you never apologized
for hurting me
but i apologized a million times
for being upset about it.

is that really so hard?
all i asked for
was a fake grin
and to feel like a queen for the day.

my mouth is sore
from whispering
the words i wanted to hear from you

The nights i prayed
for the letter today
wasted
because the few people I wanted to be happy for me
are the only people who
just
don't
care

I guess good things can't go on forever

I had my first good sleep last night
without my own thoughts suffocating me
pulling me into the darkness
and leaving me breathless from anxiety
at 2 a.m.

I dreamed
that my uncle turned against me
and the night before,
a murderer was on the loose

But I can confidently wake up and say
I had a good sleep
ignoring my subconsciousness
and the vivid deaths my brain spurred

So I smiled to the snow
and to the frigid cold
that was slowly creeping back
into my fears