"geniune" poems
I can't even remember how it started...
Drifting from who I was,
My normal just slowly departed from me.
Foggy glimpses of the boy I used to be.
Ripping through the last shreds of my humanity,
Right on the edge of insanity,
I'm not but a shadow of what, and who I was,
Can you guess what was the cause?
As time goes on,
I am more and more losing myself,
Turning absolutely insane, there is now no sense of self.
I'm starting to be really bloodthirsty.
As time goes on,
I more and more want to hurt somebody,
Physically.
I want to feel something, anything!
I'm slowly losing my sanity,
It's getting real hard to keep myself from breaking the limits,
Of this society we live in!
But can you blame me?
I just want to feel excited,
Happy,
Have a geniune smile on my **** face.
Do you comprehend
An existence like mine,
Where you feel nothing?
While people around you find happiness,
And joy,
In things that mean nothing to you?
I've been resisting my urges for a while,
But I'm slowly getting out of control,
Nothing can make me whole.
Things are gonna get real ugly,
Real soon.
Therapy won't help this insane existence of mine.
Trust me, they tried, and tried.
Phsychologists, psychiatrists,
5 types of antidepressants,
A bunch of relaxants,
And diagnosis of many, many mental disorders.
Nothing could get me back in order,
I guess they were too late, I already crossed all sane borders.
Yup... For years, to no avail.
Go on, mock me, say I'm insane;
But it's your kind that did this to me.
But please, watch your tongue,
Words are hurtful.
Hush now, won't you stay a while?
Join me with a painted smile.
Tragic faces,
Stationed at my bedside,
Warm embraces,
While I'm hollow on the inside.
Their eyes betray them,
This is only a painted smile.
After my attempts,
People just wouldn't buy my painted smiles,
So they tried, and tried,
Everything they could think of.
Religion, mental hospitals, therapy, and medication...
If only they knew what a monster I try to keep inside every day,
Will their opinions change that day,
Will they regret it when I unleash the beast inside?
So 'till the day I tear myself from the inside,
Won't you join me with a painted smile?
Aug 17, 2018
Aug 17, 2018 at 3:10 PM UTC
Thrown into a sea of perfection.
Drowning under the falsity of cosmetics.
A fake smile is more geniune,
you taught me that.
Covering myself up with what you find ideal.
Starving myself for your love,
turning a blind eye on the bruises you leave everytime I slip up.
I have memorised your words by heart,
tattoed them on my wrist.
I hear them everytime I breath.
"LIVE UPTO MY PERFECTION"
Sep 25, 2018
Sep 25, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
•
The devils situate me in the dungeon,
In this pitch-dark place,
Chains locked to my hands and feet,
I clamor at the top of my lungs,
But only my voice echoed,
And penetrated deep, deep within my soul,
A voice with dejection,
Tears gushed out from my eyes,
All swollen for hours and hours of crying,
My hopes almost diminish,
My prayers weaken,
This little faith lifted my chin up,
But my body is so worn out i can't hold it any longer,
Oh God please help me,
Please save me from here,
Then suddenly,
I passed out,
After awhile i feel two hands holding my face,
I opened my eyes,
But the light is too bright,
I can't see anything,
I close my eyes and listened to the wonderful voice talking marvelously to me,
It's a man's voice!
I open my eyes again and i see a man,
With all white clothes,
And a huge wings behind his back,
I was dumbfounded,
An angel!
Exhiliration enfold me,
And I started weeping silently,
My God answered me! He answered me!
He is my angel,
I slapped my face with my two hands,
I might be dreaming,
But no i am not,
This is totally true!
He stand me up,
I stand up with no troubles,
I was astounded,
No more chains, no more chains !!
I am free, i am free!
In my happiness i hugged him.
One second i was hugging an angel,
Another second I am hugging a man.
Oh, Wow!
That man is him,
The man who did all for me,
The man who saved me from my darkest place,
He took me out of that ghastly place,
And now I am in paradise with him,
He makes me happy all the time,
All the time,
He is always there for me,
Whether I am happy, sad or depress,
He is always there,
He inspires me,
He is my angel,
He help me overcome my demons,
He is my light here on earth,
His radiance shines brightly on me,
And I am beyond happy,
He comforts me,
He is my refuge,
I always have this hope to wake up each day 'cause I know, I know i am gonna see him,
He is my happiness,
My best friend,
The one I can always lean on to,
The one I can always trust,
His smiles are my daily dosage,
His laughs, his jokes are my daily medication.
