Led down from the tower
Head high and hands bound
Blindfold declined against the wall
Black square pinned to his heart
Eyes afire and shining proud
He sang...

He sang of Caruso, Townes Van Zandt
Pavarotti, Bocelli, Mercury,
Carreras, he sang of Antoine,
Of Sinatra, Lennon, Morrison, Redding
He sang and songbirds paused in flight
He sang like them all

He sang a song of himself
Of leaves of grass, of second comings
Of Byron, and Bharti, and Cummings
He sang of Neruda, and Plath, Tagore
Dickinson, Kamala Das and Naidu
Oh, he sang of them all

He sang of art and beauty
Of Mona Lisa and starry nights
Girls in green dresses and pearls
He sang of Van Gogh, of Picasso
Of Rembrandt, da Vinci
He sang of Michelangelo

He sang of sadness, pain
He sang of My Lai, Sand Creek
Of Guernica and Krystallnacht
He cried and sang of Wounded Knee
Of Katyn Forest, Sabra and Shatila
Oh, he wept as he sang

He sang of history and wonders
He sang of Olduvai and pyramids
Machu Picchu, Tikal, and Angkor Wat
He sang of a great wall, the Taj Mahal
Stonehenge, Easter Isle, Mesa Verde
His song took us to them all

He sang of courage
A song of Bunker Hill, Gettysburg
Of the Alamo, Normandy, Stalingrad
Of Lincoln, Guevara and Dr. King
He sang of Bolivar, Bhutto, Ghandi
He shamed us with their song

He sang his song...
As women sighed and peasants cried
He  sang until the rifles fired, he died
Songbirds fell from the sky
Soldiers broke their guns on stones
And marched into the deep blue sea.

r ~ 4/12/14

they day finishes with: at last! a schoth reserve
for highlands nomads!
     long gone is the fatamorgana of soberness
coupled with a very softcore soviet sleep
experiment: i chance you to also say:
the soviet sleep experiment is a way to censor
dreams, **** it: another paul mccartney
can write another yesterday into the repertoire,
you can hear of marathon-men who did over
100 hours without sleep, and when it came to
sleeping: hour-long interludes...
as all the p.o.w's realised was the case:
stop this dream-industry of disney! stop it!
nearing 36 hours is nothing,
when i'm going to do a hiatus in Poland visiting
my grandparents i'm planning to top that,
perhaps 48... just to get the glory days of Jews
in ancient Egypt and Joseph the adviser to
the pharaoh: 7 lean years, followed by 7 years
of starvation: what we otherwise carpe diem
over-indulgence - Moses wrote the book
of disgrace... when things turned sour,
obviously he was *******, just a little bit,
from a Jew becoming an adviser to the pharaoh
by interpreting his dreams which were always
in abundance given his lavish lifestyle...
dreams come to people who aspire to lavish
lifestyle, dreams come to people who take no
pleasure from the simplest prospects of a peaceful
hermitic life... they need both the lavish life
and the lavish hope of an afterlife with abundant
dreams... they can't master the opposite:
from simple pleasures that life has to offer:
one forsakes the capacity to the need to dream...
yet those who attain a comfortable Buddhist /
bourgeoisie / middle life: through the ethic of hard
labour find dreams nonsense... only
aristocrats find meaning in dreams, because
they have enough life insurance to guarantee them
the very unentertaining life, hence the Freudian
cinema, and here is their seeking of meaning,
because outside of their sleep nod,
their meaning is already akin to a predatory creature
kept in a zoological confinement, rather than
beckoned to attest the prime element beyond
the classical elements of fire and: where was the
Japanese army bombing the hell out of that
****** tsunami to make the orca-surf shrapnel?
where? nowhere! the reporters were there prior,
i'd swear you could have done the reverse Aleppo
with that tsunami wave by bombing it and
saving lives... but no... atoms bombs were never
intended for warfare as such, they're non-profitable...
all the arms-dealers across the world make more
money from millions of bullets and thousands upon
thousands of guns being sold: atom bombs make
no economic sense... atom bombs make
no economic sense in terms of dealing arms...
the soviet sleep experiment was one of the topics
at the end of today... the other was feline pavarotti
in a cattery: i swear to god that ginger is acting
too much like a bloodhound... moans all the ******
time, i've heard every kind of Tosca, but a cat's Tosca?
never in my life has a cat so many variable versions
of meow... animals really do possess their owners,
but in a way that shows the owners to themselves...
a poem a day: keeps the psychiatrist away.
and back to the soviets, who discovered Yiddish
dream-factory ******* that only applies to
aristocrats akin to Wilhelm Oedipus II,
    i never understood why people desired so much
from dreams, pure unconscious doesn't allow it,
it's shallow dreaming that becomes easily swayed
by a decreasing poignancy of the senses that
creates dreams, and as we've already been told:
they're bound to millisecond intervals -
snoring can be seen as a prompt for dreaming,
but then pure unconscious that's beyond the sensual
realm of pulverising you with everything external
          doesn't allow dreams, because it allows rest...
the subconscious makes more sense in terms of dreams
than what it currently prescribed,
             on the fully-waking hour of what people call
reverse-psychology (popularly), or who people can
influence you and treat you as a pawn...
   in the waking hour the theory of the subconscious
is that it's somehow there, and it's brimming with
theories ranging from the unitary stealth workings
of a superego, to advertisers competing for your
attention, as in: how can this person be manipulated?
that's the strain of thought working from consciousness
where you are said to have: no free will,
no critical approach toward the world with thought,
that you are naive and gullible...
  such people do exist, because they're not working
on the subconscious from the unconscious position,
hence they are most probably highly-developed dream-machines,
they probably even dream in colour and remember
dreams vividly... but take all the things i said
about the subconscious from a conscious pinpoint
and invert the starting point from an unconscious
pinpoint, and all that manipulating dynamic that
the subconscious is supposedly is fed fades
   to simply expose the subconscious as the medium
of dreams, whereby dreams appear from a sensory
hush of all external factors... a few days back i dreamed
i woke in a bed covered in cobwebs and spiders crawling
in them... the last thing i remember looking at?
my pet incy-wincy hanging on a silken web in
the corner of my room... for this to be true,
and for all that pompous subconscious theoretical *******
to go away, to actually work on the subconscious
having a dream reality rather than a reality of
being easily swayed by superego or advertisement
and willingly giving up your will to external factors
that go beyond mere senses... you have to acknowledge
at least 36 hours of the soviet sleep experiment, clock:
no nodding.m i've set the threshold,
the junkies did over 100 hours without sleep,
but they were army material, i'm... dunno.
              a break with an article on melanie martinez,
and then back into today's end...
    it's pouring cats & dogs outside, and will so
throughout tomorrow, one of the street lamps has
turned itself into solitary disco strobe...
   e.e.m. (epileptic eye movement)
           vs. r.e.m. (rapid eye movement) -
the difference? the latter invokes the theatrical curtain
of the eyelids... the former invokes your eyes
having rolled to the back of your head so you only
see the sclera...
but a real life problem too!
in these pseudo-capitalistic societies, companies
have started to do the Pontius Pilate tactic,
they are companies without employees,
what they want are subcontractors, people who
are self-employed, because actually employing
employees is bad business for them: you have to
have a pension fund... and what capitalist wasn't
old people getting money for doing nothing?
most construction companies are following this trend...
but the problem with that is that these companies
are employing useless managers, construction
site managers that should be on a site for at least 2
days a week... even 3... so they can get the knitty-gritty
of organisation done and the project runs smoothly...
but as i've already known for months,
say a roofing company from Gloucester is given
a London-based contract... it has employed a
project manager... who 1st of all doesn't have the right
credentials to be a manager... and this pleb travels
to London from the village of Gloucester
and is on a construction site for about half an hour,
doesn't make any notes,
and spends the rest of the time being a ******* tourist
in and around London, a day like this happens,
an authentic waterproofing problem...
   so you have these flats near the city airport,
and they're connected with walkways and have planters
too... you lay the concrete, then do the waterproofing:
primer, hotmelt, fleece, hotmelt, felt.
                  now the problem, why impose self-employment
and also employ parasitical managers who know
jack **** or are interested in selfies on tower bridge?
only because they can get a cheap train ticket back
to the village of Gloucester before the rush-hour commute?
the problem is simple, or hard, depends whether
there's an actual plan and someone is bothered..
four elements...
       1. drainage matt,
             2. pebbles,              3. filter layer
and 4. ~artificial turf... plastic-like, not asphalt,
     i grant it a status of artificial asphalt,
  or turf coloured copper...
the debate ranged about where the filter layer should go,
but there was no manager with the appropriate
method statement to give... the ******* crane arrives
at 8am, and he texts the day before that he might have
an answer by noon... or that some other manager should
be consulted to the method statement...
i suggested that first: the drainage matt, then the pebbles,
then the filter layer and then the artificial asphalt...
   the other suggestion was: drainage matt,
filter layer, pebbles and then the artificial asphalt
        given that pebbles will never be spread like
a plateau of concrete, meaning there will be pockets
beneath the artificial asphalt to soften the walk
and give more spring to the step...
                  and then i read a newspaper in england
and start to think: are these the only people on an actual
payroll? with safety in retirement schemes?
          i used to think of journalists as daring...
Watergate journalism that did something...
               then you turn on the 24 news channels
and state media is no different to free-enterprise media...
     as people my age say: television is really
a piece of 20th century antiquity... who gives a ****
that millions watched a man walk on a moon
on it... at least a billion people watched the cinnamon
spoon challenge from some ******* on the internet!
     or that guy who gave his cat l.s.d.,
or that guy who jumped off tower bridge and caught
pneumonia and had to be rescued...
still, the rain is ******* down, i've got my headphones
on, and that rebel street-lamp has turned into
a discoteque strobe's of needy rhythmic epileptics -
as every: i count most psychiatric terms in popular
use as undercover poetics, people who don't read
poetry, nonetheless apply psychiatric terms
   an unilateral transcript of denoting them as metaphor(s)
in everyday sprechen; and yes,
our informal vocabulary usually suffers for the fact
that we have chosen a fixed (courteous, hierarchical)
formal vocabulary, that erodes any chanced deviation
akin to a cat-stretching: e.g. (a) so and so died,
(b) oh, i'm sorry,        (c) and you're the one who
brought back the resentful Lazarus?
(d) as if you could have, prevented the inevitable;
a conversation between four strangers.

scouting for talent in the streets
(for the next Michael Jackson or Pavarotti
or anyone who can make me money)
I spotted there in the streets of Melbourne
a bloodhound and a puppy, each with a violin
and each playing –
the puppy a natural, the bloodhound indistinct

I spread out on the floor
the talent contract for a team
and the bloodhound signed with a grin;
but just as the puppy lifted its paw
another dog came running, picked up the puppy
and ran off with the speed of lightning

“****! What’s that about?”
I asked the bloodhound

“Oh,” said the bloodhound sheepishly
*“That’s his mum, my wife – she doesn’t want
him to be a musician like me…
she’d rather he grows up to be a doctor!”

