Laut Anyelir*
Sebuah cerita pendek*

Apa kau masih ingat kisah tentang laut di belakang tempat kita tinggal? Laut—Ah, entah apa nama sebenarnya—Yang jelas, itu laut yang oleh paman dan para tetangga disebut sebagai Laut Anyelir. Kau mungkin lupa, sibuknya pekerjaan dan kewajibanmu jauh di seberang sana sepertinya tidak menyisakan tempat-tempat kecil dalam otak dan hatimu untuk mengingat dongeng muram macam itu. Tapi aku ingat, dan tak akan pernah lupa. Hamparan pantainya yang kita injak tiap sore setelah bersepeda selama 10 menit menuju Laut Anyelir, angin sepoinya yang samar-samar membisikkan gurauan dan terkadang kepedulianmu yang terlalu sering kau sembunyikan, dan bau asinnya yang busuk seperti air mata.

Kau mungkin  lupa mengapa Laut Anyelir disebut demikian.

Kau juga mungkin sudah lupa ombak kecil dan ketenangan Laut Anyelir kala malam yang terkadang berubah menjadi merah darah saat memantulkan bulan serta arak-arakan awan dan bintangnya.

Iya, pantulan bulan dan bintang yang lembut pada air Laut Anyelir pada saat tertentu berwarna merah,

Semburat merah dan bergelombang,

Seperti rangkaian puluhan bunga Anyelir merah yang dibuang ke laut lambangkan duka.

Biasanya, setelah terlihat berpuluh bercak-bercak merah melebur di Laut Anyelir, akan ada sebuah duka nestapa yang menyelimuti kita semua. Mereka bilang, laut bersedih dan melukai dirinya untuk hal-hal buruk yang tak lama akan datang. Menurutku itu kebetulan saja, mungkin hanya puluhan alga merah yang mekar atau ada pencemaran.

Tapi aku masih tak tahu mengapa semua hal itu selalu terjadi bertepatan,

Dan, sudahlah, laut itu memang cocok disebut sebagai Laut Anyelir. Aku tidak berlebihan seperti katamu biasanya.

Kau sangat suka cerita sedih, mungkin sedikit-sedikit masih dapat mengingat kisah sedih dari paman yang juga tak percaya soal pertanda Laut Anyelir, cerita soal kekasihnya yang hilang saat mereka berenang di pantai sore hari ketika kemarin malamnya, air laut berwarna merah.

Benar, hari ulang tahun mereka bertepatan, dan pernikahan untuk bulan depan di tanggal yang sama juga sudah direncanakan dengan baik. Kekasih paman sangat jago dalam berenang, ia mengajari paman yang penakut dengan gigih, sampai pada sore hari ulang tahun mereka, paman mengajaknya untuk berenang di Laut Anyelir sekali lagi,

Sebagai hadiah,

Untuk menunjukkan bagaimana paman mengamalkan segala ilmu yang diajarkannya, sebagai pertanda bahwa mereka dapat berenang bebas bersama, kapanpun. Mereka memakai pakaian renang sebelum mengenakan baju santai dan berbalap sepeda ke pantai seperti yang biasanya kita lakukan. mereka langsung berhamburan ke Laut Anyelir tanpa memperdulikan desas-desus tadi pagi bahwa kemarin malam airnya berubah warna. Kekasih paman sangat terkejut dan bangga melihat jerih payahnya selama ini terbayar. Berbagai macam gaya yang ia ajarkan telah dilakukan oleh paman, dan sekarang ia akan mencoba menyelam dengan melompat dari sebuah karang tepat di tengah laut. Paman mendakinya—Ia handal mendaki, dan sekarang handal berenang—Lalu menatap kekasihnya dengan rambut kepang dua yang melihatnya begitu bahagia. Ia melompat dengan indah, dan meskipun sedikit kesusahan untuk kembali menyeimbangkan dirinya dalam air, paman akhirnya muncul dengan wajah sumringah, memanggil serta mencari-cari kekasihnya.

Tapi ia tak ada di sana,
Ia tak ada dimanapun.

Itu kali terakhir paman melihat kekasihnya, melihatnya tersenyum, sebelum akhirnya ia menemukan pita merah rambutnya terselip diantara jemari kakinya.

Malam menjelang, semua warga dikerahkan untuk mencari kekasihnya, namun sampai bulan penuh terbangun di langit dan dilayani beribu bintang yang menyihir air laut menjadi kebun anyelir, kekasihnya masih tak dapat ditemukan.

Itulah sebabnya apabila mendengar laut berubah warna lagi kala malam, paman tak akan memperbolehkan kita untuk mendekati laut sampai dua hari ke depan.

Kau bukan saudaraku—Bukan saudara kandungku. Tapi aku menganggapmu lebih dari sekedar teman, bahkan lebih dari saudara kandung atau saudara angkat. Kau bukan saudaraku, tapi paman begitu peduli padamu seperti anaknya sendiri. Sama seperti bagaimana ia menyayangiku.

Dahulu kami hanya rajin mendengarmu, tetangga pindahan, memainkan gitar di kamarmu sendirian, melihatmu dari balkon lantai 2 rumah kayu kami sampai kau akhirnya sadar dan tidak pernah membuka tirai jendelamu lagi. Mungkin kau malu, tapi kami masih dapat mendengar sayup-sayup suara gitarmu. Namun setelahnya, paman justru hobi melemparkan pesawat-pesawat kertas yang berisi surat-surat kecil. Mereka kadang berisi gambar-gambar pemandangan alam—Salah satunya Laut Anyelir—Dan surat-surat itu sering tersangkut di tralis kamarmu. Akhirnya paman memberanikan diri dan menggandeng tanganku untuk segera mengetuk pintu rumahmu, usiaku belum beranjak belasan, dan aku hobi mengenakan celana pendek serta sandal karet yang mungkin tidak cukup sopan dipakai untuk memperkenalkan diri. Tapi kalian tidak peduli, dan menyambut kami dengan ramah—Paman menceritakan bagaimana ia menyukai musik-musik kecilmu, dan mengajak kalian untuk melihat-melihat keadaan sekitar sekaligus berkenalan dengan para warga,

Paman mengajak kalian ke Laut Anyelir,

Kalian menyukainya;

Dan paman mulai bercerita soal kisah Laut Anyelir yang menghantui, serta ketakutan-ketakutan warga. Tapi ia belum menceritakan kisahnya.

Namun kalian, sama seperti kami yang menghibur diri,
Tidak peduli, dan tidak takut akan semburat merah pertanda dari Laut Anyelir.
“Benar, itu mungkin hanya kebetulan!”
Sahut kalian.

Hampir dua tahun kita saling mengenal, dan pada hari ulang tahunmu, paman mengajak kita semua untuk berpiknik di pantai Laut Anyelir pada sebuah sore yang cerah. Aku memakan lebih dari 3 kue mangkuk, bahkan hampir menghabiskan jatahmu. Tapi tidak masalah, orangtuamu juga tidak menegurku. Kau sudah menghabiskan jatah klappertaartku, dan menyisakan hanya satu sendok teh.

Apa kau masih ingat betapa cantiknya Laut Anyelir saat matahari tenggelam? Seperti sebuah panggung sandiwara yang set nya sedang dipersiapkan saat-saat menuju lampu menggelap. Matahari sirna dan berganti dengan senyum bulan di atas sana, bintang-bintang kecil perlahan mulai di gantung dengan rapih,

Dan air laut yang biru gelap berubah menjadi lembayung,

Sebelum akhirnya mereka menderukan ombak, dan terlihat bercak-bercak merah pada tiap pantulan cahaya bintang. Sekilas terlihat seperti lukisan yang indah namun sakit. Kalian tidak takut, justru takjub melihat replika darah menggenang pada hamparan lautan luas dengan karang ditengahnya. Paman langsung menyuruh kita semua untuk bergegas membereskan keranjang piknik, dan berjalan pulang diiringi deru angin malam. Ia tak memperbolehkan kita mendekati pantai esok harinya.

