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"ghostlike" poems
***11 days, I spent in grey hospital socks wandering halls bare, not even clocks 17 girls, all torn and broken inside opened our wrists, drank cyanide "behavior heath", but we knew was psych held wandering souls, all pale and ghostlike sat in a circle, we shared and we cried of times we stole, drank, smoked and lied stories of **** abuse and pain somehow all one and the same different faces and different lives but most chose to end it with knives but failure brought us all to this place to learn a new name, gain a new face fed us some pills and watched how we'd do if we'd scream and suddenly turn blue but only a few continued to fall and theirs are the saddest stories of all my heart broke each night as I sat and heard one of the girls minds became blurred still even now, I shed a tear for every lost soul, that we never hear***
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Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 4:17 PM UTC
3110
Sands of the beach,warms to the glory of sunrise,the red rays play gleefully on their dunes giving them life, A new dawn awakes to the soft roar of the waves,rebellious yet content. Along the horizon the morning fog removes her mystic veil to reveal a ship,ghostlike,it slowly approaches the shore,while seagulls gyrate above in unclear patterns, and the calm ocean in harmony with the sky merge into the Oneness of Creation.
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Jun 18, 2010
Jun 18, 2010 at 8:37 AM UTC
Beach
Water over stone speaks to me Voices in my head or reality? Bubbling, babbling, a fluid oration. From liquid, an opus of reverberation. Closer I get, speech becomes blurred. A child, a crowd, an implicit word? Retreat a step, lucid communique Desire to immerse, ingest the parley. Sit between banks in tears from on high Hear her voice in the brook as I try To understand, and follow the sentence at hand A cacophony of silence sifted through sand. Meaningless, mindless, numbing address Just what’s so important she’s trying to stress? Words from the distant, ghostlike, perchance Wispy and passionate midsummer’s dance. My ears reject resonance, but the mind draws it in To decipher the past and perceive an old sin. Apologetic, pleading, no mold to this play Just babbling on, with no true thing to say. Hands growing numb from water’s icy hold Must leave this brook, for so I’ve been told That mystery lives in the motion of hearing Of water’s sweet journey beyond my heart’s clearing.
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Aug 10, 2011
Aug 10, 2011 at 6:58 PM UTC
Babble On
1. You can never go home, not to the home you left. When you leave, you get bigger. Not necessarily in girth, but in consciousness. When you come back,  everything, even the walls of your parent's house, seem to have shrunk. 2. Look..... Here comes the parade. With its paper mache floats and twirling batons. Cub scouts and boy scouts, all in a neat blue and drab green row, followed by a high school marching band playing "Stars and Stripes Forever". From bygone wars, limbless surviving soldiers flinch with every cymbal crash. 3. I watched billows of cottonwood clouds swirl down a summer hometown avenue, they met on the street corner for a song........ "Alley Oop", or "I Like Bread And Butter" These ghostlike voices will live there forever, innocent, asleep, numb, waiting. Soon, the postman will bring your future. Soon, you will be just a number on a lotery ball. Soon, you will have to dissect luck or fate. 4. I took my 87 year old Father to gather his tools from his long time place of work. The instruments of his livelihood. He did not need them anymore, he had retired. Some tools he had used since World War II, some he made for a specific job.... never to use again. All neatly placed in toolboxes built in the 30s and 40s, yet not a trace of rust. These were the tools of a tradesman, a (Tool and Die Man). He once told me, “Son, if I can’t fix it because I don’t have the right tool, I will make the tool”. I thought him to be Superman. But there I was, loading up my Father’s history, to take home, to be sold to the highest bidder.   I myself have made my living playing music for audiences. I also have tools. Guitars, amplifiers, harmonicas, microphones. There will come a day, in the not too distant future, when I will have to “retire” the instruments of my livelihood. Though I will not be as stoic as my World War II Father, I will go kicking and screaming to the pawn shop, remembering every song that fed me, and every chord that made people dance.