His love is my supplication,
He is my all, my all,
I learn to extend my patience,
I learn how to be selfless,
He showed me a geniune love,
A love so recherché,
He guides me to the right tract,
And hold my hand so tight and walk with me,
He protects me from bad,
He is my other half,
My preordained one,
My strong king,
What's the best thing in him is,
He pulls me closer to God,
I can't thank him enough for all he do,
He is so amazing to me,
How can i even deserve this?
God had been so good to me,
I am way so blessed,
I am so blessed,
I am gonna show him my love daily,
I am gonna be by his side always,
I am here waiting for him alone,
I am here to love him always,
I won't leave thee,
For you are preordained for me,
My love, my soulmate,
Ohhh goodness Lord,
I praise you oh Lord for all you do,
I thank you for all you have done for me,
I am so blessed Lord,
I am so blessed!
with love <3
© Earl Jane
♥ E.J.C.S.
Feb 9, 2016
Feb 9, 2016 at 8:46 AM UTC
The day dawns...
Leaves blanket the lawns...
Fresh coffee emits it fragrant scent...
One wonders where the nighttime went...
A white gauze covers the sky...
A reminder that winter is neigh...
Whatever the cause...
It brings to me pause...
My love will soon alight...
Displaying her broad smile, so bright...
I am moved by her boundless love...
As though she had come directly from above...
When she enters in...
I know that her joy is geniune...
Her docile air...
Her lovely hair...
Her bright glee...
At meeting me...
These are all warming to my heart...
As the new day we start...
Her sincere grattitude...
Improves my attitude...
Toward the world...
I am in Heaven.
Oct 29, 2010
Oct 29, 2010 at 9:32 PM UTC
2/19/2015
The hurt is not enough.
the Frost crawling on the window keeps me grounded
on this sickly saccharine reality,
i'd once described a bedroom in July as an example of
the sucrose candidity of the human condition,
sticking bobby pins in my hair i'd realise in January
that the Chelsea Hotel #2 scenes were as well,
sticking to a sort of geniune artistic integrity
come to bed, hey hello to my friend afterwards
and how was it's? with little no big toothy grins
but then I would remember
sitting under elm trees at Fitzrandolph drinking a cold
coffee, because it was hot then! and it was sunny then!
and the weather conjured sweet artificial caramel flavorings-
sitting under the tree and thinking about how good life is or
was. And when I realize that the forest is as dead as it ever was
and I look at pictures of trees with leaves fully on, maybe in the
forests of Alabama or Georgia,
I realize that I haven't seen a life in a long time- but
when i burn my hand with the lighter the butane glaze on my skin
i don't really mind it that much because i think of it and quite frankly
I like to say i'm as pure as I always was but,
what burns me now: Desire desire desire
and back then the museum was talking about Roethke
and it was all I needed I didn't mind the
idle cab drivers that would call me Angel by the gates.
and my Mennonite father said I need to
repent. I don't even want to go to
church but that is all I end up doing nowadays anyways.
Thinking about the sun, and falling over a piece of ice and seeing the
red scarlet (connotation vs denotation?) on the
white of the ice i cannot help but think that once again *the
hurt is not enough.*
Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015 at 9:32 AM UTC
I played myself yet again lending out a heart that I wasn't ready to lose. I allowed you to come in when I knw that the feelings I had were premature but I let you in anyway.. your body, your smile, your smell they all had me mesmerized with pure lust.. your tall stature was so alluring that it had me completely gone in the head.. the way you looked at me made me melt on the inside and when I rubbed you.. I quivered with much excitement. I got the man of my dreams the man that all women seek.. look at me.. but dnt envy me was the ego I had.. to only get knocked off the high horse I was on by the man whom I felt so deeply for that had my ego so swollen.. You played me, you used me and toyed with my heart knwing all I've been thru way before you.. I trusted you.. I believed in you.. I even asked you to marry me.. and got your name tattooed in my heart.. Oh how this is such a nightmare I want to awaken from.. but I knw this isn't a dream.. I still pinch myself cause I'll rather bruise myself than to have another take that part.My only question is what exactly did I do to deserve this pain and the way you have now began to ignore me.. Why hurt the one who loves you, but chase the one who abuse you.. I've yet to feel the love of a man so geniune so pure.. only the fake love from an imposter who only takes.. My world has turned upside dwn and it's all because of you.. my nights grow long with memories of you.. my days become faded from wanting you and my mind is going crazy cause I can't seem to forget you. Why does a heart hold on to such pain when the person who has done the hurting is happy and long gone living their life.. Damn!!Smfh.. this love life of mine is tragic.. I give up due to being a hopeless, loveless romantic.