Esok lusanya, kedua orangtuamu pergi ke kota untuk melapor pada atasannya, kau dititipkan pada paman. Mereka berjanji untuk pulang esok harinya,

Tapi mereka tidak pulang.
Mereka tidak kembali,
Dan kita masih menganggapnya sebagai sebuah kebetulan saja.
Kau bersedih, namun tidak menangis.

Aku yang sedikit lebih gemuk darimu memboncengmu dengan sepeda merahku dan mencoba untuk menghiburmu yang terus-terusan memeluk gitar di Laut Anyelir. Aku yakin saat itu aku pasti sangat menyebalkan; terus-terusan berbicara tanpa henti dan menarik lengan bajumu dengan erat sampai kau memarahiku karena takut akan sobek.

Tapi akhirnya aku berhasil membujukmu untuk memainkan gitarmu lagi, kau tersenyum sedikit,
Dan entah kenapa aku cukup yakin kau mulai tidak menyukaiku karena terlalu memaksa;
Namun menurutku itu sama sekali bukan masalah.

Kau mulai tinggal bersama paman dan aku sejak saat itu, dan menjadi kesayangannya. Ketika kita sudah cukup dewasa ia selalu membawamu saat bekerja di toko jam—Kau sangat handal dalam merakit jam serta membuat lagu-lagu untuk jam kantung automaton dengan kotak musik—dan aku ditinggalkan sendiri untuk mengurus pekerjaan rumah. Tapi tetap saja aku tak dapat menghilangkan kebiasaanku untuk menyeretmu bersepeda ke Laut Anyelir saat senggang dan tidak bekerja; kau akan memainkan gitarmu dan aku akan entah menulis surat untuk teman-temanku atau menggambar, dan terkadang menghujanimu dengan berbagai pertanyaan yang tak pernah kau jawab.

Begitu kita kembali, paman yang biasanya akan menggantikanmu untuk bercerita dan bercuap-cuap sampai makan malam dan kita pergi tidur.

Kau orang yang pendiam,
Dan aku yakin paman kesepian.
Orang yang kesepian terkadang banyak berbicara.

Seiring usiaku bertambah, cerita menyenangkan paman terkadang berubah menjadi cerita-cerita yang pedih dan menyayat hati. Kau tak mengatakannya, tapi aku dapat melihat dari matamu bahwa kau sangat menikmati mendengar cerita seperti itu. Aku tak menyukainya, tapi aku tak akan menyuruh paman untuk berhenti bercerita demikian. Kalian berdua membutuhkannya.

Saat itulah paman menceritakan kisah tentang dirinya dan kekasihnya saat kita akan menyelesaikan makan malam. Aku kembali tidur dihantui cerita mengenai laut yang melahap kekasihnya itu. Dalam mimpi, aku seolah dapat melihat ombak darah menerjang dan melahapku. Aku tidak ingin hal itu terjadi padaku, padamu, atau pada paman. Aku mulai menghindari Laut Anyelir pada saat itu.

Bunga Anyelir,
Dalam bahasa bunga, secara keseluruhan ia menunjukkan keindahan dan kasih yang lembut, seperti kasih ibu, kebanggaan, dan ketakjuban; namun kadangkala kita tidak memperhatikan arti masing-masing warnanya—
Anyelir merah muda berarti aku tak akan pernah melupakanmu,
Anyelir merah menunjukkan bahwa hatiku meradang untukmu,
Anyelir merah gelap merupakan pemberian untuk hati yang malang dan berduka.
Kurasa semua itu menggambarkan Laut Anyelir dengan tepat.

Setelah itu paman mulai makin sering bercerita soal kekasihnya yang hilang di Laut Anyelir. Aku tidak tahu mengapa, namun sore itu kau begitu ingin untuk pergi ke Laut Anyelir dengan gitarmu. Kali ini kau yang menggeretku menuju tempat yang selama beberapa hari kuhindari itu, kau tahu bagaimana aku menolak untuk pergi, kau yang biasanya tak ingin repot bahkan sampai menyiapkan sepedaku dan mengendarainya lebih dahulu.

Aku tak ingin kau pergi sendirian, aku mengikutimu. Kurasa tidak apa, tidak akan ada apapun hal buruk yang terjadi. Lagipula kita tidak akan berenang atau berencana untuk pergi jauh setelahnya.

Aku mengikutimu menuju Laut Anyelir. Kau duduk tanpa sepatah katapun, hanya menatapku. Dan mulai memainkan Sonata Terang Bulan oleh Beethoven dengan gitarmu saat matahari menjelma menjadi bulan. Saat itu barulah aku tersadar bahwa itu hari ulang tahunku, dan kau sengaja memainkannya untukku. Malam itu kita menghabiskan waktu cukup lama di tepi Laut Anyelir berbincang-bincang, meskipun aku lebih banyak berbicara daripadamu. Aku tidak membawa surat-suratku, jadi aku hanya bisa memainkan dan memelintir rambutmu sambil berkata-kata.

Kita menghabiskan waktu cukup lama di tepi Laut Anyelir, dan tidak menyadari bahwa air lautnya berubah menjadi merah. Aku terkejut dan berlari seperti anak anjing ketakutan ketika menyadarinya; kau berganti menarik lengan bajuku dan berkata bahwa tidak apa, bukan masalah. Aku, kau, dan paman akan terus bersama. Mungkin Laut Anyelir berubah merah bukan untuk kita namun warga pemukiman yang lain, pikirmu.

“Jangan berlebihan, kau manja, selalu bertanya, dan terlalu membesar-besarkan sesuatu.” Katamu, sekali lagi. Itu hal yang selalu keluar dari mulutmu.

Pintu rumah kuketuk, paman membukakan. Aku terkejut ketika tahu bahwa paman sudah menyiapkan banyak makanan kesukaanku termasuk klappertaart; kali ini aku tidak memperbolehkanmu untuk memakan klappertaartku. Ternyata ini rencana kalian berdua untuk membuat pesta kecil-kecilan di hari ulang tahunku, merangkap ulang tahun paman keesokan harinya.

Paman, tidak kusangka, ingin mengajak kita untuk berenang di Laut Anyelir esok. Ia ingin mengingat masa mudanya ketika menghabiskan banyak waktu berenang bersama kekasihnya di Laut Anyelir, dan kata paman, kita adalah pengganti terbaik kekasihnya yang belum kembali sampai sekarang.

Aku tidak ingin mengiyakannya, mengingat barusan kita melihat sendiri air laut berubah warna menjadi merah darah. Tapi aku tak ingin kau lagi-lagi mengucapkan bahwa aku manja dan berlebihan. Aku menyanggupi ajakan paman. Namun aku takkan berenang, aku tidak pernah belajar bagaimana caranya berenang, dan tidak mau ambil resiko meskipun aku percaya kalau kau dan paman akan mengajariku.