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May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 8:38 PM UTC
A Visit Home (in 4 Acts)
1. You can never go home, not to the home you left. When you leave, you get bigger. Not necessarily in girth, but in consciousness. When you come back,  everything, even the walls of your parent's house, seem to have shrunk. 2. Look..... Here comes the parade. With its paper mache floats and twirling batons. Cub scouts and boy scouts, all in a neat blue and drab green row, followed by a high school marching band playing "Stars and Stripes Forever". From bygone wars, limbless surviving soldiers flinch with every cymbal crash. 3. I watched billows of cottonwood clouds swirl down a summer hometown avenue, they met on the street corner for a song........ "Alley Oop", or "I Like Bread And Butter" These ghostlike voices will live there forever, innocent, asleep, numb, waiting. Soon, the postman will bring your future. Soon, you will be just a number on a lotery ball. Soon, you will have to dissect luck or fate. 4. I took my 87 year old Father to gather his tools from his long time place of work. The instruments of his livelihood. He did not need them anymore, he had retired. Some tools he had used since World War II, some he made for a specific job.... never to use again. All neatly placed in toolboxes built in the 30s and 40s, yet not a trace of rust. These were the tools of a tradesman, a (Tool and Die Man). He once told me, “Son, if I can’t fix it because I don’t have the right tool, I will make the tool”. I thought him to be Superman. But there I was, loading up my Father’s history, to take home, to be sold to the highest bidder.   I myself have made my living playing music for audiences. I also have tools. Guitars, amplifiers, harmonicas, microphones. There will come a day, in the not too distant future, when I will have to “retire” the instruments of my livelihood. Though I will not be as stoic as my World War II Father, I will go kicking and screaming to the pawn shop, remembering every song that fed me, and every chord that made people dance.
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52
poltergeist, rattle my ribs, your cage knock on my skull remind me of when you kissed me quite saccharine and bewitched me body and soul. charming disarming but faint as my breath memories flooding from times past never last and less tangible than smoke. poltergeist, your chilling whispers your temperate moans are all i have. i cling but i am tenuous, nothing but a shadowy figure, even more obscure vague ghostlike than you.
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Oct 1, 2012
Oct 1, 2012 at 8:48 PM UTC
Poltergeist
I. the breathing of human nature her poetry weaves a chimera through ontario maples, ghostlike songs intoned in late november breath: *i don't really want to be a pretty girl... * whispers of woodsmoke fall from sky (sky, pink as cochineal, pink as avarice sky, blue as bruises, as jazz, as tropical waters) she steps from the fog and ash into the beckoning trees, seduced by leaves, an autumn saturnalia of honey, flame, amber, nectar, pistil, anther. she is cupola and chalice, budding fuchsia and iron cherry-- but she writes and breathes as if something more than a woman who knows all the names for the ocean stirs and struts inside her. II. the statue and sobriquet piano wires melt into statues, heat steals rusty bottle caps and bends them eerily into muses. butterflies perch astutely on their shoulders, violet, violent, a mosaic of shredded lilies and shellac, paris in flames, flowering tea-houses, the mariana trench, a thicket of morning glory. nature sculpted this metaphysical tribute to her for all that she has done, for all that her bent fingernails and snow-covered lips have given to inspire solstice and equinox-- in the night-songs of the crickets, crystal bells and rustic chirps, she was lauded. III. declaration she feels the songs in her eyelashes and writes of wine and palest bone, fragments of bashful moon, roots her fingernails into the tarnished canadian willows and finds her way through magnolia clouds and sea-spray sky; after all, she can soar.