Part I. When the Saguaro Cactus Blooms

“All mountains everywhere are being worn down by frost, snow and ice.”

“In the brief arctic summer grasses thrive, but too little energy reaches the ground for trees to grow.”

“When Nubian Ibex dual with their horns, the tussles can last up to an hour if the opponents are evenly matched.”

“Rainforest covers only three percent of the Earth, but contains more than half its plants and animals”

“The Shark is faster on a straight course, but can’t turn as sharply as a seal.”

“Throughout much of nature, life is built on decay.”

“Earth’s journey round the sun creates the four seasons, in most places. In the tropics, the sun strikes the earth head- on year round, temperatures barely change.”

“The Great Island of New Guinea harbors forty-two species of birds of paradise, each more bizarre than the last.”  

“As always, where life thrives, trouble follows.”

“Each year a single tree can **** up hundreds of tons of water through the roots, but the trees can’t use all this water so much of it returns to the air as vapor from the leaves on the branches”

“Every year three-million caribou migrate across the frozen Canadian Tundra. Some herds travel over two-thousand miles a year in search of fresh pastures. This is the longest over-land migration of any animal.”

Part II. And Your Bird Can Sing

From my position as being something
Other than what I am now, I saw
the planet Earth which is too impossible to be true.

I saw that land never stands above water.
Water simply allows the tired earth to rest upon its shoulders.

I see places where nothing is alive, save the maggots that feed off themselves,
amongst the cathedral of stalactites and stalagmites and lakes of acid.
No one ever said Hell wouldn’t be beautiful.

I see what was once mountains, now little more than slender, awkward
pillars into the sky. Withered away by an unwavering wind
That blew rigid rock as easy as it might blow
a leaf on the streets of city.

I see that spring even touches the most arctic of locals.
and that you can freeze in a desert that you can fry in.

I see for the first time, the tree as the inverse of itself;
branches into sky, roots into earth.
And I suddenly question paper and hard-wood floors.

And animals,
which we so often chose to deny as our neighbors and brethren.

I met with the Amur Leopard, rare as jewel,
Never before seen,
Destined to lose his home or his fur coat
To the likes of a Russian czarina.

I laugh at the penguin, the sausage of the bird family
and marvel at its audacity to survive
in places its unthreatening, unimpressive body should not.

And in the shark’s eye I saw, as it leaped out of the water
finally engulfing the once allusive seal,
the grace of god, the face of ******
at 1/50th of  the normal speed.

I came across baboons wading through flooded plains
walking upright through the shallow waters,
holding their young above the depths,
predecessors to a two-legged, less noble cousin.

I witnessed nearly every animal fight each other for supremacy,
with the same savagery we do,
but with less discrimination as to who they combat with.

I noticed that countless animals disguise themselves.
Frogs as rocks of exotic hues. Foxes as bushes seemingly on fire.
Bugs as flowers not yet in bloom.
I think I’ll hide myself as a whale
with a harpoon in his side.


I watch male birds of paradise attempt to sing, yell, peck and dance
themselves into a lady bird’s heart;
their Pavarotti, their Don Juanian exploits, their best Baryshnikov
yield them no love, yet my undying admiration is theirs.

I long to be a part of a flock of birds or school of fish,
who seem seamlessly connected by one mind(interwoven by the urge to move)


I see the flower and the fungi bloom, the latter off the former,
in stop-motion photography
I wish to see myself grow in stop-motion.

I swam next to two whales;
a large one whose eyes said to the smaller one,
“I’ll starve for you.”
a small one whose eyes said,
“I will lose my mother when the water is warm.”

I walked with caribou, transient as I am.
Just searching for a place to call home,
both of us knowing that the only stable thing in
life is continuous change.

Part III. Rivers Do Run Dry (See Grand Canyon)

Years later it would be discovered that “HD TV” did not in fact stand for High Definition Television, but rather Hoaxed Depiction Television. Indeed nothing we saw in “HD” was in actually real; rather it was highly doctored images created by the media powers that be. This would explain seemingly implausible animals, landscapes and natural phenomenon seen in the BBC series Planet Earth. Cryptic statements made by the narrator of the documentary (who turned out to not actually be British or a man) such as, “This is the first and last time this spectacle has ever been documented on film.” Ironically, these claims by the narrator are the only truths the entire project has to offer. The images never will be seen again in nature due to the fact that they were fabricated in a Hollywood warehouse.

it's kinda funny, but all i keep thinking about is the clipped tooth and the 3 pancakes awaiting me gnashing the smoothness into poached pear baby goo; i will not allow language to subordinate me... i, will, subordinate language! language will be my clothes, and not, my, tailor!

i abhor people owned by language,
it's a bit like debate
between portishead vs. poliça...
          love a *****-fight...
              scratching, itching,
hair-tugging,
my type of replacement when it
comes to being entertained by
cockerels or bulls (terriers) -
got i love petting those beastly boy
pig snouts!
the problem with me?
            i love drinking more than
conversations with people -
synonymous with:
animals make more sense to me
that humans...
                             oops;
i gather.
                  i have a 10kg / 20+ pound maine
**** that i bite for fun...
              bite a maine ****
get an apache headgear...
     ****** kicks like a kangaroo
when i tickler his hind paws...
               sings the **** out
of a reincarnation of Pavarotti...
either that or it's ***** 'arry,
or simply *rudy (ginger) -
              i love cats for their
autism...
                   it will never end up
being a death-stare match:
there's always "something" to
be preoccupied with cats...
usually? nothing,
                 the anti-thesis of
narcissus was a cat.
                people never have stories
about dogs,
other than: lick my *****, take a nap...
i hate the cat i own...
                  man originated
with a heart,
while woman originated with a mind...
notably the grand-schemer
locusta  -
hell knows no fury for a woman scorned,
as,
           heaven knows no peace
                              for a man: pardoned.
since we're on equal terms,
  we can only politicise language,
rather than the, infantile,
politicising of language...
               i always wonder how
an exhausted meow exhausts the mind
of a cat, with no cognitive notion
of a a meow...
     how does a cat meow...
when there's no thought of meow...
in the same exhaustion...
           how does man speak of god,
when he think nothing of god?
    if god is a beyond word,
yet trapped in (moral) action,
can we discuss the case by merely
using onomatopoeia?
               i.e. onomatopoeia,
an etymological return to the prime
of syllables?
    prior to letters having names
akin to A - alpha -
                                  or O - omicron?
cut short pretty jesus?
                     oh, what, a, shame!

p.s. sure, he can be the alpha and the omega,
but i'm the omicron in between.

The sunlight filtered
through feathers splayed
hits different when
the wing is stayed

after my cat broke into my room
and ****** on my writing chair,
i threw the **** covers into the garden
and sat, for months on a skeletal chair,
namely one: without cushions...
  the cat? i call him a ginger farmer,
or simply hulk, nearing
10 kilograms, we can be just that -
oh the operas he sings with that variation
of meow...
apparently there are 200 unique ideograms
of a meow,
and i've just about heard
   one hundred and ninety-nine...
now my *** is cushioned back to its original
throne...
      you really can have a ****** day
listening to ****** music,
or not listening to music and making
modern echoes of vicilisation audible...
cars, airplanes, and not a gush of wind,
or an owl in a forest making coo...
   on my walk with four beers and finding
the perfect spot to take a ****...
yes, drink them quick enough
and you **** clear, pristine waters,
wait till the morning, and there she is,
yellow ammonium...
   but i do find that the famous grouse
was being a bit of a ***** yesterday,
i got all nostalgic and didn't feel like
inviting this spirit into my abode...
i wrote the most feeble things (partially)
necessary, but, evidently, only intended
for a transition period...
     so i said to myself, the local co-op
opened recently, they had an offer on *****
the other day...
and now she stands on my windowsill,
pretty little russian girl:
     as стaндaрт...
   for too long i have not delved into her natures...
a stealth spirit, an assassin...
    yet i never thought these people
still existed... filling up to my 3rd can of beer,
watching a man pull into a petrol station
on a motorbike,
filling up, and then quickly driving off...
   well, thrusting off...
   so i caught the eyes of the petrol station's
attendant, he too bemused...
   it's good to see that such people still
happen to do the most pleasing of transgression
that comes standard with: the civlised,
law-abiding citizens...
     seeing a thief like that while you're drinking
a beer almost makes the most perfect sense...
as to the cushions i'm sitting on in my chair:
the one that maine **** hulk of a cat
****** on and i threw into the garden to
get winter air and soak...
    feels a bit like ******* with your
left hand... or as a step-father told a friend
of mine: sit on your forehand long enough
until it goes numb, and afterward
it's like someone else is doing it for you...
  but we are here, forget homosexuality
being the artistic canvas these days,
they've gained political motivation,
there's no art coming from the former taboos...
a lot more things are dying than the mere
death of god... that's heidegger ponderings
ii - vi, aphorisms 185 - 191...
the grouse was being a *****,
i have to say, or as some orthodox "priests"
from polish cinema said once:
you drinking perfumes?
             whiskey, perfumes, chanel no. 5...
well... back to the roots of reasoning
a few pointless things through...
   that's also called: listening to a few ******
pop songs and then going into
big boy territory... jed kurzel, wardruna...
i can't be a Bukowski, every time i read
him now i get a writer's block...
i can't say classical music is that good,
or that it's the medium of genius,
i can say that it's the only music
i can listen to when i turn on the radio,
otherwise i have to be my own d.j.,
   i'm sitting in a room with a record collection,
bemoaning how people sorta stopped
caring for music in the old fashion
sense of buying it...
   and it's not exactly pirates of the caribbean for
****'s sake...
   if there's no respect for artists,
there's no respect for anything,
in the old polish proverb: hulaj duszo, piekła niema...
in verse: hulaj piekło, duszy nie ma
   (go wild, soul, for there is no hell...
reverse: go wild, hell, for there is no soul) -
thankfully : and italics is correct here,
   it wouldn't be correct had the emphasis
included bold text.
  that really can happen, i.e. to become
tiresome of whiskey, you drink what later resembles
your **** upon waking...
  and yes, given what i drink,
i do feel ****** the next day,
   i can't say hangover, but just crap....
until i take a ****, after that: it's all downhill -
one the **** is out, the ego can begin its ascent.
so here's to miss стaндaрт,
may she live long and prosper from as many
drunks as she deems worthy of lullabying
with a few poems they might throw into
the calendar of white, with year not relevant,
with month not relevant, and with diem
as only carpe.
    or as i like to say, after reading this article
about tinder and how women are sploit
for choice...
     i should be in the game, what, being 30...
but i read the enemy's propaganda and it's
not good... well it's good that i know it's
propaganda... the article is only a week old,
misplaced the magazine for about a week to just
read it now...
       lily 23, erin 25, mariella 23,
alexandra 24, alice 23, julia 28
(actress, digital marketing executive,
   fashion pr, sales and marketing graduate,
publishing assistant, journalist - respectively)...
with what they said, as the article states,
and whether the core of western values and
democracy is for the freedom of journalism
  (does anyone still bother?
it's selective, it has editors,
there's too much happening anyway,
and if it is happening, it's coverage is delayed
by zombie-audiences, like that case of Fritzl
in the whittle village of Amstetten) -
   they were really quick on the mark there,
or the Milly Dowler case...
would any sane individual in the western  world
go to war to protect journalism?
    i'm starting to think that state-owned media
is not such a bad thing,
   better hearing organsied lies than disorientating
lies that have no *****-like authority of a nationhood...
some peoples' lives are simple, they need
to hear stories... some actually prefer listening
to music, i too wouldn't want the entire world
gatecrashing an event such as modern Mongolia...
you never really hear any news from Mongolia...
the perfect example of Tao... isolationism
to perfection... and yes, some people don't get
to write a poem either...
   would i go to war defending the rights of newspapers?
given what we are currently seeing?
   it's very strange to see newspapers with suspicious eyes,
terrible so, you'd like to think they did speak
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...
     but then i look at my 10 kg bonsai tiger pavarotti,
and i sit on my windowsill, he sits on his
windowsill in the bathroom...
              ****** comes back into my room
and ****** on my chair, i swear i'll smack him again
just like i did when the ****** struck at my bed
almost a year ago (as documented in qat qaeda) -
leaving a warm **** on my bedsheets...
  and yes, he needs supervision when urinating
into the toilet... ginger pavarotti... this one's on you.