Esok pagi kita berangkat dengan sepeda. Kali ini paman memboncengku, dan kau membawa keranjang piknik yang sudah kusiapkan sejak subuh serta memanggul gitarmu seperti biasa.
Begitu tiba, kau dan paman langsung menyeburkan diri pada ombak biru Laut Anyelir dan berenang serta mengejar-ngejar satu sama lain. Aku duduk di tepian air, menggambar kalian yang begitu bahagia sampai akhirnya kalian keluar dari air untuk mengambil roti lapis dan botol minum. Setelah menghabiskan rotinya, paman berdiri dan kembali ke air sambil berkata lantang,

“Aku akan mencoba menyelam dari karang itu lagi.”
Tanpa menoleh ke arah kita.
“Jangan, paman. Kau sudah tua.”
“Sebaiknya tidak usah, paman. Hari makin siang.” Kau juga mencoba menghentikannya, tetapi paman tidak bergeming. Ia bahkan tak menatap kita dan terus berenang sampai ke tengah. Kau mencoba menyusulnya dengan segera, tapi sebelum kau sampai mendekati karang,

Paman sudah terjun menyelam.

Setelah tiga menit yang terasa lama sekali, kau menunggu ditengah lautan dan aku terus memanggil paman serta namamu untuk kembali ke tepian, paman tetap tidak muncul.

Kau menyelam, menyisir sampai ke tepi-tepi untuk mencari paman, namun hasilnya nihil, dan kau kembali padaku menggigil. Aku membalutkan handuk padamu, dan meninggalkanmu untuk kembali bersepeda dan memanggil warga yang tak sampai setengah jam sudah berbondong-bondong mengamankan Laut Anyelir dan mencari paman.

Malam hari datang,
Hari perlahan berganti,
Bulan demi bulan,
Tahun selanjutnya—
Paman masih belum kembali, dan kita tak memiliki kuburan untuknya.

Kita tinggal berdua di rumah itu, kau bekerja tiap pagi dan aku memasak serta mengurus rumah. Disela-sela cucianku yang menumpuk dan hari libur, kau rupanya tak dapat melepaskan kebiasaan kita untuk bersantai di Laut Anyelir yang sudah lama ingin kutinggalkan. Aku tak dapat menolak bila itu membuatmu senang dan merasa tenang.

Dan aku bersyukur,
Selama hampir setahun penuh, sama sekali aku tak melihat air Laut Anyelir berubah warna lagi menjelang malam. Memang beberapa hal buruk sesekali terjadi, namun aku sangat bersyukur karena aku tak melihat pertanda kebetulan itu dengan mata kepalaku sendiri.

Pada suatu hari kau memberiku kabar yang menggemparkan, ini pertamakalinya aku melihat senyuman lebar di wajahmu; kau terlihat semangat, bahagia, penuh kehidupan. Kulihat para pria-pria muda di sekitar sini juga sama bahagianya denganmu. Mereka bersemangat, dan mereka bangga akan adanya hal ini karena ini adalah waktu yang tepat untuk berkontribusi kepada negara. Katamu, tidak adil bila yang lain pergi dan berusaha jauh disana sedangkan kau hanya berada di sini, memandangi laut.

Kau memohon untuk kulepaskan menjadi sukarelawan perang, dan aku menolak.
Kau memohon, aku menolak,
Kau memohon, aku menolak,
Aku menolak, kau memohon.

Dan karena aku sepertinya selalu memberatkanmu, atas pertimbangan itu, aku ingin membuatmu lega dan bahagia sekali lagi—Aku akhirnya melepaskanmu untuk sementara, asal kau berjanji untuk kembali kapanpun kau diizinkan untuk kembali.

Kau tak tahu kapan, dan aku akan selalu menunggu.

Aku akan selalu berada di sini, dengan Laut Anyelir yang berubah warna, dan hantumu serta hantu paman
Gitarmu yang selalu kau rawat,
Untuk sementara waktu aku takkan bisa menarik ujung lengan bajumu,
Dan tak akan mendengarmu memanggilku manja dan berlebihan.

Kita tidak pergi ke Laut Anyelir sore itu, begitu pula esok harinya. Kita sibuk mempersiapkan segala hal yang kau butuhkan untuk pergi, aku memuaskan menarik ujung lengan bajumu, dan menyelipkan harmonika pemberian paman yang tidak pernah bisa kugunakan untukmu.

Ia akan lebih baik bila berada di tanganmu, dan ia akan menjadi pengingat agar kau pulang ke rumah, kembali padaku.

Kita tidak melihat ke Laut Anyelir sampai hari keberangkatanmu, di mana dengan sepeda kau akhirnya memboncengku untuk pergi ke pelabuhan. Kita tidak melihat Laut Anyelir, aku tak tahu apa airnya berubah warna atau tidak.

Setelah kau naik ke kapal d

Tahukah kamu, di tepi jendela itulah
Cinta dan kasih kusimpan
Lalu kau terbang semilir dan mencuri
Setiap tak ku tutup jendelanya

Tahukah kamu, berembun juga kaca
Jika di tepi jendela kau tiup rasa
Menjadi buram, dan tak sejernih air pula
Pandangan matanya?

Jika nanti ku kunci engselnya
Engkau tak bisa meluncur seenaknya
Meniup gundah keluar kamar
Hingga sinar senja membayang pudar

Jika nanti kau masuk
Sebagai kupu-kupu lembayung
Yang terhuyung hinggap di tepi jendela
Temani aku, sebentar saja

Ditepi jendela aku kehilangan
Cinta kasihku, ketika
Kau bersemilir masuk
Dan mencuri keduanya

Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel know Sense touch feel  

Lying spirits. Those are real you know. You know? Don't you?

Mad is ill defined, dis-ease, decease, desistere, eh? You Roman?
You serve a mad man you know.
And the Roman said,'I serve the empire, a' and he stopped…

Might right be virtuous and power called might
be not-right,
like hands, chirality? Right and not.

Shame, we should not know that.

Perhaps the vector was the chirality connection.
Hers was upgraded.
So when the shame bomb hit, it was him,
not her, who blew it?
He did that?
Yeh, I see how now,
It's the hypo-thalish, estrogen receptor steward system.
Who named that ****** thing?

No, left-right brain variablity was designed
to counter the estrogen-tester if it went mal.
This is the Left HIS Branch, a resistor,
it changed the way breath gets to that "It is,
good" receptor complex just inside
the ventricles
where the first sparks releaze
the ozone reaction.
The reaction to that lost loving feeling,
That was the shame bomb.
The action taken to a switch burned out
in a rush of knowledge of good and evil beyond
the heart's experience with expansion.
The opposite seems to have happened in the wombedman,
he comprehends hope is a new treasure.
Hope. Who coulda seen that coming?

A witness.
Some mind saw that happen and it was never washed into the sea of forgetfulness, so

Wow.

Like in the mountains, that ozone,
first breath feeling, that's great!
No, like that first free hit. That's it. You will pay…

Like, this first reaction is not "That's wonder-filled",
but it's
"that was not deep enough,
not good enough,
too shallow,
faked it".

On every breath the man takes,
a voice in his head is saying,
"not good enough, keep
trying/dying/breathe/harder.
Sweat it all.
Shame on you."
Shame.
That was the trick.
Make him think he is not related to God,
on any level?
Make him think he does not have a knower
in good working order,
save for that tiny electrical glitch in the
official HIS bundle builder gene. That's nothing,
Who told him she was naked?
That's evil.
What he knew was good, what he believed was evil.

How did it work out?

Okeh. It took several millennia longer
than first estimates.
Starts out kinda dun'dat, don't it?
Things get brighter near the end.
According to the legend I learned.

Knowing liars lie does not make every man a liar, I think,
Only the ones who say they do not
lie have no truth in them,
if they can truly believe that.

It's a chapter, a colloquy of consciousness grounding out.

The story is told,
this is the way men were built, original specs,
able to do anything they agreed to do.
But their hearts had been corrupted because
the whole heart building system in Adam
was dis - turbed, mixed up with that sweet deceit.
If it weren't for mitichondria the sifting needed,
could have taken forever.