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Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 10:20 PM UTC
trompe l'oeil
I. the breathing of human nature her poetry weaves a chimera through ontario maples, ghostlike songs intoned in late november breath: *i don't really want to be a pretty girl... * whispers of woodsmoke fall from sky (sky, pink as cochineal, pink as avarice sky, blue as bruises, as jazz, as tropical waters) she steps from the fog and ash into the beckoning trees, seduced by leaves, an autumn saturnalia of honey, flame, amber, nectar, pistil, anther. she is cupola and chalice, budding fuchsia and iron cherry-- but she writes and breathes as if something more than a woman who knows all the names for the ocean stirs and struts inside her. II. the statue and sobriquet piano wires melt into statues, heat steals rusty bottle caps and bends them eerily into muses. butterflies perch astutely on their shoulders, violet, violent, a mosaic of shredded lilies and shellac, paris in flames, flowering tea-houses, the mariana trench, a thicket of morning glory. nature sculpted this metaphysical tribute to her for all that she has done, for all that her bent fingernails and snow-covered lips have given to inspire solstice and equinox-- in the night-songs of the crickets, crystal bells and rustic chirps, she was lauded. III. declaration she feels the songs in her eyelashes and writes of wine and palest bone, fragments of bashful moon, roots her fingernails into the tarnished canadian willows and finds her way through magnolia clouds and sea-spray sky; after all, she can soar.
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40
We walk like vapor-genies in old growth forests, ghostlike & elegant, we move like true fairytales, gnomes whittle the way for us past exploding ferns. It’s true, we have seen the rain coming down in torrents along blue ridge trails, fallen logs strewn about like matchsticks, fungi licks our shins while lightning cracks thunder like bullwhips. I love moments like that……. I hear Creedence every time we go. And didn’t you know dear friends, it’s spiritual medicine for restless souls, like my fellow companions & me.
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Feb 8, 2014
Feb 8, 2014 at 3:21 PM UTC
Vapor-Genies (My Companions & Me)
The white fog creeps from the cold sea over the city, Over the pale grey tumbled towers,-- And settles among the roofs, the pale grey walls. Along damp sinuous streets it crawls, Curls like a dream among the motionless trees And seems to freeze. The fog slips ghostlike into a thousand rooms, Whirls over sleeping faces, Spins in an atomy dance round misty street lamps; And blows in cloudy waves over open spaces . . . And one from his high window, looking down, Peers at the cloud-white town, And thinks its island towers are like a dream . . . It seems an enormous sleeper, within whose brain Laborious shadows revolve and break and gleam.
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1.2k
The House Of Dust: Part 01: 08: The White Fog Creeps From The Cold Sea Over The City
My cat is alarming the daylight every single rotten day. I wake up chocking from the un flickering dream, Numb and kinda nervous, still watching the leftovers Of characters fighting the path, back into reality. All my nights since my life began revolving around my addictions I patronized them, I begged them, I bribed them, what I did or what I not... Exclusively the ordinary: buying flowers, candies, Slot machines, **** videos, riding on elephants, Cornering the cliffs, eating spiders, smoking *** And beaming at the stars while they were changing music covers Aside me, in slippers, house dresses and chewing cockies outta space, Between a tooth and the next one located at five minutes array. So you cannot call in my nature as a bee. Or not to bee. All the **** that you can do or not in dreams, I did. Results presumptuous. As all dreams are. Vague ends fishing the tale of monster Colombre. He's old and he's lounging in Poseidon's trident, Into the space between the waves of gravity Along with the pearl promised to every human being , As long as they are clapping hands for fairies not dying And children's bed time stories that never lasts enough, At every gasp they take when something murderous Is happening while mothers turning into stone are reading, The horrors of daily news at9 clock whisky . For a first, they enter into the deem reality My imaginary ghostlike friends. I waved them farewell, at last. I don't wanna spend more time buying crickets or entertaining Terpsichore. Now I'm busy writing songs about them, eating space cookies with a little prince and feasting on crickets with Maruska. How did we get this far apart, we used to be so close together How did we get this far apart, I thought this love would last forever.