have you ever grappled with despair
not in imagery, symbolism or portrayal.

I mean, have you ever felt the elevator drop
the watery weakness that extenuates breath
a depth of fatigue that makes lying on the floor a burden
an aching pounding in your chest,
the broken-glass dryness in your throat
the gritty ache in your eyes
that makes you want to close them forever?

Struggle no more, leaden limbs,
free the weary weight.
Eyes that struggle, release the light.
The body begs to no more fight.
In a blur of sluggish thought,
I whisper sleep's sweet name.
The will has dropped.
The yearning stopped.
I’ll rest on that distant shore.
.
.
Songs for this:
Nessun Dorma by Sarah Brightman
Caruso (Live at "Pavarotti International" Charity Gala Concert, Modena 1992) by Luciano Pavarotti, Aldo Sisilli
Pie Jesu by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sarah Brightman & Paul Miles-Kingston
0730.0722

If I had a peso for every time I was asked for one
I’d be a rich man.
If I had a peso for every pleading face I’ve seen
I’d have a generous hand.
I’d put a peso in every can or pan
or outstretched hand
or cup or bowl or hat of wool.
I’d give one to the boy with the accordion player
and to the girl selling butterflies on a stick.
I’d give one to the woman squatting on the sidewalk
and to the youth with his baton-twirling trick.
I’d give one to the doll maker and to the basket weaver
and to the blind singer and to the fire-breather.
I’d give one to the old man drumming out non-rhythms
and to his equal, fiddling non-melodies.
I’d give one to the flautist/drummer combo
and to the Pavarotti wannabes.
I’d give one to the woman with few teeth
and to the man with one shoe
To the families sleeping in doorways
I’d give to all those who can’t do.
To every last one and all, big and small
I’d give a peso, or more
Hell, why keep score?
Yes, if I had a peso for every time I was asked for one
I’d give it up,
not because I should,
but because I could.
Well, ha!, at least, I’d like to think I would.

From when I was a little child
I picked up on thought and sound
It isn't always visible but it is still around.
It's the talent and the beauty
The poetry of life
You find it in a sonnet
Or the colours of Monet
In Pavarotti's voice
The world just melts away.
Shakespeare's words? They drip like honey
And illuminate the stage
It sends shivers up the spine
What Wordsworth scribbled on a page.
Jules Verne could tell the future
Da Vinci saw what was to be
Their vision shaped the world we know
Now that is great to me.
Does it have a name?
What Rembrant found within his art?
That secret, silent something
That burns within the heart.
As a child Wolfgang Mozart
Drew everybody's gaze
He serenaded Europe
Wrote music to amaze.
Was Bogart such a legend?
Now, don't speak before you think
Not everyone can breathe life into
A person made of ink.
The passion is alive
It lives inside the soul.
When pen is put to paper
Or the bow goes to the string
When that magic is embodied
We hear the angels sing.

it would seem,
   a maine **** cat, male, is best appeased
by a shoelace...
     hardly a comparison
aligned to the master mikhail bulgakov...
this cat doesn't drink *****,
or play chess...
nor does it drink wine...
      it prefers sushi shrimps and
       sushi trout eyes...
and... shoelaces... for a game...
as i too might, imagining being infested
by a tapeworm...
shoelaces: but no shoes
   do women really keep cats for
replacement company therapy sessions?
i just keep cats as the last
resort format of a curiosity
learning curvature... they're just weird,
or rather, of all the petted animal,
so subtly idiosyncratic...
  i have too many nicknames for them...
the male? quarus? osama bind laden:
the terrorist... the aria king...
   bodzio when he's wanting
to cling to head-butting you as a greeting...
   pavarotti...
          he meows to the point of howling
come 4am...
   the female? veroniya?
       ss-obersturmbannführer,
witch,
            tyson fury when she's trying
to hide her "oopsie" of a ****'s worth...
jaws... since her tail is always upright...
like a shark's fin when she's strutting...
oh but animals have their character...
   less visible in dogs...
    give it enough time:
you're bound to spot it among / in cats...
even a cow was a character dynamic
proding suss... however subtle...
most people don't encompass a capacity
to encompass this sort of
                    gift.  

.and some would claim that there exists, a contradictory-"******" related to the psyche of suicides... it would appear the mere thought of suicide is a "disgruntled" variation of arousal, nay, the mere thought is more potent than a ****** arousal... it's less the ultimate taboo, but the ultimate fetish... why blame those, who have managed to satisfy this urge? my father never complained about suicides, he had a story, where his friend committed suicide, becausde his father was ******* his girlfriend, and he, simply, reached the threshold of what was acceptable, for his psyche to manifest a will inclined to entertain life, rather than that omniscient lover, death... i've come to realise that death, is... as ****** as whatever harlequin / de sade ******* allows, nay, more... how mere thinking can create an arousal, of goosebump testicles, imitating a ***** dynamic, without really achieving a hard-on, rather, a protruding tongue, silenced, which gives the hands momentum, to doodle, something, akin to this; suicide is forever going to be, the exacted limit of passing a free will judgement, however wrong... if the argument goes: humans are without free will, a suicide will always provide the antithesis; i've had a fwend (" ") once, who wanted to shame michael hutchence for his suicide... one brave ******* in all honesty... to experience that sort of a metaphysical ******, well... don't know what it would feel like... any science is contrary to the details, given that... all your "proof" is ascribed to the dead... but at least a philosophical mind-set provides, some groundwork, for imagining a counter-argument, and... the justification for the most "abhorrent" expression of free will... it feels good, to be left without the shackles of the free will argument, that excludes the act of suicide; that's the 1st step: if someone can't commit themselves to suicide, then... man has no free will... there's nothing quiet like engaging with a conscious choice, freed from conscience, whatever post mortem arguments come after, don't even matter... flimsy ******* sparrows, scheming and fluttering of wings! fly! fly! be free! be free!

                           tim pool:
being gay is not a choice,
being religious is,

except the whole
bureucratic fiasco
of the catholic church

the whole pro-life
and pro-baptism...

   i made it blatantly clear
that i didn't want
to be baptißed,
when i dissented from
having to be
confirmed...

mind you:
one great aspect of a catholic
school?
   uniforms...

yeah... i guess you don't
get to create a group
dynamic borrowed
from clothing,
there's no high-school "culture"
that later translates itself
into a resentment culture
that lends the high-school
years as blueprint,
for "extracurricular" activities
of: the motivational life
(aspect)...

i can't remember being
asked whether
i wanted to be baptißed
or not...
i do remember being
asked to be confirmed...
i declined...

so... i am an apostate,
but for that to have any
clingy-meaning,
you'd need catholic
bureucracy to imply
"something"...
nothing protestant:
*****-nilly on the side...

   an uncircumcised man
succumbs to the allure
of hebrew mysticism
and (g)nosticism...
   namely the qabbalah...

oh sure, sure,
i was going to side with
the younger devil
(islam) on matters
of my, "christianity"...
i was going straight
to the jews to find
reasonable answers...

      oh ****...
    i should have done that
protestant "thing"
of borrowing from
either buddhist or hindu...
****...
must have slipped my
'ed.

i still don't understand how h'american
adult life translates itself from
a resentment of the h'american high-school,
if it does not lend itself to
the critique associated with faith schools,
and uniforms...
                 at least in english,
catholic high-schools...
everyone was made uniform,
akin to joining the army...
an army of jesuits...
         h'american public schools,
and their non-uniform policies...
bad idea...
       we had about 3 non-uniform days
in school, we were allowed to not wear uniforms,
as long as we gave money to a charity cause...

i hate the notion of the genesis
of culture, being excavated from h'american
public schools, where uniforms were deemed:
non-complicit...

i liked the uniform,
it's the closest i ever came to my father's
stint in the ****** army...
           being the most handsome,
recruited for the "royal guard" equivalent...
i.e. the republican guard...
pretending soldier status...
shooting blanks, at state funerals in
a "bargain" of the salvo...

thank god i never attended a public
school, i liked my catholic school uniform...
i never dressed to impress...
i never made a cultural backdrop out
of it... there was never a piggy-bank's
worth of a twilight saga to bank on...
     thank god not all of h'america
left the shores of america...
  thank god some of it: stayed in its place;

what?!
  
      i live in england...
  why wouldn't i whistle the le marseillaise
alongside the british grenadiers' fife and drum,
rather than... oh god... god save the queen / king?
the most ****** national anthem in
world history...

