it's been two years since i died.
730 days since i took my own life.
and i never fell in love.
i was never kissed under the stars,
never found the place that was ours.
i never travelled to that far away paradise,
or fell asleep in his arms.
i never met her,
never saw her smile,
never made love,
never read all those books.
i didn't get my grades,
never went to festivals,
never drank too much,
never felt that pang of loss.
there is so much i never experienced.
i wish i never swallowed those pills.

life was so dull
until she swept in,
a beautiful hurricane,
rendering me speechless
with her love and kindness.
oh god, she was so kind.
her heart beat for everyone else,
not an inch of her soul
belonged to her.
she was one of those people
who you could just trust.
you could look into her eyes
and you knew everything would be okay.
she saved my life
and so many others
in so many ways.
i owe her everything
but i'm too scared
to tell her
how much she means to me.

i
love
you

it creeps up on you,
slowly consuming you and all you are.
you don't notice until it's too late
and already you're drowning.
one minute you're at the top of the world,
surrounded by so much.
and then
suddenly you can't move,
burdened by the weight of all that was once beneath you.
you didn't notice them leave,
but all the people you used to love are strangers.
you have no-one.
you are no-one.

Look at that little broken girl,
The one he created.
Look at those fake smiles
And sad eyes.
She was never enough for him.
But look at her now.
Look how she climbed that rainbow
And look at her beating heart.
Look how she survived.
See how she was strong enough to leave
And look what she's found now.
Look at the sunshine bursting out from within her
Look at those stars she can't help but show.
Her smile is real now
And her eyes shine brighter for you.
Look at that little broken girl.
And look how strong she is now.

Everything is okay
And then
"I miss you" she says
And your heart disintegrates
Into a thousand tiny pieces
Of forgotten love,
Pumping around your body,
Poisoning you with pain you once felt,
Causing everything to stop.
You stutter
And gasp
As her beauty destroys you.
Then she looks at you,
Her bright blue eyes stare into you
And then everything is gone.
You are over.

her laugh is the most beautiful noise in the universe.
and the way she looks at you could melt your heart.
the love is not romantic,
but it is real.
she is everything to me.
she helped me find land in a ocean of the unknown.
her smile is the medicine that cures it all,
all the pain washes away as soon as she appears.
i do not yearn for her,
but my god do i want her.
she means the world to me.
she's the kind of person who tells you everything's okay
and you believe her.
because she is,
without a doubt,
the most wonderful woman in this world.
and i am so lucky to know her.

she means so much to me.
i wish i could show her that.