your status.
In all fairness you did call some weeks later, but it had become
apparent that the ethos, protocol and cordiality that my Organi-
sation works within may not be relevant to your Organisation,
hence my unavailability to your contact.
I write to primarily reiterate that my position on this matter and
the present status quo is not based on some immature Ego play,
stubbornness, power-play or pride, rather it's in all truthfulness it's a belief in upholding standards in ethical considerations. I do not believe that bad manners, ill-considered behaviour, ill-judgement and a lack of sensitivity and good grace are matured and progressive trends to interact cooperatively within.
In conclusion, this is my stance on this matter and I hope it helps
your understanding. I believe a formal Apology from you and your
Organisation is appropriate in this regard and will instigate a
return to cordiality between our Organisation.
If you however feel this is unnecessary I will respect your decision
and the situation will remain unresolved.
I thank you for your attention.
Regards,
Phil Indifrence. C.E.O.
May 26, 2019
May 26, 2019 at 10:16 PM UTC