  sorry, i can't...
                it's a ****** anthem...
              at least the russians and the scots have
the grounds for an anthem covered...
****... beside vaughan williams...
    elgar?! that's it?! no wonder.

that was my pet name, a love's long lost word
of infuriating apathy against grey public passerby materials:
simply that: kakasha - or little ****, or mouse ****,
or rodent shrapnel - i guess me being a Pole
and she being a Russian would have never worked out -
i don't actually know what was expected of me, an English girl?
n'ah, wouldn't have worked with the master slave antics -
a Polish girl? **** me, no! well, it just ended up being
a love for the people... which is a lot and nothing at all
come to think of it... whenever i said Cyrillic
was the new Greek i was right... shame though,
i could have had a marriage correct my deviant bachelor years...
i would't have written anything at all...
and it would all seem like the perfection of life: problem here,
problem there... but that's all i remember
from the days when youth allowed  my body to be buff and me
staging  a dumb way out of having a body of a model,
but hardly the vacancy to accept it... god it takes such a
large chunk of manoeuvring a Zeppelin
to land a paper aeroplane equivalent -
               i just didn't have the vacancy
to keep at the gym routine...
         went back to the bloated lamb belly,
and felt all the better for it....
                 starting drinking professionally -
because soberness was  a bit of wasteland -
nice name, that lover's pet name: kakasha:
or little ****, or mice pebbles, don't you think?
sometimes that's what's needed to
strengthen the memory, when memory
overpowers imagination,
it's not a case of lingering on the past,
utilise phonetic encoding well enough
and the symbols reveal a lacking need to
move forward and take into consideration
triangles and squares...
          images...
      you just forget about the future...
you're not stuck in the past,
        it's just about how everything's encoded
and where you place your primers -
        but of course i'm not nostalgic
as in hoping for a revision or a revival:
i just mean: it actually happened,
i can't reverse it from having happened -
what i can do is treat memory as the most
private event of cinematography -
nothing the forward looking imagination
might breed - what imagination lacks is the
fact that symbols can't change... they remain
intact... all imagination can do
is use the same symbols of encoding that
memory otherwise decodes, unravels and
makes desecration of... imagination is politically
correct by comparison... memory really does
become the perfect cinema, provided there's
a life worthy of cinema, however simple...
i know i bankrupted on imaging things as
they'll never be... but memory?
i already knew they happened - hence
the counter-imaginative response:
memory, alter-cinema -
                     which, in another framework of
sentences is a second rebellion,
counter teeny winy annie mo - of how they
framework educational models,
stuffing our imagination with fall-safe mechanisation
of know techniques: akin to arithmetic -
and how we were taught to remember what
would readily become forgotten come the next year...
                   of what i understand:
i think             i imagine                 i remember
                   precipitates into           being
                     - thus the three prime faculties
  and akin to the rules of prime numbers:
               no positive divisor greater than 1 or the
           stated faculty per se-
      later she slanders me with the nouns schizoid
and autistic: because we didn't have the picnic
  and didn't raise a family... a lonely world indeed.
i feel: and indeed the many loves, and failings of
    the heart's housekeeping standards -
             after that it just becomes a guess-work
   pattern of competition and incompetence -
                    or how language can become anti-journalistic,
  as it often does, it never is a scenario of
             Wednesday, 6th of July 2016 a.d.
                                        and credits akin to a movie:
             like you'll never talk to the background of things
and the people who move them while you pay the tax.
right now i have a 9kg Maine **** cat trying to
escape the house during the night, a cat turned
Pavarotti - meow meow, meow ******* meow,
meow meow... Lombroso should be near... this
is really starting to bug me... he might have a case
about a cat that never shut up and the person that
strangled it...
               so, indeed, three basic faculties of the mind...
i kept them as: imagination, thinking, memorisation...
                which means i went against the
Cartesian model of denial thought and doubt -
because i found them too emotionally entwined,
and therefore less puritan in consideration -
            and also less scholastic by the looks of it -
exams...                     for me the three prime
faculties are imagination, thought and memory...
they're antidotes of what later became the existential
revision of the Cartesian inspection: how
                              namely the notion of denial
as the antidote to good faith (doubt) - i just didn't
like the kindergarten of adults playing childish games.

Open your legs and show your class.
Haha.
Sing like Elvis,
Freddie, Pavarotti
Or Shirley Bassey.
Belt out Lennon-McCartney tunes
With Beach Boys Harmonies
And Eric’s Slow Hand Guitar.

Be as Magical as Messi,
Supremely Shakespeare with your plays and poems,
Better still. Hopkins and Keats.
Show the genius of Brian Wilson
And Oscar Wilde.
Not forgetting the Table Tennis Kings
Waldner and Ma Long.  

Oh Yes
Be Champion
Be Real Madrid
Or Barca if you prefer.
1970 Brazil
Federer, Navratilova
Or Lewis Hamilton.

Be simply the best,
Like Ali,
Or better still,
Be better than yourself
Day after day.
Just keep improving,
That’s the way.

Let this poem be tagged
“Motivational”
To get you off your backside.
There’s nothing like Achieving
To fill us full of Pride.

Paul Butters

© PB 11\5\2020. Hopkins, Keats and Ali added 14\5.

He walks with pavarotti in his vains and calls his daughter rock and roll.
His charm is the face of the restaurant.

In the kitchen two man are sweating above pastas and antipasti to feed their children tajine at home.

On the terrace there are girls trying not to drop any glasses because of the guy on table 204.

There's a guy behind the bar that was bad in his country, and now feels what is normal.

They speak of the boss as if he's always watching, though he's rarely ever there.

There are 10 different nationalities in there but when the chorus of a certain song plays they all sing that one word.

*Bellisimo.

Would a voice in heaven
sound beautiful
and inviting
or serious,
constant
and still
maybe sounds of a harp
possibly playing atop
pristine
waters
or Pavarotti singing
up in the mountains
or would it be a moan,
with intention
and focus
maybe just a recording
over loud and annoying  
speakers
with instructions
and a schedule
maybe if I am lucky
I would hear
My father’s voice
telling me how great it is
but sounding nostalgic
and homesick  
a plea for his soft leather chair
wearing his hounds tooth hat
smoking his hand crafted pipe
if death could speak
what issues would it bring up
rehashing troubled times
would this voice
guarantee pearly gates
willing
It beckons me,
conflicted with temptation
when your soul knows
that this is
a voice not
from any place
but from
the best place
where Jesus takes us
to reach
for something
knowing doubts exist
that you would rise
to be with us again

July, 2013  (RIP Dad) In memory of C. Dan Piccolomini

i've broken my fast with a, very nice egg fried rice, with chicken,
and mixing sweet sweet chili sauce with soya sauce...
   and i'm watching these youtube channels...
                  thinking: where do they get their energy from?
to talk so much?
                              and where's the water? the water
they're supposed to drink to clear their throats?
                                          it seems many of these peope either
edit quiet a lot, or they haven't taken to talking professionally...
      you talk long enough, you'll become something akin
to a tobacco smoker... sure, you won't be coughing-up
phlegm in the morning, with a tobacco hangover...
    but sure as hell you'll be, quasi-pavarotti, talking, and then
ahem, ahem... hmm mmm... glug of water...
                                right in the sight of naples, going: wow!
naples is in tuscany, right?
                             don't know... i make **** up as i go along,
alongside the stuff i cook... drunk -
saying: if i didn't smoke... this would probably taste batter... better,
n'ah... it wouldn't... you need to numb the palette with
something...     you know the scots deep-fry mars bars?
and pizza slices?
                                    and i thought eating raw herrings
in cream sauce was an extreme...
                          eh?!
                                  but about these youtube channels...
where does all the energy come from? how do they even figure out
that it's a bother?
                   the devil was work for idle hands...          w'ah l'ah!
   not exactly a tux, white cotton gloves, and a top-hat
with a rabbit in it... but at least the most possible alternative
to mind...
                              people have so much energy to talk, and talk,
and talk, and protest, and talk, and protest,
                    and combine the two into a chinese circus acrobatics
forming a human house of cards...
                    the mayor of beijing said to the magician
who was supposed to scare the tigers away:
     did you actually growl?  or did you simply say growl?  
what the chung chow fu have i a care for a parrot
                        that i can talk to? scare them! scare them marco polo!
imagine they're mon-gools! orc ghouls!  
                        this is the point about drinking alone...
when you drink... people can basically ruin your little bit
of happiness when buzzing...
        i hate drinking with people... they **** me off within a second's
worth of: snapping your fingers...
                       drinking really becomes a solitary acrobatic...
and all the better for it.
                    it's the talking... i like "thinking" drunk...
   but talking while drunk? that's a ******* gnat birgade all over me...
    i'm like a cow imitating a dog's happy tail waggling,
but actually trying to shake them off...
                        bothersome, bothersome... little... bits and pieces...
    i just dropped a ming dynasty vase... oops...
       likewise: so much for the care for modern conversations
in (a) pub(lic).
                            ping-pong with shadows on the imaginary
scale sounds more entertaining... as much as banging your
head against a brick wall.
                     it's just that i never really heard anything
interesting said by sober people...
    and so much so that... i've never heard anything a drink's
worth of shared time, said by drunk penguins... people, people!
seriously though... how do these people on youtube
who video themselves, have so much energy, and care
to reply to comments, and live-feeds?
                             i'm thinking: rye bread, philadelphia cheese,
and sliced strawberries.

How come you
dance so_ good
Don't do a Tina Turner
Table dance on me
Whats love got to do
with fads
Never know what you
had_
Fads Like P-op-Sugar
Lads Like Laptop- sister
Austrian lads
Alice-y Mads

A spoon full
of sugar
helps her
meds go
down
Jewels 4 Julie in the
most delightful
way
Dogs named
Andrews those
honey cashews

She pops
crackle Rice
crispies
For her Nephews
Over-sugared curfew
Julia Roberts her
business flew
Perk up (Pretty Women)
Not!! first class?
Money VIP Pass
Cafe hot and
boiling
His temper bad
habits spoiling

You cannot buy
a girl
off with
((Pricetags))
The ending
with no
friends so sad
Beginning

Sugar is your
poison that depends

No, I love you
Valentine cards
No hello and regards
Go Cincinnati
Rock and Roll
Hall of Fane*
Fads **** and Jane
spots her men
Her engraved
hands classical
Vivaldi opera
Pops with Pavarotti
To the love wall
Sweet Sardi
Please  no
Godfather Gotti

The Godmother
tutti fruity

Or Sardinia
Miami Beach
Pop  bikini's
Come together
words Beatles
I want to hold your
_?