By Noah's first beard, the gene pool was so turbid, no one could see the bottom.

Living water flowing from men's bellies,
ta, lemme say,
that be some evolvin' involvin' some
a priori
somethin' or anotha.
Ax that wombedman at the well, what the hell?

There, here, is a whole story about ****** and the seeds of all the myths that point so straight
to Jesus as they red-shift into historical
mysteriums twisted and warped by time and chance tyrannies.
Holiness hierarchical hegemony funds
that sprang from Eve's first hope,
have no hope at all for
cowards and fools and fraidy cats.

Heroes, those compound interest, all things are possible,
except
God can't lie, or die, or fail.

Is living heroic, no. We choose to live.
Life favors life.
That's easy.
All things are possible with life,
as a whole.
Very complex plots and schemes and schemas and media
and magi-level tech
this is working, you know.
We agree. Who could make us enemies?

Still, any plan men made was clear in the minds of all the planners
and the builders and the men they used as tools to
multiply the strength of the ideas that possessed them.
They built cities that way.
By agreeing together to do it. Gobekli Tepi?
You know, what was that ? A
thousand years of CCC park bench building and trail
marking benignly buried with never a mark of destruction?
They, the men planners and builders and laborers, right after the Ice pulled back from the Caucusus
or the Levant lifted up, 12,000 years ago, or so,
somebody builds this place called Gobekli Tepi
about a morning walk, a Sabbath Day's Journey, from
Terah's Local god shoppe in Urfa
the Turks are said to say..

----
Original specs, reset, it's all software.
We can cipher this out,
if we keep our heads
while others about us are losing theirs.

Men with the new softer hearts can do that, they can,
when they put their heads together,
they can make anything happen.
Knowledge is increasing, as we know it.

Nothin''s done in darkness that shan't be made known.

That's no threat.
Never was.
It's a promise. Like, the meek inherit the earth.

--- as a boy, I explored a hermit's lair
--- the hermit was not there, he'd left nothing but a tin box
--- of charcoal pills, a panacea for curiosity, I was told.

This old bearded fellow who lived at the foot o'thumb butte,
by the burro's water hole,
other side o'the hill from Doug McVicar's Jasper find

Tidal shorelines from my child hood
swirling through the softed rocks

Boulders on the bottom, roll on, crustal waves rise and fall

it all goes back to that 13,000 year mark
when Gobekli Tepi,
was in the building,
long long before
the Hopis were on the Pollen Way, leaving land marks on

Rocks risen above the desert floor

Some thing came from space, something very cold,
a snowball so big it tugged the ocean of magma
through the crust of the earth

nuclear glass, same time. nano diamonds

The younger dryas-

melt water pulse, fire from the sky, men could see that, with their own eyes.
and then they saw the clouds of witnesses

Rituals learned, the story heart seeps from mother to child,

at first touch some say.

Specialized touches were included in the 2.0s.
Holistic wuwu Randall Carlson laughs, why lie? Evidence, see.

What did you see when you passed through hell the first time?
Nothing, you kept your eyes shut.

Are you really
Experienced? That was the question. Ask the experts,
but some of them lie.
Never trust their clocks, that's wise. Time is too temporary to make
much difference
in the long run. Time, least of all powers in eternity. Chronos,
Chaos shattered him, and some story teller on a journey
saw the event
while his tongue was being tamed, a task no man can do.

Fire and Ice from heaven to earth,
whole peoples saw it,
with the eyes in their head

Hope is the key to the heart's lock on reality

The younger Dryad's oak burned,
Drought killed all the others, bugs killed the elms.

Ah spirit to spirit, compare. The heart of the world is weeping
for the ignorant eaters of poisoned poems and stagnant stories

speed kills when it comes to cosmic notes on rocks

patience, under stand the canopy of heaven can, filter
poison from those
stagnant stories's idle words, redemption draweth nigh,

count on it. Keep counting, patience finishes what she starts.

Sacred Geometry, scale invariance, I saw the Mississippi
Carve meandering ant canyons in the dirt
while watching the rain
Nothing's secret anymore, that's a reality that may be beyond

your thought. Textbook in stone. I know geometry Mr. P,

can I come in? She who builds, who destroys, who rebuilds, suggested
my bombs have a Nobel role,
in energizing

the ark
the earth is the ark, but you knew that already, right.

Acacia bush visions from a medium
of messaging the master builder,
who, you know, made this
happen, used to heal with ashes.

Healing war, study it no more, it is
possible man, alone, can imagine.

The Godhead? What's the big idea? You a heretic, Mr. P?

Come and see, leave the clock/phone.
---

This is big momma story, little clay doll with pointy feet
sticks in the dirt, stares at the fire,

the story mamma, shhh

Stands, and lifts her hands up high, pointing
all her fingers to the skies where ashes, glowing
rise,
like we can imagine the stars once scattered by God
and his sons's servants prepping

origins of human conflict taught
Tubalcain by fire light, while Jubal
Sang the very umph umph song from
Taj Mahal' 1970 with Jerry, Fillmore West,

A message to Garcia, from on high:
the imbecility of the average man—
the inability or unwillingness to concentrate on a thing and do it,
That, resist. It is evil.

Angels, imaginable, you know, mere messages, nothin more,

so great a cloud of witnesses
there was a times when  all
imaginations men were imagining heartily
were evil, altogether.

Enki left and went to the moon, or that's the story grandma's
sisters told me
when I was a little boy lost and found from time to time

The serpent on the staff, where's that story from?
Who says their mammy saw that happen.

Time, Hosts of Heaven, time is one of those.

Fan tasty taste, see, the truth is good.

Freedom, responsible freedom, take as granted,
intend good and go.
Seed of the Dream,
I planted that. It contained this fact,

we reap what we sow.

Ambi-Dios, ambit-ion with no hope for something just beyond
the best that I have ever done,
that'll make a child mean as hell, on the average,
according to the data Google smuggled into China
through those super phones,
unavailable in the USA, protected by the wielders
of destruction who eat the world up,
and drink its very blood.

the bread of shame, is fed to slaves to keep them in the queue,

BTW que-eee was the word I used for ****, when I was a child.
I took that word to school.
Nobody knew what it meant. I considered that cool
and kept my secret until just now.

I feel so free.

A builder sees a building and the builder in a single glance.
None may enter here lacking geometry, that's no secret now.
The cultivated Pythagorean mind, simple as pi.

'Cain't get to Romans eight, which is here, now, I think,
with out going beyond Hebrew six.

The measure of a man that is the angel. No comma,
just a jot, then this means that,
to the mind
listening for mystery in beauty found lying around.,
glistening in the sun.

