Je ne sais plus quel jour nous sommes
J'ai peur du temps qui passe, qu'il s'en aille et me laisse, toute seule et toute bleue, la corde au cou, pendue au cerisier, du gravier plein la bouche
Ce n'est pas moi la folle mais bien toi et juste toi
Écoute mon cri
Compare-le à ton silence, à tes mensonges
C’est bon, tellement bon, d’écrire sur ta musique
J’ai peur de perdre la tête
JE VAIS PERDRE LA TETE
Il y a Kerouac, ses mots, tes mots et encore Kerouac
Il y a l’espoir, aussi
L’espoir sur ta musique
J’écris à en perdre la tête
JE VAIS PERDRE LA TETE
Mais cela ne m’appartient plus, tu ne m’appartiens plus et je voudrais tant m’endormir dans tes bras sur mon sofa rouge
M’endormir avec toi, m’endormir dans tes bras et juste, s’il te plaît, que ton prochain appel soit celui qui m’avertira de ta mort.
Personne ne peut comprendre
Qu’il ne comprend rien
Je ne me sens pas très bien ce soir
J’écris, mais je n’ai pas la tête suffisamment hors de mon corps
Je n’attends plus rien
Ne m’attends plus à rien
Je voudrais que ça s’arrête
Çà va s’arrêter
Je ne savais pas
Je n’avais pas compris
Je vais me faire cuire du riz
Je voudrais disparaître maintenant
Fais-moi disparaître
Car tout à jamais t’appartiendra
Y compris mon cadavre dans le fossé.

Ce n'est pas moi la folle mais toi et juste toi
Désolée d'avoir dû te couper la tête.

Maintenant que le trou s'est refermé
Que le vide s'est rempli
Je me tais pour toujours.

Je ne me sens vraiment pas bien
J’écris sans exister, à me tapoter le thymus dans un vide noirâtre et purulent
Mais ça va aller
Bien sûr que ça va aller
Je suis bien plus forte que le néant.

Laisse- moi disparaître.

Je n’arrive pas à écrire ce soir
J’arrive juste à boire
Mais pas assez pour m’enivrer
A croire que l’on veut à tout prix me sauver. M’empêcher de crever toute verte.
Juste : triste
Comme d’habitude
Comme tous les jours
Juste : conne
Je ne veux pas de demain, d’aucun autre lendemain
Je m’en fous que tu ne m’aimes pas
Et arrête de me tutoyer foutu connard à la bite trop courte !
Je veux juste être publiée de mon vivant
Et
Un
Enfant
Aussi.



Je ne suis qu’un ange qui hurle
Un ange noir au cri purulent



J’espère que demain le ciel sera bleu
Bleu et plat.

in the cohort of her hands, a disorder

lost dignity wrapped in the red of need
reckless and arrogant as lilies

an abundance of periphery
wavers at the sea-black hand

of hands of time of hands

rune stones
black granite spattered in stars

a slutter of language
of words of wombs

necrotic we burst
a pause of however

a narcosis of want

meander of limbs
siphoning brine-white tide

colorless-the disorder
marquis of white shadow
on seal slick waves

and the lilies,
petal outward

and in the silence
there were unknown weeks
where the flowers foundered
other bodies

there is a form in the garden
still as clay

we reddened our mouths
and still like clay

slant of a neck untattered
partitioning cerebral sea
arcing back on itself

there was a benign negligence
in the want-of flowers of lilies

vague signs of amplitude
pachyderm and small
in the grooves of lack

malnourished, contrite hands
flushed blooms of pink paper along
pink walls-flush seas of lack

vague symbols of wood and
purulent understanding a

nest of roots
dipping towards the alkaline sea

we didn’t even begin to understand
the range of mourning
becoming us

smooth white shells of elegant
weakened at the hock
distempered by the recent winters
foundering in the vacant space
between us

I mule you
through the tapestries of my desert
and am still, here
where I don’t belong

here I am spread as an excess
as an unfortunate truth
glossed by negligent hands

anxious, with the possible morning
indistinct dwindling winter
curling pink paper
along the walls of black sea
earth-tide

small weakened arrangement of groundcover
jostling in the ferns of truth

we measured the years in numerals
as with skin, ardent and ruddy

palpable lost youth

the rare wood of mistake
loosened from sleep

in the morning we resemble damaged objects
prized for obedience
at odd angles of deformation to time

in the body, a funeral
still warm

skin and stone a slender neck of atonement
for the absence of home

9/25/2015

I remember the tar stuck to my shoe, penny and patent,
a hot summer

staphylinid female with
wiry rotten acorn hair
swollen fingers red running

through the autumn dirt
the forest floor
Japanese maples, Douglas firs

purulent nailbed and
the window rolled down:
air whips like a riding crop,

I close it back up

In this cracked bower of dusted morn,
Under crinkled leaves of cankered scorn,
Thine promise hath ruptured in purulent bliss;
Innards devoured with one poisoned kiss!
In death’s cruel grasp, spring bid adieu,
Such an ill-fate bestowed upon thee so soon!
Writhing in the pain from this soiled vow,
Revenge is waiting, won’t thy surrender now?

Eons
Ego
As is time
A waste of those  embibed
Hear of me a  different cord
A melody contrived

Where are they
Those pure of ilk
Those purulent, repent.

Unholy
Measured
Dully dammed
Destroying
Soucriant

an accumulation of
the not-so-distant insofar as
a whelm of cafard..

it is something that my hands
have seen with their drones,
something that bloviates
with intermittent speech,
a reaching-for-and-out hauling
of tempests as these

shadows renegade the dark
and join necessities of clarity
to combobulate their hue
into white without any trace of remembering, whatsoever.

yet in this scraping perimeter,
everything is within reach
yet unmoving - teeth do not gnash
anymore to grit their cadences,
mouths are swollen with something. a name perhaps? or a random memory of something we chortled about?
or were they bitten off by the fangs and their unrelenting incise,
suturing the lesions and removing the scabs of these wounds?

something that is purulent in laughter is just as crimson as in pain - these photographs watermarked by an effloresce of blood from which has lived once
in this world full in movement and in flesh now gone.

white: whips like its many
      a name,
         divines in it still,
  my eyes pure engulfed in
      the silence;

       white: which sound
     spills the sud of women
      sitting by the river
     looming clean sheets purulent
       with the Earth's gruel;

   white:
   oh, by the
      window,
   heart's ****** tillage or
      a word unspoken sinking
  in postponement, a moth's
    glide in perpetual motion

    white, many days,
      fewer nights,
         earth sways to crystalline
a tear to light a face
      of beauty once
      tarnished black with
          the blood of roses.

The witness sits waiting
as he walks in, briefcase in hand,
the table lined with lawyers.
He sits, puts down a tablet and pen,
asks for the witness to be sworn in,
and begins.
The pecking order is established.
The questioner is boss
and all embark on the train of
his thought.
'Would you recount for us
the circumstances leading up to
the incident.'
She begins one more time
to recount thoughts and impressions,
superimposed on
dimly recollected facts
whose keen edges
have long dissolved.
Her preparation is as apparent
as a painted door
over the threshold of
the truth.
'You have taken an oath',
he reminds her,
but the lock on the door
clicks shut.
Carefully, then, he makes a small incision
in the web
of aggregated incompatibilities,
and the abscess behind
exudes a purulent glow
through cracks only apparent
to him.
Her lawyer blusters and roars,
attempting to blow out the flickering flame.
But the cover is cleft,
and enough of the truth can be seen
to tip the scale.