Talking heads
Caramelly popcorn
Christmas ghost past
Talking to herself
Will this love
ever last
Like a hard toffee
She could soften
any hallway

Harvard Men
Freshman
Chewing fad
of spearmint
Gum
No etiquette
Men of bourbon
Spicy sweets
Ladies festive
turbans
Hotel tons of sweets
At the Marriott
Sweet Brandy doll
Marionette

Raw or
Angel equal
brown sugar

The finest of crepe
Suzette like a sequel

Does life really have the purpose
Feeling like a slow turtle
The Floridian Fort Myers
The sandy silk the remedy
Seashell Rose thorned
  The happening day I was born
Robin- Joy tiny 5 pounds of gold
Joy to the world 4 ounces
Moms-whole
Birth I was her world
to guide me the incubator
I was named after
"Grandma Rose'
The dictator attention newborn babies
Crying please Arnold the
terminator doesn't terminate
her completely just stop
her from crying

Spiritual bud those rare finds
Someone took my funds
How was it laid out like
a birth flowing
Without anyone seeing
the beauty of it showing

The purpose in life being
moved inside another mind
A samba walk like a girl from
Impanena
Not always about someone's
  the treasure she passed
not to see
What is truly required
being sad to let it be
Or saying it's my pleasure

On your way to hope-land
or finding more time homeland
What a fine host heartland
Friendly sword-like
  medieval-land
The love fever when
the hayfever got to
Raggedy Ann dandelions
and ragweed
Her hot fever planting her seed
It works two ways to be the believer
My temperature rising

Your head is buzzing next song
The Spin city laughing gitty
But God! why are we  really here
Like Tinman Olive oil good
for the heart
That Scarecrow if I only had
a brain I'm over
there and here
How I am scattered straw
everywhere
Row your boat somewhere

Go gently computer streaming
Website world
That less induced stress
She lifts her smile that
black number dress was
A huge success

Her reduced waistline to cope
What is really the purpose of
Valentines Day Ray of hope
Every holiday gets you crazy
no matter if it is some purpose
Or that crucial number
coming to America has a purpose
Being Italian cannoli music
playing Pavarotti

All hell breaks loose he is high up
in the cabin whole lotta shaking
going on
  Rocky Bullwinkle Moose
Westchester eggs caboose
Wilted-wedding is not organized
Deeply touched to be personalized
Also the numbered seating, he left
his heart in your Ivory Starlite plate
What is really the purpose when
people invite you and show up late
You are writing again Amen
Velicity of higher force gravity
true vibe
The family of  my tribe
Another letdown, please
found me
Next season  firmly grounded
Someone will see you in the
magazine did they subscribe?

The foundation of Faith
Please describe
Nothing makes sense
You got a raise
He gave you kick in the pants
This life is a game of stunts

Roy Orbison was no Luciano Pavarotti, but then Luciano Pavarotti was no Roy Orbison. Born in Nowhere, Texas, Orbison had an inauspicious musical beginning. He was shy growing up, but got a guitar at an early age. He drifted around tiny towns as he tentatively began his career and over the following years signed with several different recording companies. He remained extremely self-conscious as he slowly gained some success and wore dark-tinted glasses to allay some degree of his unease on stage. But in the late 1950s and early 60s, Orbison made it big, so big, in fact, that his songs went to the top of the charts in the U.S. as well as Europe and Australia. But by the mid-60s with the musical invasion from the United Kingdom--ironic though it was, he became close friends with the Beatles who admired his talent and songs--and the dramatic culture-change in America, Orbison's career and his popularity waned terribly. It was not until the 80s that Orbison experienced a grand resurgence of popularity, which pleased him so. But he did not have long to enjoy it. He died of a heart attack in 1988 at the age of 52. He was buried in an unmarked grave.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

watching a TV broadcast
with Luciano Pavarotti
singing an aria
about a unique woman

     dedicating it to Lady Diana
     who is sitting in the first row

     a lovely and appropriate compliment

she died in the Paris car crash
not long thereafter

Us-Plus-Kiss-Miss-Toss-Loss-
Boss-Mess-Dress-Bless-Us-
2- Out-Guess- us but never 2 Confess
To take this all in letting words
breathe out
The paintbrush built-in fantasy
hot how it hit

  The stroke of fingers linger the mind
Letting the hard life  leave us behind
Rose blood-Family stem-gem

The rule of thumb
Traveling Jamaica ***
Shes the Cherry plum
But laughing banging his drum
"Of Sin'
On the run Us or them 2-Digest

Is all this really us? Out of context
The (Quest Vernal Falls) that's next
Disguises ((French Masquerade Ball))
Kiss me Kate show Kate plus eight

"Carnal Knowledge' beauty of things
Us or they call out to them just call
(Us) the time is precious but they need

A Yosemite mountain of solitude
All for them but don't leave us
We are the (Us) and Bed and Breakfast
(Us) no fuss and them do they stay?
Us together feminine 2- B pink flamingo
clouding ****** of heavily creamed lust
of birds, their words to always tweet and trust
And him (Artsy Truer blue) out time goes bye bye
Her seeded bread Levy rye
2 of us divineness of me guitar strumming
his words everlasting recite a play
Entering sunnyside their hips both
sideways
(Always Us) the front "Riviera Cannes"
ride
The narrowing **** skirt
seducing some point of view
Hilltop nonstopping our heart views

The emblem signs and codes
of Da Vinci solving whats lost

The  music fits like keynote
The Classical  piece Pavarotti
leadership connection of
romantic hands
How and why is it us
and not them that needs the
workmanship
2 lips kiss that's (Us) we are the
Women*ly-Divine-ship  Niagara
waterfalls but (Us) we remain vividly tall
The Meeting congrats wishing well
Manship

Love for us fire between hearts listen
The hearty bread lips really ripen
(Love Inferno) the
Islands of Sorrentino
and for them, salsa rhythms
All hums into procreation of symbols
Better spirit of love they met there rivals
As we reach the higher forces
I am here one time
But never again that's not my realism
I will always be here to see everyone again
The first creation the Holy Time meets
over again for family and (Us)

The mighty (Us) Kingdom green
grass remarkable time infinite-yum lips
to trust like the (Shabbat Shalom)
So rural riveting a focal point for them
her finger does the talking  

Remembering a time so refreshing
Stunning dressed  for him ravishing
It can disappear  just like them
Us-Striking, Perhaps them- irresistible,
And when will our time be desirable
The Statuesque Robin Risque
What makes words feel good
Like love really should
Sweetness finger cakes
The morning hike climb oral

Great lakes (Us) to be___-    them
Over and over out of line mistakes
The babies digging smiles kids sandcastles
Sensuous muscles on the limb
Tudimine meadows succumb
Cheek to cheek (Us) no time for them
Jupiter jeweled for "Us" and for them,
nerve-shaken the best  cool I tune stir
Those full  happy hours of drinks

Us ((Awaken)) coffee warms both of our hearts
Watersports the Cherub of Valentine of darts

for (Us) or them?
Why do they say blue is depressing
The ocean of sweeter nymphs
Solving Us with words "I love you"
in high legs of depth
Provative Imaginative
Her body of water
Never leaving (Us) behind
The self-esteem boost

To compliment being **** is a
the great thing for (Us)
For them what sets a great impact
Enticing someone else?
Wait what about (Us)
Being drawn to them is it always them?
The ancient times Athena Grecian far away
love the closeness tables set and lightness
Mom and Me perfect Us never the long distance
And Dad makes a smile poem plus at a glance
Like Mom sewing your dress hem spinning me
Like traveling to France I did
Is it (Them) or (Us) you decide

it's called Pakistani
***-fluff, you, *******, ******;
d'uh! or double d'uh: aha quizzical;
sure, private message me,
or even comment,
i know what Silverchair is about,
i know what 1995 is without Nirvana...
i'm just saying: please comment: i'm lonely:
i have an itchy nose... ha ha.
some claim it's beard envy...
my cat is really a truant Pavarotti...
200 variations of the meow -
i can't be bothered, i have to
equip myself with goodnight;
three books and three films...
           one book and three films:
du en du!
                    if ever two scots arguing
over a copper coin made copper wiring,
then at least we were assured Plasticine
and Palestine;
yeah, opposite direction: vice versus,
or: once upon a time a wandering Jew
in Europe, bag-full of literature,
then god knows what he-he-cause...
and i swear that's a cheap format of
expressing laughter.

Maybe that was the first mistake I made
there at the very beginning.

I wanted all of it, everything I could glean
from whatever life had to offer.

Not only did I want the beauty of Hesse,
Dante, and all the glories of Old Florence,
I wanted someone like me to share it with.

I wanted to wake up in a room in Tangier
to the Muezzin calling the faithful to prayer
and have some unbelievable soul in bed with me
wipe the sleep from her eyes and kiss me.

They say that I'm a drunk and a dreamer
and they may in fact be right about that,
but they'll never know the absolute glory
that comes from pouring your bleeding guts
out onto paper at two in the morning with
Pavarotti blaring as loud as you can make him.

I'm almost thirty and I've almost given up,
almost accepted that the finer things in life
will only ever be a dream, a fleeting glimpse
into an improbable future that may cost too much.

And then I meet people like her, Artists and Lovers
that cut me in ways I didn't think I could be anymore.
I'll be doing alot of drugs with them, maybe have some
truly Protestant shaming *** with them, trying to
reach out across that ****** abyss and touch their soul.

But I'll never wake up in Tangier with them.
I'll fall asleep listening to Netflix and wondering
who gave her the scars I can feel pumping through her heart.
It'll probably fade away relatively quickly too,
that one real moment when the walls fell.

No matter, I always knew deep in my heart of hearts
that people like me don't get happy endings or to
live our dreams out unless we die for them.
We go our own way, suffering to be who we are,
creating beauty in ****** rooms with screaming
children that reek of cat **** and regrets.