Semusim ini ku jalani dengan bebas
Hingga suatu hari di musim berikutnya aku tersesat
Menanggung sakitnya duri kehidupan akibat perbuatanku sendiri
Di saat begitu siapa yang ada bersamaku di jalanan sepi?
Kalian bisa lihat sendiri betapa kehilangannya diriku
Kehilangan akal sehatku
Kalian tidak mengerti, kalian tidak mau mengerti
Aku memang terlalu rumit

Musim ini aku ditemani sepi
Melanglang buana sendiri
Mencoba tuk temukan ketenangan yang pernah aku miliki
Aku duduk lama di tepi sungai dan menatap ke air seraya lirih
Menggoyangkan kaki-kakiku yg beralas sepatu usang
Merasakan angin sore menusuk hingga ke telapak kaki
Aku menunggu mentari jatuh di ufuk barat
Kemudian pulang berjalan kaki berharap pamrih
Hari ini aku masih sendiri
Musim masih lama berakhir

pukul empat sore tadi
seorang pria tua penuh keriput diwajahnya
pergi melangkahkan kaki rentanya
keluar dari pondok jati tempat semalam ia terlelap
lengkap dengan pakaian rapih kebesarannya, sepatu boot dan tak lupa topi baret miliknya

diambilnya sepeda jengki bercat kusam
dengan sedikit bercak karat pada besi besinya
yang disandarkan oleh empunya pada pagar kayu depan pondok

digiringlah sang sepeda jengki menuju jalan sambil melangkah
menuju tempat tujuannya
selang beberapa saat, ia tunggangi sepeda jengki itu
ia kayuh sambil berpeluh pada dahi sampai ke tubuh
berbulir menetes tak ada ragu

lirih ia dendangkan lagu
yang telah ia hafal selama hidupnya
saat ia masih muda
yang dapat memacu semangatnya dulu
saat akan hendak pergi berperang bersama kawan-kawannya dulu

sesampainya ia di Jalan Kusumanegara
di depan taman berpagar tembok putih
di-remnya sepeda jengki kusam itu
tepat di tepi seorang wanita yang sudah terduduk rapi menggelar dagangannya

"Saya beli kembangmu, cukup lima ribu saja." itu katanya
sang wanita penjual lekas membungkuskan permintaannya dengan senyum dibibir

sembari memberikan bungkusan kembang kepada pria bersepeda jengki itu, ia lalu bertanya "Kalau boleh saya tahu, untuk siapa kembang ini Bapak beli?" ujarnya santun hormat

sang pria bersepeda jengki terdiam, ia lalu tertawa kecil
tawa khas seorang di usia senjanya

"Saya mau jenguk kawan seperjuangan saya, hari ini 20 Desember, tepatnya 68 tahun yang lalu, ia berpamitan ingin menuju dunia Qadim milikNya saat kami sedang berjuang untuk Negara" jawabnya

Pria bersepeda jengki itu lalu undur diri, dititipkannya sepeda tua miliknya
pada sang wanita penjual kembang, ia lalu berjalan kaki
memasuki gerbang tembok bercat putih
bertuliskan Taman Makam Pahlawan Kusumanegara
Daerah Istimewa Yogyakarta
dengan langkah mantap dan juga senyum mengembang di wajah keriputnya

" Assalamu'alaikum, Aku njaluk sepuro yo Di Mas, Kepriye kabarmu? Ayo gek tak ceritani kabar Indonesia saiki! "

Dalam retrospeksi
minda naif kecilku pernah berimaginasi
memikirkan dunia luar sana yang bagaikan fantasi
hati merontakan suatu kebebasan yang diimpi
namun kini ku sedari, itu semua hanyalah persepsi
seorang gadis kecil yang dahulunya bercita-cita tinggi
masa sudah tiba untuk kembali ke realiti.

Selamat datang ke Kota Korupsi
di mana manusia-manusia bertopengkan syaitan
kehausan kuasa, kerakusan harta duniawi
dipuja, dipuji dan disanjung tinggi
pil penawar pula makanan ruji untuk depresi
tiada lagi tempat mengadu, tempat meluahkan hati
hanya tinggal kata-kata yang kehilangan erti
terpapar di kotak skrin empat segi.

Bangsaku semakin alpa, agamaku jauh sekali
soal halal haram tidak dipertikaikan lagi
hanya topik sembang santai di kedai kopi
bicara hari nanti ditolak dahulu ke tepi.

Dunia yang dahulu semakin pudar
hanya serpihan di hujung sudut memori
masa berlalu terlalu pantas, terlepas dari jari-jemari
sekarang sudahpun tiba generasi baru menapakkan kaki
namun, lihatlah sejarah mengulangi dirinya sekali lagi
selagi nafas belum terhenti
selagi kita belum pergi.

jangan amuk datang di sela hening, hujan
resah masih melaut di tengah jalan
jangan angin bisikkan hina, hujan
pijak hawa kenyang makan terpaan
burung tak bisa terbang jadi makanan hewan
atap masjid berhamburan masih kumandang azan
jangan rintik sendiri di atas pasang
cari sampai gersang tak dapat sayang
deras tepi jalan teduh sendiri
linang sampai malam ditinggal mati

Kutarik secarik kertas putih
Kutumpahkan tinta hitam
Kutulis namamu
Kuceritakan segalanya

Cintaku kepadamu yang terawali layaknya sebuah kepompong
Hingga menjadi sebuah kupu-kupu
Terbang melintas dunia
Berakhir dengan kematian

Tetes demi tetes tinta
Menyusun kata per kata
Membentuk sebuah kalimat yang ramai
Mewakilkan mulutku yang membisu

Untuk siapa kubuat tulisan ini?
Tulisan yang tak lebih melibatkan amarah dan kebencian
Namun ditulis dengan sedikit rasa cinta yang masih melekat
Putih suci ditimpah hitam penuh dosa

Bisik Sang Hati " Lipat dan buang. Sudah cukup sudah. "
Jemari bergerak melipat surat itu
Berbentuk perahu
Perahu kertas.

Raga berjalan ke tepi laut
Seakan jiwa yang menggerakkan
Mulut yang berbisu mengucapkan sebuah doa
Tangan melepaskan surat itu

Perahu kertas,
Bawalah mimpi buruk ini berlayar denganmu
Berlabuhlah di neraka
Agar dosa dan penyesalan ikut terbakar disana.

twinkle wrinkles, seen close up

they are the tracks of wind driven tears on a sunburned face,
at the edges of the eye,
past
the per if ery of what perfidy* made you think you saw.

come see how come we saw too far and fell from grace to glory.

That is the story.
The good new on the old new built bottom up,
like Gobekli-Tepi.

--- horizons past the lusters after
wisdom's arcane quarry ---

we live,
we learn, we die to know why and we do
as soon as forever starts

it never stopped, hence, forever is what we agree it is.

This, now we remain in until we die, moments from now,
then, now
breathe
or don't

ultimately, whence comes the will to breathe?
go on, answer.

or ignor, innocence is no excuse, you know.

these quest ions all have positive and negative points,
anionics seek cationics,

OHOH, what if cathode rays never got past the atmosphere,
those are causing all the static-info-friction

Bad vibe waves corrupting the qualcommsplitfreqs,
left from millions of hours of I love Lucy and
Dobie Gillis. Mr. Kruschev, build a wall.
Show our boys their counterparts failing to escape,
crucified on barbed wire west of the Brandenburg Gate,

Bel's gate, arche de tri'umph, eh? Confusion won the war,

but war won't work here. NULL ified it, we did, into the NULL with all its lies each time

we catch one. As good as never was.


*Poet's Policy of acknowledging previous ignorances,
acts of ignoring
resulting, effectively, in wasted years
perfidy (n.) means since
1590s, from Middle French perfidie (16c.), from Latin perfidia
 "faithlessness, falsehood, treachery,"
from perfidus"faithless,"
from phrase per fidem decipere 
"to deceive through trustingness,"
from per "through"
(from PIE root *per- (1) "forward," hence "through") + fidem (nominative fides) "faith" (from PIE root *bheidh- "to trust, confide, persuade").

