Thrown into a sea of perfection.
Drowning under the falsity of cosmetics.
A fake smile is more geniune,
you taught me that.
Covering myself up with what you find ideal.
Starving myself for your love,
turning a blind eye on the bruises you leave everytime I slip up.
I have memorised your words by heart,
tattoed them on my wrist.
I hear them everytime I breath.
"LIVE UPTO MY PERFECTION"

The day dawns...
Leaves blanket the lawns...
Fresh coffee emits it fragrant scent...
One wonders where the nighttime went...

A white gauze covers the sky...
A reminder that winter is neigh...
Whatever the cause...
It brings to me pause...

My love will soon alight...
Displaying her broad smile, so bright...
I am moved by her boundless love...
As though she had come directly from above...

When she enters in...
I know that her joy is geniune...
Her docile air...
Her lovely hair...
Her bright glee...
At meeting me...

These are all warming to my heart...
As the new day we start...
Her sincere grattitude...
Improves my attitude...
Toward the world...

I am in Heaven.

2/19/2015

The hurt is not enough.
the Frost crawling on the window keeps me grounded
on this sickly saccharine reality,

i'd once described a bedroom in July as an example of
the sucrose candidity of the human condition,
sticking bobby pins in my hair i'd realise in January

that the Chelsea Hotel #2 scenes were as well,
sticking to a sort of geniune artistic integrity
come to bed, hey hello to my friend afterwards

and how was it's? with little no big toothy grins
but then I would remember
sitting under elm trees at Fitzrandolph drinking a cold

coffee, because it was hot then! and it was sunny then!
and the weather conjured sweet artificial caramel flavorings-
sitting under the tree and thinking about how good life is or

was. And when I realize that the forest is as dead as it ever was
and I look at pictures of trees with leaves fully on, maybe in the
forests of Alabama or Georgia,

I realize that I haven't seen a life in a long time- but
when i burn my hand with the lighter the butane glaze on my skin
i don't really mind it that much because i think of it and quite frankly

I like to say i'm as pure as I always was but,
what burns me now: Desire desire desire
and back then the museum was talking about Roethke

and it was all I needed I didn't mind the
idle cab drivers that would call me Angel by the gates.
and my Mennonite father said I need to

repent.  I don't even want to go to
church but that is all I end up doing nowadays anyways.
Thinking about the sun, and falling over a piece of ice and seeing the

red scarlet (connotation vs denotation?) on the
white of the ice i cannot help but think that once again *the
hurt is not enough.

Beaten down,
Bruised and scarred,
Bleeding,
Almost lifeless.
Life is that tough.
It challenges me every time
Making me look weak
Hurting me badly
Giving me unbearable pains.
But I have managed to stand up
And say,
"Enough!
I deserve to be happy too"
I learned how to be strong
Courage is what I found
Fought back
And continuously fighting
Struggling for my life
Surviving not just for myself
But for the ones I love.
I became a fighter,
I become a better me.
I see life in a new perspective
My path lighten up          
Escaped from the darkness.
My smiles are now becoming geniune
Saying goodbye to fake smiles;
My heart is beating lively
Filled with love and hope;
Shedding tears of joy
And no longer crying from pain.
I became a better one
Because I made a choice
To replace negative thoughts
With positive ones,
To end up my misery  
By choosing to be merry,
To stop being melancholic
And become a blithe one,
To throw away the anger and sadness
And start filling myself with love and happiness.

The words that pool around my mouth are sedimentary
left over from geniune artists
a palatte unrinsed.
I feel so forced
to make it.
A starving artists' dining requests
put it on the tab
write it down
Let me make it. It's mine.
Times New Roman has a new Helen
and she has no time for rocking horses or wars.
Every time I write
I begin to feel incomplete
and it's so frustrating, all these words crowding the inside of my mouth
waiting for the go-ahead.
When their speaker cannot see beyond her own childish feet.

