You were curious--
I opened doors so you could see.
You were scared--
I fought so much to rid your fears.
You were upset--
I gave my best to make you smile.

You changed your mind--
I lied, I bore the pain, I said it was okay.

I was patient,
I was kind,
I was humble,
So what did I do wrong?

I want you to paint me,
and leave your mark.
Use my skin as your canvas,
Make me your work of art.

I want you to draw on me,
make me your personal sketch.
Using implements as pencils,
With each mark that you etch.

I want you to colour me,
in your signature shade.
Rosey pink with crimson red,
Then bid it not to fade.

I want you to hurt me,
as only you can do.
Make me pay for your misfortunes,
Tell me i deserve it too.

I want you to punish me,
show me you’re not weak.
Dispose of your bad luck,
Make my pain your winning streak.

I don’t know how to love you,
if you don’t hurt me too.
I don’t know how to treat you.
I will end up hurting you!

I've always been the strong one. When everything goes wrong, I'm always the one that tries to make everyone feel better. No matter what the situation is. I've always been this way. Never let anyone see me cry. They will think I'm weak. I have to be strong. Even as a child. Growing up the way I did was hard. So hard. But I handled it. I stayed strong. Like I always do. Ive always bottled the emotions. Wait until no one is around to let them out.  It's as if my catch frase is "I'm okay." And I always say that because I know that no matter how I feel at the moment, I will be okay. I don't have any other options.  I have to be okay. I always have to be okay. I can't be weak. I can't be fragile. I can't be afraid.  I have to be strong. No matter what. This is how I've lived my entire life. But now... After this... I can't do it anymore. I just cant. I tried so hard to stay strong. But I couldn't fight back the tears. So I ran to be alone. I couldn't let them see what they've done to me. Run. Cry. Even if only for a minute. Then put on the strong face again. Because I can handle anything, right? At least thats what I thought.... It's been days now. I can't keep hiding these feelings. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. So I wait until everyone is asleep, and take a shower. No one can hear me cry or see my tears under the water.  I don't know what else to do. Im trying so hard to be okay but, I'm just... Not. I'm terrified. I'm angry. I'm crushed. I'm falling apart. I'm not okay.

Take me in your arms
and we'll dance the night away
Your promise that you mean no harm
Left and right, we sway

Your hands on my waist
Mine on your shoulders
You dressed in your very best
and me dressed in furs

My heart lifts rhythmically
as we grand jeté across the room
My head whips in circles
as we pirouette around the room

But when you lift me up in the air
and pins drop from my hair
The fiery look in your eyes
combined with all your lies

Sends curls of flames rushing through my stomach
burning all the self-restraint I had
As I begged with my movements
for you to *dance me to hell