[C]ombinations of wickedness would overwhelm the world by the advantage which licentious principles afford, did not those who have long practiced perfidy grow faithless to each other. [Samuel Johnson, "Life of Waller"]

From <https://www.etymonline.com/word/perfidy#etymonlinev12685>

dua jiwa, berdiri di tepi bukit
kehidupan tidak pernah menyatukan mereka
bukan, bukan masalah cinta
hanya kenangan itu egois,
kenangan tidak mau hilang ingatan

At thought speed what's an instance cost
- adjusting thirst too much salt,
- take sweat stores, make spit,
- later, after recent thirst through
re examine the examined life,
worth it thirsty, worthit intuitively
quenched, no lucit licet vide
Gotta expand the penetralium,
gotta deal with spherical infinite points,
examining a lived life investment in others…

On the surface, just below the mountain tops,
certainty in time passing, here it was, today,
passing faster as I notice, half a day runaway
- it is 19:15, same day, that half later
whiling with a will to feel as fine as can be,
a one in nearer nine billion than eight, all being
the potential reader, the potential knower more
or less essential to the task at hand,
last straw,
Zippo all fueled, flicked in the wind,

telling who ever happens to hear,
listen, living with enough is enough for anyone,

living with less than a full **** sapien ration,
is a matter of mind and enviro-mental genetics,

breathe along the curve, think around the effort,
what knowing is called for to function animated,
become alive
in an active atmosphere of anxious thoughts, all
remenants of familiar spirits, the domain of we
the ones once called wise, for ways we know,

how we grow from suckling to sage stage,
wishing to know, both why and how, right now.

Wait,
we're here, we think
wait and see if we can think a way beyond,
same old reasons for defense spending,
same old reasons for earning a living,
same old reasons for holy terror and grace,
best breaths bet last,  you know,
confess, say you know the secret reasons
for war and hate of the others who speak

as dogs, barking, and smell, of smoked fish.

Starlink, think, everywhere we put a solar
water purifier invented by Dean Kamen,
we could make life possible, comfortable
and all the Earthlings could use Google translate,
to read centuries worth of discoveries since,
Gobekli Tepi was hidden until we could
make sense of logotherapy, personally.

EKOCENTERs wherever useful cost less, by far
than the war in Ukraine, as of 8/26/2024,
many problems are locally mini
we were thinking you were saying,
go exxon- no, share this think
The USA budgeting and borrowing servants
toiling away in oligarchical lobster stacking orders,
selected by committees with donor profit share
maximization on constant priority, ever spending,
ever raising awareness for the payoff on investment.

Round figures, $300 Billion, on a war
for profit, bottom line perennial expenditure,
Industrial Base Support, {nee Subsidy, to La. Distr. 4.
good middle class incomes, and devine exec perquisites. }

Where did who invest whose time invested
in a musing adventure past last edge we spoke of,

this is new, day for with chocolate in my some time ago
coffee, plus the diet Dr Pepper, half eaten Carl's Jr.
get home in time to feed the recluse, useless,
laughing to himself, type, archetype tuned
in to the many mirrored experience enchantment

mental attach mentenough for a burp alert
remenants, remind me later, ding, soccer practice
active bombshell grandma in anybody's seventies,

yes, nuffsthoughtoughtasaid
you seem to think along these lines, where
from my vape charging chair, staring past
a half-eaten carls junior burger reaching out to me
- thirsty and the Dr Pepper's gone, swallow
could we be shared madness therapy,
past certainty, we make chaos spin
phi final analysis, if we must agree
this is it, this is the same river,
one ready reader finds it worth it.
we were rating for trading with whom
they must have wondered, at Bonelli's landing,

spell it like it is, we say bewondered, blundering
on,
expecting edit rights, extend throo wow, how long
today is our anniversary and for this guy, I never
learned, as in when it may have done a lot
of good
to think you imagined I kept breathing, remembering
to breathe, and truly trusting sleep in peace,
what's conceivably real,
old guy's serving what purpose, if not thinking

mere, what ifery, mind you we form, inform
just enough turbulence to take a breath a while
to suggest// a [aipause. yes

Aware, as I am a ware,
not all minds find time to rest
while being read to,
while holding power to pause the reader and

look up a fact the reader mentions as being known
to all, but
me, I did not know, for

until some, not so long ago, time, agone away
holdon- until now,

I lacked the leisure to listen, no time,
for I was busy learning to
use the next necessary
technology, with glee,
to some geekish degree.
..-. - .-

Find The Answer
that is the message first heard, is it not?
Do you know what must come next?

Hell, yes. Yes, I know. We know, say every baby
*******, being
shaped in secret by wizards who do peep,
and ping, one thing to another,

IOT FTA we are here.

Is the evil fruit parasitic? We may find the answer,
if, ifity, see this ifity we imagine there
is
an answer to find, and we live in times like none
ever, up to now.
We have answers to quests, maps, keys in riddles,
laws in minds mastered in disciples of once
known occurrences
while crossing the ocean of current opinion.

- minded to put her away
- brrring the meter to the poem o leave
- me ****** imp
- I've lived this the long way, one day at a time
- rimes at the rim of ality re all lies in me,
- fall through the null net
- true/false, re/no/si
¿ No se?

Symbols only readers see.
Magi once prepared the spells with images
of things called common,
Bullhead was somehow alpha…

at this point silence, and the  sixty cycle humms of my home
step up as chorus,
while the narrator makes changes to the scene.

This is 2020, whenever you are. Our quests have become
ionic, after r poets got the point
and pierced the code of common sense, y'feel me?

Méiyǒu huǎngyán?

2020, like as not a lot closer to Babel than Eve,
on the angelic one way spiral of properly teleo-mered
DNA.

Mere, as a word, is a map and a clue in my realm.
****** is as well, truth be told,
sayings and figures of speech get old, apoptosis ceases to
pop.
Like bubble wrap.

Listen. We are served by art, or we are the artificer
serving you art.
We, as a we, not me'n'you and the others, but we,
the people who hold certain truths
self-evidently, as in
evidently, we have the power to be true to our own selves.

But our owned-ed-ed-u-cated self, owes its soul to the
companion store, for we all must ever eat the same
bread brot pan pita our parents ait,

just outside the garden,
near gobekli tepi, maybe, worth a look,
but later, if anybody knows, AI knows already.

I can wait, let's get through today. whats the selah code
for today lets keep on this No Lie theme, in Chineze


Méiyǒu huǎngyán

Did I wish or pray or merely hope

some good
could come from me
discerning, filtering rocks from beans at an

early
age, life is always living

memes are living memories of
things others
learned.
shucking corn and finding worms, but not
evil canker worms that ate every thing,
just the kind that chickens like
for treats on shuckin' days
in the olden days.

Today. 2020 tech, ancient mental time travel
app approaching
act if ative ity ooomph ala

we good


Méiyǒu huǎngyán

The song was One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus,
That's All I'm Asking From You.

Careful what you ask for,
as we commonly hear conservative mouths mutter,
by rote,
sleep-learned response to faith preparing to leap.

Giant steps feel just like falling, but yes,
you may,
if mother nature were asked, she would have said.

There is always a  place to put your foot, says the
spritely reminder from Sycamore Canyon,
running rock to rock, in the spring.

One Day, today, I was thinking I have all the time
in the world.
I can say that and believe I am not lying, for
reason,

reason is tricky stuff, like sweaty dynamite, in
the hands of kids with hammers intending
to nail freedom to the mofa wall.

Everything looks like a nail.

Ages of reason have gone chaotic,
due to war being given reason by law and
law given credence by users of wisdom, trying
to gain authority by authoring peace
where no peace appeared possible.

Hmmmm, sixty cycles 2020 constancy, in America,
aha,
how appropriational can one app be, y'azme, mine's as
appropriate as any,

point to point conversion, all things being equal,
push comes to pull, not destroy,
idiot. id thing, idea, jot
tittle
tattle tale
child, old gaseous entity stinking in memorable words.

Incensed, he cried, I am the prayers of all the saints,
ohsit I think
ang or watt

hat'gosh-roted - my word, have aw e- unrolled a whole new
dimension.