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Aug 13, 2013
Aug 13, 2013 at 4:21 AM UTC
Maruska
My cat is alarming the daylight every single rotten day. I wake up chocking from the un flickering dream, Numb and kinda nervous, still watching the leftovers Of characters fighting the path, back into reality. All my nights since my life began revolving around my addictions I patronized them, I begged them, I bribed them, what I did or what I not... Exclusively the ordinary: buying flowers, candies, Slot machines, **** videos, riding on elephants, Cornering the cliffs, eating spiders, smoking *** And beaming at the stars while they were changing music covers Aside me, in slippers, house dresses and chewing cockies outta space, Between a tooth and the next one located at five minutes array. So you cannot call in my nature as a bee. Or not to bee. All the **** that you can do or not in dreams, I did. Results presumptuous. As all dreams are. Vague ends fishing the tale of monster Colombre. He's old and he's lounging in Poseidon's trident, Into the space between the waves of gravity Along with the pearl promised to every human being , As long as they are clapping hands for fairies not dying And children's bed time stories that never lasts enough, At every gasp they take when something murderous Is happening while mothers turning into stone are reading, The horrors of daily news at9 clock whisky . For a first, they enter into the deem reality My imaginary ghostlike friends. I waved them farewell, at last. I don't wanna spend more time buying crickets or entertaining Terpsichore. Now I'm busy writing songs about them, eating space cookies with a little prince and feasting on crickets with Maruska. How did we get this far apart, we used to be so close together How did we get this far apart, I thought this love would last forever.
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30
I propose a toast to a honeycombed crux charred black it wanes but it's no moon. Molasses streaks the sky disguised as light it will not calm the alabaster globes bobbing in the icebox of her gut. Stolen she wanders ghostlike and barren expectant for the cuckoo's cry consent to come unhinged. An overture in reds and golds - hardly untruth the hues bury shame: eggshell-white and stuffed full of monsters. Take heed and never trust the oleander the fox-eyed traitors of the flower patch.
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Oct 12, 2011
Oct 12, 2011 at 12:24 PM UTC
Overture
My boat is broken.  Pieced together from shipwrecks I've caused Pieced together with the wretched lives I've taken.  Ancient decrepit wood nailed on in disjointed configurations.  Puzzle pieces that don't quite fit right. My flags are tattered and torn  black, and ghostlike barely strung together and hanging from mangled masts.  On the bow is a twisted  Stygian crow  holding an ancient quill pen  bleeding obsidian black ink into the ocean surrounding my boat Turning the water as black as the death I cause The air surrounding my ship is an icy cold blue air almost too thin and cold to breath. I am Cap'n Ghost Lee Waters. long black tangled beard hollow sunken eyes rimmed with aching death.  I move in frozen desecrations and icy darkness I move towards you with murderous intent And soon you will be within my grip And you will feed my ship.
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Aug 25, 2012
Aug 25, 2012 at 12:41 PM UTC
If I Were A Pirate...
dawn's clouds curl upon the cycle of horizon. light seeps, wells up in a silent garden of distant coastlines and suspensions of dust particles. torn pinnacles arrange in geometries known only to collapsing cities; boulevards of tremulous ghostlike figures, swaying staccato below collected damping leaves in perfect symmetries against the sky of tiled grains. oh, if time stood still. if the blood could freeze in my capillary beds. if this feeling would last for the remainder of days.
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Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 11:53 PM UTC
walking/walking
What was it jogged my memory what was it filled a gap when as I sat and ruminated this forgotten thought came back from long ago when I was ten I stood alone outside the stars were coming out the Jotunheimen land of giants was lit by northern light far off their ghostlike splendour fair took my breath away such mirage-like illusions were real for me that day Margaret Ann Waddicor 25th April 2016
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Apr 28, 2016
Apr 28, 2016 at 1:47 PM UTC
Not a mirage
There is no escape... A creature of evil—the dark! You roam through the night well hidden— ghostlike! Your strike – a deathly finesse! Crushed, smitten, he falls down – your victim, your mark. There is no escape!
