~
"memory runs back farther than mythology."

two years,
two months,
and two days,

in a cabin they built
near Walden Pond.

on a mission of gravity,
the heavens forming a spotlight
on centrifugal force,
abroad the hollow mind,

chronically untethered.

"I went to the woods to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."

this ship's captain was an architect,
but her starblazing failed
to break ground,
so this life is now a structure settled upon sand,

and way out yonder,
where there is
no blade of grass,
just weeds growing out from under the floor.

but her daughters are
grinning magnets,
passionate machines.

"copy that?...," asks Houston.

she takes a long, hard swallow,
the shadow of a bell
inspiring the astronaut in her
to shoot for incapable stars,
but the bell she hears now
is that of an alarm clock
telling her it's time to wake up:

shoulders straight.
hands free.
arms strong.
fingers stiff.
chronically untethered.

she's not looking for new days,
she is a new day,
compacted out of water,
tired of changing real estate
and showering with
other people's success.

those loud kids, her kids, play
down the hall, in the beehive.

radio jargon's on full blast too
and telling her where
to buy and sell today's instant pleasure.

she's busy now with self-stimulation,
Betty Dodson Method,
then mixing orange powder
with 100 year old whiskey
kept in the lunar module:

it's a spacewalk to eternity, faster-than-light:

she sees broken pool tables
and backyard swings.

she sees 'ordinary'
checked off on the calendar.

she sees 'happiness'
hiding in an old photo of Murphy's Camp.

she wakes to
her husband, Houston,
in a holding pattern,
she feels him moving, whispering,
and touching something
far off inside of her,
but not moored
in a specific time or place.

in search of where
she now exists
(if she even existed at all),
her memories feel artificial
in that she lacks
the emotional attachment
that comes with
actually having lived them.

there are no answers, no choices.
only reactions.
it is always going to be
that broken state of things:
these days of heaven,
chronically untethered.

"only that day dawns to which I'm awake. there is more day to dawn, I suppose. and like us, the sun is but a morning star upon being dreamed into existence..."
~

I fell from a sunspot
to the darkest reaches
of our coldest moon
and from there I observe
with the patience of a god
until it's time again
for me to fall.

in a perplexing, infinite universe
ridden with countless planets uninhabited
and others flourishing with unknown life
within it, remains galaxies left unreachable and unexplored
floating on a boundless sea of black
littered with scatters of scintillating stars
acting as buoys to latch on to when off course amidst a spacewalk adventure
and landmarks to identify direction when lost in the vast array of emptiness

yet, here you are
shining as brilliantly as the celestial bodies that stretch across the canvas of night
and I am lucky enough to be able to latch onto you when I am astray in my own small town
I don't need to sail across an endless space ocean in a nautical journey in search of you
your beams are close enough for me to feel your nourishing warmth at all times
so when you greet me with your exhilarating embrace
we produce a light that shines intensely enough for the whole universe to see
so as the aliens navigate through the currents of deep space
they admire passion that burns brighter than anything of its kind
as they paddle in seamless synchronization
in the direction of our path, to find where we are
small town, planet earth
and they'll settle in here, to what they see as a place that must be incredible
because of you
the compass of the universe
the love of my life

Blue skies all around me
And these rainy days are behind me
Too bad I bought this umbrella
Its my insurance to cover my superstition
But I never truly had an issue

I thought I needed you
But in reality I don’t
Good evening
Beautiful planetarium
My dear
You look so lovely
Therefore I love the Earth
Treat me fairly
Your air tastes like honey
You’re like the Sun
Always treating me warmly

You’re all I desire
Your purity, I greatly admire
So don’t let tire
This lonely heart
That has traveled the 7 seas
In hope
One day you’ll be free

But lately I’ve been pensive
I’ve been lost at the moon before
And loneliness has been my tune so long ago
But I’ll spacewalk
Any galaxy
In order to find my true calling
Within this cosmic fallacy
So don’t worry
My life is in my hands
It’s really all up to me

Who what why
We feel enveloped
Like we were licked
E---Tricked frightened
Secretly eloped
Who do we elect?
Why all signs
Horse, Of course
monkey, Divorce
Tiger Eyes strong heart
This world falling apart
The presidential
minds over
shock waves
surfboard
Or somebody is a great asset_
The brain waves hand slaves
boardroom
Ready set became
the schoolroom
The study
The speed walker
sturdy built
She had a heart
of a magnet lover

Recharge to be reset (Elect)
Main course subject
lips met to
be picked
when the sun
goes down
electrified
Our sunset

Ms. Marrionette
The trick misery
chair
To be tricked like a
hollyhock around the
ticking sticks
and stones
clock
United Nation
security
council
being spied upon

Mr. Sherlock
holding his
unsharpened
pencil

Pop Eyes poppy flowers*
Sun-lit showers overload of hours
Over the amazing hills of
Ireland my pick
He takes you
the hand like a
stranger in paradise
like a dream lips like
divine shades the taste
cream demitasse

You're sleepwalking
He is Jaywalker
Jack climbs
up pins of the
cactus sting bean-stalk
Being pinned to the
election talk small talk
Moms' crock-***
He's the spacewalk
Taking my arm
Armstrong+__**
Proud but now its
the forgotten land
Needing a brighter future
(Night owls Neverland)
Nighthawks of
Disneyland bringing

(Ray of sunshine)