-- message for today, when you read this it is written,
that is all… empty of meaning until filled by your reading,
really… no bad mocuss curse of doubt…

we emerge into life in living vessels, empty save the
basic ideas an ant has, avoid discomfort by seeking comfort,
time is not a factor, but luck seems to be,
then screaming and kicking
seems to work,
work, that’s a concept… work it out, why

why,
grunt, why, ahh, that

fertilizer, I am here to convert raw living matter constituents
into some substance needed by mother,
her,
she who feeds me, she who has a name, mmmm ahhh,
it will come to me
this knack I notice used
noises that calm and comfort. oh good com encompass me
swallow me whole,

I have all the time in the world - this is twentytwenty the year
and I am in one of those days.

2022 2:04

the VA Webex conference
future, bogus billable hours, a job,
and something to use old sad men for,

measuring, me re assuring, my more
aggressive conserver of self-will,
trained to lead, since learning to read, DID
that not occur, in each boy's life

dread of the cobalt bomb,
constancy of light speed and pituitary assisted
thought speed,
pinging pong responding, thinking we may
think
along similar lines, so, I
decided,

to find a reason to bring to any reasonings,
I recross, as many of my first reasons
are in a framed loom, with four corners,

that bronze on the map coordinates,
marks nothing, four lines dividing states,
grants given the takers and tamers of the land,

whose sons have gone on to inherit this wind.
Imagine that.
Millions of letters aligned in code to readers
of ascii nada mas this exists in a series of events

solid backups, foolproof, we say CFO proof,
in the pre-Y2K IT game, geek veteran deaf,
high-demand HR,

so much so, mucho mucho, skip the queue
step right up
look achew

gotta tale or a story, is that your's that
you're eating?

Oh, my camera is still on I'm talking to me,
in my perifery
a mete-able bit of time delay,

the in, the way, das sein, dime a time

slip on through, think we may
as well
as any, I'd agree, and off we'd go

wild blue yonder, but that,
was no longer than this two weeks,

less, far less, threaded through now,
the real me in this chair,

in the back ground, one of the service's
perks, choose from these the background,
set and setting, photo director's call

Art's call, talent is a tool, shut up,
Intuit, tweak. Test… fo' won't you shut up see

that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,
on a Federally mandated budgeted service,
to me, that allows me eight easy
pseudo-greenscreens sets, one,
defaulted to my subconscious profile,
I'll assume,
that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,
rocking in floor lit wonder in front of
Gobekli Tepi,

and nobody says a word.
Convergence foreseen in the nineties,
has occurred,
much of this sub-mit-sci-o-usly con meat
mind excuses for war,

well, long ago, it became this game,
few lived so long as to need to know
the patience going gives a slow belly
and a liar.

Dancing at the door of the iliad within,
feel free to think, that me.

The camera is on, in text, seeing me
seeing me glance down, my fingers,
pointing from the mirror, not in the mirror

my face me face, same effect, not mirrored
neurons, my neurons, feeding back

way too late to care, no coda queue for me
that is no monkey in that mirror, that is me.

Tvme offers me his right as I offer mine,
omagod that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,

this never gets old, this phase on one of these
fridays, I can do one of these groups.
with some pretty sad sacks, when seen on TV,
I fit right in, with
Gobekli Tepi, floorlit, pre-roof

Real as can be imagined, this world
common old men, commonly share
live talking head time, everybit as
trustworthy as Kronkite spelled with a c.

The c at the center of we in time where u
find sounds form some things that seem ok
if a crow caw does mean something, only that
I heard you, ok, did you hear me I don't know.

That may be life's most enjoyable time
for any idle thought poured into a word,
there, breathe, you have it, I read, read
I said, I can.

I can tell you, partly, how I came to know
I can read:

We lived behind the courthouse
with the machine gun from world war one
and absolutely olympish champs from
army navy and marines, over there
over there,
across my street, is the lawn I play on,
over there,
over there, is the jail for drunk injuns
over there is where I learned the audience

reaction to a Hualapai child, being
evangelized, he was in a mob of snot nose,
rez kids, in the nineties, eh, think about it,

this kid in the crowd looks at me,
and my stunningly ebullient zealous wife,
he says,
my grandpa has never been in jail,
and I think
my grandkids won't be proud of that.

And I'm kinda proud to think of that,
as a test, love your neighbor as clause…

that part you work out, some days amaze,
some days,
right back in the maze,
picking up fragments of prayers we made
effective,

sort of, means, sorting idle words for worth,
is what sorting any thing is for, what it's worth,
or what its worth, that difference,

a breath equivalent,' force of mind to think,
after one another then and now, the
whole life on earth is better 2020 wide,

on the layer where nothing we learn is new,
we passed that so long ago in terms of
jellotime and bulletspeed and thought
godspeed in biblical time

using the stacking of the stories for effect,
the honor to the scribes taken from the brite
sons of the weavers and spinners of yarns,
tenders of tavern, need not apply,

ah, but when the Hans were in, we could test,
life was to be examined, prepare to enter

the gate, and wait for results,
life is that test, still
smallest yes voice says.

Charming-tempering, same t'me
shine it all on and laugh - just laugh
like nothin' or nobody, -just laugh like U
Being placed, perfect as a crystal,
pointing
at the causal phase, shifting position
spine serpent stretch wetdog shiver,
toe wiggle heel rolls focus read
local order as close
to smooth as smooth
does tend to be
in crystaline stonefacings
------- otium -no sorrowitit, none
Arms down. Study war no more
-------- the word, neg-otium opposes,
usury
as time is money, otium accepts time,
one by one, dear reader roles renew,
as emptied, swept clean,
whistle, and find the birder,
cruel birder liming the mulberry,

whither the spirit was said to say yes,
to what the prophet promised.

I could do that.
Where I live, I could offer fleeces,
for folk who know the right thing,
but need a sign,
that
is
what
Gideon is, in the Bible and its sources.
An ensample,
a hero to judge by, some of what he did,
well, he was not saved, so, what can ya say.

Shoulda read Steinbeck, more and
Steinbacher less {The Child Seducers 1974}


The soft life, never taking up arms,
never losing everything,
struggling, some times for minutes,
hours, days, weeks, months…

years, decades, if you count upping
from flat, lowest low a man can go,
no money, no means, no rare talent
to sell, no helpful uncle with a business,
selling chotskis, laundering cash,
selling art to hold such whited money

Building grand extended universities,
certifying sticktoitifity tested and ranked,

draft picks, in the game, good old chums
bet with, each owner of a team, seems
above us all, too far to wish to be, really

if you have reached a pleasant enough
spacetimemind encompassing interesting time.

Sorting sales pitch from product performance.
Every body must get ******, by all those who
never missed the mark,
hell, they never allowed the story told whole,

caused, most assuredly,
by heads of states, human crystaline structures,
held in touch, kept in constant we mind,
for the people,
for the lost,
for the rich… who lead us toward good just wars,
to settle trade deficit disputes,
by all rights granted priests, to anoint kings,
anointing, soothing balsam balm.
Those trees are gone, the village oath kept.
Set aside, sacred, set apart the holy, who
form the aspirations fed early flocks reformed,
oleo, for butter, it's better.
frogs fall in this fat, sizzle, sells it like anointed
deep fried chicken
under pressure
churches, ch ch changes, ur between ch
charges against the foe,
because the Queen said it must be done.
'their persevering valour and chivalrous devotion'

The British and French, in turn, saw Nicholas’s power grab as a danger to their trade routes, and were determined to stop him.
…
The spark that set off the war was religious tension between Catholics and the Orthodox believers, including Russians, over access to Jerusalem and other places under Turkish rule that were considered sacred by both Christian sects.