But if it ever gets too much to bear, there's
always truly running, truly giving up on
having it all, walking the **** away
and being insane and drunk in Tangier alone.

that's the beauty of music: music will never lie to you... music can't lie to you... when Thundercat was supporting Red Hot Chilly Peppers i tried to think: please make this sound as vanguard as Miles Davis' ******* Brew... please please... nope... can't stomach this stuff... music can't lie to you... just like today... i was surrounded by people who genuinely enjoyed Ed Sheeran... me? i tried not to yawn... but i was... yawning with my mouth closed... i could only pick out two songs i really liked... SHIVERS and... before today: i wouldn't have guessed it... but Ed started explaining that his first success was more as a song-writer than a musician / entertainer... i would have never guessed that he wrote the song LOVE YOURSELF for Justin Bieber... maybe that's what was so weird... because i love the song... maybe that's why i didn't mind Justin Bieber singing it... because it was actually written by Ed... but that's it... two songs... music will never lie to you... music is the highest authenticity know to man... thank god i'm not a musician... but i was just standing there... indifferent... a fellow steward looked at me and tried to make me smile by putting his fingers into his cheeks and create a pristine imitation Joker... no... i'm not going to smile... so i stood there... buried my face in my folded hand as if to recreate an imitation of awe: pretending to smile with my eyes... music can't lie to you... it's a one man show... i'm more of a band guy... i like a lot more commotion on stage... the backwards and forwards between, say... Flea... Mr. Frusciante and Chuck... i love the idea of sharing a "burden"... music will never lie to you... that's why i'm not sitting down and trying to enjoy at least two hours of music i really like... KORTEZ... because i hate the idea of being indifferent to music...

sitting here at 2am, drinking the finest bourbon and
looking for the moon...
left the house at 9am and only got back home
after 1am:

i was so lucky getting back... caught the Metropolitan
line to Liverpool St and was sitting on
a train on platform 7 trying to understand my luck:

the 12:15am train to Southend Victoria...
    wow! it's stopping at Romford... usually these trains
only stop at Shenfield...
i usually have to slug it on a train that stops
on all the stops in between Liverpool St. and Romford:
Maryland, Forrest Gate, Manor Park,
Ilford, Seven Kings, Goodmayes... Chadwell Heath...
15 minutes later and i was eating a chicken wrap
and drinking a can of 7up... having to only wait
5 minutes for the 175 bus home...

now i need to relax after all the thrills of working
the Ed Sheeran gig...
      i need something completely different musically...
i don't regret choosing to do the London Stadium
shifts... with the Red Hot Chilly Peppers...
   hmm... Ed Sheeran live...
                  one man on a rotating stage in the middle
of the Wembley pitch...
    one man on stage...
                  you could say Pavarotti was also but a single
man on stage...

i don't know... oh sure: he was amazing...
   a sort of jack-in-a-box... but...
                        i don't think a single man can generate
the same sort of energy as a band...
it's a sort of yes and no answer... it's just so different
and it's so not so different...
                          
any diaspora of people around the world:
whether these be Somalis in England...
      Italians in England and America...
           the Hebrews pretty much everywhere...
i don't know how i managed to keep with
the cultural output from Poland...
           but there's a very decent alternative to someone
like Ed Sheeren: after all... he can be exported
to places like Poland... France...
     English universalism...
                       which is very real...
  
but? someone like KORTEZ? he couldn't be exported
out of Poland and become popular in England:
as much as there is an English universalism:
all other cultures are particular: there's a particularism
about them...
    i'm guessing of the language:
                        the Lingua Franca of the medieval
times Lingua Inglese of the modern times...

but songs by KORTEZ like: Z IMBIREM (with ginger)
   LUDZIE Z LODU (people from ice)...
BUMERANG (boomerang)...
HEJ WY (hey you)...
                              KOMINY (chimneys)...
                  
and all these songs live...

to be honest: the lyricism of the former is something for
teenager girls... maybe that's why i was sort of put off...
i need smart lyrics as i need good music:
but lyricism in English will hardly convey complexity
that a man could appreciate:
beside Peter Sinfield...

well... i might be living in Poland but i'm still
trying to keep up with the culture...
       because the politics doesn't interest me as much:
i know pretty much that there's an aspect of
a Japanese isolationism...
                     although: like the Mandarin Wall
of ideograms... the accurate phonetic-cutting
                          of words in ****** or the English
joke: too many consonants...

ha... szczerość... honestly...
                 Щero-
                       fair enough... i could almost create
a letter out of -ść since enough words end with these
two letters... like plenty begin with SZCZ (SHCH): Щ...
              
well... i'm not going to invest the equivalent Cyrillic:
impasse...

what made the shift a bit easier was having spent
most of it: up to 9pm talking and joking with a Somali...
women, life, drugs, work...
      work, drug, life, women...
ideas such as: i couldn't a Somali woman living
in England... that's why i married a traditional woman
in Somalia... she's living there with my two daughters...
Somali men who marry Somali women living
in the West: 5 years! 7! they're divorced...
because the women want to go out and party...
he's thinking about bringing her over...
       i think he's waiting for the 7 year itch to be
perfectly established...
******* Somali pirate... but i have to admit...
Somalis have the most infectious smiles...
the whole lot of them...
     a Muslim who used to drink and do drugs in
his youth and went off them after finding
his religion...
                again: even i'm tempted by the Shahadah...
but i'm a Qabbalistic mongrel of sorts...
when he was talking about Somalia being split
into three... hmm... that's interesting...
the English part, the French part and the Italian part...
post-colonial politics...
    but even he was saying things like:
but i hate the Somalis that collaborated...
    the Europeans came offered money and there
were some willing Somalis to sell their neighbours...

minerals... i allowed this conversation up to a point
before i revealed to him:
listen... i'm of a people that don't have a colonial past...
we didn't exist for well over 200 years...
we were carved up by the Russians, the Prussians
and the Austro-Hungarians...
        
i thought you were English?!
            yeah... i thought so too...
i'm neu-Englisch...
                        and when the Somali girls working in
the kiosk noticed me getting along with the Somali...
i managed to brag my way into getting a free
hot-dog...
   while the Somali... caged in the turnstiles
asked me to keep a look out for any supervisors while
he smoked a cigarette...  
    **** me... it's truly advantageous not being English
in London: but at the same time
having people think you are...

in the end we only had a few issues...
unlike a football event: when even vaping is forbidden
we were being kept being asked whether
people could leave the venue to smoke and be
readmitted... we kept tell them:
wink wink... nudge nudge...
   when enough people come... and the stewards
can't see you... ahem... ahem...
most people got the idea...

but some of the women didn't...
   no one checks the toilets... wink wink.... nudge nudge...
until i started talking to this:
she made it adamant that she was a law postgraduate...
good that i didn't tell her that i was a chemistry
postgraduate...
                 impress me: yawn...
we were disputing whether to be a law-breaker...
listen: i'm not telling you can smoke...
i'm just telling you that no one checks the toilets...

but this one scared me and Ishmael... the Somali...
she asked to be let out...
she was told no... but then i initiated the finger
on the lips as if to imply: shh... i'm going you in on a little
secret... she was genuinely offended
that i used this cue... DON'T HUSH ME!
i'm not hushing you...
        all ******* glassy-wild eyed...
defensive & neurotic...
              white... blonde... kept in a cage for the past
three years... i was surprised she wasn't
wearing a face mask...
                  
i don't want to break the law!
you want me to break the law?!
who do you work for?! the event or the stadium?!
oh ****... ladies and gentlemen! we have a sinker!

you're asking me to let you out to smoke:
i'm telling you i can but i can't let you back in...
but... i'm also telling you
that this is not a football event...
the rules are relaxed...
                     she gave me a proper fright...
i thought she was going to grass me and Ishmael up...
luckily she ****** off...

these two other bubbly girls approached us...
this was the first time i was told i looked ****
outside of a brothel...
we let them out... one "medical" grounds...
but we served them up a plan A (medical grounds
reasons, to have a smoke)
or plan B... crowd-build up... no one checks the toilets...

then this one guy with crowd anxiety...
agoraphobia+,
                       charged me with tears in his eyes...
Wembley policy is that not all disabilities are visible...
i had to let him out... he did return...
i have to explain to my supervisor that
the guy had psychological demons haunting him...
you can't just tell me that i can't let him back
in when he's obviously distressed...
thankfully that went down as a treat...

i'm starting to realise that people are dim when it
come to someone insinuating that: rules
can be broken... i know that a high-viz. jacket is no
symbol of the sort of authority associated with
a police uniform... but we were telling people:
it's the concert season... you're not football hooligans...
it's a music concert...
it's not a football match... there are no two opposing sides...
with that comes some leniency...
you want to enjoy it? or you want to make our
lives more difficult?!

wink wink: nudge nudge...
  
oh man... listening to KORTEZ right now...
what a welcome relief from the ordeal of being indifferent
to Ed Sheeran...
i have this co-worker who's dreading working
the London Stadium when Chelsea will play West Ham...
i was the same today...
being indifferent to Ed Sheeran being surrounded
by Ed Sheeran fans is sort of a ******...
i can't fake smiles... i rather hide my mouth in my hand
and look pensively lost in "admiration"
and pretend to smile with my eyes
than fake a smile...

      music will never lie to you...
                      i didn't hate it... but i didn't love it either...
there's nothing worse than apathy:
i've been told...
but then there's a play on words:
apathy breeds no pathologies...
   since? it's a pathology in itself... funny how that works...
it's almost 4am and i think...
thank god i'm not working tomorrow...
i'll get at painting the garden fence...
i'll vacuum the house... i'll go on a bicycle ride...
i'll stack up on *****...
    i'll make my father lunch... then i'll think about
making dinner...
    
hell... what a summer: what a summer without
a girlfriend...
Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Green Day...
Red Hot Chilli Peppers... Ed Sheeran...
    Walter Sickert...
oh right... ha ha... an hour into the event and this
guy walks up to me...
LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
what's the problem?!
       i'm leaving! i'm leaving!
   why?!
              my wife is being a complete *****!
she's being an idiot!
i'm leaving... i'm going home...
   you do know that when you leave...
i can't... yes yes... I'M LEAVING!
   wow!              

thank god i didn't invest myself in the culture
of free ***... of hook-up culture...
thank god i went down the route: money on the table...
i can't imagine anything good being for free...
nothing good ever is...
   i would never invest myself in the hook up culture...
if it was ever going to be casual ***...
i'd need the sultry / shady avenues of nights
in a brothel...
         no...

oh... ****! i almost forgot!
while we were waiting for our shift to begin...
i spotted these four guys in the distance
playing cards...
i walked up and asked: so... what are you guys playing?!
blackjack... ooh...
can i join in?
sure thing bro...
        oh man... i almost cried... memories flooded in...
i remember sixth form... lunch breaks...
that's all we ever did... played blackjack...
reminiscent of Ernest Hemmingway's novella
Men without Women... men playing cards...
i forgot some of the basic rules
but i watched one round before joining in
and it was: yachts... wind and yachts...
and smooth sailing...
    i missed playing cards with guys so much...
the banter and the teasing...
the manly stuff of men... men without women...
******* utopia...
an eternity spent playing cards with guys...
women complicate matter...
they have this knack of isolating men
and turning men against men
because: in the end... it's women against women...
take women out of the equation
and when men come together...
they're playing cards and drinking beer together...

