I’ve been searching for my life’s purpose for a couple of years and let me tell you this.
The only thing that I’ve discovered is that:
“There are no lights, music and fireworks for us, buddy, in the land of self-development”

No lofty aspirations to be realized.
Nor shiny kick *** careers to be given attention to.
NO SUCH LUCK.

The only thing that exists is kind of pessimistic albeit genuine.
As far as I know, it is your only chance of doing anything.
“Only the principle of minimum effort rules the underworld that’s lodged deep within our heads”
(The voice said)

Again the voice spoke. (This time with a much more demanding tone)
“Do the least you can do and do it well”
“For there is no place for underachievers like you here in OUR domain”

He couldn’t take his eyes off of his living room’s mirror.
His own reflection was staring back at him.

Mesmerized by his self’s own image-re-presentation as he was.
Wanting to see himself through an-other’s perspective.
Desiring to be seen as somebody else.
He went on to become one with the famous imago.

In an endless arms race, an endless metonymy, drifting as it is called,
He tried to achieve the unachievable.
He tried to attempt the impossible.
He wanted to do the non-doable.

Always, from a young age, feeling inadequate and insecure.
Because he deemed himself incapable of stretching his own existence,
To make it fit with the family’s ideals.

So he spent the rest of his life trying to be recognized as something.
As something which he wasn’t at all? Yes. (How tragic. How sad.)
That left him with nothing but rage, hopelessness and despair.
A bipolar marionette of somebody Else’s deadly painful pleasure.

Powerless as he was, he went on living while construing ******* solutions.
So that he could just "get by". A coward hiding behind somebody Else’s wants.
And then one day having said to everybody, everything that made him upset, he left this place.
He never came back.

My whole life is a mistake.
A sweet oath of tyranny.
A true ode to sadness.

My whole life is a mistake.
A mythology of heroes unseen.
A toy for the Gods to play with.

My whole life is a mistake.
A constant attempt for recognition, from my own reflection, looking back at me.
A successful act of failure.

My whole life is a mistake.
Lyrics on a melody of death.
Symphonies of chaos and disorder.

My whole life is a mistake.
A continuous and superfluous demand for personal over-achievement.
A strong and definite craving for love and affection.

My whole life is a mistake.
My whole life is..
A mistake.

I want someone to come and save me.
I wish for someone to come and save me from myself.
I hope that someone comes and saves me. I hope.

Cause I’m my self’s worst enemy.
Cause I can be my own nemesis.
But not my own savior. Not that. That I cannot be.

I cannot be Him. I don’t believe. Don’t know how to.
To be honest I never learned how to do so.
Faith. That’s what’s been missing from my life all along.

Intellectual by nature. A child of science. A lazy philosopher chatting mindlessly endlessly about anything.
A mixture of perverse logic coupled with an over-the-fence sexuality.
That’s who I am. That IS my history. An animal of society. Someone out of control.

Some nights, I lay here waiting God to take my soul as I drift to sleep.
And others I make a mess out of myself and of others through my outrageous behavior.
Never being sensible. Always a step beyond what other people think of me. Surprise! Gotcha.

Things got so messed up for me since the day I was born here. Trauma. Confusion. Questions. Crisis.
Don’t know who I am. Don’t know who I want to be. Don’t know anything.
Who can solve the everlasting mystery of my life if not me?? Exactly. Nobody can and nobody will.

I have no destination or grounding point in life. I’m so lost. Oh God help me!
Don’t know how to put the leftover pieces of my broken self, back together again.
I’m ****** to live a life of misery and a life of mystery. An endless dark meaningless (I’m tempted to say) black hole in my heart surrounded by supernovas and neutron stars.

Who can fix me? Who can put me back together? Who can make me feel whole again?
Cause I don’t know a **** thing. I never knew. Even if my mouth moved a lot in the past.
Now who can save me? Does anybody can? Do you? Huh? I’m talking to you brother!!

“I can and will save you. My child you have no other option but to walk the righteous path once again.
You will see. You will begin to breathe again. You will begin to feel alive once again.
You will at last get to know how it is to be a part of this marvelous universe”

Empty promises! Hollow words! Half-hearted remnants of an old man’s monologue!!
Who are you to speak my destiny? God?? Show yourself! You imbecile!
How do you dare to question the tentacle-like hands that mother fate has put on my predetermined future???

I never was anybody! I am not anybody! I ‘m just nobody and I don’t want to be something more!
My existence gets verified by my low self-esteem. I want nothing more. This is enough for me!
Leave me alone! There’s only one thing I hope though. “I hope that someone finds me and saves me before it’s too late.”

"The mind is fathomless."

From the darkest of souls, arose the sweetest of syllogisms.

I am a freak, that’s what I am. That’s all I am and all I’ll ever be. (I have to embrace it)
Haven’t you been told so? Haven’t you been warned?? Huh???
A rebel from birth. A mental, emotional and spiritual abomination, I pray upon my physical appearance.
Whilst making my image rot from the inside out and from the outside in.

I’m going through phases of my own. I have dark times myself too. Very DARK.
I hate the very sight of this world. I have taken on monsters at times and they've beat me. This time for good.
I can’t take this anymore. I can’t go through this another day, another hour, another minute, another second.
It seems that all I ever do is done in vain. Nothing’s really going to change. Nothing will ever get better.

I’ll end up getting killed by my own stubbornness. By my own rebellious stance and natural lack of self-control.
They say free will does not exist and I agree. We are human-machines in a mechanical universe.
Our fate has been decided. Long time ago. By gods who were unjust. Disgusting. Immoral
How do you expect me to be perfect in a world who has only showed me its ugly face?

Wandering through life without any purpose. Without any kind of cause. Without a calling of some sort.
How am I supposed to rise among the world of men and women and win against them? Like this? Weak?? Defeatist mindset on the go???
I’m so sick of people at the same time. I want to **** everybody. I detest every living being and life itself.
I hate to go on living. I just have to accept that my life will carry on being a shitstorm, like this from now and on.

Who the **** made me like this?? Who messed me up so badly?? Who did it??? ****! (Crying)
Somebody ****** me up real good! Some people ****** me up for life! I want to find out.
And the best revenge would be for them to be annihilated! For life! Yeah! That would be good!
Stupid imbeciles. I hate you. They time will come for when I’m going to rise from this restorative sleep of mine and then you’ll see for yourself. Who the **** am I!

Will this fight ever stop man? I’m tired of going against the grain. Swimming against the river.
Tell me, Oh wise man, what have you learned from life? Is it worth the effort? The pain? The tears??
I don’t know if I’ll ever win this game. Again I don’t know where I’m going or what I want out from all of this? Where do I stand in all of this madness???
Maybe I just need to let all hell to break loose and let go of inhibitions and rules. To imbue my body and actions with the eternal magic, of my darkest self.