I say I want something real,
More love ,more connection,more presence.
But everytime it comes ,feels more distant
The harder I try ,more it repels
What if I go after what I want?
And it doesn't want me back,
Chaos fills my mind
But still in need of peace ,
I try find reasons not to give up,
I get quiet and so silent.
I question if being seen leads to being left.
If then, I should leave first to be seen.
Have walked with it in my heart,
Like an armor I call it strength,
Challenged myself it was a journey worth walking.
Convincing myself not needing anyone was okay,
Doing everything on my own was worthy.
In isolation I called solitude my friend,
Because in it was peaceful.
But all this maybe am just afraid,
That letting someone in , they'll get to know a version of me I kept hidden,
They'll still walk away anyway,
And I'll still walk and be alone anyway.
It speaks the chaos in our minds that people are afraid to lose others even when drained they are, it's necessary to embrace solitude fro peace.