From <https://www.history.com/topics/british-history/crimean-war>
…
Back to Radioman, during one of these days

From going up and down
on the face of the earth
the prosecutor brought witness, face to face,
as one abstracted
from the host, all the sons of God,
- the devil's in the details
the real mind behind the JWST, allowing any
with seeing eyes,
to see as far as any human in ever, has ever seen.
Elucidation, light, where none was known to be.
{had me at Gobekli Tepi} wiseasany, se si
Is this not the truth loosing locked visions,
as all the minds involved
in the current global wedom,
we, each thinking individually,
at the point
of being you, deepest sorrow, highest joy, exper-
i-ence, me the imaginary number, clickt
science if cient
to snap
a tense, taut, tight, too high to hear, note
of dispairing singularities, wedoms,

crumble, leaving you,
there alone, wondering, if wondering is worth
any time, taken
from your ever
upto
when

words, writhed, deep as wonder, once,
as a child, on track to experience,
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, when Disneyland cost $3…

Today all who paid $3 still say it was worth it.
At the time.

--- Ma Joad said

"Lots of things against the law,
we cain't help adoin',"

some laws make means and meaning,
seem too much for mere mortal,
to imagine,
the smart ones, we imagine, they
was aknowin' all the perfect will
of a god
who used a few real learned men,
to round up all the pieces,
of the nation we was, were,

when we were the only chosen to survive,
as far as we could see,
at the time,

I alone was left to tell thee,
each time, providence left one messenger,

go tell the man enlisted to proof the whole
mind of man used to do what seems right,
-proof it
behave have and hold being had, by holding
us, the we we would die for, that we,

is free, but from fear, and most fear is tied
to lies about a meaner than hell God.

And that lie fails, about the time,
you up and ask your father, what
is tempting about stupidity,

worship and praise, glory and honor,
for attaining mind numbing skill,
in will worth- pulled taut on all sides,
and your bit

your one eight billionth, hangs by this thread.

It hurts to feel another's pain,
to feel it in vain, hurts worse,
to not stop
and think, full selah, sit and wait,
real people
hurt
when the bubbles pop.
Some others win, like,
there was no bubble, so this
is as real as any angel ever sent,
to find the cause, the pain, signals,
some ongoing cause, a burr,
a sharp, broken edge, a piercing barb.

A broken river bank, hold sand filled bags,…


Floods of wish I was, wish I was
floods
of wish I was, wash me on
down
the drain, by and by, by and by,

we reach the wetland preserves,

and most any kind
of disney-designed hook, spooky
place,
make believe
is the happiest place on Earth,

make 'em all believe,
yeah,
but
something broke, boss, we adrift.

--- it's dramatic, audience wide angst,

we make old men weep,
then
we know their kids shall not forget,
that
once when Dad broke, and he was
screaming

every thing I did, I did for a lie!

--- yeh, drama, we all got drama,
we come to see where Jesus was stayin',

the next day, whither he had been led,
it is said, by the spirit, in English

--- None of me, experienced the Seventies, that is
on TV… so, I must not have been there,

that's what I am saying,
I prove me to me, as I take my measure,
imagining
stretching that first point, eh, you know,
the point of any thing
the point of you,
piercing every thing, and the augmentation,
mental re-co-owning knowing used right,

once before, when we were thinkinking Dharma,
thinkinking the plot, yes, yesh, si da
not drama, Dharma, got it… rolling
we manifest best in the instant, that
we both knew, we co-knew, we re-co-gnosticated.

Mindtimespace rushes at us.
Poetically, not prophetically.

The game believers make evangelists, to play,
as pawns,
and we all know this game, most better than
many know the first reason to ever play go.

A tale, certainly, but only by the surrounded
resources rule, the living using up the dead,

and the tendency to chaos looses all hell,
for a season, some say, a thousand years,
and more say some,
learned in the kino, kiva cinema, state theater,
{Kingman, in Arizona, the 48th star, so State
hood- Thus State Theater 25 cent matinees
6x8 or 8x6, how's it hangin'
stripes below
or to the left, like from a balcony, Old Glory.
Privilege it was,
to a child from sixth grade, to serve,
in the daily flag furling and final folding,
at the first and last bells.
Routine as was the Pledge and faithful fold,
each fold with a moral - added at funerals,
-you learned that late in life, really, then

Noon was signaled by the air raid siren,
traditionally, for how long?
I can't recall knowing
it ever stopped sounding at noon, to train time.

I had some friends one season, late high school,
through the first few months stateside, yeah,
what's with the hippyshitsfirst thing, every time,

Sgt. Whykill, meet Pyro, we all three served,
with Puso Perez, and Kid Wesley, and Tom Green,
and Wierder Harold, the radar guy…

SO, Pyro, what brings you to mind? Gotta point?
Hippyshit. Yeah, 'made my peace, knowmsayin?

Jesus remains, just alright, aight, a we, we form, agree,
or deem me the fool. And he the liar, and you

bought your map from a comedian,
on youtube, working in context of attention callibration
sigh and think it so SYTF, too true to retell,
but where there's a will to prove God's right use
of Hellfire and brimstone, hit me,
as my friend Johnny Whykill,
Forcer Recon, Airborne Ranger, Security for Leon Spinks,
who has not walked, since,
oh some time, around Obama, maybe, today, le'methinks

So, Sergeant Whykill, what did you and Pyro,
adjust to hook now and then in my book of life,
one point last total loss.

Here we are having what has been termed,
one hell of a good day, as when what the hell,
became what th'phucghk ai choke joke human element
in audio, we aspire to number in the first eight billion,
ai audiobook epic poetry reading to Warhol movies,
on eight year loops…
and so it is, dear friends, we bid thee fare, well as you may
wish the rule were otherwise,
it isn't currents reoccur, same clouds come and go,
the throbbing beat
means life, has a next minute, you dead, you think.

Shoulda been, not morbidly, just
why not me, why those others, each killer turn,
mark twain say turn they still calling ramming speed…

selah, when
ever when one frames a mind to filter on patterns,
this one, the mindtimespace constructs using these,
give one
a very pleasant, yes, please all granted, all thanks accepted,
all the glory goes to god, Your call, think a name,
bet me, this atmosphere, as we live and breathe, one name

sh- listen, hippyshitgoneguru, oh K'we got at linkmlook


CAN and do or may and do we not know so much less
rationally

relative to today, starting all day ago, and I am fine,
thanks,
for asking… Pyro, met Johnny Why. and they had
a sheershitshow, Pyro having been named pre-Nam,

this is all after, this entire sheltering structure,
think Chatahoolic said right, deep shelters upslope,
dug from softer tufa stone, layers of ash weight
long after the last aligning tides pulled life from higher

than the last high-water mark,
you see,
that is my east horizon, Arizona is my back yard,
this is like heaven to, me and when I sleep I sleep,
I have not dreamed in years.
Having a bag, a bundle of knowing, shown worthy
of some spec of attention,
by riverminers someday riverwisemen say, someday.

Drift away, weigh my day, sweet dreams, if you do.

Each year, we depend on winds returning,
each year, we watch richest of hoarders lose,

every thing, to a storm. And ten years later,
do it again, as if there were a curse for stupid.

As a messenger from goodness knows where,
clowns as fox like fools, all my foxes,
come from Disney Studios, I must admit.

Though there is a curio-resemblance I have seen
fox-related news old so it is, so it is,
the Katsina embodied and festooned in regalia
its apron a half-fox, hindlegs and long fluffy tail,
same design as on the T-shapes at Gobekli-Tepi

representing an idea from the wild blue yonder,
we are passengers,
we are not in charge, and there is no place like home.

Once you land, and root, and sprout, and pierce the sky,
to feel the changes, as the earth wobbles around the sun.