You tap the lights three times
Because the world around you is dull
And dangerous
And cruel
And the number three is safe
And spontaneous
And comforting
But you look like an idiot tapping the lights three times
And washing your hand five times
And reciting numbers people can not hear clearly under your breath
And they look at you
Like the rare deformity
In the city zoo
Because things that are different
Don't fascinate people like they should
But they scare
And repel
And deflect others
And I can't help but feel alone in a world
Where the tide pushes against me
Trying it’s best to get me out of their vicinity
I don't mean to think over things that are dangerous and scary
And I don't mean to fall into a deep hole of endless sinking
But the words around me are groggy
And thick
Like fog
On a hot humid day
It’s so thick its feels like swimming in quicksand
But I don't know how to swim in quicksand
And the number one rule when caught in quicksand
Is to not panic
Because then you will drown
But no one tells me this when I need to hear it most
And I am the queen of panic
So I struggle
And fight
And flail
Only to fall to an endless doom of deep dark nothing
Where blood is thick like maple syrup
And people are as concealed as concrete
My insides turn into this consistency
Of dog **** and bleach
And it burns my throat
And makes me cry
As I choke on my thoughts
Because by the time I reached the pit of the quicksand
I begin to absorb it
And I then become
The things people call me
When they are most upset with me

and so here we are in pieces

theres something about this starving that
feels so appetizing
something about this apathy
this undecided feeling, something about this week
that seems so far from real

maybe it's the way i love the word haunting
the daunting snarl of crumbling
papers on homework after homework but somehow you're still failing
it's filling your lungs over and over with air
breathing in until you've lost feeling just to notice
you are still drowning

maybe it's the trust you lack in others
maybe it's in your inability to speak to anyone lest they ask first, waiting until the very last second before you complete something you hadn't done,
stressing over a list you've yet to make
feeling like your heart might burst with every bite you take

maybe it's friends, (or a lack-thereof) maybe it's you seeing them with so much love, maybe you've just become jealous or perhaps not enough?
it might be double texting on airplane mode, wishing you could have anything to say though you never really cared much about them anyway and...
and maybe they just hate your guts

but
maybe it's just you

maybe it's simply "another thing you've found to worry about"
maybe it's "because you're always on that phone"
maybe you've been the one in the wrong all along

because hey, those who stress so much about themselves but be selfish right? must be jealous. must be hard thinking of yourself so much that you've become a walking time bomb with a ticker that can never turn off.
must **** knowing nothing and thinking you know it all.
anxiety must be rough...
but maybe you're just not anxious enough?

Faith in God
Faith in love
Faith in life

Faith to me is like a dove
It's there for you to look at
Beautiful though small
But it's free and won't stay trapped

Having faith is like walking on ice
Difficult and easy to fall
If there's one small crack
The ice could break and end it all

I won't say faith isn't needed
For that would be a stretch
But faith is hard to keep
There one day and gone the next

Faith can keep us going
When we feel alone
But misplaced faith
Can hit you like a stone

I wish I had more faith
Unpredictable though sweet
Maybe then I would be happy
And no longer cry myself to sleep

My love for you is ocean deep,
like the secrets of my faults you will forever keep.
I watch you move mountains and throw them into the sea.
I love you with every breath within me.
My soul longs for you and...
my heart holds your name engraved in stone.
Your love ignites a flame that consumes my soul.
I am yours and you will forever be mine instilled in time.

You ease my mind and troubles,
you fight my fears and doubts that entangle my thoughts.
You calm the storm within me just like you calm the sea.
For your love feels like I can walk upon the waters,
with my head held high.
You give me a love that can't be defined.
You are my champion of this world and ...
I will follow you to the ends of this earth.

Like I always told you, " I will follow you until the end of time." Watching as this circle forms a straight line.
There is no turning back but the eagerness to continue forward.
As we love each other until our own times are over.

Padlocked in a golden cage,
With the keys in my hand.
This is my chance  to flee,
To take my stand.
And conquer a new found land.

But,
the fear of the unknown cripples  me,
I look through the peephole
And what I  see,
A world of empty souls,
Produced from the same mold
Of  greed,envy and deceit.
Living pretentious,
How did they get to this feat?

Tarnished by reality,
Bewildered by the brutality,
I return to live in solitary...
In a golden cage,
Until the end of age.