Its enjoyable sometimes
You're never alone
Feeling pride in being different
But after a while you lose trust
And start to wonder how many of those colors and sounds
Are really coming from yourself

Soft brown eyes
Shattered like mirrors
Scattered with abandon
What happens when
There are hearts working in tandem
Sharing and loving and growing and
What happens when
One just dies
Without
A
Goodbye

I need to write a melody
I need to write a song
But my pen won’t work today
My brain’s not turning on

Stressed
Depressed
A mess
My dress
A tangle on the floor
I can't live like this anymore

Your problems don't matter- someone always has it worse than you

Teach me how to be
Validated in my own body
As alien as those around me
Cause right now my "temple"
Seems to be from the wrong mythology

Try to get past my concrete walls
Guarded with flaming angels,
Filled with fake smiles
Try to get past the barbed wire voice
A voice of denial and inflections natural and unnatural all the same
But if you try to get past my porcelain mirrored centre
Shatter me relentlessly
Let me lay like a twisted broken painting
Alone, observed but never examined

Remind me why
We're stuck in this world
Of stressed quietness throughout
Constant motion
And when they try to mention
Age, their sickened view of innocent
Reality, but not really
And feign surprise when they send us to our
Deathbeds

Deeper isn’t deep enough
No effort is good enough
No bad thing is bad enough
To ever make it stop

I read a book so long ago
During a certain phase
From when I was just a little girl
Awaiting my coming-of-age
But I remember the prominence of a line
When a character birthed a girl
She hoped she would stay ignorant
And avoid the truth of this world

Knowing you dance among the heavens
Littered with lace pearlescent and pure
An idol
Can make even the worst days seem closer to paradise

I've never understood why people like noise
And call it a living spirit of crowds
Middle school bands when teachers leave
A gossiping friend, voice carrying through breeze

I don't like
How you say my name
Like a twisted greeting
The wrong inviting
But everyone's friends with you
You can't be so bad
Right?

I don't need some chocolates
Nor robes nor sapphires blue
I don't need commercial love
A single word will do

Your eyes seem void of devotion
Emotion drained away like sieving a sunset
Light seeping through the holes in your mind
Until there's nothing left but sand

Go ahead, throw at me
All you can get
But don't think I'll finish happy
I just haven't shown it yet

Do you think I enjoy this
Say I lack age to employ this
You do know stress doesn't need a reason, right?

They called her a comedian
A shining star
A talent
They love her paper mask so much
They never want it off
But once they start to notice how the ink will start to blur
Little dots of saltwater
All coming from her

Pin me down
Observe my canyons and rivers
Valleys of motion
Mountains of strength
Map me out
From head to toe, 69.5 inches of
Pure insecurity
Plot me
Graph me
Reduce me
To something I both am and am not

Not a trace
Not a word
Not a sound
As absurd
Listen to the flowers grow
They'll remain long after you go

Fresh indigo streaks of sky
Color the wind as you say goodbye

Why can't you comprehend
The words even my dog can understand

Do I dare disturb the universe of
Right
Wrong
In
Out
Or can I stand on the border line
Choose all or none of the above
Despite the crowd's complaints
Don't you understand I'm my own referee?
Not society

If you let me go
Never let your touch linger on my lips
You mind stay inside me with wit
I wish I could cut you off
But we both know that's a fantasy

When I was a child I'd always spend this time of year
Debating what to be for Halloween with my friends
The most gripping thing
So many possibilities
but I must only choose one
To put on  another mask
Along with the one I already wear

If we were only friends with perfect people
Our lives would be pretty freaking lonely

Steel walls crumbling
Remnants reverberating among
Mounds of emotion, eroded in the pang of
Grief
A morphine line of adoration
Loving longer than life
And still
As we sit here and cry
Remembering not what we lost
But of a life behind

Do you think I require
A special key
To open and tell thoughts
A cheating code
To get twice as far with half the effort
Do you think I need
To be defused
Simply cutting a wire and moving on
Like nothing had gone wrong
Do you even think
No, really
Do you think?
When you cried,
Decided nothing was worth salvaging
From the flames of your misdemeanors
Did you even think
About the fact that raging fire
The fury of flames
That might ensue in others eyes
Hearts
Just please
Get out of my mind
Your failing fallacies of thinking you
Always have to be the hero
Or the victim
With no inbetween
Clearly you’ve been wronged
For you to say and not remember
You’re not the only one with a broken heart
But you are almost alone with your broken mind
No.
Don’t turn my faults on me
With smooth words and dancing
Poetry
You’re not the hero of this plot
But I think that was your ending line
Leave, and try not to ruin
The remains of what might be saved
From the fire you caused
The destruction you gave

What do you take me for?
I want to know right now
Cause this "gilded perfect person" is
Full
Of
Lies

It drives me mad
How some people have a porcelain face
Never cracks
Never breaks
You never know if they're laughing or crying at you

This isn't the end
There's more to come
Tragedy, calamity
Just learn to stay numb

In
Out
In
Out
Deafening and deaf
Quiet and Loud

The noise deafening my mind won't leave
No matter how hard
I try to destroy it
It never will die

It's funny how pain
Only strikes when you don't expect
And never is good enough when you do

Who is this "you"
I keep writing
Pouring
Talking to.

I let you cry into my shoulder
I listened to your woes
I ignored if I didn't like your jokes
I spent hours hand making
Everything
Sacrificing
Anything
To make me feel I was worthy
All I want is that in return

Empty
A numbness nobody understands
Blank and unfeeling
Yet somehow feeling everything

I don't want you to reach out
After you let me fall
I don't want you to reach out
Even while I stand alone
I want nobody to care
If I live or die
But even while I stand alone
I look at you and cry

I hate
Hate
Hate
And I wish I could say it wasn't you
But you taught me never to lie

If nobody hates you, you can't be proud

You say I'm fine and turn a blind eye
When my rashes start to bud
Guess your glasses are so rose tinted
You can't see the blood

Color and sound are far too similar,
They never come without the other.
Instruments, voices, names, notes.
Concerts are entire light shows.
The lime of horns, the flash of drums and whistles,
Entire fireworks shows all at once.
I have always hated fireworks shows.
Voices are strong too.
In noisy corridors where everyone yells, I see brown.
Mud or dried blood color clutters my mind.
I call it ‘brown noise’.
Nobody else understands.
I don’t blame them.
And then there's you.
A baby blue name, a rosy coral voice.
Others have names of sharp yellow or brooding teal.
It differs.

Blue
Like water flowing
Cooling
Saving
Like the color
I always used to see in your
Eyes