The more  I see you
the more I want you
As years go by love talks
The luck of the
Irishman shamrock walks
All pranks
Flinstones of bedrock
Going to the
boardwalk*

Coney Island Baby,
he is half-cocked
A piece of the rock
More like gridlock
The hat was flying
windy__City
Cool electric, please
stay calm don't panic
Your face was
the ice puck
Goldilocks Grandmas house
three bears acting like
someone's spouse
Dog of pugs big bark
The lights bright electric
Fell over her porridge dark
Robin red breast bird fly
His Mark cornstalk but why?
The heat intensity
Everlasting
chemistry
no drilling so
hot heat beat
blasting electricity

If I had to
pick something
Let me be well
Crystal ball met me sanity

Your husband has his
toothpicks you
are his lady
dental floss
You're both
better off with
prays of God
Never to be tricked
by the cross

House by the beach, life is cotton dry. Once every

two weeks, a tall light through the window. Loneliness

has kind eyes, or fiery. High waves, some people are

having fun. A hidden inability to create life, and

substitutes, in the rush. House by the beach, my life story


in short. Endless motion, on and on, parting me from

what's real. I leave my footprint behind, in a chase of

the windstorm. Wealth in a tiny grain of sand, from ancient

Israel, a riddle. He tells you how to change, technically

and productively. House by the beach, castle of dreams


I see in a nightmare. Greyhound express, from wide

expanses, dust unearthly spacewalk. Where does it hurt,

questionbox. *** is a ***** word, from 9 to six. Was

it love? The ocean is not blending in, nor the blue sky.

House by the sea, your only happy memories.

We’re all going to die on this Earth
Might live to 109
Or die this morning
Headed to work
Instantly
No pain
In your sleep
Gunshot to stomach
Pain for days
Far corner of the world
Or down the street from your childhood
Doesn’t matter
Still on this Earth
Death will come for you
Unless you’re an astronaut
And you’re on a spacewalk
Out there amongst the stars
And your tether becomes tangled
Then ....
Snip
Your line cuts.   ......   ... ........ .   .....
And you’re adrift
Dead within 30 minutes
No oxygen
Out in space
Drifting
But at least you didn’t die on earth
And they’ll break ground on a
Primary school in your name
The president will speak
All while your skeleton
In your spacesuit
Floats past Mars...

Something lives deep in our bones, 
dark matter only observable in the forming and crashing of galaxies,
solar storms only threatening to debilitate at certain times
Eclipsing moon throwing an inky curving blight across moments
You are afraid that my shadows will take me violently from you
kicking and fighting into the vast nothing that waits under a fragile skin
Coldness seeping into every cell, ships without fuel, the lights going dark in the sky
And I have been making my peace with this every day
Storing up every last dimming of lights and ceremony of routine like an astronaut’s last day planetside

imprinting your skin on my mine until I don’t have my own fingerprints any more
Trying to fit all of you in my arms, but how can anything so wonderful be fit in something so flimsy?

The shadow that mocks me most is not mine
I see it in the corner of the things you 
say only when you think no one is watching
4 shots of tequila in
It is defeatism
It is I Will Never Be Good 
So Why Even Try
I Will Never Say It Right So 
Why Even Try
It is thinking of train tracks and freeways and loaded guns as escape routes
And it scares me just as much as hypoglycemic brain death and diabetes scares you.
And I wonder -- Trying to reach you but only getting static interference - will this solar storm pass?
If I embark on a rescue mission will my gravity send you spiraling out of control or bring you back home?

My shadow can wear a monitor
can have a leash

The vastness of space does not scare me because I can carry my space station home with me, spacewalk with you tethered
As long as I have you, I can feel safe from my shadow.


Holding on in desperation
I cannot save you.
You will slip through my arms like sand

All alone in your room stuck on your ****
Flicking through that device of yours
Mind stuck in a dump
Since you had been barred from the outdoors

Thinking of all you could be doing with friends
The good times to be had
Taken away leaving you at wits end
Your emotions feeling just a tad bit sad

So, what to do then?
With all this time on one’s hands
No one to talk to since you can’t call the ambulance again
And your brain is going to explode from listening to that band

It’s alright though
Stop worrying so much and look at the clock
As it ticks it will slow down time and save you from death’s blow
Now let’s unlock dream world where you can spacewalk without feeling like a laughingstock

Life’s easier when you go at it more calmly
Letting it go at you like the waves of the ocean
Not worrying about your pants being baggy or that your clumsy
Being the golden showman for all isn’t you, you’d rather be the one that stays hidden

Life's uncertain and full of ups and downs
But the clocks tick will always go on
Full of hatred for yourself only leads to a meltdown
Lie down now and feel that yawn

It’s rough out there and that’s no lie
The battle going on goes through the body and mind
Everything will be alright no need to cry
Stress will make you unwind like twine so relax and put that track on rewind

Worrying about academics is for another time
As of now it’s time to look ahead
Hitting rocks in the oceans hurts but it’s not a crime
Pain from the rocks hurts but you have to keep with the waves

Holding onto the rocks will make you drown
Please let go now
You might feel down now but you must keep on if you want that crown
I may have passed but you have to move on and leave this rock behind

It hurts I know to see me go
But no matter what even with me gone you can count on that clock
The hearts filled with woe since I passed not too long ago
Just know I loved you, now wake up darling and answer that knock