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Jan 20, 2021
Jan 20, 2021 at 8:04 PM UTC
There is no escape
I suppose I had always wanted you to give up on me I was always testing you to see if or when you would. Finally, you did. But it’s not all entirely my fault - you also put yourself in the position of the antagonizer, of the predator and the prey. I was always just waiting for you to pounce on yourself accidentally thinking you were pouncing on me but I have long since given up on falling for your traps. I set my own and fall for my own and that is how it has always been. Put me in a vulnerable straightjacket and I will talk you into trying it on for yourself, Swiftly and seductively. Dare me to tie you to a train track for the thrill of it and I will laugh and kiss you on the forehead and whisper goodbye as the sound of a moving train will be heard in the near distance. Blame me for disappointing you, because taking responsibility for your own feelings Is always hard and close to impossible. But I will always know who disappointed who, I will always know what kind of damage we willingly caused ourselves. I am a mermaid that has fallen out of longing for legs The only light that guides me now is that of the moon And her unequivocal yet ghostlike offer Of reprieve.
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Nov 21, 2012
Nov 21, 2012 at 3:46 AM UTC
i have fallen out of longing for legs
I walk old and gaunt Floating ghostlike down old haunts Martinelli And Washington And East Lake I return Far flung from a prodigal son. Empty streets reflected in empty eyes Power lines buzz in futile rebellion To the silent black night. I pull my jacket tight. Stop at the Villager In search of an old friend. Security shakes me down “Do you have a pocketknife?” I laugh. Look in at the eager faces. They hail the old demon I ran down in futile chases. See Charlie and Sarge. They’ve forgotten who I am And shouldn’t remember Anyway. Turn back to the dark, To the dim streetlights Glowing exhausted and pale Like me. Light up, And fill my lungs With deathly relief. Traffic lights mist In cold colors Where shadowed roads meet. Something here died. Something close, Something warm. I walk on, Old and gaunt, Floating ghostlike down old haunts.
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Apr 1, 2013
Apr 1, 2013 at 10:02 PM UTC
The Return
And I looked at her then, So many years after I saw her Smile for the first time And long after I swore to her endless Days of pure love Ghostlike I felt then Observing her figure, Or maybe it was a shadow. Defeated I walked to her, Breathing heavily, Yearning for the past, Even then I loved her so,
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Oct 19, 2015
Oct 19, 2015 at 11:16 AM UTC
Fell to Pieces
We've got an old way of working things out and an old life (we are young, sister) though you say we're young (I never lie) but how could we be since that old dusty memory is clear…. clear… clear (ah, yes, you see we're young) And I didn't say I didn't care I just want to forget... and would heaven be at our door if it never had happened (Is that a question?) well why did it happen? just to us (just to us, both of us) When I am home I get shivers and cold feet as they touch where he had fallen and you are out drinking (I am always here) as I am sinking and the fat ugly droplets won't fall they're weak things tugging at my scalp if they fall, I can rest (you sleep better than me) I want them gone but my skin is a cage is a desert (darling, face it.  You have dry eyes and a messed-up conscience-) and whatever tries to seep out evaporates into nothingness why had this happened to me? (you mean us, you silly girl) What can come from tragedy- this is no blessing in disguise (it was bound to happen) and your eyes are that of an old man's (our eyes.  Looked into the mirror recently?  I think not) yes we are older than him now headhunters gather strength in their victims we gather age (we are young, don't lie to us) chained together by skin (bound together is a better word) invisible to the eyes of others you sit, ghostlike in the bar (I haven't had a drink in years!) Sometimes coming back to the skin we share you are my sister my blind spot (the intelligent side, come to think of it) the dirt on my tongue which I haven't found a way to spit out yet you crunch under my teeth (you are the dirt, the whiner, the pessimist the man was a worthless criminal. I saw him dreaming of us. and I cannot digest his foul thoughts, I knew him better than you I saved our life.)
