Another passing thought, and another, another, another, another... I like being solitary, all to myself, but being alone is my biggest enemy. I used to love it, I could sit, alone, and be content forever, but now I find myself constantly seeking out someone, anyone to rip me from my own warped reality. Could I take my thoughts and my brain and re roll them, I wouldn't be me but I wouldn't be tortured...Would that make me selfish or selfless... They listen to me bring up the same subject several times whereas most people bring it up once or twice, I'll be stuck on it for days, weeks, months... When I shut my door it's an all out brawl between me, myself, and I and the only person who can stop it is...me(?), but how? When you're your own worst enemy; how do you win? I continue to sit, and brood trying to come up with a solution for this vicious cycle of bad energy. However as soon as I start I'm right back where I started, I don't feel stressed but I know I always am, when there is a leech attached to the back of my head but everytime I reach for it my hands go through nothing, my fingers full of hair, loose, falling out... I grasp for straws everyday at the bottom of a pill bottle holding a small capsule of hope, but artificial faith can only get you so far. Just like music, my headphones plug my ears, and the sound floods my head, but the enigma that is me forces it all out like a violent shockwave that keeps my attention at all times. If we could find that imaginary switch we joke about to turn ourselves off, use it on me, at'least for a couple of years, so I can take a break from arguing with myself, there may be no vocal words but that thousand mile stare consists of a thousand conversations.
Honestly, just a mind blow out.