it's such a fun game...
much better than poker...
what are the rules? ha ha...
2s: pick up 2...
blackjacks: pick up 5...
red jacks neutralize...
kings reverse order of play
8 skip a go...
queens are slags...
aces change from either ***** to diamond...
and you can't finish on a power card...

i love this game! i was a teenager for a while
again!
oh man... i've written so many pointless details from today...
MUSIC DOESN'T LIE TO YOU... blah blah etc...
the highpoint was this ******* card-game!
maybe that's why i never became a gamer...
why i stopped on PS1... final fantasy VII,
metal gear solid...
         some beers, cards: ***** 'n' giggles...
parallel words...
    a man has... when it comes to his fellow men
and individually: with women...
playing cards or... going shoe-shopping with her?
playing cards... every single time...
even if it means not fathering a child
and not ******* on a regular basis;
   i like to keep my mind in order...

even the Somali said: you look young for a 36 year old...
even with the beard...
and we joked: you know why?
i don't have a woman... and that massive crescent
moon of a Somali smile conjured itself on his face...
yeah... we're relatable... laughter and the day
passed with a peace that might have made
angels jealous, if not the gods themselves;

**** me... even i sometimes find myself profound...
in a recent comment i wrote
about someone's concern for mortality
and enligthment:

deus in machina in perfect ratio to **** ex machina,
my frailty... against the infallibility
of trains or architecture...
the god inside the machinery...
compensated with the man outside of machinery...
and this backwards and forwards:
deus ex machina and **** in machina...
deus ex machina being the genius-ingenuity
of man... while **** ex machina being his...
stupendous dumbness when obliterated
by the artifacts of his fellow creature...
that's **** ex machina:
          the labourer is not the architect...
the nurse is not the heart surgeon...
              
               there's such a perfect harmony
to sharing toils... responsibilities...
just as long as the libido is managed and we
don't over-**** to create pointless middle-management
roles for people with little-****** complexes of
authority investment... we should be good...
but that's truly dependent on orientating ourselves
around what best way to fulfill our libido:
not careless *******...
    more people requires more jobs...
and that also demands scrutiny on a lack
of metallurgy in Europe...
                     etc.

             me and my new found Somali friend agreed:
neither of us could understand Western atheism...
i'm a Qabbalistic mongrel looking for a second schism
in Islam spearheaded by the Turks...
i'm not getting on my knees...
in a church... to give a ******* to a demigod...
after all... even Achilles could be equated on equal
footing... but he fought his way toward the zenith...
this pacifying of man with the suffering of but one
with shady dealings: arguments of "innocence"...
of course i'm inclined to the simplicity of Islam...
but also inclined to the complexity of Judaism...

but if i argue my case for blood in beef...
but if i argue my case for pork...
but if i argue my case for alcohol among these
two tribes...
blood in beef is healthy: iron...
pork? why be critical of god's creation?
you tend to sheep in deserts...
but when you're going to tame the boars...
you can eat everything from a pig...
alcohol? keeps you warm in cold climates...
but if i can have Somalis who drank and did drugs
on board... who found religion
after getting married and having children...

Christianity is a polytheism by this point:
due to its poly-schism...
i can't be a Christian... i toy with the idea
that i'm the reincarnation of Konrad von Wallenrode...
i can't defend what's already rotten...
mind you: i find the idea of reincarnation
repulsive... i.e. there's only a fixed number of souls /
individuals... that pass through zombie bodies...
that's... harsh... elitist...

thank god i can't go back to the gynocentric Christianity...
just read some Jung on the whole myth of
Jesus returning and ******* his mother
in the bridal chamber of the "uncircumcised"...
complications that don't require complications...
no... i wouldn't circumcise anyone...

best me: that last "leftover".

once upon a time, my english teacher (a pict), blamed english soap opera (namely eastenders), for his students treating books like bricks, or at least door stoppers.

yep, and the most entertaining drama
i've seen unfold, was between my
neighbour's dog, and my pavarotti's
worth of a cat: every time it rains
and his meowing, i'm an inch's worth
close to phoning *amnesty international
on grounds of: human abuse...
hate this ginger ****, this castrated frankenstein
monstrosity meowing all the time...
it almost feels like i guillotined his
******* + testicles off, even though
i'm the ******* of pedigree annoyance
tactics...
   but, really? it must be the jazz pedigree
in me, transitioning from classical music
that really, gets me,
i hate bands that disrespect bass guitarists...
i'm either sly, or pedantic, or simply
nerdy...
       i don't like bands that forget bass guitars,
i like to think of them as a buffer criterium
segregating rhythm guitar and the drums,
bass guitars allow a harmony,
listen to enough jazz, and you'll know -
i like, and i also don't like bands like
metallica... i must be deaf...
   i must have had a mumbai elephant stamp
on my trombone's worth of owing an ear,
but i can't hear drums...
        so i must be deaf...
   i know the bass is there,
but it's subtle... too subtle for my liking,
it might be a guilt-ridden thing,
having lost cliff burton...
    but i have to be a bit deaf guarding a reminder...
i have no respect for bands that
hide the bass, and bask in rhythm guitars
and drums...
              sorry, but bass guitar is a crucial
mediatory medium of what comes after:
either solo guitar or the already apparent
"stage fright" of vocal exfoliation...
and that's truly the case, the most "soap opera"
i've seen these days, was staged
by my ginger-ninja and my neighbour's *****...
when people become too docile to become
interesting or entertaining,
you revise yourself using animals
as a blank slate...
         and i must be deaf,
   i can't hear any bass guitar on the majority
of metallica's songs...
       devil's dance is besides the point,
being stated;
    just call me deaf and we'll be ripping
                   a dollar bill to the hush of: evens.

There is no singing bird
No note from Pavarotti
That could affect my heart
The way your voice runs through me
No brilliance in heaven's skies
Could make me forget
The tenderness of your kiss
For you my love
Your are my breath
And the ground on which I stand
My sunrise
My sunset
My birth and
My death...

Soy canela y soy sazón
mas no soy Dalila amor,
no me tengas miedo Sanson,
usa tu pluma como bruta fuerza
que ahí esta tu destreza,
destroza mis miedos en prosa,
hazme roció en tu boca.

No me invites y cierres la puerta,
que tempranito hay que mojar la tierra,
con la luna amaneciendo arraigamos los deseos,
fertilicemos las pasiones
devorando los granos de la cosecha,
en una pasión desmedida,
con furia se deslizan entre tintas de mil colores que relatan nuestros versos en uno que otro beso,
versando sobre el amor, al sol veremos saliendo,
amamantándonos los miedos
en la cuna de lo prohibido,
que suele ser el mismo elixir de la vida.

No tengas miedo niño travieso,
que en mis brazos hay fuego,
en mis caderas hay un túnel
con agua fresca que absuelve
cada pecado que cometas.

No tengas miedo niño travieso,
escucharemos a Piero,
un poco de Pavarotti
y con las Granadas de Placido Domingo culminaremos la noche,
con toda la espuma que provocó en tu cuerpo.

LeydisProse
1/16/2018
https://m.facebook.com/LeydisProse/

A roti, is a flat round bread,
so, we are almost there, time
for a baker to pay tribute to
Luciana Pavarotti di Modena,
besides, it was the profession
of his father, who it was, that
yeasted this magnificent tenor.

saving beautiful ryan living in orwell state CCTV 02.09.18

disgusting absolutely
belongs in the gutter
needs to be in confinement solitary
in mouth melted butter.
not your first porky
probably won't be your last
below the belt is very naughty
what production company will want to cast.
poor ryan is in trauma
this whole experience is grotty
certainly no nessun dorma
no ear beauty like pavarotti.
change to ryans persona
this experience needs to compensate
CBB fans be the owner
ryan winning must infiltrate.
said my peace
will poetry readers congratulate
could this end the orwell lease
ryans blessed to be living in a surveillance state.

a cascade of Pavarotti high cs
the turbulence of ocean tsunamis

a casual duck quack, quack
the clacking of a nine-ball rack

a boot dropped with a thud
the splat when falling in the mud

the morning doves coo coo coo
a diamond rings ooh ooh ooh

a sudden unexpected insult
the response and inevitable tumult

the joy in a finely aged wine
a smile from whom you choose to dine

food just dropped on your pants
the casting of an unapproving glance

a lofting climb of a high flying kite
the tug you make with all your might

the hostas now dead under the snow
will surely soon blossom, that you know

your children's tinkling joy and laughter
will be your symphony in the hereafter

it's not that i'm gagging for them, but then again i'm suspicious as to why i don't receive them... where are all the malicious comments, the insidious emails, where are they? i'd love to receive a pigs head thrown at my front door, i'd love becoming an adrenaline junk comment feed filled by load of ******* dressed comments... i mean, my email account is quieter than a graveyard, i keep probing the hornets' nest, and all of them seem stoner lazy... i keep probing and probing and probing... and all i get is an ox's **** back.

maybe i'm just a loveable alcoholic,
that has enough time on his hands
to describe what time is,
given that space has been occupied
by a parabola of einstein,
the the several other impossibilities
of the generalised inquest
as to what is, possible, and as to what is,
impossible.
      i'd be the richest men alive had
i seen the rings of saturn, eye to eye,
but i won't: hence the maggoty stench
of reality overshadowing me...
or that cat's meow loosened inside
my head -
        off the rails -
i tell ye,
    don't buy a *maine **** cat,
they're just like bloodhounds -
easily depressed, and often too clingy -
you'll end up like me,
   with a feline pavarotti in your head,
i've never hear so many distinctions
of meow in a thousand lifetimes -
quarus, the bane of my life,
if you can call it life with him included;
easier listening to a hundred dogs bark than
his meow distinctions,
     a million mice and one piece of
buttered cheese: can we please, please,
please make this guillotine work?!
    i don't want mice without broken
necks... this cat's ******* annoying!
it's like a baby, cries for nine months
suddenly stops, and starts to suckle at the teet...
it's a bloodhound incarnate as feline...
i don't have the heart to tell the ******
to stop his moaning meows...
but the ginger isn't exactly
a charlie's angel worth of revelation!
ugh... grrr...
       next thing you know i'm pampering
kenyan toddlers on the sly...
had this one night stand though,
with this african bubbly...
what did i end up with,
a child male ******* his thumb,
coming to sleep on my hairy chest...
stroking his afro while trying to
imagine tight-knit spaghetti....
and it really felt like: are you hers,
or are you mine?
                   did i mentioned she preferred
to fake a ****** with her thighs?
oh, sure are ****,
the senegal boys were buddying up busy
with the games console,
i was a surrogate white boy with
a ****** reclining on my chest
falling asleep...
                kissing him goodnight,
and, words aside - i like the racial slur
glue, apologies, i'm not a ****** in
this respect, i just love to avoid
choco, and i much respect
the dr. dre - ******, please,
its either dr. dre or it's
you try **** a kenyan lass,
and she throws a baby boy at you?!
******, just say it:
i'm an usher fan...
you ever had a one-night-stand
when you get to lullaby a black baby
on your hairy white chest?
thought so.
**** as a six pack of **** nuggets...