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Nov 27, 2012
Nov 27, 2012 at 8:11 AM UTC
Two Within One
We've got an old way of working things out and an old life (we are young, sister) though you say we're young (I never lie) but how could we be since that old dusty memory is clear…. clear… clear (ah, yes, you see we're young) And I didn't say I didn't care I just want to forget... and would heaven be at our door if it never had happened (Is that a question?) well why did it happen? just to us (just to us, both of us) When I am home I get shivers and cold feet as they touch where he had fallen and you are out drinking (I am always here) as I am sinking and the fat ugly droplets won't fall they're weak things tugging at my scalp if they fall, I can rest (you sleep better than me) I want them gone but my skin is a cage is a desert (darling, face it.  You have dry eyes and a messed-up conscience-) and whatever tries to seep out evaporates into nothingness why had this happened to me? (you mean us, you silly girl) What can come from tragedy- this is no blessing in disguise (it was bound to happen) and your eyes are that of an old man's (our eyes.  Looked into the mirror recently?  I think not) yes we are older than him now headhunters gather strength in their victims we gather age (we are young, don't lie to us) chained together by skin (bound together is a better word) invisible to the eyes of others you sit, ghostlike in the bar (I haven't had a drink in years!) Sometimes coming back to the skin we share you are my sister my blind spot (the intelligent side, come to think of it) the dirt on my tongue which I haven't found a way to spit out yet you crunch under my teeth (you are the dirt, the whiner, the pessimist the man was a worthless criminal. I saw him dreaming of us. and I cannot digest his foul thoughts, I knew him better than you I saved our life.)
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65
I wish not... To harbor these vessels. For I know In those holds is sickness. Crates of longing Often opened, empty. Barells upon barrels Of jet black loneliness Forever splashing, unsealed, seeping. So like my dreams These ships of her navy. Christened with shades of she "Lost Love", "my One", "my only",  "nevermore", "ever after"... They set no sail Anchored securely off my shores. Out of reach Yet constant in presence. Seeking no barter, no passage... No plunder. Ghostlike they haunt All of what I most want. And dreams like mine Always calling Taunting those black sails In windless waters Embracing no breeze Only serving to open old wounds My spyglass weeps Fixed on yesterhorizons Where gone and do go Phantoms and shades My sea of regrets.  Jfehlmann
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Oct 11, 2013
Oct 11, 2013 at 3:16 AM UTC
"My Sea of Regret" by: J Fehlmann
We've got an old way of working things out and an old life (we are young, sister) though you say we're young (I never lie) but how could we be since that old dusty memory is clear…. clear… clear (ah, yes, you see we're young) And I didn't say I didn't care I just want to forget... and would heaven be at our door if it never had happened (Is that a question?) well why did it happen? just to us (just to us, both of us) When I am home I get shivers and cold feet as they touch where he had fallen and you are out drinking (I am always here) as I am sinking and the fat ugly droplets won't fall they're weak things tugging at my scalp if they fall, I can rest (you sleep better than me) I want them gone but my skin is a cage is a desert (darling, face it. You have dry eyes and a messed-up conscience-) and whatever tries to seep out evaporates into nothingness why had this happened to me? (you mean us, you silly girl) What can come from tragedy- this is no blessing in disguise (it was bound to happen) and your eyes are that of an old man's (our eyes. Looked into the mirror recently? I think not) yes we are older than him now headhunters gather strength in their victims we gather age (we are young, don't lie to us) chained together by skin (bound together is a better word) invisible to the eyes of others you sit, ghostlike in the bar (I haven't had a drink in years!) Sometimes coming back to the skin we share you are my sister my blind spot (the intelligent side, come to think of it) the dirt on my tongue which I haven't found a way to spit out yet you crunch under my teeth (you are the dirt, the whiner, the pessimist the man was a worthless criminal. I saw him dreaming of us. and I cannot digest his foul thoughts, I knew him better than you I saved our life.)
