Eyes which cannot see,
Ears that do not hear.
A tongue that doesn't taste,
A nose which cannot smell
And skin that doesn't feel.

A heart that's alive, aware, awake
in sensory overload.
Seeing
Hearing
Tasting
Smelling
Feeling

You...

There's a hole in my heart the size
Of a child left behind
A child with my eyes
With a brilliant mind
And unanswered whys.

There's a hole in my heart the size
Of a friend who has died
A friend from the start
But in time, as the tide
We drifted apart.

There's a hole in my heart the size
Of a love that is gone
Of trust betrayed
Like words from a song
Of a man being played.

There's a hole in my heart the size
Of the depth of new love
As wide as trust anew
As tall as the sky above
And just big enough for you.
  -Me

I've been deadlocked in a battle of words with myself,
cursing this feeling of being here but not having been there,
and scratching my brain with mental fingers,
digging for more to recall,
digging for more than just what's close to the surface.

What I do have, I can hold in my hand,
study intently for triggering clues, striving to write down what's barely there.
I can hold it in my grasp, trying to absorb memories contained in images.
But it is hard, not knowing if there's enough remembered to actually put down in words.

I have memories.
But I fear, not enough.
The missing is real.
The missing is tough.
Finality is even more so.

Happy Birthday, brother.

Tod Barefoot
04/19/1964 - 12/21/2016

The clock illuminates incomprehensible numbers
like scattered ancient runes.
They mock me in low, hushed tones,
and I close my eyes to silence them.
They whisper how they're all too willing to share secrets,
and even against my hopes, they'll soon share mine.
So I wait in their crimson glow.
Exposed against the darkness, secrets darker than hope, growl, laugh, cry...
I don't even know why I wait; and just who am I waiting for?
Memories won't reveal nor dreams conceal
what's meant for discovery.
I wait, for time in these numbers mean nothing.
I am nothing.
Just a man with a heavy heart, cluttered head, and too many dreams
resting upon these pillows.

On nights like tonight
when I don't come outside
until the full moon
is already in the sky,
way up high,
small and brilliant white...
that's when I wonder
if it even rose at all
or if it was just hung into place
among the clouds and starry space.

It was a partial glance of a love that's gone
Face half hidden; my mind sees the whole.
Why still, does my heart seem to be set upon
Dredging up memories?
Is it just to torment my soul?

The present is now
And now in the present, at last
I took a quick glance
Of the love that's passed into the past
And I see.

So this I say to you...

I loved you with my heart's passion.
With that same love I bade you farewell.
And as I told you, I will always love you.
With that same love I wish you well.