and i really was up for a steak &
kidney pie...
  i didn't sign up for this sort of love,
but given there was the question
of love on the roulette -
"homie" had a white father for a night...
i guess that was me
measuring ****...
    and the access of promiscuity -
like **** did that work...
sooner me it, and the elephant
in the room,
    than the bling readied easy ride of ****.

i still can't forget that little ******,
his oily twirly curls of sub-sahara -
the buttery feel of his skin against mine -
how easily he fell asleep in my hands -
how he didn't discriminate me not being
his daddy...
   his mama who faked her thighs don't
being ****, who i said to: no...
you just pulled your children from the bed
onto the floor...
and there the poor ****** stood,
at 2.am., ******* at his ******-dummy -
naked, me naked, her queenship naked
next to me, her naked daughter on
the floor by the bed like a respecting dog...
hey! reality!
  so i took the scruff into my arms...
laid him on my chest...
    and he took off into the cloth of night...

no, ******, no no no!
i'll say these words like you rap them,
you don't own a nuance in a thousand miles
of the "proper" usage -
    i have the abiding jest to say them,
what this one-night stand experience,
plus, the pakis in england demanded i be
deemed: vermin...
  i'm pretty sure they're behind that
vocab selection...
      sure thing ****...
i'll be king vermin...
                   wanna see my chew?
grit nibbling, teeth that scold beyond
the bone -
  teeth that chatter and gnash,
treating a piece of bone like a corncob -
until they start suckling on the marrow:
the moment when
rats turn into leeches,
is the moment when rat teeth gnash
past the bone and reach the marrow:
suckle that ****'s worth
                 of freckled blood-clots:
vermin does, what vermin is said to be.

as i always state:
learn how to read, or at least to: reread...
   hard to spot the tuxedo language,
when everyone on the most inglorious stretch
of pavement is wearing hardly a tux,
but a straitjacket.
       oh sure, the sharks were always asking
for the gentle touch,
    the lions were always asking for the gentle
touch...
     for some reason, man was always
asking for a touch of sanity.

i've painted the cradle of an *** to sit on:
a garden bench...
i went with her for groceries -
we did it in a spectacular time: under 2hs...

ciul: which is a silesian word...
it's pan-germanic and it's... like welsh:
if there's velsh...
           because we would be inclinded to
talk about: sub-groups...
       gvara: talk...

ciul: it's a blunt word... it's not a ******
word...
                has any son ever been
a source of pride of a mother?
             i do wonder what the ****** mary...
would have to say...
oh i'm sure she's simply
"puzzled" by the final stance...
         'no matter mother... unless i be
crucified'... because a belief in
the "ultimate cuck-warrior of silence"
via joseph...

too much... too much...
but i sat through her homeschooling...
we studied the operas today...
from gloriana... through aida...
madame butterfly... turandot...
tosca... carmen... and of course: norma...

maria callas...
            when my grandmother has these
bouts of my mother drinking gin...
i must be the most... obscure "citizen"...
but i swear i wouldn't put someone
to the torture of opera...

        like it was a lesson...
hardly... because i don't remember
that she asked about... la traviata...
of course i made the sort of mistake that's
most associated with...
playing a *** note on piano:
how dare i not recognize the voice
of pavarotti?! how dare i?!

father was sitting with us... for a while...
he clearly was attuned to my torture...
do good: a woman scolds...
do bad: she might as well applaud...
unless: it's not bad enough...

so he went up while i smoked a cigarette...
took a shower... climbed into bed...
coming up to 34...
and as i walk the streets i see them too...
i'm guessing hovering on the circa
plot of 39... third child in the "bargain"...

yes... but what of all those...
and me: shuffling in the shadow of "failures"...
whimsical contest... as much...
of course... by now i wouldn't be
sharing a flat with...
a drug dealer that would get his "details"
from a university hospital...
or the likes...
i'd be either settled... or hanging...

on the "way forward" or...
in that 20+ year ping-pong between:
"the native land"... to go back...
back to a 20 year hiatus?
          no wonder i stopped giving myself
the thrills over horror movies...
somehow the romance started
to trickle through...

a study of opera with a mother...
who... wants to study all the operas...
but not... la traviata!
she's drinking her subtle gin...
my father can't make out whether
it's a lobster being poached
or a fish being gutted... being excused
from drowning when gasping for air...

mothers... with a mother like that...
oh... i would most certainly bet on
a poker-hand of a wife and mother-in-law...
yes... i'm running from this home
as fast as i can: into the forest...
under the bridge... into the gutter...
into... "adventure"!

- thanks be given to where thanks are due...
if only my name was: Norman...
perhaps i could get away with hiding
a clown... and a circus...
perhaps i could live a duality...
and have... a string of failed animal
experiments to boot...
like pouring salt on slugs...
one of my ex's said that with glee...
like that one time i saw these two boys
smear frogs with lipsticks before
setting light to them...

           an oyster for a heart...
a brain for a sponge...
      sometimes i don't think sanity is anything:
beside the stage-fright of actors
before they step on the west end stage and...
hey presto?!

      of life i have only known one constant:
the insistance to capture every instance
ex-,
             out from every and back... folded...
into none...
and then repeated...
          
     somewhere far away:
                  there's an escape pod with fiction:
scribbled on it... hardly unlikely...
      perhaps these old relations were alway so:
this supposed in-breeding anti-cosmopolitanism
and -ism global -ism...
in check ran the lineage:
with the martriarch or the partriarch...
the uncles and aunts...
        perhaps even the neighbours...
    
                        once upon a time...
so much for looking for alien life-forms...
      such eyes piercing this veil...
brought back... a stipend for unearthing more and
more alien aspects of our own ontology...
plato and the shadow theatre of a t.v.:
cave perhaps a home...

                 what a simpler lesson to be learned
from simply being beat...
or kept on a leash... in a darkened corner...
perhaps simpler...
              all this intricacy for "detail"...
for being: less pedestrian...
      or whatever the hell would suffice...
to have to move the hands...
as if one were a ****** conductor:
in... "appreciation" of classical music?
                    
          will not tears suffice?
                can i sometime cry at beauty...
notably: melody entombed?

'i'm a citizen of the world' never said any
classical greek man...
the nation and the diaspora...
        or rather...
playing ping-pong between england
and scotland and poland: for...
a better count of 26 years...

         from under the iron curtain:
to be subsequently thrown under
a silicon veil...
                    rummaging on a bad idea...
and then: watching this idea
migrate and... somehow:
for the sake of all of europe:
these abortion testimonies from poland
are shelling us back toward
the stone ages...

    excused if (a) ******...
              (b) ****... fingers-crossed...
(c) the life of the mother is stressed
as the imperative...
       (d) that the catholic church can
profit...
       what christianity would be like...
if... what islam would be like...
unless in eastern europe...
      the baptism of poland happened
in 966...
        islam emerged in circa 600s...
        
                       and lithuania was still
a pagan kingdom...
        until 1387...
                    the battle of grunwald took place
in 1410...
         the fourth crusade... and how barbarossa
never made it to jerusalem and was
mistook for a great big pickle...
   and... for the better use of christian steel...
the muslims were too powerful
and there was no need for a scapegoat
of europe: back then... what a tiny place...

and of course the mongols and their leftovers
in the crimean peninsula: that tartar steak
that tartare sauce...
            that tartar deep-fried dumpling:
   czebureki (чeбурeкі)...

welcome... an inward... therefore "backward"
looking people...
how confusing... inward implying:
reflective without a reflex of change... etc.
   "backward": a return to / perhaps even
not closely associated with 'from'...

"from" the brgain ****** of burroughs shooting
up a dotted line and ditto:         "                   "
cans of paint-thinner bullets onto a canvas....
and somehow coming up with the cipher:
Tangier...

      somehow better to be strapped to a world
that is always: looking away...
a cindarella: a somewhat distant cousin:
excuse being "victim":
it would take both **** germany
and communist russia...
and still it would take about the same
amount of time to quench the so desired
freedom of the fwench...

ping-pong and somehow,
not a lot of Dickens...
           if only these words were
the worth of the words made into an "item"
for an editor... or a journalistic sludge
of... cheap ***** and bourbon...
and... oh god... memory: should these
be words of testimony...
         a very fine, fine... vanity project...
bad ideas on toothpicks while
all the sophists walk on stilts!

          that mention of: 'he('s) about to convert!
weielding etymology!'
           the WWII fight between saxon
and bavarian cousins... the mass graves...
the somehow slight praise of elevating
the sombre loot... when a sparrow would grace
the pits... a sparrow...
nothing more... no great parting
of the red sea... no... plagues to the count of 10...
just a sparrow...
the crow was writing with the ink
letover from the *****-juices of a plucked
'un from the lore one...

but the sparrow... just a brief hope
for the power of man's industry of imagination:
a figment: a phantom!
that it almost feels right:
feeding the lie...
when god "created" the octopus:
(i.e.) gambled drunk and blind...
man would have the sparrow as his...
choice: for a synonym of soul...
and that when god was: gambling drunk and blind...
man was... "somehow" sober...
and petulant in prayer...
            and counter to being petulant in prayer:
very much concerned with seriousness...
and hierarchies...
that man was somehow sober...
and dancing when he walked... on the "sly"...

you too care for the measured step?
i too care for it... very much so...
a sparrow is its own...
it doesn't the depth of a god's squid...
nor the privacy of man's adventure when...
baking bread...
a sparrow is a sparrow is a sparrow:
and the crow... is but the elder...
sribble-meister!
a crow's beak would touch wood...
knock knock would ensue...
a crow's beak would touch stone:
an earthquake!

                           and so it was written...
but a sparrow?
                 what was given unto gabriel
and subsequently unto muhammad...
               can you... please... recite me...
the quran over a mass grave of german soldiers
from world war I near Ypres?
but the reality is... comes a sparrow...
once a year... and sings...
and therefore plucks one soul up from
that ground... that ground of communal
fermentation...

that's it... i have not hunger to write any more.