I played myself yet again lending out a heart that I wasn't ready to lose. I allowed you to come in when I knw that the feelings I had were premature but I let you in anyway.. your body, your smile, your smell they all had me mesmerized with pure lust.. your tall stature was so alluring that it had me completely gone in the head.. the way you looked at me made me melt on the inside and when I rubbed you.. I quivered with much excitement. I got the man of my dreams the man that all women seek.. look at me.. but dnt envy me was the ego I had.. to only get knocked off the high horse I was on by the man whom I felt so deeply for that had my ego so swollen.. You played me, you used me and toyed with my heart knwing all I've been thru way before you.. I trusted you.. I believed in you.. I even asked you to marry me.. and got your name tattooed in my heart.. Oh how this is such a nightmare I want to awaken from.. but I knw this isn't a dream.. I still pinch myself cause I'll rather bruise myself than to have another take that part.My only question is what exactly did I do to deserve this pain and the way you have now began to ignore me.. Why hurt the one who loves you, but chase the one who abuse you.. I've yet to feel the love of a man so geniune so pure.. only the fake love from an imposter who only takes.. My world has turned upside dwn and it's all because of you.. my nights grow long with memories of you.. my days become faded from wanting you and my mind is going crazy cause I can't seem to forget you. Why does a heart hold on to such pain when the person who has done the hurting is happy and long gone living their life.. ****!!Smfh.. this love life of mine is tragic.. I give up due to being a hopeless, loveless romantic.

Oh, to finally be free! Out of the halls of the Ice Queen.
In to the arms of a sun beam.
Melt that frozen brick of empathy
Blackened heart on the way to recovery.
A glacial age overtook my light.
But this is what I know to be right.
Your love overflows like a fountain of youth
You smile even when I'm uncouth.
Intelligence boils over the cusp and the brink.
It's nice to be with someone who can actually think.
And you care about the way that I feel.
And it's geniune not just an appeal.
If I lost this I think I would just end.
To much perfection to try again.
A perfect example of the perfect sculpture.
Exactly what I need at every juncture.
A piece of the hardest puzzle ever found.
And to think it was just there on the ground.
My heart is complete for the very first time.
I just hope you don't turn on a dime
and head back out the way you came.
If you did I'd never be the same.

I dress myself alone and wanting.
In clothes that won't fit.
Thread-bare silk inlaid with vexing jewels.
Gathered from a higher realm.
Polished daily.
That gleam is fading along with me seized in its reflection.
I see a waif cursed with vision beyond common sight.
Wandering streets of ermine and sickly jade.
Unable to buy he seeks to pry value and sentimentality free from mundanity.
His device is crude and nearly broken.
The wrong tool for the job.
Those around fail to notice by their own choosing
I won't join Matthew just yet...
He died wanting for bread, begging me timidly to share a portion of his fear. His hands shook, clammy and fretful throughout his final ordeal. I bid him farewell and set him free from hunger. Succor never came from strangers, but it came from me for him on that day. That borrowed blade, Silence of song, embedded itself in his life and lingered there until it stood alone in that vacuous chamber. Breath vacated his gaunt body as if fleeing capture. I left him lying there gazing above for enlightenment that would never come, but was always there to see.