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Jan 28, 2013
Jan 28, 2013 at 2:12 PM UTC
Two Within One
We've got an old way of working things out and an old life (we are young, sister) though you say we're young (I never lie) but how could we be since that old dusty memory is clear…. clear… clear (ah, yes, you see we're young) And I didn't say I didn't care I just want to forget... and would heaven be at our door if it never had happened (Is that a question?) well why did it happen? just to us (just to us, both of us) When I am home I get shivers and cold feet as they touch where he had fallen and you are out drinking (I am always here) as I am sinking and the fat ugly droplets won't fall they're weak things tugging at my scalp if they fall, I can rest (you sleep better than me) I want them gone but my skin is a cage is a desert (darling, face it. You have dry eyes and a messed-up conscience-) and whatever tries to seep out evaporates into nothingness why had this happened to me? (you mean us, you silly girl) What can come from tragedy- this is no blessing in disguise (it was bound to happen) and your eyes are that of an old man's (our eyes. Looked into the mirror recently? I think not) yes we are older than him now headhunters gather strength in their victims we gather age (we are young, don't lie to us) chained together by skin (bound together is a better word) invisible to the eyes of others you sit, ghostlike in the bar (I haven't had a drink in years!) Sometimes coming back to the skin we share you are my sister my blind spot (the intelligent side, come to think of it) the dirt on my tongue which I haven't found a way to spit out yet you crunch under my teeth (you are the dirt, the whiner, the pessimist the man was a worthless criminal. I saw him dreaming of us. and I cannot digest his foul thoughts, I knew him better than you I saved our life.)
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65
There it is again, that almost unbelievable vision of you on the hospital bed, dead, my son. Each day brings it, some days in a different form, same pain again and again. Time heals nothing, it just tries to objectify it, put it out there in suspense, ghostlike. I thought the ache and pain would ease in time's moving hands, but no, it just seals it in to heart, vein, muscle and pain. Come again, my son, when and if you can, my dead son, my young brave Stoic man.
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May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 12:32 PM UTC
STOIC SON 1984-2014
I was not always as lost and broken As you see me now No, not always. When I was born into the world. I was covered in tiny twinkling lights, They were everywhere on me, so lovely. You could hardly see the spaces between them. Lights on me everywhere. That was before I found out how to be deceitful. That the truth had many shades and hues. from purest white to darkest black with so very many greys. Sometimes a small light would fade as I lied. Mom there won’t be alcohol there.. Other times a row of them went dark. Mom I did not sleep with him. I promise. Then some lies made them all glow dimmer. It’s alright Dad don't worry I don’t do any drugs. Now much older I walk alone in the city streets. On a rainy dark night the store windows look like a hall of  mirrors. I can see my reflection ghostlike all my pretty lights Have faded away. I look tired,lost and jaded. But if you look very closely between the falling raindrops, like tears streaming down the windows. You may see just a few of my lights left. Only  a glimmer of them hardly visible at all. So stubborn they wont be the last ones to go out. They are around my heart
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Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 11:49 AM UTC
Heartlights
I don't feel like a happy person. I don't feel like a happy person. I feel like years of yearning would feel, grasping at dreams in the daylight. I feel like guitars strumming, ghostlike. I feel like wasted space and blurred lines, the weight of a song deftly moving in my head. I never want to allow anything to hurt me again, I could promise. I want so much to walk the large, well-lit autumn-rimmed clear haven streets and not look back, always with destination. I am an artist not creating, I stagnate. I run. The crying thunder breaks my fears into bugs and mud, it seeps through and out the pores and cracks of my skin. Somehow when the world decides to off you, a good night of sleep doesn't quite feel like the solution. How can I sleep with death swift under my eyes? Confirm the beauty in my lack of rendition, and the galaxies deep in the creek of my dying summer heart. Why are the night and day so different?; and do they have to be? There's nothing tangible anymore in the seatbeltless buses of the south province (that's where I'm stuck). I crave one thing, but I know it's only a gap, a void I'm trying to fill. I can't stay here anymore is the only refrain that made sense to me when I sobbed it out loud. So good riddance to my selfish fears and my hypocrisy. Hello new world, I am yours and you are mine.
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Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 11:31 PM UTC
out