Feb 25, 2015
Feb 25, 2015 at 3:42 AM UTC
Beaten down,
Bruised and scarred,
Bleeding,
Almost lifeless.
Life is that tough.
It challenges me every time
Making me look weak
Hurting me badly
Giving me unbearable pains.
But I have managed to stand up
And say,
"Enough!
I deserve to be happy too"
I learned how to be strong
Courage is what I found
Fought back
And continuously fighting
Struggling for my life
Surviving not just for myself
But for the ones I love.
I became a fighter,
I become a better me.
I see life in a new perspective
My path lighten up
Escaped from the darkness.
My smiles are now becoming geniune
Saying goodbye to fake smiles;
My heart is beating lively
Filled with love and hope;
Shedding tears of joy
And no longer crying from pain.
I became a better one
Because I made a choice
To replace negative thoughts
With positive ones,
To end up my misery
By choosing to be merry,
To stop being melancholic
And become a blithe one,
To throw away the anger and sadness
And start filling myself with love and happiness.
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 9:14 AM UTC
The words that pool around my mouth are sedimentary
left over from geniune artists
a palatte unrinsed.
I feel so forced
to make it.
A starving artists' dining requests
put it on the tab
write it down
Let me make it. It's mine.
Times New Roman has a new Helen
and she has no time for rocking horses or wars.
Every time I write
I begin to feel incomplete
and it's so frustrating, all these words crowding the inside of my mouth
waiting for the go-ahead.
When their speaker cannot see beyond her own childish feet.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 5:23 PM UTC
Oh, to finally be free! Out of the halls of the Ice Queen.
In to the arms of a sun beam.
Melt that frozen brick of empathy
Blackened heart on the way to recovery.
A glacial age overtook my light.
But this is what I know to be right.
Your love overflows like a fountain of youth
You smile even when I'm uncouth.
Intelligence boils over the cusp and the brink.
It's nice to be with someone who can actually think.
And you care about the way that I feel.
And it's geniune not just an appeal.
If I lost this I think I would just end.
To much perfection to try again.
A perfect example of the perfect sculpture.
Exactly what I need at every juncture.
A piece of the hardest puzzle ever found.
And to think it was just there on the ground.
My heart is complete for the very first time.
I just hope you don't turn on a dime
and head back out the way you came.
If you did I'd never be the same.
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 11:02 PM UTC
I wish I could go back
Back to the days where there was no black
Black was just my backpack,
A backpack filled with dreams and love
There was no fear
It was all clear
There were no demons,
Only hope and dreamers
We were happy...
I was happy...
It was geniune...
Now it´s only a mixed feeling of emotions that i cannot explain,
And will never be able to do so...
Oct 28, 2018
Oct 28, 2018 at 6:26 PM UTC
What is the definition of beauty
Many have wondered the same
We use this word often but seldom know what it means
People say beauty is on the outside
The shape or tone of your body
****** characteristics and hair
Maybe even the color of your eyes
Others will say it's on the inside
How caring and geniune you are
The intelligence of someone
Or it could be your affection
I will say although I can not define it
I have witnessed true beauty
I realise the definition of beauty is you
May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018 at 2:28 PM UTC
When you sight your frame,
You see blossoms and the holy grail,
The musing tamed,
Where the terms of beauty may exhale.
Its arduous to believe,
What fate has trawled you along,
Until you heave,
That"s when you prolong,
Prolong all the utterance made,
But then you say no to the notion,
It's hard to bare yourself afraid,
Though, little did you know that letting go would be your relegate and believing in the geniune and the beauty of your soma breaks the demotion.
Jan 19, 2019
Jan 19, 2019 at 1:34 AM UTC
I don't want to feel anymore!
You promised me a future in union,
You promised me a lot,
But you delivered none.
You evoked constant pain and heartache;
Empty promises blinded me.
When it was over-
It felt like thousands of arrows coated with rat poison, pierced my vulnerable aorta.
The raw emotion is what drove me from ever wanting to feel again.
Fair is mendacious.
For i was a fool.
I'd rather be surrounded by:
Dead flowers,
Crying children,
Filthy corruption,
Atrocious massacre,
And darkness.
Because these carry no facade:
Foul is real
They are sincere and geniune in their aims.
Don't fool with my purity and innocence-
I desensitize.
-Nuha Alli
Apr 7, 2018
Apr 7, 2018 at 3:26 PM UTC