Long did we find ourselves partners in plight.
Carrying both silence and song with us.
We heard sweet lyrics sang by angels.
While silence filled our home, full of empty hands.
Behind fortress walls, we were protected from foreign invasion.
Yet unprotected were we all from misfortune.
Parents offered to war as sacrifices, crying out for justice.
They found only death, offered only tragedy.
Instead of the justice they promised to give.
They returned dishonored, dressed in shame and covered in woe.
Houses set upon higher ground.
Came before us bearing fruits of privilege.
Readily shed from branches grown unchecked.
Had it been geniune, it wouldn't of stopped at charity.
It would have continued onward, brave and unguarded against concerns of cost.
Homes and hearts provided keep minds and souls tethered much longer.
Than false pretenses and half-hearted succor.
If I grow up I will seek allegiance with the blades of silence.
For it was one of its members that came down to our level.
And offered us a sliver of hope cradled within an expression of generosity.
Nothing in return, only silence. Said the hooded person wearing silver myths upon his breast.
Silence of song was given to me by way of gentle force.
Though timid and wavering, my hands were persuaded to open of their own accord.
His warmth was a key, intrusive and welcomed, it opened my trust and left us both in awe.
Before he could vanish from our lives, a song began to play.
It was song that united the kingdom, kept solidarity from fraying at the fringes.
Those that wore Ermine and jade stopped to listen, held by hands of power and position.
We couldn't discern its meaning or intention, little did we know that our feelings of exclusion were actually gifts of freedom...
By the time our tongues were ready to question, he was set in motion away from us toward the sounds and crowds of oblivious listeners.
Flashes of steel flickered in front of captivated visages locked in controlled reveries.
Delusions of a place indistinguishable from paradise, shattered upon contact with reality.
Blood was set loose onto the streets, though the affected were grateful to be rid of it.
For it was pain that freed them from song.
It was House Horgrave that day that made attempt upon our sovereignty.
Their songs are composed in sin yet are performed in innocence.
The blades of silence seek an end to these malicious performances.

I wish I could go back
Back to the days where there was no black
Black was just my backpack,
A backpack filled with dreams and love
There was no fear
It was all clear

There were no demons,
Only hope and dreamers

We were happy...
I was happy...
It was geniune...

Now it´s only a mixed feeling of emotions that i cannot explain,
And will never be able to do so...

Hey what happen to
climbing trees under a sky
full of adventures

Where daisy chains in
a field were hand crafted by
our innocent hands

And catching tadpoles
with our cute green fishing nets  
in dark watered ponds!

And sweet strawberry
and raspberry picking , was
always so much fun!

What about spinning
roundabouts , where our giggles
ended up queasy

And let's not forget
hopscotch , hopping to number
ten was a fab goal

Now teens are getting
stabbed left to die very young
Families broken

Instead of going
outside to find joy in our
good Mother Nature

they prefer there phones!
Whats happen to geniune
communication

Where we'd knock on doors
and ring bells to see happy
loving faces smile

Tis real sad you know..
Technogly just too much..
And gangs are killing

Makes me unhappy
My heart goes out to those who
have been affected

:( :( :(

What is the definition of beauty
Many have wondered the same
We use this word often but seldom know what it means

People say beauty is on the outside
The shape or tone of your body
****** characteristics and hair
Maybe even the color of your eyes

Others will say it's on the inside
How caring and geniune you are
The intelligence of someone
Or it could be your affection

I will say although I can not define it
I have witnessed true beauty
I realise the definition of beauty is you

When you sight your frame,
You see blossoms and the holy grail,
The musing tamed,
Where the terms of beauty may exhale.

Its arduous to believe,
What fate has trawled you along,
Until you heave,
That"s when you prolong,

Prolong all the utterance made,
But then you say no to the notion,
It's hard to bare yourself afraid,
Though, little did you know that letting go would be your relegate and believing in the geniune and the beauty of your soma breaks the demotion.

tonight
was not the night
to see your rant about love at first sight
and i told you that
and i am human for that.
for that, i do apologize.
the reason
so many reasons
is that i felt that for you
and for some time
you told me you felt it too
for a time
you told me many things
things i thought you believed
things i believed as well
and i don't doubt your truth
it's thriving
it's pouring out of you
and many times, it is beautiful
but other times it is difficult to see
because i know
there is no room for me
yet maybe we think
there could be
i want there to be
because i do feel that what i've been feeling for you
all along
was geniune
and it's my truth
now spilling onto you
that makes you not pick up the phone
when i call
to try to tell you
exactly this

Have you ever, seen an beautiful sunrise.
Have you ever, played in the snow too.
Have you ever, seen an geniune miracle.
Have you ever, fully commited to Jesus.
Have you ever, fallen fully in love too.
Have you ever, ran an marathon and won.
Have you ever,climbed an high mountain.
Have you ever, have you ever called on God.
Then seeing an great miracle that God did.